How Many “Pancake Bites” Would One Need To Consume To Incense Julian Robertson?

As you may have heard, Dunkin Donuts has created a new delicacy called Sausage Pancake Bites, which are ‘pancake balls’ stuffed with meat and dipped in syrup. Like KFC’s Double Down, this represents Dunkin’s foray into the exciting world of exotic battered-meat derivatives. To celebrate, someone must endeavor this week to consume an amount of Bites that would constitute a “challenge” and rile up self-appointed Obesity Czar, Julian Robertson.

Off the top of our heads, we were thinking 120 in 60 minutes. But is that too easy? Weigh in now and pressure someone on your desk to step up to the plate.

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42 Responses to “How Many “Pancake Bites” Would One Need To Consume To Incense Julian Robertson?”

  1. ETGS says:

    Never use the phrase “battered meat” in a blog that natural gas traders read from time to time.

    -East Texas Gas Trader

  2. Jack says:

    At 100 calories per pellet, 120 seems a bit excessive. That would be the caloric equivalent of over 20 540 Calorie Double Downs. But I bet someone out there thinks he (it’s always a “he” isn’t it?) 60 of them. One a minute. Seems so simple.

  3. Jack says:

    insert a “can eat” in there before the 60.

  4. Anonymous says:

    How about an alternative contest for the girls—how many can you put in your mouth without gagging?

  5. Charles G. says:

    “Meat Munchkin” was my nickname as a toddler. Incidentally, it was also my nickname in college, but for different reasons.

  6. K Alley says:

    No way these things are consumable in volumes of 120, or even 60. Weigh out–say–30 of them, I bet they’ll outweigh 5 KFC grease & bacon pads. Give someone a full hour to knock down 30, I’ll STILL get on the other side of the bet that says the poor slob’s up to the challenge. Side pool on when he boots.

  7. In my experience, 1.

    -J Epstein

  8. Guest says:

    We’re not talking about dunkin donuts any more are we?

  9. Richard Cripples says:

    Anal_yst and OptionsTrader are going to be pissed they can’t compete.

  10. Richard Cripples says:

    Anal_yst and OptionsTrader are going to be pissed they can’t compete.

  11. Richard Cripples says:

    Anal_yst and OptionsTrader are going to be pissed they can’t compete.

  12. Richard Cripples says:

    Anal_yst and OptionsTrader are going to be pissed they can’t compete.

  13. The tranches are as follows:

    25: Typical pussyfooted DB contest
    40: Ok, respect
    50: Oyster Boy
    65+: Marinating those in a curry was just disgusting

  14. Guest says:

    If they could figure out how to incorporate coffee into these, I can’t see why they would be the complete breakfast food.

  15. 200+: You are the team of Kevin Spacey and Gluttony

  16. I can think of one reason.

    -HSBC Hong Kong Branch

  17. Jack says:

    I’m willing to help you train, pmco. That gag reflex that’s holding you back will be gone in no time. On to Victory!

  18. MooseFister says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you

  19. Anonymous says:

    How about a Double Down vs. Sausage Pancake Bite race? Winner would be whoever can consume more (in weight or volume terms) in an hour.

  20. Anonymous says:

    Dear Jack: I actually don’t have a gagging problem. Meet me at Minetta tonight at 9pm and I’ll demonstrate. Have your dick out so I know it’s you.

  21. Anonymous says:

    Amazingly enough, Google was running a mastectomy ad across the bottom of the video.

    The machines have taken over.

  22. Never Gets Old says:

    Its not that long, but it sure is skinny.

  23. Aspen Waffle Peddler says:

    These things will never sell. Trust me.

  24. Guest squared says:

    If your married, the answer is Zero

  25. CurrencyTrader says:

    Hey Cripples go fuck yourself. IN other news..pmco you know where to meet me…San Francisco Fairmont Hotel..Presidential bottle of Single Blended Scotch…Ass up face down…We’ll do the gag routine afterwards.

  26. Anonymous says:

    what if you’re married?

  27. Guest says:

    This is just code – you need to remove some words:

    Bess Levin….stuffed with meat…………likes……sausage……

  28. Jack says:

    Minetta about to look like Brett Favre Costume Competition Night in 3…2…

  29. Rho2Gamma says:

    What if you’re married, then your husband would be mad.

    p.s. I see what you did there.

  30. CurrencyTrader says:

    Hoes2Grandmas, you remind me of that older office assistant that tries to be hip with the young people on the desk by telling stories and making cliche, generalized jokes.

    One day they decide to be awesome and send a FWD FWD FWD email involving a cute kitten picture joke with the Prime Minister of Iran…Which of course results in the entire trading desk literally telling said person to fuck them self

  31. Jack says:

    And when you get there, pmco, keep your gaze around knee-high. I’ll be the guy that looks just like Greg Oden.

  32. danker banker says:

    or telling said person to fuck himself / herself

  33. Guest says:

    I just start to feel bad for both of you after awhile…

  34. Rho2Gamma says:

    What’s that jive turkey? I cannot hear you. While you’re up, can you get jiggy with a new battery for my hearing aidizzle?

  35. Anonymous says:

    It ain’t cool bein’ no jive turkey so close to Thanksgivin’

  36. darling NKI says:

    To survive the harsh, frigid winter, how many of these little nuggets must a woodland creature store in a hole under the roots of a pinoak tree? If the woodland creature will use only its cheek pouches to transport its supply, how many trips are required between the Dunkin Donuts and the tree?

  37. Guest says:

    my only question is sausage in the morning followed by roast beef in the afternoon? Other than that, I have no concerns.

  38. Anonymous says:

    Their original name was “Microsofts” but it didn’t stick.

  39. Anonymous says:

    These are really just Toad in the Hole with some syrup, so they’re actually a throwback to the way your great-great grandma used to feed her clan of coal miners. Of course, now we NEED those calories to keep up our strength on the stairmaster.

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