Let John Kinnucan Tell You About His Clients

You know when you get wind of someone speaking flatteringly of you to a third party and rather than be happy they’re saying nice things, want to die because you are embarrassed that people know you know that person? And every time you’re told so and so was singing your praises want to be like, “God damn it, just shut up, stop talking about me to people”? That’s probably how John “Let me tell you about the time I refused to wear a wire for the Feds” Kinnuacan’s clients are feeling right about now.

Kinnucan became something of a celebrity after refusing to cooperate with the investigation and notifying all his clients and industry contacts in an email last month. Several of the hedge funds and mutual funds that did business with him have been served with subpoenas. “My clients are not some scummy fly-by-night hedge funds,” Kinnucan told Reuters, insisting the kind of information on technology companies he provided his clients was perfectly legitimate.

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26 Responses to “Let John Kinnucan Tell You About His Clients”

  1. xel says:

    anybody wants to open a fly by night hedge fund? We can call it the Ninja Fund Squared Total Absolute Growth Value Returns III

  2. Guest says:

    are you talking about me???

    -paranoid guest

  3. Guest says:

    this whore needs to go away

  4. 1handbridgeover says:

    Hard to believe that his client agreements required him to notify them if he is being investigated but did not prohibit him from disclosing the fact that they are clients to third parties. Just sayin.

  5. Guest says:

    who did he disclose it to? the feds knew who is clients were.

  6. 1handbridgeover says:

    the rest of the world by copying them all on the same email blast (according to news reports).

  7. Anonymous says:

    your handle makes me very happy.

  8. tits says:

    I like your use of ‘were’

  9. 3king says:

    Drury is married?!? What a shame.

  10. Details Details says:

    I bet the Feds presented things like they did just to see what he’d do after he did the “spit take”, shit in his pants and and spilled wine all over himself. Like Coach Tom Landry used to say, “Ya gotta be thinkin’ two plays ahead all the time….”

  11. Guest says:

    That’s what she said!

    -The Guy Who Always Ruins Things by Saying “That’s What She Said…”

  12. Guest says:

    Wow. This man is taking a page out of Rod Blagojevich’s playbook. Next up for him, “Letterman” to profess his innocence. Will he be able to leave the country for “I’m a (desperate) Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.” And who’s got Trump on the line for “Apprentice?”

  13. Anonymous says:

    Yeah– 2 kids too, I think… Bess interviewed her at some point over the summer.

  14. NakedShort says:

    They’re not kids they’re fuck trophies.

  15. Guest says:

    Kinuccan needs to learn not to piss on Superman’s cape or pull on the wind.

    – AIG Quant

  16. Anonymous says:

    Not “Apprentice.” He’s going to turn up as a Tea Party candidate for Federal office– probably the Senate.

    What do you want to bet the Feds are cursing their luck turning up a loony-tune like this?

  17. The Punchliner says:

    Here’s a favorite, too: “Know it???? Hell, I wrote it!!!!”

  18. Timeinabottle says:

    I see what you tried to do there

    – Jim Croce

  19. Brawndo Rep says:

    it’s got electrolytes.

  20. Shecky Corzine says:

    So the smart, handsome, wealthy investment banker gets the prominent gold digging supermodel up to his penthouse and bangs away at her like a screen door in a hurricane. Afterwards, as he shares a different type of joint with her, she says, “Well, I don’t have any “protection”, so what will we name him?”

    The investment banker sits up and pulls his reservoir tipped, ribbed dayglo orange condom off and says, “Well, if he gets out of this we’ll call him Houdini….”

  21. Hiyo Silver says:

    Don’t even think about it.

    -The Lone Ranger

  22. Anal_yst says:

    Indeed, her husband is actually a really nice guy which makes it hard to hate him, but yea, married, kids, sorry to disappoint.

  23. So what you’re saying is that if she were single and/or her husband was a d-bag, she’d be all over the 250-benching, investment banking, ass-kicking, name-taking, Pace MBA student demographic?

  24. Chuck says:

    Ninja RAINMAKERS Fund Squared Total Absolute Growth Value Returns III

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