Morgan Stanley Employee Is Deadly Serious About Dinner

From: [redacted at Morgan Stanley]
To: [his colleagues]
Subject: FOOD

Someone stole my dinner on Friday night…I’m not happy. I just want everyone to know that everyone is a suspect.

I’m stronger athletically and better looking than everyone in this office. I do background checks for a living and I will hunt you down. I will find you and when I do find you– It’s OVER. Dead. If you know something tell me and I will spare you.



750 Seventh Avenue | New York, NY 10019

(hidden for your protection)
Show all comments

125 Responses to “Morgan Stanley Employee Is Deadly Serious About Dinner”

  1. Guest says:

    Back office dinner war!

  2. Guest says:

    I just lost my lunch.

  3. Guest in Show says:

    Looks like someone forgot to lock their computer when they went to take a whiz.

  4. Texashedge says:

    I like this guy!

    /Elijah Dukes

  5. tits says:

    I see dead people next Friday

  6. Rho2Gamma says:

    He’s a soon to be ex-MS employee. No one threatens the tax man.

    Bess, nice tags btw.

  7. Chuddy says:

    What’s a background check?

    ~ SEC

  8. Anonymous says:

    Wall Street’s smartest. I want to hire this guy!

  9. Stupid People says:

    He’s better looking than us? We better take him seriously…..

  10. Magnum says:

    Redacted = Aleksey Vayner

  11. Guest says:

    The sad thing is HR will get called in. Someone will claim this is a threat of physical violence in the workplace, and demand class-action compensation. This poor back-office tax accountant will be fired (if he’s lucky), but if he’s not, he’ll be shipped off to a month of sensitivity training.

  12. It was probably Yoko.

    -guy who is pissed he’s now bought the White Album more times than he’s been interviewed by GS

  13. Anonymous says:

    I did not take your dinner, stop calling me a suspect.

    Eve Ryone

  14. tranche monkey says:

    ok, check your desk, I put it back, but it’s been “organically processed” if you get my drift

  15. Chuddy says:

    what kind of loser eats dinner at their desk on a Friday night?

    Get a fucking life, doucher!

  16. Chuddy says:

    his email reads, “stole his dinner on “the friday night”?

    did he also attend “the ohio state university”?

    i hate this guy.

  17. That’s nothing. Pulling that shit where I come from ends up getting your security clearence revoked, 2 weeks pay, a Rear Admiral up your ass with a phone to the CEO asking what imbecile cleared that nutjob in the first place, and several Congressional investigations.

    -former quant who now works on more sensitive matters

  18. Pfluger the Barbarian says:

    Damn, when did Gasparino get hired at MS???

  19. TheLimey says:

    Give me back that fillet o fish!

  20. Ms. Levin,

    We at Morgan Stanley Human Resources first want to congratulate you on running such a successful and honestly funny website. We appreciate you providing many of our employees an outlet from what can be a very stressful and driven environment.

    It is rewarding to see that certain individuals, when faced with some internal conflict or misunderstanding in our workplace, can openly express themselves to their co-workers, and that Morgan Stanley also fosters a postive self-image. We would love to speak with this individual, if only to help us help him or her, and see where we can improve our processes re: refridgerator security.

    Thank you for your assistance in this matter, and we all look forward to your prompt reply.

    Tits McGee
    Human Resources Drone
    Morgan Stanley
    750 Seventh Avenue
    New York, NY 10019

  21. Rex Ryan says:

    This kind of stuff happens here all the time. No big deal.

  22. Anonymous says:

    CSI: NY – Mac investiages the death of a Morgan Stanley tax department employee whose body was found behind the popular Minetta Tavern in NY’s Greenwich Village…

  23. Guesty Guest says:

    Less really is more.


  24. Guesty Guest says:


  25. Wasn’t me…..

    “wipes chicken alfredo sauce off triple chin”.

    – Raj Rajaratnam. .

  26. Hamburgular says:

    Never leave a McRib unattended, idiot.


  27. Options Trader Sucks Dick says:

    Goddamnit, you fucking suck. Name change and all.

  28. Guest says:

    Emperors club?

  29. Guest says:

    Hmmm. So a tax dweeb made off with the “lone under 35 hetero in HR group” dinner? Is this an excuse for violence at the workplace? Seriously?

    Oh, he’s good looking and once picked up a 10 pack of personal training sessions at NYSC? OK, that’s cool.

  30. fashionmeetsfinance says:

    Since DB readers are more experienced in doing background checks and exposing those who are socially retarded, can someone please provide pictures of this guy?

  31. Pierpoint says:

    Isn’t MS a white shoes firm? What is this guy going to do when he catches his man?

    Revoke his secret society membership?
    Blackball him from country clubs in CT?
    Engage in an slapfight?

  32. Ping Jiang says:

    No marker, no deal. Next!

    -P. Jiang

  33. tits says:

    that was me

  34. Anonymous says:

    Does he only bang 8’s and up?

  35. Moesha says:

    Stealing ones dinner is an ass-poundable offense.

  36. Anonymous says:

    Yeah the whole Dean Witter/Smith Barney thing kind of did away with the white shoes…

  37. Show in a Guest says:

    Yep, a classic

  38. Suck my dick. The day I start giving two giraffe fucks what you internet backoffice slugs think about what I say or do is the day I stop excepting your mothers $20 blowjobs.

    Now get back to filing excel spreadsheets and being a bitch while I make more money in one day than you do in a month…

  39. guest says:

    It sure is.

  40. Anonymous says:

    This is what happens, Larry.

  41. Likes Bess' Tags says:

    Yes Bess – nice “tags”

  42. Likes Bess' Tags says:

    Yes Bess – nice “tags”

  43. says:

    speaking of dinner…how do you get a dead baby out of a blender?


  44. Listen up folks because I’m only going to tell you this once. I enjoy pissing all you scumbags off. It’s amusing to me. The fact that for some reason your day is slightly worse for reading whatever I have to say is a small thrill I get.

    Now I post things my coworkers and I think are funny – deal with it. Don’t like it? Too damn bad. Have a problem? You know what I look like and exactly where I work, let’s schedule an appointment and you can tell me all about it.

  45. Guest says:

    let’s not and say we didn’t.

  46. Let’s shut the fuck up and say we did.

  47. Ghost of Ray Kroc says:

    Never underestimate the return of THE McRib.

  48. Ok says:

    why don’t you just email it to your co-workers chief, since no one else finds it funny.

  49. Lewis Winthorpe III says:

    Meet me at Minetta’s. I’ll be the guy casually adding value to conversations with my friends. Interrupt us and demand to be punched in the face so we know it’s you. I will oblige.

  50. AmericanBandersnatch says:

    You of all people should know the perils of consuming food and drink you find lying around. Need I remind you of the incident with the orange juice at Brinkley Court.

  51. Guest says:

    sooo are we meeting or not?

  52. Currency/OptionsTrader Sucks says:

    First Year Analist at Ping Capital?

  53. That’s a good point ‘OK’ so let me address that. Actually, you DO like my comments when I post them under guest (I’ve done this twice)…You have personally in fact liked at least one:

    What you don’t like is my username because it is associated with arrogance and chauvinism. I rest my case. Now get back to workkkkkkkkkk

  54. I suggest you learn how to spell analyst, it will make your insults more effective.

  55. Guest says:

    And Gorman sits around his corner office wondering why Goldman kicks his ass every quarter….sheesh!

  56. Lord Humongous says:

    Or a deuce with reading material tucked under arm

  57. Guest says:

    Learn your SAC history and you would have gotten his joke

  58. GUESTHOUSE says:

    He sounds like he went to Princeton- picture him in a Tiger Tie- makes you tremble they mean business at those Eating Clubs!

  59. IWishIWasAWallStreetGuy says:

    Pure genius. This slam works on multiple levels.

  60. tranche monkey says:


  61. the ben bernank says:

    he’ll never work for “the goldman sachs”

  62. Guest says:

    tarded much?

  63. Thatguyagain says:

    Dear Deadly:

    I’ve been feeling regrets since I made this very poor decision on Friday. Please be so kind to meet me tonight at Minetta’s, so I can set things right. I’ll be wearing a plaid dinner jacket carrying a brown paper bag with your dinner. I’m sure I’ll spot you as the best looking man in the room, but just in case, tap me on the shoulder.

    P.S. I’ll also be carrying a highly sharpened mail opener, so no funny stuff, please.


    Art Fleischenberger
    Senior Mail Room Specialist
    Morgan Stanley
    750 Seventh Avenue | New York, NY 10019

  64. Poornastybrutishandshort says:

    Dean Witter used to be in Sears.. and the the joke was stocks and socks…

    Morgan Stanley used to be considered ‘white shoe’…

    so when they merged… the joke was ‘white shoe, white sox’… Still makes me laugh..

    Student Driver

  65. Terry says:

    Stupid post!!!!

  66. GSPS says:

    Only joke I see is someone who decides to work in the MS tax department…

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