The only thing it seems we can expect re: bonuses this year is that they’ll be all over the place. Hedge funds are looking at slight increase, many banks are looking at a flat to 30 percent decrease and some people’s bonuses will be so bad they’ve inspired code names like The Zeros. It’s nerve-wracking, to say the least. One thing that’s comforting, however, is to know that there remains group of people confident that compensation 2010 will be generous enough to not disrupt their quality of life, including the Christmas season.

Like the person who put together this list of wants. It was found on the Metro North last week, left by a commuter coming back from the city. The annotations were presumably made by the fellow expected to purchase the items requested, which include but are certainly not limited to several bags (Louis Vuitton, Goyard, Givenchy- in a dark color, not black), a large Cartier watch, a Cartier love bracelet, several necklaces, spa services, big pearl earrings, an Hermès blanket, a bike, and gold, silver or sparkly Louboutins. Hopefully the list was was produced and distributed in triplicate otherwise someone’s gonna be in big trouble.

65 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (65)

  1. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 3:12 PM

    what a twat.

  2. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 3:12 PM

    what a twat.

  3. Posted by Guesto | December 21, 2010 at 3:18 PM
  4. Posted by buckettrader | December 21, 2010 at 3:20 PM

    His personal shopper’s gonna get it

  5. Posted by Anonymous | December 21, 2010 at 3:21 PM

    His list to her is one word long: Anal.

  6. Posted by Gold_digging_whore | December 21, 2010 at 3:21 PM

    um, the bf is the personal shopper. did you not get that that’s how this works?

  7. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 3:29 PM

    Easy on the Zero. No, they do not know how this works.

  8. Posted by buckettrader | December 21, 2010 at 3:29 PM

    If he were working, he would outsource

  9. Posted by buckettrader | December 21, 2010 at 3:29 PM

    If he were working, he would outsource

  10. Posted by GoldDigger | December 21, 2010 at 3:30 PM

    Dude. In this economy that gets you dinner and a movie.

  11. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    Hey! (Yes…)

    -EB

  12. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    Hey! (Yes…)

    -EB

  13. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    Hey! (Yes…)

    -EB

  14. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    Hey! (Yes…)

    -EB

  15. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    Hey! (Yes…)

    -EB

  16. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    Hey! (Yes…)

    -EB

  17. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    Hey! (Yes…)

    -EB

  18. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    Hey! (Yes…)

    -EB

  19. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    Hey! (Yes…)

    -EB

  20. Posted by Anonymous | December 21, 2010 at 3:36 PM

    yes you are correct. Actually I have a true story; I once got anal from a girl who I held the door for. I just let her walk through the door first and she turned around and said “Thank you for holding the door, would you like to put it in my butt?”

    -guy who likes to take things too far

  21. Posted by anti DB | December 21, 2010 at 3:41 PM

    Thought Lisa Marie lived UES, what is she doing on Metro North ??

  22. Posted by Like, Hey! Ow!! | December 21, 2010 at 3:41 PM

    What is it with people who like “shit pipe shenanigans”?? I don’t mean the movie in Gundlach’s office, I mean the act of …you know….

  23. Posted by Anonymous | December 21, 2010 at 3:41 PM

    Nauseating.

  24. Posted by Limpbaugh | December 21, 2010 at 3:42 PM

    You write like Hannity.

  25. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 3:42 PM

    beads?

  26. Posted by Anal_yst_Mom | December 21, 2010 at 3:44 PM

    Dinner AND a movie? WTF, I knew that POS son of mine was short-changing me.

  27. Posted by Anal_yst_Mom | December 21, 2010 at 3:44 PM

    Dinner AND a movie? WTF, I knew that POS son of mine was short-changing me.

  28. Posted by Anal_yst_Mom | December 21, 2010 at 3:44 PM

    Dinner AND a movie? WTF, I knew that POS son of mine was short-changing me.

  29. Posted by Anal_yst_Mom | December 21, 2010 at 3:44 PM

    Dinner AND a movie? WTF, I knew that POS son of mine was short-changing me.

  30. Posted by Anal_yst_Mom | December 21, 2010 at 3:44 PM

    Dinner AND a movie? WTF, I knew that POS son of mine was short-changing me.

  31. Posted by Anal_yst_Mom | December 21, 2010 at 3:44 PM

    Dinner AND a movie? WTF, I knew that POS son of mine was short-changing me.

  32. Posted by Gueset | December 21, 2010 at 3:48 PM

    can you keep up? the list was left by the dude. and btw, i’d take lisa marie over your standard gold digger anyway. the girl’s batshit insanity is at least entertaining.

  33. Posted by Kouwanal_yst | December 21, 2010 at 3:49 PM

    +1

  34. Posted by whipped bf | December 21, 2010 at 3:53 PM

    this guy was probably worried about the wrath facing him when he asked for another copy of the list. got to work today and there it was all over the internet! good day.

  35. Posted by Richard Cripples | December 21, 2010 at 4:08 PM

    With a list like that she had better be either really hot or really slutty, ideally both. She had also better understand that at some point her boyfriend’s wish list is going to be only one item: “a younger, dirtier version of you (possibly Asian)” and that Santa will be good to him, while she’ll be on Craigslist posting ads to meet “guys who work in finance.”

  36. Posted by B.F. Zero III | December 21, 2010 at 4:08 PM

    ” You know that business about crawling a thousand miles on my hands and knees through broken glass just to jerk off in your shadow and what not. Can we just go back to that? “

  37. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 4:11 PM

    haha

  38. Posted by Anon | December 21, 2010 at 4:12 PM

    the tone of this list makes me feel like she rarely puts out and just has him whipped.

  39. Posted by covey 01 | December 21, 2010 at 4:20 PM

    All she would get from me is a stocking stuffer!

  40. Posted by JeffG | December 21, 2010 at 4:24 PM

    Pearl Necklaces are easy. Pearl earrings are much harder, amirite guys?

  41. Posted by Richard Cripples | December 21, 2010 at 4:26 PM

    Seems more transactional to me, he wrote notes and actually corrected her spelling errors like it was a memo. That is not a whipped guy, that is the guy on the “Review Your Order and Click Here to Purchase” section of a web retailer deciding if he wants to renew his subscription for one more year.

  42. Posted by Richard Cripples | December 21, 2010 at 4:26 PM

    Seems more transactional to me, he wrote notes and actually corrected her spelling errors like it was a memo. That is not a whipped guy, that is the guy on the “Review Your Order and Click Here to Purchase” section of a web retailer deciding if he wants to renew his subscription for one more year.

  43. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 4:36 PM

    yeah but the notes were to himself. no fucking way he’d hand it back to her to let her know she’d misspelled the name of the hair product.

  44. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 4:47 PM

    Makes me think maybe it was left there by the personal shopper and not bf.

  45. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 4:47 PM

    Makes me think maybe it was left there by the personal shopper and not bf.

  46. Posted by Anonymous | December 21, 2010 at 4:50 PM

    The hyperlinks in the text suggest it was emailed to the guy. Since it’s annotated by hand my assumption would be that the GF (or wife?) emailed it to him at work, and he did some research before hitting the 6-oh-whatever out on the New Haven Line. Which means the list is still on his email…

    Of course if it was sent to his work email and he works in finance a copy also went to his compliance manager, who is probably (if this is a small enough firm) laughing his a** off right now.

  47. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 4:55 PM

    Go find a dog leash and do what feels natural

  48. Posted by Guestguest | December 21, 2010 at 5:11 PM

    This is just ripe for “Receipt Guy”.
    ~not Receipt Guy but an admirer of his work

  49. Posted by Guestguest | December 21, 2010 at 5:11 PM

    This is just ripe for “Receipt Guy”.
    ~not Receipt Guy but an admirer of his work

  50. Posted by Violated | December 21, 2010 at 5:12 PM

    The comments were not hidden for my protection. I feel so… violated.

  51. Posted by Violated | December 21, 2010 at 5:12 PM

    The comments were not hidden for my protection. I feel so… violated.

  52. Posted by Anonymous | December 21, 2010 at 5:43 PM

    I’m not sure if the limit on my Chase debit card can cover this list, don’t want to max it out again

  53. Posted by 8_and_ups | December 21, 2010 at 5:47 PM

    LOL

  54. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 5:48 PM

    yess!!! please, receipt guy, please.

  55. Posted by Rho2Gamma | December 21, 2010 at 5:53 PM

    If you “got anal from a girl”, it wasn’t a girl.
    -guy who has never received from a girl

  56. Posted by Rho2Gamma | December 21, 2010 at 5:53 PM

    If you “got anal from a girl”, it wasn’t a girl.
    -guy who has never received from a girl

  57. Posted by Guest | December 21, 2010 at 6:57 PM

    A bicycle “?”

  58. Posted by Compliance Manager | December 21, 2010 at 7:11 PM

    I have been laughing my ass off all day with the PwC auditors over a crazy email we found….

  59. Posted by The Hillbilly Banker | December 21, 2010 at 7:14 PM

    No, you just tell her, “Hey, the tractor pull has started on the TV…” and time it for when she looks in that direction.

  60. Posted by DuckFace | December 21, 2010 at 7:26 PM

    Mariah Carey “All I want for Christmas is You” single + paid-in-advance YAZ perscription

  61. Posted by IngloriousBasterd | December 21, 2010 at 7:51 PM

    Whatever happened to gold, frankincense & myrrh?

  62. Posted by Jimmy | December 22, 2010 at 12:17 AM

    Erin prefers silver.

  63. Posted by Guest | December 22, 2010 at 2:11 AM

    That works for one side, not 2.

  64. Posted by Guest | December 22, 2010 at 2:20 AM

    List was obviously lost by a personal shopper or even more likely his retarded 23 y/o secretary.

  65. Posted by Guest | December 22, 2010 at 2:05 PM

    i’m starting to understand why the terrorists hate us.