One evening in the summer of 2004, Ralph Johnson, a former investment banker who is a current employee of a “financial consulting firm” and a partner in “a precious metals venture,” had a little tiff with his girlfriend, Alison Bongo. The couple was at a “Manhattan nightspot,” when Ms. Bongo “blew up” after Johnson, her live-in boyfriend, “spoke to another woman.”
Back at their apartment, “the argument escalated” (on her end) when Bongo “confronted” Johnson with a bank statement with an “unexplained charge for a hotel room.” Johnson then responded in the way that is most infuriating to females, i.e. with silence. “I tried to talk to him about it and he wouldn’t listen.” Bongo became even more enraged as the silent treatment continued, even after she started “throwing things around and breaking windows.” When Johnson finally reacted, it was by “carrying her to the doorstep and locking her out.” Wrong move! Bongo started banging on the doors and “screaming at the top of her lungs,” so loudly that a neighbor called the police. Six of them broke down the door and found Johnson sitting on the couch.
Naturally, they then proceeded to throw him on the ground, face first. What happens next is in dispute. But perhaps the question a cop nervously asked Ms. Bongo before he left might be able to shed some light, namely, “if there was any reason a video camera would be set up in the apartment”?
He may have wanted to know because as a member of the NYPD, he was proud of having sodomized a citizen, as the victim alleges. The cops claim other than a little roughing up, they treated Johnson fairly); according to Johnson, they shoved a baton up his ass.
“When I was face down … my legs were held and I felt a sharp jabbing pain into my rectum,” Johnson testified. A doctor who examined Johnson testified that he saw abrasions and oozing blood that were “consistent with what he said happened to him.”
Prosecutors say Johnson’s jeans had “a hole torn through the seat and lab results confirming his DNA was on a skinny, retractable police baton.” The defense claims there are holes in Johnson’s story because he can’t identify who did what he alleges to him (perhaps because his face was on the floor) and because “he was wearing underwear and, low and behold, the underwear has no hole in it.”
Johnson says, who is seeking unspecified damages, says he initially didn’t want to go forward with the allegations because he was worried the police “would put me on the news [and that] they would contact my employer and all my clients.”
The trial is still ongoing but for those of you hoping it’d be the thing that brought Johnson and Bongo back together, think again.
At the current trial, Bongo coolly recounted how the arrest was the beginning of the end for the couple. “Do you have any interest in testifying on behalf of Mr. Johnson or helping Mr. Johnson?” his lawyer asked. “No,” she replied, without hesitation.
“…the underwear has no hole in it.”
Other than that, I have no concerns.
I hope Ping Capital is hiring – sounds like this guy could be a great fit
If the undies dont have a slit you must acquit
“A mad woman will say anything to see you get your ass kicked by the police.”
-Chris Rock
bloke wouldn’t last a fortnight in the Royal Navy. any navy for that matter.
-Rear Adm. Standish Grantly
He might hog all the markers though in order to get that lovin’ Pingin’ feelin’
“Let off some steam, Bennett.”
- Guy who believes that this was actually a sexual fantasy gone awry, and that those were strippers not cops.
Bongo became even more enraged as the silent treatment continued, even after she started “throwing things around and breaking windows.”
Bad Bongo! bad!
I have cracked the code: BONOBOS is an anagram for NO BOOBS, which is exactly what you’ll get, if you look like that.
Like, maybe she put an ad on Craigslist? “My boyfriend has a weird fantasy that I want to help come true…”?
“a precious metals venture”
so is he actually serious? …..or is this just a made up sodomy story he’s put together?
-columbia mba ’11
This is complete BS, everyone knows the NYPD uses a plunger not a baton….not guilty
I bet that is the last time he called in to his employer sick to go hang at hotel to play COD without the annoying girlfriend interruption.
It wouldn’t be the first time such material non-public information ruined a relationship, and sent a dude to prison.
Bongo Fury!!!
http://lyrics.wikia.com/Zappa/Beefheart/Mothers:Bongo_Fury_(1975)
June 8, 2004
Hotel Discretion
58 East River Parkway
New York, NY 10019
****************************
Guest: Johnson, R.
Suite: “La Deluge”
Rate : $495.oo USD/Night
********************************
Charges to Room:
40 calls “Manhattan’s Hottest Party Line” ………………………..$845.00
Norelco “Pubic Area” Shaver…………………………………………. 99.00
5 Gallons Liquid Crisco oil……………………………………………. 40.00
40′ by 40′ Water resistant tarp……………………………………… 55.00
Cleaning: DNA steam treatment of curtain “wipes”…………… 125.00
Outsourced “vajazzling”……………………………………………… 350.00
Lava Lamp (red)………………………………………………………… 42.00
Swing set seat hung from ceiling…………………………………… 225.00
Actors for Nude Reinactment of L. Armstrong winning Tour De France…8400.00
Slip n’ slide……………………………………………………………… 20.00
Flare Gun………………………………………………………………… 69.00
Dayglo orange, ribbed Condoms…………………………………… 18.00
Movie: “Monster” w/ Charlize Theron……………………………. 12.00
Set of Chippendale-style cuffs and collars……………………… 88.00
Medical: Removal of Hickey on Neck…………………………….. 165.00
Book: “Hickey Excuses That Work the Best”………………….. 35.00
5hp boat motor for jacuzzi…………………………………………… 650.00
Fleshlight (mouth style)…………………………………………….. 45.00
Book: “Cavity Searches Aren’t Just for Dentists”…………….. 27.00
Giant Rooster head mask…………………………………………… 166.00
Lower Back Econometric Tattooing: “Destroy the PIIGs…….. 225.00
Meatball Sandwich……………………………………………………. 12.00
Locket for pubic hair snipping………………………………………. 22.00
Personalized Plastered Penis Replica service…………………. 145.00
Book: “You Can Be in Love With 2 Women”………………….. 28.00
Movie: “The Man Who Loved Women”…………………………. 12.00
Conscierge: Fee to Run Off “Cheaters Production Crew”….. 100.00
Book: “Why Oil Will Never Go To $147.00″ by Barclays…… 38.00
Book: The Book of Mormon………………………………………. 16.00
Video: “Why I’m Concerned about Real Estate” by Paulson.. 34.00
Webinar: “The Yen Carry and You” by First Year Associates… 5.58
Romantic Package: Candles, Wine, Twister Game, Whipped Cream….354.00
whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
lois, this isn’t my batman cup.
“Johnson then responded in the way that is most infuriating to females, i.e. with silence.”
–Or what I like to call the ‘Nuclear Option.’
Damn! I should have thought of the “cop” angle.
-Albert Hsu
Glorious return
“Swing set seat hung from ceiling…………………………………… 225.00″
sounds cheap. was this a groupon deal?
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2009/06/13/2009-06-13_craigslist_helps_north_carolina_police_arrest_second_suspect_in_rape.html
I am aware of this being a thing that happens. I was asking how her opening
line might have gone.
“The officers…say Johnson knew they were outside but refused to let them in. He also ignored repeated orders to show his hands and stand, and resisted when they tried to pull him up…The retractable baton was used only to pry his arms into position to be handcuffed.”
we all know they would have shot him in the leg first. other than that I have no concerns…
It certainly does make them chew nails and spit rust…..
W seeks MMMM to play Appalachian nightwatchmen to Hubby’s Ned Beatty.
Punch & pie will be provided.
better effort at criminal crowdsourcing here:
http://arstechnica.com/old/content/2008/10/bank-robber-crowdsources-disguise-to-craigslist-floats-away.ars
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word
A very wise man once told me that a little sodomy never hurt anyone.
But I thought silence and urine were both golden
Maybe the underwear had more flexibility than the jeans. Have to check for a round skidmark. I can’t believe I’m even thinking about this. Other than that, no concerns.
i believe the nuclear option starts with a ‘C’
Not always.
K. Stones
[Bail bondsman picks up adult-sized bunny head]
“Excuse me. That’s not yours. GET YOU DICK BEATERS OFF OF THAT!!”
‘No Fly Zone.’
je-sus christ. this is one scary story.
Bongo and Johnson? Awesome names.
~Richard M. Butkus and Richard V. Dyke.
In Soviet Russia…
You’re right; the silent treatment is more of a deterrent. I find it is most useful against girls who like to use crying as their main line of defense. If you get slightly cross, they cry and try to make you feel bad. This is when I use the silent treatment to show I mean business and the crying power will not work on this master Jedi.
However sometimes you get a girl who is feisty, and doesn’t pull any punches. She doesn’t need to use crying as a defense and is not fazed by your use of the silent treatment. I am quite fond of girls like this. They love to push your buttons though, and only when you have reached your absolute limit do you narrow your gaze, stare straight into her eyes, and say, “You know, you can be such a ‘C’.” This guarantees one thing: mutually assured destruction.
Too soon.
-Sergey B.
i totally agree. however, i find it’s best to first say “god, you’re just like your mother.” then when they ask sobbing “what do you mean?” use your exact statement above.
Quite.
George III
http://www.facebook.com/people/Alison-Bongo/1443067799#!/profile.php?id=1443067799
you sir are a cruel heartless man, one I can truly admire.
“Bitch be crazy”
Was waiting for this comment the moment I saw “precious metals venture”
yes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEsGi6MI67s&feature=related
“However sometimes you get a girl who is feisty, and doesn’t pull any punches. She doesn’t need to use crying as a defense and is not fazed by your use of the silent treatment.”…pretty confident Levin is one of those girls.
“This is when I use the silent treatment to show I mean business and the crying power will not work on this master Jedi. ”
LOL
I gotta take the side of the officers. Sometimes you enter the scene of a dispute and you are on edge and you have to make a snap judgment, while making sure the safety of your fellow officers is assured. It’s really a fine line between calmly assessing the situation and shoving a stick up someone’s ass. You second guess yourself a thousand times, not wanting to push it too far.
Police officers are generally the scum of the earth. If you know any or are related to any, feel free to tell them that. They won’t even deny it – it takes a certain personality to become a cop.
Thank you, Mr. Manson. Did the self carved Swastika ever heal up? And why do they call you “Nelly” these days?
You don’t get laid much, do you?
Been reading this a little too much?…
http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/
You’ve made my day PermaGuest
the NYPD have been found guilty of this once before,
the ones involved should be shot in the face.
that would send a strong message.
Prosecutors say Johnson’s jeans had “a hole torn through the seat and lab results confirming his DNA was on a “dreamy” police baton. Guilty x’s six.
12 bucks for a meatball sandwich?
Can’t have a Police State without lots of sodomizing thuggish piggies.
You DO want a Police State, don’t you? You are the one paying for it.