The last couple years have not been going, as they say, so good for Lenny Dykstra. He got thrown out of his house (but not before ripping out the bathroom fixtures and pissing on the wall), he filed for bankruptcy (representing himself in court, natch), and his former friend, Jim Cramer, who nominated the guy for chairman of the Federal Reserve turned, his back when times got tough. We never stopped hoping that things would get better for Nails, though. And it apparently, they have. Way better.
After living “like Gandhi, out of a bag,” Dykstra has somehow managed to land himself a 12th-story penthouse in Westwood. It’s there that he “plots a financial comeback,” the specifics of which of yet to be banged out but may include hawking old photos on Craigslist and working as a phone sex operator. He’s also said to have “several” projects planned, including bringing back the Players Club magazine, spends a lot of time “chugging Red Bull,” and has a personal assistant named Destiny. The best news, though, is that Nails has got his spirit back.
“I have been fighting my whole life,” Dykstra said. “That’s why I have a new theme song, dude, and I am going to play it for you.”
“I want to be a billionaire, so … bad, buy all of the things I never had,” he sang along, loudly and off-key, to the Travie McCoy song “Billionaire,” as it blared from his Bose computer speakers. “I want to be on the cover of Forbes magazine, smiling next to Oprah and the queen.”
Lenny Dykstra Envisions A Comeback [LATimes]
What the hell kind of “Forbes” lead story would generate a cover pic of Nails, Oprah and Queen Elizabeth?
Viva La Vida. Nails has eclectic tastes.
Bess, you can suck my cock as your bonus for signing
Having your own theme song and a PA named Destiny is the new killin’-it.
What promted you to say that, seeing the piece of Twizzler hanging from Lenny’s mouth?
Lenny and Gary Busey (post motorcycle crash) might be my all time favorite people in the whole wide world.
Du Hast by Rammstein, or am I thinking of some other one-hit wonder?
Fantasizing like a rap star is the NKI
Bess, I just want you to sign a contract that’s acceptable to you so you can start yelling at us again in the comments. It’s not the same without your snark.
He should consider fighting Danny Bonaducci for money. Winner gets $100 and a bucket of KFC.
He should consider fighting Danny Bonaducci for money. Winner gets $100 and a bucket of KFC.
He should consider fighting Danny Bonaducci for money. Winner gets $100 and a bucket of KFC.
“What prompted you to say that? Seeing the piece of Twizzler hanging from Lenny’s mouth?”
FBN Editor
“All I do is win win win….no matter what!”
“All I do is win win win….no matter what!”
“All I do is win win win….no matter what!”
He can live comfortably off of his MLB pension.
He can live comfortably off of his MLB pension.
He can live comfortably off of his MLB pension.
Let’s see…the guy walks around his apartment, playing with a butterfly knife, muttering to himself, plotting his fantasy comeback based on a crappy song, drinking lots of Red Bull and he’s lost some teeth. Sorry, is Red Bull the name of a new designer version of Crystal Meth? C’mon, Nails is tweaker.
Its Dykstra, he’s so HOT right now..
living out of a bag -move back to philly and you’ll feel upper middle class.
Opulence……he doesn’t has it.
“What was his old theme song” tag FTW
Apologies in advance…
In Soviet Russia, Forbes is on the cover of Oprah
twisted soul
I can’t believe anyone trusts Dykstra with their money after seeing what happened when the Phillies trusted him with their baseball team. I think I’d rather drop by John Kruk Financial Management, and the guy has only one testicle.
http://proposition13.blogspot.com/2010/10/clearwell-systems-chances.html
Ha – a UniBall! What a loser!
Actually, he can’t. His ex gets it.
You and me Lenny. Three rounds.
I can yell at you people all I want; that comment just didn’t inspire me to lift a finger.
He should run for office… but make sure he keeps his warlock phase secret. He can say tough policy things like, “I am tough as nails” and “I will cut taxes” and “Let’s take America back” and “a Twizzler in every crackpot” (“Crackpot, crockpot” he will say on Larry King, laughing off his verbal palinclinations).
Come on, Kruk is a baller (in the singular)