Goldman’s Profit Slips, Tops Forecasts (MarketWatch)
GS reported third-quarter net income of $1.9 billion, or $2.98 a share, down from $3.19 billion, or $5.25 a share, in the year-ago period. Wall Street analysts polled by Thomson Reuters had forecast quarterly profit of $2.32 a share, on average. Economic conditions “continue to be challenging in a number of important markets,” said Chief Executive Lloyd Blankfein in Goldman’s earnings release.
Goldman’s Expenses Drop (Bloomberg)
Third-quarter compensation fell to $3.83 billion, helping cut total operating expenses 20 percent to $6.09 billion. The firm allocated $13.1 billion for compensation in the first nine months of the year, or enough to pay each of its 35,400 employees $370,706 for the period. The figure fell 21 percent from the $16.7 billion set aside for compensation in the first nine months of 2009.
Bank of America’s Losses Widen On Write-Downs (WSJ)
The bank posted a $10.4 billion write-down tied to new financial regulations in the third quarter as the Charlotte, N.C., company’s revenue rose and its investment bank’s fixed-income desk turned in better results than competitors. Because of the write-down, BofA’s third-quarter loss widened to $7.3 billion, or 77 cents a share, compared with a loss of $1 billion, or 26 cents a share, a year earlier. Without the noncash write-down, the bank earned $3.1 billion, or 27 cents a share, and reported much-improved credit quality. Revenue climbed 2.3% to $27 billion. Analysts polled by Thomson Reuters had recently forecast earnings of 16 cents a share on $27.2 billion in revenue.
Brazil Steps Up Action in `Currency War,’ Seeks Cease-fire (Bloomberg)
Brazil’s real dropped the most in two weeks after Finance Minister Guido Mantega raised taxes on foreign inflows for the second time this month to prevent appreciation and protect exports from what he called a global currency war. “This currency war needs to be deactivated,” Mantega told reporters late yesterday. “We have to reach some kind of currency agreement.”
Banks Restart Foreclosures (WSJ)
Bank of America reopened more than 100,000 foreclosure actions, declaring that it had found no significant problems in its procedures for seizing homes. GMAC Mortgage said that it also is pushing ahead with an unspecified number of foreclosures that came under intense pressure.
Teddy Forstmann: I’m Being Extorted By A Shake-Down Artist (TDB)
In a wide-ranging interview with The Daily Beast, Forstmann denied all the allegations, and vowed revenge against Agate, whom he called a “stalker,” a “shakedown artist,” and a “scumbag lowlife.” But as Agate’s charges have made their way into the press, Forstmann has had to defend himself before clients…”At first this was an annoyance,” Forstmann said. “But now the sheer madness of it all is having an impact on my business. By the way, I didn’t even know what shvartze meant before all this came about. Can you imagine I adopt two black kids without a wife and I’m a racist? (Forstmann, a lifelong bachelor, is now dating celebrity chef Padma Lakshmi.) That shows he’s really insane.”
Hong Kong Wants Time for Hedge Funds to Meet New EU Rules (Bloomberg)
Hong Kong’s government is in talks with the European Union to help hedge-fund managers in the city cope with proposed regulations that may make it harder to raise assets in Europe. Hong Kong is lobbying the EU for a “dual regime” which would allow the current system under which they raise assets to continue for “a number of transition years” before complying with Europe’s “passport regime,” said Julia Leung, Hong Kong’s undersecretary of financial services and the treasury. “If the threshold is set too high for assets into the EU market, then it will disrupt our business,” Leung said today
Man Arrested For Sexually Assaulting Horse (Greenwich Time)
Officers arrived and located the male, identified as Marian Wegiel, 63, of 11 Partridge Lane, in the corral. Wegiel stated that he was comforting the horses that were scared by a loud noise. Wegiel stated that he may have inadvertently put his fingers inside one of the horses.
Edoma Capital raises over $1 billion (MW)
Edoma Capital, a new hedge fund firm run by Pierre-Henri Flamand, has raised more than $1 billion in capital and commitments from investors, a person familiar with the matter said Monday. London-based Edoma raised about $820 million for its launch later this year. The firm also got commitments to invest another $450 million in the future, the person said on condition of anonymity. Flamand ran Goldman Sach’s Principal Strategies group from 2007 until he left the investment bank earlier this year to start Edoma.
Assualting a horse? I thought that sort of thing only happend in Stamford and on CNBC.
Comforting a frightened client? Don’t bother sending me your resume Mssr. Wegiel.
Dalioshaw Capital Advisors, LLC
Greenwich, CT
MEMO
——————————————–
To: (Redacted)@dalioshaw.com
From: (Redacted)@dalioshaw.com
Subj: Prospectus
———————————————
Please take steps to immediately remove the phrase “stable of intellectual capital”, “probing minds”, as well as any verb before the phrase “gift horse” from distributed company literature.
I put my fingers inside a Jabroni Pony, but there was nothing inadvertent about it.
Padma’s got some serious daddy issues: first Rushdie, now Forstmann.
You’re all a bunch of neigh-sayers.
Banging your Secretariat in the conference room is the NKI
Your comment caused me to bridle. Yo better hoof it on down the road, Wilbur.
I’m more of a bull man myself.
-Jackie Sherrill
“Wegiel was released after posting a $500 bond and will appear in Derby Superior Court on Nov. 1.”
- Guy who likes when they bring it all together in the ending
Everybody chill. The horse dude’s problem is just a case of a giant misunderstanding. The alleged horse assaulter has a speech impediment and told the stable owner he was going to watch the horse’s “twat”, but without a speech impediment it would have been pronounced “trot”.
Are they sure this guy wasn’t just having consensual sex with a Noel sister?
Actually, he thought it was Sarah Jessica Parker.
A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him “Hey-come over hear buddy”.
The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks”Were you talking to me”?
The horse replies”Sure was, man I’ve got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this farmer bought me and now all I do is pull a plow and I’m sick of it. Why don’t you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me. I’ll make you some money ‘cuz I can still run.”
The jogger thought to himself,”boy a talking horse” Dollar signs started appearing in his head. So he runs to the house and the old farmer is sitting on the porch. The jogger tells the farmer”Hey man, I’ll give you $5,000 for that old broken down nag you’ve got in the field”.
The farmer replies, “Son you can’t believe anything that horse says. He’s never even been to Kentucky.”
I used to think drowning or burning to death was the worst way to go.
Then I saw a video of a guy who died due to colon perforation. The horse got excited.
Thanks, internets.
“They look like friendly Indians” -Gen. George A. Custer
“We have no loan documentation problems” -BofA
I think you mean Andrew Jackson?
I bet you work for the Central Bank, you asshole.
-AJ’s Ghost
Pretty sure Andy Jackson didn’t believe there was any such thing as a friendly Indian (cf Trail of Tears, etc.)
I thought the analogy was whitey kicking natives out = foreclosures continuing = trail of tears. (not saying that it’s correct, only slightly humorous) But then I guess I missed it all in my first reading…
I believe you’re correct, however, I’m still trying to determine if motive-checking is involved in that joke as the continuation of the analogy would be “= Holocaust”.
Man Arrested For Sexually Assaulting Horse- Now that’s something you don’t see everyday in the paper.
Jobless= boredom
Meant something more along the lines of “famously wrong statements” actually…
BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
-Nicholas Biddle, Esq (Deceased)
What’s so funny?
-Unstable Anarchist