At this point in his life, no one would fault Julian Robertson for not starting another career. He’s already had an arguably pretty successful one as a hedge fund manager, in addition to his work rearing the Tiger Cubs, to say nothing of his wine business. Still, he’s always had a dream gig and today he shared it with Erin Burnett on CNBC. “I would love to be the Obesity Czar,” Robertson said.
According to JR, who estimates we can save the country $1 trillion if we “tax fat” and “tax sugar,” he “can’t think of a more important job.” Obviously, would love nothing more than to help him achieve his goal. But beyond support and a letter writing campaign to the administration, Robertson is going to need concrete ideas for how he can do battle with the blub. In addition to the tax, he’ll need special rights and duties as the Obesity Czar such as:
* A golden pointer that he can go out into the streets with, poking any “offenders” and offering a knowing glance
* A series of ads starring JR telling people, “A moment on the lips, forever on the hips”
* The right to approach anyone about to put a Twinkie in his/her mouth and slap it out of their hand, grab their chin and go, “That’s one. You won’t be happy if I have to come back.”
* Your brilliant idea
Behavior-based insurance. Just allow insurance companies to charge fat people and smokers 5x the premiums (or whatever the fair prices is). And outlaw any whining about ‘genetics.’ And give me a bonus for my 6-pack abs.
Lips < --> Hips
The twinkie right is inspired, BL.
Meredith Whitney prefers a moment on the hips, forever on the lips
Oh..he didn’t mean “phat”????
-Jay-Z
The world would be a better place if everyone just did whatever Julian Robertson wanted.
My fantasy
Event: Ice Skating Competition
Players: Steve Cohen, Cliff Asness, Julian Robertson
Scenario: Steve Cohen (dressed as the Hamburgular) skates in figure-8s, taunting Julian Robertson (dressed in drag as Rachel Ray) by eating hamburgers while discarding the buns into the crowd. Cliff Asness (dressed as Grimace) comes onto the ice behind Julian Robertson, before choking him with his hockey stick, a la the triplet brothers from Slap Shot. Cliff brings Julian to the ground, repeatedly head butting him while screaming, “DID YOU FUCK MY MOM, SANTA CLAUS!?!” Steve pulls Cliff off of Julian, and drags him rink-left off into the locker room. Hamburger wrappers continue to fall from his pocket as he does so. Blood drips from Julian’s earlobes, as the crowd stares in horror.
And scene.
I believe the British had a tax on sugar when they were the top shit in these parts many years ago. Then George Washington Carver discovered Nutrasweet in 1865 and basically f*cked it all up.
–guy who believes if you don’t learn the lessons of history, you are doomed to repeat them
We can both motivate fat people and stimulate the economy by creating “Pound Bucks” – every pound lost is equivalent to $1000. Once fatties lose the weight, they’ll spend the reward, thus stimulating the economy.
Repeat cycle as necessary.
…it’s bulletproof really.
that comment is the answer to what if bess levin and tyler durden (the character, not the douchey blogger) had a baby and that baby dropped acid.
Julian is on to something… while we’re at it, can we tax being old and senile?
hey!
-JR
Think about it:
Everyday you make subconscious decisions to minimize your interaction with A) the obese, and B) the elderly.
Disagree?
Let’s say you show up at a party and it’s populated with nothing but tubby chicks. What do you do? You drink all of their alcohol, try to get a no frills BJ from one of them while you’re waiting in line for the can, you invariably depart, and then (armed with cocaine) you go in search of alarmingly slender girls with long stringy blonde hair and heart shaped asses.
Also, you claim to love your grandparents, but do you really enjoy visiting them? No, you don’t(probably because they’re dead). No, visits to your grandparents, in your mind, are merely characterized as “to do” checklist items.
Face it, I’m right.
Fat Boy ^^^^^
Time is short, Julian.
as long as I get some “thin bucks” for not being fat in the first place, count me in.
Face it, you’re a loser.
I would have to say you’re the only person I’ve ever heard of who seeks out chicks with thinning hair.
FTW Hov. For the fucking win.
Fatal flaw: They’ll spend the $1000 on food to prepare for the next round on the weight-gain-weight-loss cycle. Congratulations on creating a perpetual motion machine for middle America’s consumption habits.
Fix: Clawbacks?
Whatever the plan is it has to involve the public humiliation/torture of Jared (the Subway guy). Seriously. He needs to go. He is built like a veal shank and somehow is a role model. Any campaign involving his demise will get my vote.
I like this. We can also create a market around this. For instance, I will be short Michael Moore since he will clearly never lose a pound. Then some idiot German bank can be the long counterparty. Goldman can collect the spread. Then when MM gains 50 lbs, I’m up 50k.
definitely going to start using the phrase ‘veal shank’
He lives for the most part in Kiwiland where cream and butter are daily staples. Given he’s in the wine business, how does he eliminate the sugar part?
shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.
-JR
Agreed, and given the liposuction cost/weight loss ratio…I’m long lipo clinics.
I can’t be the only one who took a quick glance at the title and thought “What the hell is Bess doing reporting on horseface?”
And charge the cocaine users 20x.
Unfortunately no enforcement will work. I mean Fatty McFattersons by definition don’t give a shit about anything.
Fat tax clearly regressive, just ask these fat ass geniuses who know more about Kayne than Kenya or Keynes. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_23Nt5XumaU
huh?
Get ready to bring it America!!
-Tony Horton
Or fuckass hedge fund managers could pay ordinary income on…oh sorry, right, that’d be a bad idea
crack’uh
actually, we was trying to play a phongraph record with a peanut
dr shabazz k. morton
I don’t even know how the American economy works, let alone some sort of self-sustaining economy.
Will there be a way to play the Oprah VIX?
skinny guys fight til they’re burger
No shit.
-Isaac Newton
South Sea Bubble, England
and this comment is the answer to the question what if Smithers from the Simpsons was anally impregnated by Karl Rove and shat out the most evil sycophantic douche ever…
Lets knock off the geezer talk, OK?
-The Oracle of Douglas County
the more fat people there are the better average looking people become simply by comparison. 5 becomes a 7, 8 becomes 10…
nothing tastes as good as skinny feels
What if you have six-pack abs AND a cocaine habit?
Allow Coca-Cola to put real cocaine back in the mix. Fat people will forget to eat or sleep. Boom. Done.
Establish high waist mark for the claw back
Establish high waist mark for the claw back
then you don’t need insurance
I believe you mean Kanye, But I could be wrong.
I believe you mean Kanye, But I could be wrong.
I believe you mean Kanye, But I could be wrong.
I believe you mean Kanye, But I could be wrong.
BMI cap and trade. Boom, done.
BMI cap and trade. Boom, done.
BMI cap and trade. Boom, done.
BMI cap and trade. Boom, done.
BMI cap and trade. Boom, done.
Damn your right, now I am the fat ass idiot forced to vote for Obumba in 2012
Damn your right, now I am the fat ass idiot forced to vote for Obumba in 2012
Damn your right, now I am the fat ass idiot forced to vote for Obumba in 2012
Damn your right, now I am the fat ass idiot forced to vote for Obumba in 2012
Damn your right, now I am the fat ass idiot forced to vote for Obumba in 2012
Damn your right, now I am the fat ass idiot forced to vote for Obumba in 2012
Damn your right, now I am the fat ass idiot forced to vote for Obumba in 2012
Damn your right, now I am the fat ass idiot forced to vote for Obumba in 2012
Damn your right, now I am the fat ass idiot forced to vote for Obumba in 2012
Damn your right, now I am the fat ass idiot forced to vote for Obumba in 2012
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Meanwhile, Phil Falcone learns of the new production and upon seeing that he didn’t make the cut, crawls under his desk & curls up in the fetal position crying while the pig plays the theme song from “The Cutting Edge…”
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
Guessing he was referencing bleached blondes, often found in MePa, etc, but yea, just a shot in the dark
I like how Subway commercials claim he’s doing the NYC Marathon. Yea, ok, maybe he’ll finish it just like Diddy “finished” it…
Replace BMI with a measure that actually accounts for body composition and I’ll get behind that idea.
He is short sugar and simply talking his book. Believe me I know
He is short sugar and simply talking his book. Believe me I know
He is short sugar and simply talking his book. Believe me I know
+1
+1
+1
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