Bloomberg reports that Goldman Sachs plans to pull its entire investment from Harbinger Capital’s flagship fund, for two reasons. 1) The returns weren’t very good and 2) Falcone “borrowed” $113 million from one of his firm’s smaller funds (where redemptions had been suspended) in order to pay personal taxes.

First off, everybody just breathe: one the hand, there’s some good news to be gleaned here– Phil Falcone pays his taxes! That’s more than you can say for a lot of people. On the other: let us take a moment to freak the fuck out! Unless we’re missing something, the fact that he needs to loan himself money from investors to pay his own taxes can’t be good and there are some serious, serious things at risk in the event things take a turn for the worst. Such as:

* Wilbur, the Falcone’s piano-playing pig. Who’s going to take him in?

* The Little People who work the Falcone children’s birthday parties

* LISA MARIE FALCONE’S WARDROBE. Gladiator. Mermaid Chic. Slutty Peacock. You think that shit comes cheap? Think again!

303 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (303)

  1. Posted by Homosaurus | November 10, 2010 at 8:29 PM

    This kind of thing happens all the… oh wait. No it doesn’t. RUN MOTHERFUCKERS RUN!

  2. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2010 at 8:30 PM

    Phil trying his hand as a telecommunications entreprenuer…..didnt Bernie Ebbers start that way? that ended well..

  3. Posted by Chuddy | November 10, 2010 at 8:33 PM

    she’s gonna BLOW!!!!!!

  4. Posted by Arthur Ponzirelli | November 10, 2010 at 8:34 PM

    Smells like another Madoff …

  5. Posted by Arthur Ponzirelli | November 10, 2010 at 8:34 PM

    Smells like another Madoff …

  6. Posted by TheWinklevoss | November 10, 2010 at 8:34 PM

    It was MY idea to pull $120 million from Harbinger!

    Other than that, I probably still have complaints.

  7. Posted by TheWinklevoss | November 10, 2010 at 8:34 PM

    It was MY idea to pull $120 million from Harbinger!

    Other than that, I probably still have complaints.

  8. Posted by Chuddy | November 10, 2010 at 8:34 PM

    having a plastic-faced wife, duping your investors out of redemptions and being down 15% YTD is the NKI

  9. Posted by Chuddy | November 10, 2010 at 8:34 PM

    having a plastic-faced wife, duping your investors out of redemptions and being down 15% YTD is the NKI

  10. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2010 at 8:34 PM

    a new piano for Wilbur?

  11. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2010 at 8:34 PM

    a new piano for Wilbur?

  12. Posted by tits | November 10, 2010 at 8:35 PM

    nice. This isn’t gonna end well.

    Will Lisa blow me?

  13. Posted by Chuddy | November 10, 2010 at 8:38 PM

    I am fairly certain, and by fairly I mean 99.9%, that she cannot open her mouth wide enough to eat a spoonful or peas let alone suck on a male wand of average length.

  14. Posted by Ben Bernanke | November 10, 2010 at 8:44 PM

    Moving money from one pocket to the other is really no big deal, especially if you really need the liquidity. Ben

  15. Posted by Ben Bernanke | November 10, 2010 at 8:44 PM

    Moving money from one pocket to the other is really no big deal, especially if you really need the liquidity. Ben

  16. Posted by MD | November 10, 2010 at 8:44 PM

    Some fund found his business plan in 90s and backed him

    Great start

  17. Posted by MD | November 10, 2010 at 8:44 PM

    Some fund found his business plan in 90s and backed him

    Great start

  18. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2010 at 8:44 PM

    you haven’t been funny all day. just stop.

  19. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2010 at 8:44 PM

    you haven’t been funny all day. just stop.

  20. Posted by PHIL | November 10, 2010 at 8:45 PM

    it is like robbing Peter to pay Paul….only in this case I am robbing my loyal investors to pay Uncle Sam. It is the same thing, only different, if you really think about it.

    ~ Phil

  21. Posted by PHIL | November 10, 2010 at 8:45 PM

    it is like robbing Peter to pay Paul….only in this case I am robbing my loyal investors to pay Uncle Sam. It is the same thing, only different, if you really think about it.

    ~ Phil

  22. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2010 at 8:45 PM

    firing the Little People and paying your taxes is also the NKI

  23. Posted by SEC official | November 10, 2010 at 8:49 PM

    Why would anyone ever think this is suspicious?

    – SEC

  24. Posted by tits | November 10, 2010 at 8:50 PM

    damn

  25. Posted by tits | November 10, 2010 at 8:50 PM

    He’s being really efficient and paying the Investors tax liability for them. I think this story is being misreported.

  26. Posted by TheWinklevoss | November 10, 2010 at 8:50 PM

    Yes?

  27. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2010 at 8:52 PM

    Naughty naughty. My bet is that the pig survives this nightmare as he sounds like he has secondary skills that will take him places. And in a twist of fate, I predict we’ll see the Bimbette working for Wilbur this time around. I hope she was kind to him in the past.

  28. Posted by Cartwright | November 10, 2010 at 8:53 PM

    Whats wrong with making a few loans to one’s self?

  29. Posted by Cartwright | November 10, 2010 at 8:53 PM

    Whats wrong with making a few loans to one’s self?

  30. Posted by Jackie Treehorn | November 10, 2010 at 8:59 PM

    Now thats a donkey / pig show I would pay to see

  31. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2010 at 9:03 PM

    Grow up all you Yahoo Financiers. He took money from the Special Situations Fund. I’m fairly certain a private equity person actually paying taxes is a special situation and hence would qualify under the mandate. Nothing to see here. Keep moving….

  32. Posted by S. Doo | November 10, 2010 at 9:03 PM

    Ruh-Roh, Raggy.

  33. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2010 at 9:04 PM

    The Falcone IOU, underwritten by GS, is a suitable investment for the fund; especially given its AAA rating by S&P. We feel confident that the collateral – a pig, a Manhattan mansion, and a dime store hooker – is sufficient to cover any anticipated losses.

    -Harbinger Risk Officer

  34. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2010 at 9:08 PM

    i see your point

  35. Posted by CobraMcJingleBalls | November 10, 2010 at 9:10 PM

    You guys are douchers. They guy obviously has enough loot to pay his taxes. There are some intricacies here yall dont know about. Slow day at UBS?

  36. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2010 at 9:12 PM

    lights dimmed, latest john legend record playing on iTunes.

  37. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2010 at 9:19 PM

    I’ll bid $15 for the motorized bicycle

  38. Posted by Chuddy | November 10, 2010 at 9:23 PM

    I bid $20 for the pig…..

    Can you be more specific?

    Oh yes, sorry, I meant $20 for Lisa.

  39. Posted by Chuddy | November 10, 2010 at 9:23 PM

    I bid $20 for the pig…..

    Can you be more specific?

    Oh yes, sorry, I meant $20 for Lisa.

  40. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2010 at 9:26 PM

    didn’t GS and CS just help them bring $350MM in bonds?

  41. Posted by tits | November 10, 2010 at 9:26 PM

    $20? really?

  42. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2010 at 9:27 PM
  43. Posted by Guest | November 10, 2010 at 9:29 PM

    Perhaps a Swine-way?

  44. Posted by Intellectual Masturbator | November 10, 2010 at 9:38 PM

    Excellent execution of the animal-pun. Kudos to you sir.

  45. Posted by Anonymous | November 10, 2010 at 9:53 PM

    you use the term ‘douchers.’

    other than that I have no concerns.

  46. Posted by Kenny Boy | November 10, 2010 at 9:56 PM

    If I were still at the helm, we would step right in and replace GS’s withdrawal with our own investment!
    Timing. It’s pretty much everything.

    K. Lewis

  47. Posted by CobraMcJingleBalls | November 10, 2010 at 10:17 PM

    Your last name is Levin. Other than that, I have no concerns.

  48. Posted by Anonymous | November 10, 2010 at 10:18 PM

    You cut me so deep.

  49. Posted by ChildPleez | November 10, 2010 at 10:21 PM

    Your last name is Levin. Other than that, I have no concerns.

  50. Posted by Anonymous | November 10, 2010 at 10:23 PM

    You login under multiple user names to leave the same comment within minutes
    of the last.

    Other than that I have no concerns.

  51. Posted by McJingle | November 10, 2010 at 10:24 PM

    Too deep? Not the first time I’ve gotten that.

  52. Posted by TitsMcGee | November 10, 2010 at 10:29 PM
  53. Posted by Anal_yst | November 10, 2010 at 10:32 PM

    Worked for Adelphia, why not try it again?

  54. Posted by McJingle | November 10, 2010 at 10:33 PM

    But I’m jacked.

  55. Posted by GIRTH | November 10, 2010 at 10:43 PM

    Would be more a question of GIRTH, no?

  56. Posted by Anonymous | November 10, 2010 at 10:44 PM

    Off

  57. Posted by Anonymous | November 10, 2010 at 11:23 PM

    you are a fraud, yet you still fk with the editor. other than that, I have no concerns.

  58. Posted by Guest | November 11, 2010 at 1:33 AM

    What a naughty Falcone.

  59. Posted by Socratic Method | November 11, 2010 at 2:31 AM

    Although presumably she could still sip man chowder through a straw?

  60. Posted by Supporter | November 11, 2010 at 3:02 AM

    The fact that it was posted twice shouldnt get in the way of its hilarity; its the best comment on here.

  61. Posted by Gimbby | November 11, 2010 at 10:16 AM

    Taking money out when your investors are gated … all i can say is hope he gets AIDS .

  62. Posted by Retail Guy | November 11, 2010 at 12:05 PM

    As someone who has been picking up shares of HRG in the past few days, I am trying to make this seem like something other than terrible. It isn’t really working.

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