Columbia Reminds B-School Students To Brush Teeth, Remove “Tacky Cufflinks” Before Interfacing With Potential Employers

This is the second in a two-part series from CBS re: not “acting in a socially undesirable way runs a strong risk of branding you as undesirable.” This apparently includes wearing gold (instead of the more desirable silver) watches. Next up, the person sending these memos will pick one student at random, show up at his or her apartment, forcibly shampoo and condition their hair and pick out said student’s clothes prior to the next recruiting event.

To: ‘’
Subject: [IBC] Personal hygiene

Dear 1st Year Members,

It has come to our attention (through complaints from IBC board representing firms they are going to full time) that some of you may not have followed personal hygiene basics during recruiting events. We understand that it is an incredibly intense recruiting period, and is very hard to find time for yourself, but this is a friendly reminder on some dress code and personal hygiene basics:

§ Brush your teeth regularly, or have a mint/mouth refreshers before going to recruiting events (avoid chewing gums)

§ Carry anti-perspirant with you if you are worried about sweating. Don’t wear too much cologne/perfume

§ Carry a sewing mini-toolkit, in case your suit hems need an emergency sewing

§ Professional haircuts

§ No backpacks with you

§ Men – no tacky cufflinks or watches (with no crazy patterns, silver is preferable to gold)

§ Women – wear (preferably skin colored) hosiery and always carry an extra pair in your bag

§ Women – if it rains, do not show up in rain boots, no matter how cute you think they are

And again, if you have ANY concerns, please do not hesitate to share with the IBC Board!

(hidden for your protection)
Show all comments

362 Responses to “Columbia Reminds B-School Students To Brush Teeth, Remove “Tacky Cufflinks” Before Interfacing With Potential Employers”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Does that mean my “grillz” are perfectly acceptable if I polish them beforehand?

  2. IBC Board says:

    Only if they’re silver; gold is tacky.

  3. Phil Ayshio says:

    So, can I wear the tongue stud or not?

  4. Milksteak says:

    These are amusing, however I prefered the HBS “stop getting drunk, dressing in drag and assaulting police officers” letter of admonishment. That story made me want to go to HBS, these letters reaffirm why I would not want to go to Columbia.

  5. Dead_Cat says:

    Only if you’ve mastered using it to give better head.

  6. Hunter Collins says:

    Once again, Columbia fails to tell us “future Masters of the Universe” whether we should put the rolled up pair of socks in the front of our pants or the back like the AIG guy said when he visited campus but left before we could ask questions!!

    -Soon to be Sick Trader Crushin’ 10s and Seshiing w/ Celebrity Actresses

  7. “Women – if it rains, do not show up in rain boots, no matter how cute you think they are”


    -Reese Witherspoon

  8. Anonymous says:

    Carry frankincense and myrrh if you tend to smell like a Mumbai bus depot. Also helps if you find yourself attending the birth of Jesus.

  9. Guest says:

    Be sure to swallow. Spitting is very rude.

  10. Gozer says:

    So investment bankers these days are looking for candidates who don’t “frighten children,” who don’t “eat their own dandruff,” who don’t “pop their whiteheads with a compass they used in high school.”

    Strange days indeed.

  11. COKED OUT BANKER says:

    in Soviet Russia:

  12. Brian's Mom says:

    Er, well, um, if you’re dropping by again, do pop in. Heh. And thanks a lot for the gold and frankincense, er, but don’t worry too much about the myrrh next time. All right? Heh. Thank you. Good-bye.

  13. Larry says:

    The also said, “Don’t jack yourself off before interfacing with potential employers.” and, “If you do, please take a shower.”

  14. Mathman Prophecy says:

    § Carry a sewing mini-toolkit, in case your suit hems need an emergency sewing.

    Does Columbia Business school offer a sewing class? Aside from that, I have no concerns.

  15. Mathman Prophecy says:

    § Carry a sewing mini-toolkit, in case your suit hems need an emergency sewing.

    Does Columbia Business school offer a sewing class? Aside from that, I have no concerns.

  16. SortaScared says:

    What if one of the bankers asks you to pull his finger?

    -Nervous 1st Year

  17. Wow says:

    Dammitt!!!! And I just bought a new codpiece.

    -Soon to Graduate Columbia B-Scool Student

  18. Guest says:

    Who’s in charge over there, Tom Coughlin?

  19. Anonymous says:

    we live in a fucked up world when all top graduates tug it fantasizing about ‘b-school’

    one more bonus and this guy is permanently off to st john

  20. trojan says:

    But are we allowed to wear Crocs?
    -B. Favre

  21. NakedShort says:

    As a Columbia grad, all I can say is: Jesus. I wish I could say this is an outlier, but I’d be lying. Lions are, more often than not, giant weirdos.

  22. Brett F. says:

    Also remember to touch up your manscaping prior to taking the picture you include with your “follow up” letter.

  23. Anonymous says:

    Stern >> CFA >> Columbia

    At least when it comes to dental care.

  24. JAB says:

    Stop by my store and I’ll hook you up.

    -Jos A. Bank

  25. Dora says:

    “No backpacks with you”

    Well that’s just f@cked up.

    – Dora The Explorer

  26. Dora says:

    “No backpacks with you”

    Well that’s just f@cked up.

    – Dora The Explorer

  27. indridcold says:

    § Think about carrying a bag or purse to put your ass in when it gets handed to you because you got a fucking business degree.

    -Guy who has clean up business guy’s fuck ups.

  28. Anonymous says:

    Dora FTW

  29. Anti DB says:

    Where is the ass chaps guy???

  30. Harry Palms says:

    Actually that’s the go-to move. Makes you good and relaxed and clears the head.

  31. Johnny Guest says:

    Paging Hotel Receipt Guy . . . need one for the out-of-town interviewee’s stay.

  32. Guest says:

    dude what?

  33. Pfluger the Barbarian says:

    § Women, remember to observe proper nipple etiquette at all times during these cool autumn months. Don’t appear overeager.

  34. Guest says:

    plus how did you get a treble clef in front of your comment?

  35. Intellectual Masturbator says:

    Is “wear Crocs” some kind of cockney rhyming slang for “text cocks?”

  36. COMEON! says:

    He was wearing Crocs when he texted his cocks.

  37. Gentleman Trader says:

    Still here…and its just “chaps” not “ass chaps” or “ass-less chaps.” All chaps are inherently assless. I taught one M. Zuckerberg all about this years ago when I was “advising” a small little startup i funded…maybe you heard of it? It was called facebook.

    -P. Thiel

  38. Intellectual Masturbator says:

    Thanks, brah!

    Hey, I keep getting stood up at Minetta’s. What gives?

  39. Hedgie says:

    I’m really surprised by this. I thought columbia business students were more social and polished than their counterparts at schools like wharton, sloan, booth.

  40. Guest says:

    I think they’re talking about the bezel rather than the band with the advice to opt for silver over gold.

    Seriously though, women have to wear hose? What is this, Yom Kippur?

  41. Elliot Rosewater says:

    They are platinum, is that tacky?

  42. Anonymous says:

    Oh, it said wear hose. I read it as women were to refer to themselves as hoes.

  43. Girl says:

    We are, trust. This email is really out of left field in my opinion, as I have never seen anyone at a recruiting event looking less than perfect. It’s pretty insulting.

  44. Anonymous says:

    Write it in Word and then copy/paste into the comment.

  45. Supraman says:

    If you’re truly a Gentleman Tader, then it would not be “Chaps Guy” but, rather, “Chaps Fellow”, or, even better “Chaps Chap.”

  46. Anonymous says:

    I don’t know what’s worse– a) the chance that the administration of CBS is so clueless as to the habits of their students that they put out an absurdly redundant memo, or b) the chance that MBA candidates actually have to be reminded to brush their teeth, shower and put on clean clothes before meeting a recruiter…

  47. Columbia rules says:

    Tense recruiting period = we’ve suckered you into $150-$200k of debt for a degree that doesn’t guarantee a good paying job

    Cufflinks and BO are SOP in Europe; maybe this advice is counterproductive for students who want to be in the London or Paris office

  48. Norbert Norse says:

    At least now we have access to some “elite” addresses to spam…
    To: ‘’

  49. Confoosed says:

    Stupid girl

  50. Confoosed says:

    Thoroughly disagree.

    -Sr. Bankers

  51. Confoosed says:

    That you, Kouwe?

  52. MBA Career fair
    Warren Hall, Columbia University, New York, New York

    Item’s found in interviewee’s briefcase:

    – 1 Mid-market M&A Pitchbook sample of interviewee’s previous I-banking work in the form Khneal’s Collie Trainers, LLC and Gasparino’s Meatball Delivery, LLC
    – 1 1/2 pound of leftover bacon and half eaten sloppy joe from Anal_yst’s Sunday Evening Fetish Night
    – 1 preserved (used) pink laced panties of former male colleague at AIG quant
    – 1 Raj Rajaratnam photo – autographed with Raj’s garlic curry stained kiss.
    – 1 former sample of Greece’s Baa debt listings sold while on Deutchbank’s Bond desk
    – 1 condom (used) from Thursday night menage a tios a la CNBC’s MCC and Scottsman
    – 1 1/4 pound leftover gouda cheese consumed off chest of Maria Bartimoro’s labia
    – 1 t-shirt (DNA stained) borrowed from Rebellion Capital’s computer chair in Rebellion Capital’s Moms basement.

  53. Buster41 says:

    The email was sent by student club leaders, not administration…just for the record.

  54. Dead_Cat says:

    I can confirm that cufflinks are indeed de rigeur in London, as you should be wearing French cuffs (at least in an interview). That said, they should not be novelty cufflinks (whatever my MD thinks). We also believe in suits that fit. And white collar/cuffs on a coloured/patterned shirt are a big no-no. Bold pin stripes are fine for suits, pink and bold patterns are fine for shirts (didn’t seem to be the case in NYC). Hermes animal ties are now regarded as a novelty tie, although the Ferragamo ones with the pattern so small you can hardly make it out are ok. Brown shoes are now ok but some MDs are very old-school and might not agree. No-one cares what watch you wear. No-one knows what women are supposed to wear but just avoid anything cutesie.

    Having spent a lot of time in both cities, there isn’t much overall difference in style level between the City and Wall St. Outside the workplace I think NYC takes it marginally, despite the frat boys – you can thank your ladies for that one.

  55. Guest says:

    This would never happen at University of Phoenix and by this I mean a recruiting event

  56. Gentleman Trader says:

    First of all, its Gentleman Trader, not Gentleman Tader…got it old sport? Secondly, it seems one P. Thiel logged into Discus as me. He would be your chaps aficionado…or Chaps Chap as it were.


  57. trojan says:

    Quite the sartorialist

  58. Short_Bus says:

    Good thing the club leaders believe their fellow classmates to be total retards. Way to believe in your classmates, and show initiative to lead them.

  59. Anonymous says:

    Still, though… “brush your teeth”??

  60. I’m under the impression that wearing french cuffs when you’re interviewing for analyst- or associate-level positions makes you look like a poseur and possibly a douche bag. True or false?

    God-willing, this actually may apply to me soon, so a straight answer would be appreciated.

  61. Texashedge says:

    PG, re: point b, I might remind you about the prevalence of international students.

  62. Texashedge says:

    In my first gig in IBD, the handbook forbade shoes without laces. Cowboy boots on Fridays excepted (in Houston and Aberdeen, not in the London office)

  63. The Moz says:

    “And white collar/cuffs on a coloured/patterned shirt are a big no-no.”

    I say: BULLSHIT!

    -A. Mozilo

  64. Diamond Cutter says:

    We wear cuffs all the time. Other than that we have no concerns.

    -Dick “Diamond” Cutter
    Pres., Chippendale Dancers Association

  65. Guest says:

    You sound a little salty, I’d recommend a chilled coffee.

    Let me guess… CFA > MBA?

  66. Rho2Gamma says:

    It’s a trick. You’re not supposed to pull on it, but rather suck it like the tasty push pop it is.

  67. Guest says:

    Sounds like a lot of work

  68. Larry says:

    I heard Goldman Sachs will be at ITT Tech’s career fair next month. I also heard that Morgan Stanley and B of A might be at DeVry University career fair.

  69. Still your worst nightmare says:

    And I thought you knew everything! Guess you were wrong, you can’t hide anything at all!

  70. Upset Alum says:

    I want my $$$ back! – disgruntled CBS alum

  71. GUEST says:

    CBS alums make excellent pages on Letterman

  72. CBS Grad says:

    Disgruntled? The only way to hate CBS is if you got kicked out for cheating…

  73. Guest says:

    Don’t worry, you probably couldn’t get into either

  74. CBS Grad says:

    I would agree. I think this was supposed to be a funny email to the IBC

  75. Guest says:

    Paste Special Values

  76. Diego says:

    Agreed. (and i like this twice)
    – Diego (SD St. ’10)

  77. Lord Humongous says:

    Do the brits wear union jack or st. george’s cross cufflinks like they do in NYC? As if we couldn’t quite place them by their arrogance and bad teeth.

  78. l33t2 says:

    Round 2: Columbia LOSS, FTW!

  79. featherhand says:

    Another vote for HBS, taken from a career presentation a few years ago: “Remember, don’t talk about yourself too much….other people, such as interviewers, want to talk as well.”

  80. featherhand says:

    Another vote for HBS, taken from a career presentation a few years ago: “Remember, don’t talk about yourself too much….other people, such as interviewers, want to talk as well.”

  81. Guest says:

    Eh, I could never respect an institution that had an “accelerated” MBA program anyways.

  82. Amber says:

    The memo having gone public; makes all Columbia students look like asshats.
    Seriously they need reminding to practice basic hygiene?

    Sadly there are people in positions to hire who may actually be dumb enough to assume this memo was a necessity.

  83. Adam says:

    silver is preferable to gold

    You should never take style advice from investment bankers. They tend to dress like Dwight Schrute, or if they do make an effort, they assume “if it’s expensive it must be stylish / in good taste”, and look like rejects from Jersey Shore.

    The above comment about metal is one of the email’s only attempts to go beyond basic hygiene, and it’s a fail, for two reasons:

    1. If you’re going to make a blanket statement like that, it should be promoting goldtone. This is not 2008: silvertone is “out”, goldtone is “in”. If you ever actually succeed in talking to a model, ask her.

    2. Any blanket statement is poor advice anyway. It depends on a person’s skintone. Pasty white folk and Asians look better in silvertone, people with more color in their skin (Mediterranean, Hispanic, Indian) look better in goldtone.

    I’m guessing the authors of the email had Indian students in mind, in which case again goldtone would be more appropriate.

    Moral of the story: never take fashion advice from someone who may have actually worn a pocket protector before.

  84. Cher says:

    does your boyfriend agree with you?

  85. Towndump says:

    I always felt that goldtones flattered my pale skin and silver looked great against darker skin.

  86. sompo zetchi says:

    i agree…it should be like that….

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