“I’m about one thing,” Lenny Dykstra told Howard Eskin in minute one of a glorious interview on 610 AM Sports Talk in Philadelphia yesterday afternoon. “And that’s walking the talk.” The talking that Dykstra has been doing over the past several years, ever since he got thrown out of his house and filed for bankruptcy, has centered around two things: 1) taking on what he describes as the “criminals” at JPMorgan, whose “predatory lending” practices caused him to be foreclosed on and 2) his big comeback. Both points were addressed in this chat. With regard to the former, he not only plans to take JPM to court, but he’s made it his mission to protect people like himself from these “crooks.” To that end, LD has started a “mortgage forensic research firm,” known as Predatory Lending Recovery, LLC, which despite not yet having any clients and only one testimonial, Len claims is a billion dollar business. And as for making a comeback? Fuck that shit, Lenny says. He’s already back. Here are some other things the self-described “lightning rod for money” had to say:

* “It took me 2 years to get through this death chamber that they call bankruptcy”

* Howard: “How did you lose all your money?” Lenny: “It’s called predatory lending. Look, I don’t want to get into this New World Order stuff. I’m a regular guy. I don’t believe in ghosts, I’m not afraid of the dark. Never in my life did I think there was a thing called corporate crime. But JPMorgan? They’re criminals. Fireman’s Fund? They’re criminals. I didn’t get stupid overnight. I don’t read much because it’s so bad for my eyes. But I see some of this stuff and it’s insanity.” Howard: “That’s a pretty big accusation against JPMorgan.” Lenny: “It’s more than accusation- it’s the facts!”

* “I’m a lightning rod for money; after we’re done talking today when you’re walking to your car you’ll probably find 100 bucks.”

* “This country is being dismantled piece by piece because of the greedy banks”

* “Did I ever think i’d be preaching about this? No. I thought I’d be entertaining people on the field, which I was pretty good at. But it turns out I’m here for something else. That’s why I’ve started a company called Predatory Lending Recovery, to show people how they can stay in their homes.”

* “The banks set you up to fail– that’s their equity strategy.”

* “I always wanted Gretzy’s house; he said, ‘I’ll sell it to you for 23 mill; I said, have another drink, man. I’ll pay 17, no money down’.”

* Lenny: “I got put in a loan where I was set up to fail.” Howard: “Isn’t it your responsibility [to know what you're getting into]?” Lenny: “Howard, no.”

* “I went into the trenches, I was like a submarine, I went under, bro; now I’m coming up; I’m standing tall. I went under, took care of business, and now I’m doing what I’ve got to do.”

* “I expect to come [out of bankruptcy] with $150 million”

* “No risk no reward; I don’t play the game unless I know I’m going to win”

* “Cramer is the only one who’s right about anything. Cramer said I was one of the great ones. Now i’m 190-0. Go to Nails Investments– it’s all there.”

* Howard: “So are you saying, you Lenny Dykstra, will be back?” Lenny: “No, Howard, I am back. I didnt come on your show because I hope I’ll be back; I don’t hope I’m gonna get a hit; I already got a hit. I’m already on the base, bro; I’m already looking at the scoreboard looking at my averages.”

* Howard: You’re not going to get another plane are you? Lenny: I still own my plane, bro!” Howard: “I thought they reposessed it?” Lenny: “I froze it for two years; the bank that owns that plane? they went bankrupt.”

* “I’m going to help people save their houses; how? because I know how to. Why? Because it’s my mission.”

* Howard: “Are you working on a reality tv show?” Lenny: “It’s not reality, it’s a docudrama I’ve been asked to do with several production companies. It’s called “The Comeback”- when a man loses anything, he’s capable of anything-which is what this country is built on. I’m kind of a wild card, Howard.”

* Howard: “When you lost your home–” Lenny: “I didn’t lose my home. I gave it to my wife.” Howard: “Okay, you gave your wife your home; you lost the Gretzky home; where did you live?” Lenny: “Everywhere Howard, everywhere.”

* Howard: “Were you homeless at one time?” Lenny: “Homeless? What does that mean? My home had water damage. And I said, to the Fireman’s Fund, ‘there’s no plumbing! what do you want me to do, shit on the floor?’” Howard: “Are you kidding Lenny?” Lenny: “What?” Howard: “Just watch what you’re saying.” Lenny: “That’s not that bad a word Howard, is it?” Howard: “You can’t say it on the radio- you can say dump if you want, you had no place to dump.” Lenny: “Okay, dump.”

* Howard: “Did u try to sell off your World Series stuff? We saw some stories on that.” Lenny: “No, that pawn shop was selling fake rings; Howard, remember what I told you? I got hit by a lot of pitches but not that many? they have no tickets of authenticity; they have fake rings- replicas!”

* Howard: “Do you have money to live the life youre accostomed to?” Lenny: “Believe it brother. I’m in Hollyweird right now. I’m looking foward to getting back to Philly this weekend, I’ve heard it’s beautiful there now.” Howard: “It’s snowing here, Lenny.”

114 comments (hidden for your protection)
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Comments (114)

  1. Posted by Other Howard (Zinn) | December 17, 2010 at 5:44 PM

    “‘Homeless’ is a subjective term, Howard. I prefer nomadic – like our REAL forefathers. This whole country’s a lie, man. READ ABOUT IT.”

  2. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 5:46 PM

    this was incredible

  3. Posted by Ping Jiang | December 17, 2010 at 5:53 PM

    Gotta do what a guy gotta do, like sticking two twizzlers up from down low.

    - P. Jiang

  4. Posted by LD | December 17, 2010 at 5:53 PM

    I know that I don’t have to tell any baseball fans this, but I thoroughly enjoyed my time playing in the major leagues. In fact, I loved every second of it. Who wouldn’t?
    But like many professional athletes, I had to adjust to life after the major leagues. You’ve read about how some athletes find this to be a horrible struggle, out of the limelight, not really sure of how to spend their days.
    I was lucky in that I had businesses that I set up for myself, and after I trusted a broker who lost $1.6 million of my hard-earned money, I learned how to handle my own investments. I was fulfilled away from the field. But I will tell you that even with minding my businesses and my investments, I had a few shocks to adjust to.
    One of them was taking a shit in the toilet.
    I know that may sound a little snotty, but certainly you know how I feel. Does anyone enjoy shitting where someone else may have sat?
    Pissing in a regular toilet is especially difficult and expensive if you have a prostate problem. The hassle of getting to the bathroom, checking for toilet paper, waiting to pee, and then finally taking a dump.
    Even when I used a first class American Standard toilet, this was no joy. After paying big bucks for a regal throne, you still have to deal with flushing, wiping up after yourself, and the inevitable handwashing.
    After all this hassle, I just came to the realization that there had to be a better way to shit to where I wanted to shit. So I looked into crapping all over the house that I could no longer (and should never have) been able to afford.
    Once I did it, I loved it and swear that I will never go back to using a toilet or urinal. Now, before you get huffy and think: “Big time baseball player enjoying his ability to leave a dump anywhere he pleases,” just take a breather. Crapping on the floor is nasty, but it may be worth your while. At least, it’s an option that you may want to consider.
    I would have never known how wonderful it is to piss on the floor if I hadn’t tried it out. That’s what I want you to do.
    If it’s for you, then wonderful. I’ve saved you some hassle, and you’ll find that you have more time to work on your business or relax. And if taking crap on the bank owned floor is not your thing, Well, that’s OK.
    But you never know. Maybe I’ll see you in a gutter sometime, with one hand on my nuts and the other around a twizzler. (I’ll be the guy in the suit and baseball cap.)

    (It had to be re-posted.)

  5. Posted by JD | December 17, 2010 at 5:55 PM

    Lenny-

    I sold short 250 of your rookie cards

    -Jamie

  6. Posted by LD | December 17, 2010 at 5:59 PM

    COLD AS ICE

  7. Posted by NakedShort | December 17, 2010 at 6:07 PM

    Lenny I’m short your life.

    -G. Lippmann

  8. Posted by Seaman Bodine | December 17, 2010 at 6:09 PM

    Ray Dalio still sounds fukcing crazier.

  9. Posted by Seaman Bodine | December 17, 2010 at 6:09 PM

    Ray Dalio still sounds fukcing crazier.

  10. Posted by AD | December 17, 2010 at 6:17 PM

    nope

  11. Posted by Seaman Bodine | December 17, 2010 at 6:21 PM

    to you, probably not

  12. Posted by Asdf | December 17, 2010 at 6:35 PM

    Is it jus be or does he sound like Kenny Powers – a washed up MLB player making a comeback

  13. Posted by indridcold | December 17, 2010 at 6:37 PM

    do twizzlers contain mercury?

  14. Posted by A Christmas Dream Come True | December 17, 2010 at 6:38 PM

    Bess:
    God Bless you and thank you for the best Christmas gift ever. With all of the things going on in the world, this piece of “New Old Stock” Dykstra really hits the spot. I plan on savoring it again a little later on, a piece of Twizzler firmly stuck between my teeth.

  15. Posted by Anonymous | December 17, 2010 at 6:50 PM

    Did they cut out the bit where he talks about his precious bodily fluids and flouride, or is that in the follow-up interview?

  16. Posted by Anonymous | December 17, 2010 at 6:50 PM

    Did they cut out the bit where he talks about his precious bodily fluids and flouride, or is that in the follow-up interview?

  17. Posted by Anonymous | December 17, 2010 at 6:53 PM

    First JC Davies and now this. Christmas is coming early and often this year! I guess you’ve all been good little banker boys and girls because apparently Bess’ sleigh is loaded high with treats for everyone.

  18. Posted by Anonymous | December 17, 2010 at 6:53 PM

    First JC Davies and now this. Christmas is coming early and often this year! I guess you’ve all been good little banker boys and girls because apparently Bess’ sleigh is loaded high with treats for everyone.

  19. Posted by Anonymous | December 17, 2010 at 6:57 PM

    Ray Dalio compared himself to a hyena killing a wildebeest.

    Lenny Dykstra compared himself to a submarine that’s charging across no-man’s land and jumping into a trench.

    Lenny is crazier.

  20. Posted by Budfox07 | December 17, 2010 at 7:21 PM

    Nailz has nothing on The Dongslinger: http://dummybros.blogspot.com/

  21. Posted by concerned citizen | December 17, 2010 at 7:31 PM

    Shitting on the floor is the NKI.

  22. Posted by Zoo L. | December 17, 2010 at 7:45 PM

    its too long

    - Student from the Center for children who cant read good

  23. Posted by Gueset | December 17, 2010 at 8:23 PM

    wouldn’t it be awesome if your comment were 1/100th as funny, insightful or original as the other one?

  24. Posted by Lsdjf | December 17, 2010 at 8:24 PM

    co-signed

  25. Posted by Lsdjf | December 17, 2010 at 8:24 PM

    co-signed

  26. Posted by Brian1284 | December 17, 2010 at 9:21 PM

    190 – 0, Even as “Nails is on the radio” he’s getting calls and text messages from people asking what stocks he puts his money in today and where they should put it tomorrow.

  27. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 9:22 PM

    Does anyone know how his website is still allowed to operate and hasn’t been shut down by the SEC? We have thousands of pages of securities laws in this country, but a bankrupt and insane ex-baseball star who “doesn’t read much” is allowed to claim that he has made 191 winning options bets with no losses? Actually I see that the “join now” tab on his site is empty – maybe he’s already been advised that it would be a crime to charge for a newsletter based on a fake track record.

    Other than that, I have no concerns.

  28. Posted by Lord Humongous | December 17, 2010 at 9:23 PM

    Something tells me Ms. Levin doesn’t subscribe to the Christian tradition of ol’ St. Nick.

  29. Posted by Lsdjf | December 17, 2010 at 9:27 PM

    he makes kenny powers sound like a nobel prize winner.

  30. Posted by Anon | December 17, 2010 at 9:28 PM

    mary schapiro is a mets fan.

  31. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 11:09 PM

    That is a very logical explanation. Thank you.

    -Guy who now has no concerns

  32. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 11:13 PM

    Please say “dump”. Thanks.

    -Howard Eskin

  33. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 11:52 PM

    That explains quite a lot actually

  34. Posted by Anonymous | December 18, 2010 at 5:54 PM

    All Jews believe in Christmas. We’re greedy fuckers remember? Anything for more presents. And social belonging.

  35. Posted by arab_money | December 20, 2010 at 11:39 AM

    He’s like a character from GTA 4, between Brucie Kibbutz and Yusuf Amir.

  36. Posted by JJC | December 21, 2010 at 2:07 PM

    He’s one of the great ones in this business. I know. Lenny Dykstra

    - JJC

  37. Posted by oh no | December 25, 2010 at 1:25 AM

    Lenny Dykstra ruined Monica Foster’s Christmas.

  38. Posted by JJ | January 6, 2011 at 7:42 AM

    HILARIOUS! I loved the oringinal when I read it too. Such arogance is so delicious late at night.

  39. Posted by streethockey | January 6, 2011 at 2:42 PM

    listen bro, i never really owned the home that they foreclosed on because, wham, i was there and i wasn’t ya know? i was here and then i was there. i owned it but it didn’t.
    hey, here’s the check. i’ll be right back, bro. gotta go to the can and get my Chase rewards Visa card double platinum Amex, dude. be right back. this one’s on me, right? ok? be right there….

  40. Posted by streethockey | January 6, 2011 at 2:42 PM

    listen bro, i never really owned the home that they foreclosed on because, wham, i was there and i wasn’t ya know? i was here and then i was there. i owned it but it didn’t.
    hey, here’s the check. i’ll be right back, bro. gotta go to the can and get my Chase rewards Visa card double platinum Amex, dude. be right back. this one’s on me, right? ok? be right there….

  41. Posted by streethockey | January 6, 2011 at 2:42 PM

    listen bro, i never really owned the home that they foreclosed on because, wham, i was there and i wasn’t ya know? i was here and then i was there. i owned it but it didn’t.
    hey, here’s the check. i’ll be right back, bro. gotta go to the can and get my Chase rewards Visa card double platinum Amex, dude. be right back. this one’s on me, right? ok? be right there….

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