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JPMorgan Investigated For ABACUS-Like Deal So Far Lacking Similar Intrigue

ProPublica reports that JPMorgan is being investigated by the SEC to determine whether or not the bank adequately disclosed to investors that the securities that went into a CDO were selected by hedge fund Magnetar Capital, which was betting against the deal (JPMorgan apparently lost approximately $880 million on the deal and what’s more). Two problems seem apparent up front– one, unlike Goldman Sachs, whose CDO had the badass name of ABACUS, JPMorgan’s version is called “Squared.” And two, no one has said anything about the role of a Frenchman who describes himself as “fabulous” and writes gushy emails to his ex-girlfriend on the company dime. That’s not going to bode well for JPMorgan when it comes time for Congress to decide whether or not this thing is worthy of a hearing and/or Senator Carl Levin describing it as “shitty” 700 times on live TV. Given that everything on Wall Street is a competition, and JPMorgan is no poor man’s Goldman, I’m going to go ahead and tip off JD and Co as to the only way they’re going to be able to come out on top of this thing. If this woman’s involvement in the deal comes to light:

SEC Investigating Deal Between JPMorgan And Hedge Fund [ProPublica]
Happy Halloween From Shaq/Shaqeeta [Twitter via WSJ]

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97 Responses to “JPMorgan Investigated For ABACUS-Like Deal So Far Lacking Similar Intrigue”

  1. A the end of the day the public has only a few weeks of an attention span and going out and attacking firms that mimicked Goldman policy will surely remain in stagnation and more wasted tax payer money. The public outcry for Bulge Bracket firm’s blood has of course moved on mentally to more important topics like Favre’s dick and Jersey Shore GTL procedures.

    The only way to stop this Abacus/Squared/Tomfuckery shit is to impose Greek Law and impose the death penalty.

  2. Meatbone9 says:

    Wait…the Frenchman and his GF broke up?

  3. Guest says:

    Don’t recall this little gem from the WSJ circa 2/09, do?

    “Who knows? Next week, we may have to shoot every third employee. I just look out my window and look for the guillotine.”

  4. Guest says:

    Shaqeeta has lost some weight since I dated her.

    -Lehman Risk Manager

  5. tits says:

    Shinequa. Get it right.

  6. Joseph di JerseyCity says:

    By losing $880M they have defended themselves. Being less competent while trying to do the same thing is the NKI – the current administration loves to spread around the fail.

  7. Rho2Gamma says:

    I fear that JD’s stink eye will not be as good as LB’s.

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