• 03 Dec 2010 at 1:43 PM

Let John Kinnucan Tell You About His Clients

You know when you get wind of someone speaking flatteringly of you to a third party and rather than be happy they’re saying nice things, want to die because you are embarrassed that people know you know that person? And every time you’re told so and so was singing your praises want to be like, “God damn it, just shut up, stop talking about me to people”? That’s probably how John “Let me tell you about the time I refused to wear a wire for the Feds” Kinnuacan’s clients are feeling right about now.

Kinnucan became something of a celebrity after refusing to cooperate with the investigation and notifying all his clients and industry contacts in an email last month. Several of the hedge funds and mutual funds that did business with him have been served with subpoenas. “My clients are not some scummy fly-by-night hedge funds,” Kinnucan told Reuters, insisting the kind of information on technology companies he provided his clients was perfectly legitimate.

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Comments (26)

  1. Posted by xel | December 3, 2010 at 7:00 PM

    anybody wants to open a fly by night hedge fund? We can call it the Ninja Fund Squared Total Absolute Growth Value Returns III

  2. Posted by Guest | December 3, 2010 at 7:22 PM

    this whore needs to go away

  3. Posted by 1handbridgeover | December 3, 2010 at 7:34 PM

    Hard to believe that his client agreements required him to notify them if he is being investigated but did not prohibit him from disclosing the fact that they are clients to third parties. Just sayin.

  4. Posted by Guest | December 3, 2010 at 7:36 PM

    who did he disclose it to? the feds knew who is clients were.

  5. Posted by 1handbridgeover | December 3, 2010 at 7:38 PM

    the rest of the world by copying them all on the same email blast (according to news reports).

  6. Posted by Anonymous | December 3, 2010 at 7:40 PM

    your handle makes me very happy.

  7. Posted by tits | December 3, 2010 at 7:41 PM

    I like your use of ‘were’

  8. Posted by 3king | December 3, 2010 at 7:42 PM

    Drury is married?!? What a shame.

  9. Posted by Details Details | December 3, 2010 at 7:43 PM

    I bet the Feds presented things like they did just to see what he’d do after he did the “spit take”, shit in his pants and and spilled wine all over himself. Like Coach Tom Landry used to say, “Ya gotta be thinkin’ two plays ahead all the time….”

  10. Posted by Guest | December 3, 2010 at 7:46 PM

    That’s what she said!

    -The Guy Who Always Ruins Things by Saying “That’s What She Said…”

  11. Posted by Guest | December 3, 2010 at 7:51 PM

    Wow. This man is taking a page out of Rod Blagojevich’s playbook. Next up for him, “Letterman” to profess his innocence. Will he be able to leave the country for “I’m a (desperate) Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.” And who’s got Trump on the line for “Apprentice?”

  12. Posted by Anonymous | December 3, 2010 at 7:54 PM

    Yeah– 2 kids too, I think… Bess interviewed her at some point over the summer.

  13. Posted by NakedShort | December 3, 2010 at 7:57 PM

    They’re not kids they’re fuck trophies.

  14. Posted by Guest | December 3, 2010 at 7:58 PM

    Kinuccan needs to learn not to piss on Superman’s cape or pull on the wind.

    - AIG Quant

  15. Posted by Anonymous | December 3, 2010 at 8:00 PM

    Not “Apprentice.” He’s going to turn up as a Tea Party candidate for Federal office– probably the Senate.

    What do you want to bet the Feds are cursing their luck turning up a loony-tune like this?

  16. Posted by The Punchliner | December 3, 2010 at 8:03 PM

    Here’s a favorite, too: “Know it???? Hell, I wrote it!!!!”

  17. Posted by Timeinabottle | December 3, 2010 at 8:08 PM

    I see what you tried to do there

    - Jim Croce

  18. Posted by Brawndo Rep | December 3, 2010 at 8:10 PM

    it’s got electrolytes.

  19. Posted by Shecky Corzine | December 3, 2010 at 8:12 PM

    So the smart, handsome, wealthy investment banker gets the prominent gold digging supermodel up to his penthouse and bangs away at her like a screen door in a hurricane. Afterwards, as he shares a different type of joint with her, she says, “Well, I don’t have any “protection”, so what will we name him?”

    The investment banker sits up and pulls his reservoir tipped, ribbed dayglo orange condom off and says, “Well, if he gets out of this we’ll call him Houdini….”

  20. Posted by Hiyo Silver | December 3, 2010 at 8:16 PM

    Don’t even think about it.

    -The Lone Ranger

  21. Posted by Anal_yst | December 4, 2010 at 12:17 AM

    Indeed, her husband is actually a really nice guy which makes it hard to hate him, but yea, married, kids, sorry to disappoint.

  22. Posted by CrowrelationTrader | December 4, 2010 at 1:46 AM

    So what you’re saying is that if she were single and/or her husband was a d-bag, she’d be all over the 250-benching, investment banking, ass-kicking, name-taking, Pace MBA student demographic?

  23. Posted by Chuck | December 6, 2010 at 3:38 PM

    Ninja RAINMAKERS Fund Squared Total Absolute Growth Value Returns III

  24. Posted by Guest | December 3, 2010 at 7:00 PM

    are you talking about me???

    -paranoid guest

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