For the third quarter this year, Goldman Sachs’s trading desks made more than $100 million on seven days, some sort of profit on 64 out of the 66, and lost on a mere two. At Morgan Stanley, which only had one single $100 million day and lost money on ten days, these results would be considered excellent and the sort that James Gorman would knock off a hobo to report. There would be piñatas and cake and they’d let everyone take the rest of the year off for a job amazingly well done. But this is not Morgan Stanley, this is Goldman Sachs, which means the responsible parties are going to pay.
For the traders who brought shame on God’s house, who’ve been made persona non grata since the filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission this morning, who will receive cold shoulders from colleagues and not so much as a ‘ha’ in response to a funny link sent over IM this afternoon, there must be some recognition of what they’ve done. Something worse than being fired or having their bonuses shrunk or their nipples zapped for every inch in the red. An aversion shock therapy of sorts. Something that will make them never want to lose money again.
Not to give away too many details but as a warning to the rest of you at GS– if you hear cries coming from the basement of 200 West today, don’t go down there to investigate unless you want to see things you can’t unsee. Your friends, strapped down and being read passages of a new book by the author himself. Wearing the bandana. As Lloyd and Gary watch through one way glass from above. Wondering if they’ve gone too far, but knowing this is the only way anyone will learn.
The same mistakes won’t be made again.
You bat .9697 in the bigs and you are a Hall of Famer……you bat .9697 at GS and you get added to the fucking unemployment statistics.
Not even a response when I ping someone with a funny link? That’s enough to make someone hormonal….
Not even a response when I ping someone with a funny link? That’s enough to make someone hormonal….
When do the clients get to bat .9697?
Can someone describe the interview process at GS? I hear it is strenuous…
Like the idea but the comment got away from you there at the end. would’ve made more sense if it were something like:
‘Not even a response when I ping someone with a funny link? That’s enough to make someone suicidal….’
or
‘Not even a response when I ping someone with a funny link? That’s enough to make someone feel ostracized’
or whatever. the lack of a response doesn’t then make someone hormonal.
can someone fuck off and try to make a funny joke that’s relevant to the post? Thanks in advance.
can someone fuck off and try to make a funny joke that’s relevant to the post? Thanks in advance.
I was just wondering, now that I am unemployed, should I get my CFA or my MBA?
Diesel7
You should just know ….you are born with it.
LB
You bat .9697 at GS and your only honorable choice is seppuku
Goldman Sachs is the Jefferies of Dubai.
Petulant imbecilic neophytes. All of you.
Saudia Arabia:Dubai :: Goldman: Jeffries
I heard Goldman Sachs traders suck on mothballs. Is this true? Does that really happen? Should I be doing that?
-UBS Trader
You guys this is totally so not true. My desk lost money yesterday but our PMD understands that happens some times. So this afternoon he’s taking us on a field trip to cheer us up. We’re going to pick apples and pet goats. Then tomorrow we’ll be ready to hit the ground running and make it all back and then some.
homo comment + picking apples and petting goats = leaving yourself wide open
Regrettably, that’s not true at all.
Bess you stupid bitch. You spelled Lloyd with three Ls in the tag.
The 3 Ls spelling is reserved for those doing gods work. Mere mortals use 2
Get an MD, then do something for society.
Sure Goldman can make $100 million on seven trading days, but can it pick up a seven-ten split?
Looks like Morgan Stanley got Munsoned.
Those traders were exposed to a 24 hour audible thrashing of the HIT single “Closet Bitch” for their failures.
Bess, I find the sadist undertones of your writing altogether titillating.
P.S. Since you will be a few rungs lower on the ladder of society for becoming a medical doctor; do not, and I repreat this for your sake, do not take up biking/running on rural roads in Colorado.
Who the fuck are you? Maybe you were born on a farm but you lack something special, style!
Goldman Sachs Sucks
how do you like living in St Louis
Rumor has it those traders got sent to UBS for a week as punishment. But i ain one to gossip, so you ain’t heard that from me.
Now we all know that is not true, because if it were, UBS would have a profitable week.
I never said “got sent to trade”, come on GS would never allow that. They just had to BE there. isn’t that punishment enough?
So if I go to Jeffries I can get booze and Russian hookers? Awesome!
Mean-spirited. Examine your culture of malice.
Mean-spirited. Examine your culture of malice.
Presently re-evaluating ongoing job search….
just to be serious for a minute- can someone please explain this to me?
how do banks make up to $200 million+ a day trading and average $50 million? Is this standard market-making and the bid-ask spread in equities, credit and rates? With that level of consistency, they don’t appear to be taking significant directional bets. If bid-ask is less than 10bp on average, the value of trading positions have to be massive (on the order of tens of billions every day for every major bank).
thanks.
Only when you have the foresight to spot worthless shit, pool it, and short it… Only then can you join us in batting .9697 against our clients.
-Fab
Only when you have the foresight to spot worthless shit, pool it, and short it… Only then can you join us in batting .9697 against our clients.
-Fab
In soviet russia, irrelevant funny joke fucks you!
screw
Do your clients bat .9697?
Most Doctors are worthless scum. The reverence for that profession is absurd. Most of what they do is get you on prescriptions that generate repeating revenue. It isn’t all that different than Wall Street. The key difference is they pull one over on rubes like you far easier. The other key difference is that I can tell if my account goes up, I have no fucking idea if the Lipitor they are feeding me makes my life any better at all.
But if he does, I know these guys who make great waffles.
is this who you mean?
http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/4251dfc0-ec5d-11df-ac70-00144feab49a.html#axzz14rzQ0N76
Please use the link to reference this article. Do not copy & paste articles which is a breach of FT.com’s Ts&Cs (www.ft.com/servicestools/help/terms) and is copyright infringement. Send a link for free or email ftsales.support@ft.com to purchase rights. http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/4251dfc0-ec5d-11df-ac70-00144feab49a.html#ixzz14s0BZJyv
Goldman executive fired over violations
By Francesco Guerrera and Justin Baer in New York, and Megan Murphy in London
Published: November 10 2010 02:02 | Last updated: November 10 2010 02:02
Goldman Sachs has fired its head of European block trading for violating internal policies and procedures, the Financial Times has learnt.
Alexandre Harfouche, a London-based managing director, was sacked for failing to make proper disclosures to the bank’s compliance department, according to people familiar with the matter.