Cliff Asness Has A Dream, Which May Involve Wearing A Cape

What drives a man who’s made billions already to continue coming into the office every day in a quest to amass even more, particularly at a time when many are closing up shop? What drives him to keep going when he could comfortably retire to a beach on the coast of a country he could buy, and the one next to that, plus all their women and small boys? For some money managers, it’s a matter of proving themselves to mommy or daddy, who never thought they were good enough. For others, it’s the thing that makes them tick, with nothing else being a proper substitute for the feeling they get in their plums when they’re playing the game. For AQR Capital Management founder Cliff Asness, the motivation can be summed up in two words: super hero.

As we have discussed previously, Asness is a longtime Marvel comic book collector who currently keeps his favorite action figures, Spiderman, Captain America, The Hulk and Iron Man, on the desk of his office in Greenwich, Connecticut. Captain America is his favorite, and he has a tattoo of the guy’s shield on his right forearm. But for Cliff, this is more than a boyhood hobby. Since his days on Long Island, where he was “obsessed with little besides girls and comic books,” Asness has clearly had a dream.

Cliff wants a super hero character to be modeled after him. And he thinks that if he makes one more dollar, if he does one more interview wherein he suggest being photographed in front of his dolls, someone will get the hint. And speaking of hints, without expressly saying it, many have been dropped re: what kind of elements Cliff thinks should be involved in– and this name is not set in stone but let’s just call him this for now– Quant Man’s bio.

For instance, his duties in life include protecting truth and eradicating lies, by fighting the vicious animal liars who tell them.

“His super-villains are intellectual dishonesty and ignorance,” Jonathan Beinner, a managing director at Goldman Sachs Group Inc. and a former classmate of Asness, tells Bloomberg Markets magazine. “When someone offers an opinion that Cliff feels is incorrect or dishonest, whether it be related to investments, politics or pizza, he feels it is his duty to stand up, even if it’s not in his best interest.”

In addition to people who want to spread evil like universal healthcare.

He also takes a dim view of the administration of President Barack Obama, calling his economic team “Cossacks on a shtetl,” a reference to the Russian cavalrymen who sacked Jewish villages in Eastern Europe in the 19th century.

Like the Hulk, Quant Man has some rage tendencies that erupt when he’s battling things like market volatility.

And Asness…who admits to a superhero complex…[also] admits to a temper: He’s knocked his ViewSonic computer monitor to the floor on three occasions, though it never broke. “Either they’re building good computer screens or my punch isn’t what it used to be,” he says.

That’s because Quant Man is getting tired. He’s starting to lose his strength, like an out of shape Hulk who can’t even lift a car. How much thicker must this be laid on before someone moves their ass on the idea? Let’s at least get a costume sketch by the end of the year.

(hidden for your protection)
Show all comments

71 Responses to “Cliff Asness Has A Dream, Which May Involve Wearing A Cape”

  1. Chong Li says:

    ViewSonic computer monitor no hit back.

  2. Guest says:

    I thought Cliffy played Syndrome in The Incredibles.

  3. guest says:

    He looks so regal in that pick

  4. JKushner says:

    Bess, if you sign with us, I want you to know that you will for the first time have to grapple with the fact of being only the 2nd hottest girl in the office.

    Molly Young is much hotter

  5. Guest says:

    Um… things like incorrectness & dishonesty not issues of opinions? Hence his superhero would be a hypocritical fundamentalist spouting his ideology and not really doing much of anything. Stick with making money.

  6. JKushner says:

    Also, you can suck my cock as your signing bonus

  7. Chooch's pooches says:

    You know what Asness couldn’t hit? Roy Halladay. OHHHH

  8. If he were willing to ‘go all evil’ Cliff could easily pull off Obadiah from Iron Man

  9. Anonymous says:

    It’s good cape weather. Cool, breezy.

  10. AQR Risk Parity Fund (AQRNX) says:

    they’re not dolls they’re action figures!

  11. Josh says:

    That XIX-century beard and his obesity combined with a spikey helmet would make General von Bismark proud.

  12. Jak LaLanne says:

    And just think how much more money Tubby is making over the stick-thin managers too. Guy’s got it made!

  13. Weightwatcher says:

    I am going to call bs on the 200 lbs claim.

  14. Rick Sanchez says:

    “…’Cossacks on a shtetl,’ a reference to the Russian cavalrymen who sacked Jewish villages in Eastern Europe in the 19th century.”


  15. Anonymous says:

    Wile E. Coyote, Supergenius.

  16. Guest says:

    “he could buy, and the one next to that, plus all their women and small boys”

    Ouch, hell hath no fury like a woman called a vicious animal liar.

  17. Anonymous says:

    that wasn’t a biff-targeted statement; would you not agree that the hedge fund industry likes a variety of flavors? just trying to be inclusive.

  18. P. Jiang says:

    Am I the only one who think there was a letter “s” missing in Cliff’s last name?

    – P. Jiang

  19. cfa_CHARTERHOLDER says:

    Wow, this deep insight into Cliff’s personality and motivation is really fascinating. I’m intrigued by the references to zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzz zz zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz

  20. I like grape.

    – guy who doesn’t get the joke.

  21. Guest says:

    How can you type z’s if you’re sleeping?

  22. Guest says:

    How can you type z’s if you’re sleeping?

  23. trojan says:

    yes or Wooly Willy

  24. Anonymous says:

    “His super-villains are intellectual dishonesty and ignorance.”

    He better not run into the Ignorant Surfer, whose supervillains are pompous a**holes spreading their sh*t around and pretending its virtuosity. Then we’d have an epic battle on our hands.

  25. Anonymous says:

    Was he the bad guy in that Jet Li acting like a Dog movie?

  26. Superfreak says:

    Do any of you people have jobs or lives? If anybody gave a crap about anything you said or did I am sure we could all sit here and tear you apart too. When are you due back in boys (or girls) town?

  27. Calipher says:

    But Asnesss looks funny :)

  28. Anonymous says:

    He’s not asleep. He’s a trader at Citi.

  29. Anonymous says:

    Hi there, Cliff!

  30. History is a useless degree says:

    Bismark was the Chancellor of Prussia and the German Reich, he was also a Prince but never a general…

  31. Superfreak says:

    I happen to know for a fact cliff is out getting fit for his cape so this isn’t cliff. But maybe its his mom.

  32. Gozer says:

    That beard definitely screams “I retain a retinue of catamites”

  33. Mike Ovitzz says:

    I have it on good authority that he is starring in the next Matthew Vaughn super hero/action comedy sequel with Chloe Moretz that will be titled, “Kick Ass-ness.”

    The Nick Cage character died and has made way for Cliff’s character to feature. He will be Chloe’s guru who mentors her on politics, pizza and flat screen monitors during the nights and acts as her Business 101 high school teaher during the day.

  34. ABCs says:

    It was tough to suffer through to the end of the story, but you were rewarded with this:

    How will AQR define its own success in an era of tempered hopes? More assets? Higher profits? Asness — father of four, self-declared family man — gives an answer he knows will get
    him in trouble at home.

    “Two words,” he says, pausing for effect with a smile. “Trophy wife.”

    There goes the bigmouth again.

  35. Josh says:

    From Wikipedia. Check your facts, retard.

    “Bismarck, who by now held the rank of major in the Landwehr, wore this uniform during the campaign, and was at last promoted to the rank of major-general in the Landwehr cavalry after the war. Although he never personally commanded troops in the field, he usually wore a general’s uniform in public for the rest of his life, as seen in numerous paintings and photographs.”

  36. Guest says:

    Uncle Phil really needs to get some sun.

  37. Lolz says:

    do superheroes lose 60% in one yr? if so he’s good to go

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