• 16 Nov 2010 at 11:32 AM

Morgan Stanley Employee Is Deadly Serious About Dinner

From: [redacted at Morgan Stanley]
To: [his colleagues]
Subject: FOOD

Someone stole my dinner on Friday night…I’m not happy. I just want everyone to know that everyone is a suspect.

I’m stronger athletically and better looking than everyone in this office. I do background checks for a living and I will hunt you down. I will find you and when I do find you– It’s OVER. Dead. If you know something tell me and I will spare you.

TAX DEPARTMENT = DEAD

[redacted]

750 Seventh Avenue | New York, NY 10019

125 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (125)

  1. Posted by Guest | November 16, 2010 at 4:38 PM

    Back office dinner war!

  2. Posted by Guest | November 16, 2010 at 4:38 PM

    I just lost my lunch.

  3. Posted by tits | November 16, 2010 at 4:39 PM

    I see dead people next Friday

  4. Posted by Rho2Gamma | November 16, 2010 at 4:41 PM

    He’s a soon to be ex-MS employee. No one threatens the tax man.

    Bess, nice tags btw.

  5. Posted by Chuddy | November 16, 2010 at 4:42 PM

    What’s a background check?

    ~ SEC

  6. Posted by Anonymous | November 16, 2010 at 4:44 PM

    Wall Street’s smartest. I want to hire this guy!

  7. Posted by Stupid People | November 16, 2010 at 4:44 PM

    He’s better looking than us? We better take him seriously…..

  8. Posted by Magnum | November 16, 2010 at 4:44 PM

    Redacted = Aleksey Vayner

  9. Posted by Guest | November 16, 2010 at 4:45 PM

    The sad thing is HR will get called in. Someone will claim this is a threat of physical violence in the workplace, and demand class-action compensation. This poor back-office tax accountant will be fired (if he’s lucky), but if he’s not, he’ll be shipped off to a month of sensitivity training.

  10. Posted by Anonymous | November 16, 2010 at 4:47 PM

    I did not take your dinner, stop calling me a suspect.

    Eve Ryone

  11. Posted by Chuddy | November 16, 2010 at 4:50 PM

    what kind of loser eats dinner at their desk on a Friday night?

    Get a fucking life, doucher!

  12. Posted by Chuddy | November 16, 2010 at 4:51 PM

    his email reads, “stole his dinner on “the friday night”?

    did he also attend “the ohio state university”?

    i hate this guy.

  13. Posted by ExtraOrdinaryPopularDelusions | November 16, 2010 at 4:53 PM

    That’s nothing. Pulling that shit where I come from ends up getting your security clearence revoked, 2 weeks pay, a Rear Admiral up your ass with a phone to the CEO asking what imbecile cleared that nutjob in the first place, and several Congressional investigations.

    -former quant who now works on more sensitive matters

  14. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | November 16, 2010 at 4:53 PM

    Damn, when did Gasparino get hired at MS???

  15. Posted by TheLimey | November 16, 2010 at 4:54 PM

    Give me back that fillet o fish!

  16. Posted by PasteSpecialFormats | November 16, 2010 at 4:57 PM

    Ms. Levin,

    We at Morgan Stanley Human Resources first want to congratulate you on running such a successful and honestly funny website. We appreciate you providing many of our employees an outlet from what can be a very stressful and driven environment.

    It is rewarding to see that certain individuals, when faced with some internal conflict or misunderstanding in our workplace, can openly express themselves to their co-workers, and that Morgan Stanley also fosters a postive self-image. We would love to speak with this individual, if only to help us help him or her, and see where we can improve our processes re: refridgerator security.

    Thank you for your assistance in this matter, and we all look forward to your prompt reply.

    Regards,
    Tits McGee
    Human Resources Drone
    Morgan Stanley
    750 Seventh Avenue
    New York, NY 10019

  17. Posted by Rex Ryan | November 16, 2010 at 4:59 PM

    This kind of stuff happens here all the time. No big deal.

  18. Posted by Anonymous | November 16, 2010 at 5:00 PM

    CSI: NY – Mac investiages the death of a Morgan Stanley tax department employee whose body was found behind the popular Minetta Tavern in NY’s Greenwich Village…

  19. Posted by Guesty Guest | November 16, 2010 at 5:01 PM

    Less really is more.

    Bazinga!

  20. Posted by Guesty Guest | November 16, 2010 at 5:02 PM

    Ha

  21. Posted by CurrencyTrader | November 16, 2010 at 5:02 PM

    Wasn’t me…..

    “wipes chicken alfredo sauce off triple chin”.

    - Raj Rajaratnam. .

  22. Posted by Hamburgular | November 16, 2010 at 5:04 PM

    Never leave a McRib unattended, idiot.

    -Hamburgular

  23. Posted by Options Trader Sucks Dick | November 16, 2010 at 5:18 PM

    Goddamnit, you fucking suck. Name change and all.

  24. Posted by Guest | November 16, 2010 at 5:19 PM

    Emperors club?

  25. Posted by Guest | November 16, 2010 at 5:23 PM

    Hmmm. So a tax dweeb made off with the “lone under 35 hetero in HR group” dinner? Is this an excuse for violence at the workplace? Seriously?

    Oh, he’s good looking and once picked up a 10 pack of personal training sessions at NYSC? OK, that’s cool.

  26. Posted by fashionmeetsfinance | November 16, 2010 at 5:25 PM

    Since DB readers are more experienced in doing background checks and exposing those who are socially retarded, can someone please provide pictures of this guy?

  27. Posted by Pierpoint | November 16, 2010 at 5:28 PM

    Isn’t MS a white shoes firm? What is this guy going to do when he catches his man?

    Revoke his secret society membership?
    Blackball him from country clubs in CT?
    Engage in an slapfight?

  28. Posted by Ping Jiang | November 16, 2010 at 5:32 PM

    No marker, no deal. Next!

    -P. Jiang

  29. Posted by tits | November 16, 2010 at 5:33 PM

    that was me

  30. Posted by Anonymous | November 16, 2010 at 5:34 PM

    Does he only bang 8′s and up?

  31. Posted by Anonymous | November 16, 2010 at 5:37 PM

    Yeah the whole Dean Witter/Smith Barney thing kind of did away with the white shoes…

  32. Posted by FinkNottle | November 16, 2010 at 5:40 PM
  33. Posted by Show in a Guest | November 16, 2010 at 5:42 PM

    Yep, a classic

  34. Posted by CurrencyTrader | November 16, 2010 at 5:47 PM

    Suck my dick. The day I start giving two giraffe fucks what you internet backoffice slugs think about what I say or do is the day I stop excepting your mothers $20 blowjobs.

    Now get back to filing excel spreadsheets and being a bitch while I make more money in one day than you do in a month…

  35. Posted by guest | November 16, 2010 at 5:49 PM

    It sure is.

  36. Posted by Anonymous | November 16, 2010 at 5:54 PM

    This is what happens, Larry.

  37. Posted by Likes Bess' Tags | November 16, 2010 at 5:59 PM

    Yes Bess – nice “tags”

  38. Posted by Likes Bess' Tags | November 16, 2010 at 5:59 PM

    Yes Bess – nice “tags”

  39. Posted by www.deadbabyjokes.com | November 16, 2010 at 6:00 PM

    speaking of dinner…how do you get a dead baby out of a blender?

    TOSTITOS!!!!

  40. Posted by CurrencyTrader | November 16, 2010 at 6:03 PM

    Listen up folks because I’m only going to tell you this once. I enjoy pissing all you scumbags off. It’s amusing to me. The fact that for some reason your day is slightly worse for reading whatever I have to say is a small thrill I get.

    Now I post things my coworkers and I think are funny – deal with it. Don’t like it? Too damn bad. Have a problem? You know what I look like and exactly where I work, let’s schedule an appointment and you can tell me all about it.

  41. Posted by Guest | November 16, 2010 at 6:09 PM

    let’s not and say we didn’t.

  42. Posted by CurrencyTrader | November 16, 2010 at 6:13 PM

    Let’s shut the fuck up and say we did.

  43. Posted by Ghost of Ray Kroc | November 16, 2010 at 6:17 PM

    Never underestimate the return of THE McRib.

  44. Posted by Ok | November 16, 2010 at 6:18 PM

    why don’t you just email it to your co-workers chief, since no one else finds it funny.

  45. Posted by Lewis Winthorpe III | November 16, 2010 at 6:29 PM

    Meet me at Minetta’s. I’ll be the guy casually adding value to conversations with my friends. Interrupt us and demand to be punched in the face so we know it’s you. I will oblige.

  46. Posted by AmericanBandersnatch | November 16, 2010 at 6:39 PM

    AFN
    You of all people should know the perils of consuming food and drink you find lying around. Need I remind you of the incident with the orange juice at Brinkley Court.
    Toodles
    BWW

  47. Posted by Guest | November 16, 2010 at 6:46 PM

    sooo are we meeting or not?

  48. Posted by Currency/OptionsTrader Sucks | November 16, 2010 at 7:03 PM

    First Year Analist at Ping Capital?

  49. Posted by CurrencyTrader | November 16, 2010 at 7:07 PM

    That’s a good point ‘OK’ so let me address that. Actually, you DO like my comments when I post them under guest (I’ve done this twice)…You have personally in fact liked at least one: http://dealbreaker.com/2010/11/sir-allen-stanford-beaten-to-point-of-losing-feeling-on-right-side-of-face-for-a-second-time/#comment-95156746

    What you don’t like is my username because it is associated with arrogance and chauvinism. I rest my case. Now get back to workkkkkkkkkk

  50. Posted by Guest | November 16, 2010 at 7:37 PM

    And Gorman sits around his corner office wondering why Goldman kicks his ass every quarter….sheesh!

  51. Posted by CurrencyTrader | November 16, 2010 at 7:35 PM

    I suggest you learn how to spell analyst, it will make your insults more effective.

  52. Posted by Lord Humongous | November 16, 2010 at 7:50 PM

    Or a deuce with reading material tucked under arm

  53. Posted by Guest | November 16, 2010 at 7:53 PM

    Learn your SAC history and you would have gotten his joke

  54. Posted by GUESTHOUSE | November 16, 2010 at 7:53 PM

    He sounds like he went to Princeton- picture him in a Tiger Tie- makes you tremble they mean business at those Eating Clubs!

  55. Posted by IWishIWasAWallStreetGuy | November 16, 2010 at 7:56 PM

    Pure genius. This slam works on multiple levels.

  56. Posted by tranche monkey | November 16, 2010 at 7:58 PM

    malaprop

  57. Posted by the ben bernank | November 16, 2010 at 8:16 PM

    he’ll never work for “the goldman sachs”

  58. Posted by Guest | November 16, 2010 at 8:54 PM

    tarded much?

  59. Posted by Ericsdawson | November 16, 2010 at 9:02 PM
  60. Posted by Thatguyagain | November 16, 2010 at 9:05 PM

    Dear Deadly:

    I’ve been feeling regrets since I made this very poor decision on Friday. Please be so kind to meet me tonight at Minetta’s, so I can set things right. I’ll be wearing a plaid dinner jacket carrying a brown paper bag with your dinner. I’m sure I’ll spot you as the best looking man in the room, but just in case, tap me on the shoulder.

    P.S. I’ll also be carrying a highly sharpened mail opener, so no funny stuff, please.

    Sincerely,

    Art Fleischenberger
    Senior Mail Room Specialist
    Morgan Stanley
    750 Seventh Avenue | New York, NY 10019

  61. Posted by Poornastybrutishandshort | November 16, 2010 at 10:30 PM

    Dean Witter used to be in Sears.. and the the joke was stocks and socks…

    Morgan Stanley used to be considered ‘white shoe’…

    so when they merged… the joke was ‘white shoe, white sox’… Still makes me laugh..

    Student Driver

  62. Posted by Terry | November 16, 2010 at 11:51 PM

    Stupid post!!!!

  63. Posted by GSPS | November 17, 2010 at 3:40 AM

    Only joke I see is someone who decides to work in the MS tax department…

  64. Posted by Guest in Show | November 16, 2010 at 4:38 PM

    Looks like someone forgot to lock their computer when they went to take a whiz.

  65. Posted by Texashedge | November 16, 2010 at 4:38 PM

    I like this guy!

    /Elijah Dukes

  66. Posted by ExtraOrdinaryPopularDelusions | November 16, 2010 at 4:45 PM

    It was probably Yoko.

    -guy who is pissed he’s now bought the White Album more times than he’s been interviewed by GS

  67. Posted by tranche monkey | November 16, 2010 at 4:47 PM

    ok, check your desk, I put it back, but it’s been “organically processed” if you get my drift

  68. Posted by ExtraOrdinaryPopularDelusions | November 16, 2010 at 5:33 PM

    At $200MM per day.

  69. Posted by Moesha | November 16, 2010 at 5:34 PM

    Stealing ones dinner is an ass-poundable offense.

  70. Posted by Antoine Dodson | November 16, 2010 at 5:58 PM

    WE GON FIIIIIIND YOU, WE GON FIIIIND YOU. so run and tell that, run and tell that home home boy.

    We got yo t-shirt. you done left yo fingerprints and all. You are so dumb. you are really dumb, for real

  71. Posted by Antoine Dodson | November 16, 2010 at 5:58 PM

    WE GON FIIIIIIND YOU, WE GON FIIIIND YOU. so run and tell that, run and tell that home home boy.

    We got yo t-shirt. you done left yo fingerprints and all. You are so dumb. you are really dumb, for real

  72. Posted by tits | November 16, 2010 at 5:59 PM

    Even though you are Mexican, you seem normal to me.

  73. Posted by tits | November 16, 2010 at 5:59 PM

    Even though you are Mexican, you seem normal to me.

  74. Posted by Chicken Fu@ker | November 16, 2010 at 6:51 PM

    Hide your chicken, hide your tupper ware, hide your sporks, cause they be raping all fridges up in here.

  75. Posted by Chicken Fu@ker | November 16, 2010 at 6:51 PM

    Hide your chicken, hide your tupper ware, hide your sporks, cause they be raping all fridges up in here.

  76. Posted by NakedShort | November 16, 2010 at 8:18 PM

    Pointing out other comments you made on DB that people thought were funny is the NKI?

  77. Posted by NakedShort | November 16, 2010 at 8:18 PM

    Pointing out other comments you made on DB that people thought were funny is the NKI?

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    Fyi, Ping is up >100% this year. I dont know about you but I would let him shove a marker up my ass for 100% annual… wait… no, well, ya… I guess that’s my price.

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