By its own estimation, Morgan Stanley’s bonuses are set to suck this year. The best employees have been told to hope for is a year on year decrease of 10 to 30 percent. And for his own part, chief exec James Gorman has been fairly vocal about the need for Wall Street to get to a place where failure isn’t rewarded isn’t rewarded as richly as success. Since some of Morgan Stanley’s business have not exactly succeeded with flying colors this year, it should follow that their staff will be compensated accordingly. Perhaps anticipating that there will be some unhappy campers, Jim has suddenly decided that while it’s no secret most people’s pay will be in the toilet, which he supports, Morgan Stanley must suppress this information from the outside world. How is Gorman planning on going about enforcing the new rule? Brute fucking force.

Morgan Stanley Chief Executive James Gorman raised some eyebrows during a routine conference this week when he threatened to “personally escort” [out] anyone found leaking any details of the firm’s compensation levels to the media. Gorman, who has been pushing hard to keep the lid on bonuses and has railed against the superstar mentality on Wall Street, unexpectedly read the riot act to about 500 managing directors during the usually staid year-end conference call, according to sources familiar with the call.

After catching our breath at the thought of JG approaching someone’s desk and saying “Let’s go, chief,” one is reminded of a similar attempt by the bank to keep truth sharing at bay that went something like this:

…and of the fact that guess what, ‘Stan? YOU CAN’T HIDE THE TRUTH! For those of you feeling as though you want to get something off your chests at some point over the next several weeks, perhaps something that starts with a ‘b’ and ends with a ‘onus numbers,’ rest assured that there are many ways for you to do so that will not result in an encounter with Mr. “I’ll pull you out myself.” In addition to emailing us (from your NON-WORK ADDRESS), they include:

- Calling us collect at: 212-334-1871
- Texting the DealBreaker Tips Line: 973-495-0177
- Meeting us in an alley of your choice
- Wild card

All of those methods are the utmost in secure. Having said all that, I think we can all agree it would provide some level of amusement to see the genteel Aussi get his gangster on and bust some skulls. If you’d like to offer yourself up so that others might enjoy such a scene, feel free to transmit the information to us in the least discreet way possible and we’ll do our best to help you find a gig on the other side.

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Comments (116)

  1. Posted by NakedShort | December 17, 2010 at 7:19 PM

    If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be that all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.

    If I had two wishes I could make this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be someone at Morgan Stanley to defy Gorman and send a detailed list of bonus numbers to Bess.

    You know, if I had three wishes I could make this holiday season, the first, of course, would be for all the children of the world to get together and sing, the second would be for someone to leak the Morgan Stanley bonus numbers, and the third would be for 30 million dollars a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account (not UBS, Credit Suisse preferred).

    And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, the first would be the crap about the kids definitely, the second would be for the bonus numbers, the third would be for the 30 million, and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year to have an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought out slowly by Mandy Drury and that model Heidi somebody, I can’t think of her name.

    Wait a minute, maybe the sex thing should be the first wish, so if I made that the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, y’know? No, no, the kids, the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who am I kidding? They’re not going to be able to get all those kids together. I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it’s worth! So — we reorganize! Here we go. First, the sex thing. We go with that. Second, the bonus numbers. No, money second, then the bonus numbers. And then the kids. Thank you everybody and Merry Christmas.

  2. Posted by Pierpoint | December 17, 2010 at 7:37 PM

    Top performers – A Cadillac
    Median – Steak knives
    Under performers – You’re fired

    Come and get me Kangaroo Jack

  3. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 7:41 PM

    check yourself.

    -JG

  4. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 7:41 PM

    check yourself.

    -JG

  5. Posted by Anon | December 17, 2010 at 7:42 PM

    adds dealbreaker ‘tip’ line to cell for use later…

  6. Posted by Anon | December 17, 2010 at 7:42 PM

    adds dealbreaker ‘tip’ line to cell for use later…

  7. Posted by Anonymous | December 17, 2010 at 7:42 PM

    I wonder how long it will take the tech department to find the digital watermark on that photo. Nothing is anonymous online. I suggest a voice distortion device and the pay phone next to UBS.

    -guy who is wearing a tinfoil hat and giving the gift of food storage this holiday season.

  8. Posted by Anonymous | December 17, 2010 at 7:42 PM

    I wonder how long it will take the tech department to find the digital watermark on that photo. Nothing is anonymous online. I suggest a voice distortion device and the pay phone next to UBS.

    -guy who is wearing a tinfoil hat and giving the gift of food storage this holiday season.

  9. Posted by Anonymous | December 17, 2010 at 7:42 PM

    I wonder how long it will take the tech department to find the digital watermark on that photo. Nothing is anonymous online. I suggest a voice distortion device and the pay phone next to UBS.

    -guy who is wearing a tinfoil hat and giving the gift of food storage this holiday season.

  10. Posted by Julian | December 17, 2010 at 7:42 PM

    Wikileak

  11. Posted by Julian | December 17, 2010 at 7:42 PM

    Wikileak

  12. Posted by Julian | December 17, 2010 at 7:42 PM

    Wikileak

  13. Posted by Lsdkj | December 17, 2010 at 7:44 PM

    does the clock start now or when it was first published, 2 years ago?

  14. Posted by Lsdkj | December 17, 2010 at 7:44 PM

    does the clock start now or when it was first published, 2 years ago?

  15. Posted by Lsdkj | December 17, 2010 at 7:44 PM

    does the clock start now or when it was first published, 2 years ago?

  16. Posted by 5am | December 17, 2010 at 7:44 PM

    What happened to being Short??

  17. Posted by 5am | December 17, 2010 at 7:44 PM

    What happened to being Short??

  18. Posted by 5am | December 17, 2010 at 7:44 PM

    What happened to being Short??

  19. Posted by 5am | December 17, 2010 at 7:44 PM

    What happened to being Short??

  20. Posted by 5am | December 17, 2010 at 7:44 PM

    What happened to being Short??

  21. Posted by mM | December 17, 2010 at 7:46 PM

    The nature of bonus numbers renders them as concealable as the results of a hot date in the high school boys’ locker room.

    This means, give up.

    MM

  22. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 7:48 PM

    exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.

  23. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 7:48 PM

    exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.

  24. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 7:48 PM

    exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.

  25. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 7:48 PM

    exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.

  26. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 7:48 PM

    exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.

  27. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 7:48 PM

    exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.

  28. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 7:48 PM

    exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.

  29. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 7:48 PM

    exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.

  30. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 7:48 PM

    exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.

  31. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 7:48 PM

    exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.

  32. Posted by Anonymous | December 17, 2010 at 7:51 PM

    Too long, still read it. Not disappointed.

  33. Posted by Anonymous | December 17, 2010 at 7:51 PM

    Too long, still read it. Not disappointed.

  34. Posted by Anonymous | December 17, 2010 at 7:51 PM

    Too long, still read it. Not disappointed.

  35. Posted by Anonymous | December 17, 2010 at 7:51 PM

    Too long, still read it. Not disappointed.

  36. Posted by Anonymous | December 17, 2010 at 7:51 PM

    Too long, still read it. Not disappointed.

  37. Posted by Anonymous | December 17, 2010 at 7:51 PM

    Too long, still read it. Not disappointed.

  38. Posted by Anonymous | December 17, 2010 at 7:54 PM

    I didn’t see the date, I had tinfoil in my eyes

  39. Posted by Balcuppa | December 17, 2010 at 8:22 PM

    Whose balls is this loser cupping on the pic above?

  40. Posted by Historian | December 17, 2010 at 8:25 PM

    Biff Basness took on Dealbreaker and lost.
    Lynne Tilton took on Dealbreaker and lost.
    Dennis Kneale took on Dealbreaker and lost.
    Chris Theoharis took on Dealbreaker and lost.
    ====
    Ryan Gorman is taking on Dealbreaker and (fill in the blank)

  41. Posted by Lsdjf | December 17, 2010 at 8:25 PM

    the invisible man’s?

  42. Posted by JD | December 17, 2010 at 8:26 PM

    only one CEO could pull off the ‘personally escort you about the building’ move and I think we know who it is.

    just sayin’

  43. Posted by JD | December 17, 2010 at 8:26 PM

    only one CEO could pull off the ‘personally escort you about the building’ move and I think we know who it is.

    just sayin’

  44. Posted by JD | December 17, 2010 at 8:26 PM

    only one CEO could pull off the ‘personally escort you about the building’ move and I think we know who it is.

    just sayin’

  45. Posted by Rho2Gamma | December 17, 2010 at 8:42 PM

    Just the tip huh? Does that line work often?

  46. Posted by Serious_question | December 17, 2010 at 8:42 PM

    who is Ryan Gorman?

  47. Posted by Rho2Gamma | December 17, 2010 at 8:44 PM

    Fail! Was supposed to be a reply to Anon.

  48. Posted by Historian | December 17, 2010 at 9:00 PM

    James, my bad
    - guy who was thinking about a conversation he just had while typing

  49. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 9:04 PM

    Man, don’t that run the cyclist off the road!!

    -Guy Who Tries to Have Referential Comments

  50. Posted by Big Ideas Guy | December 17, 2010 at 9:08 PM

    I assume the IDEAS group will, as usual, not be impacted by this business/management posturing.

  51. Posted by Big Ideas Guy | December 17, 2010 at 9:08 PM

    I assume the IDEAS group will, as usual, not be impacted by this business/management posturing.

  52. Posted by Sld | December 17, 2010 at 9:37 PM

    who is the IDEAS group?

  53. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 10:26 PM

    Is the Dealbreaker Tips Line actually Bess’ cell phone?

    -Not a creepy stalker.

  54. Posted by Guest | December 17, 2010 at 10:26 PM

    Is the Dealbreaker Tips Line actually Bess’ cell phone?

    -Not a creepy stalker.

  55. Posted by Zoo | December 17, 2010 at 11:15 PM

    wtf, i said too long to an earlier thing, and someone was ready to lynch me…electronically of course…

  56. Posted by P.Jiang | December 17, 2010 at 11:35 PM

    I was fired for a leaking butt.

    P.Jiang

  57. Posted by Ahab | December 17, 2010 at 11:45 PM

    Is anyone else wondering how Gorman is going to leave the building now, unless alone???

    –fmr LEHMQ Correlation Trader

  58. Posted by A1A | December 18, 2010 at 12:16 AM

    You do know there is a spell check function, right?

  59. Posted by Sljdf | December 18, 2010 at 2:43 AM

    only one way to find out…

    - guy who wants to do it but is too nervous and wants someone else to go first

  60. Posted by Lsdjf | December 18, 2010 at 2:44 AM

    why don’t you tell us what the mistakes are, champ.

  61. Posted by MOTSAD | December 18, 2010 at 3:14 AM

    Dearest zeptards; poor, ignorant zeptards:

    This is a nod to an earnest SNL skit that Steve Martin did many years ago around Christmas — perhaps before most of you were even sentient, though the case can be made that few of you are even today.

    Bow to NakedShort’s oevre, and resume your back-office-monkeyshines. Then, go to Europe.

    Sincerely,
    The Master of Time, Space, and Dimension (MOTSAD)

  62. Posted by UninvitedGuest | December 18, 2010 at 5:19 AM

    So there will be a bunch of guys from MS in back alleys revealing their doughnuts. Is that news?

  63. Posted by aTron | December 18, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    “..perhaps something that starts with a ‘b’ and ends with a ‘onus numbers,’”

    Been puzzling over this all night. When is Bess going to reveal the answer?

    -former LEH quant

  64. Posted by Rho2Gamma | December 18, 2010 at 8:43 PM

    I did learn that what starts with ‘f’ and ends with ‘uck’ is firetruck, so I am assuming it is big onus numbers.

    -AIG Quant

  65. Posted by Mike | December 19, 2010 at 1:17 AM

    good for james gorman!

  66. Posted by 5am | December 19, 2010 at 10:32 AM

    I do love him; he looks fit for 75.

  67. Posted by D4 | December 19, 2010 at 12:29 PM

    Fuck Jim Gorman and his threats. Let the public know how they’re screwing you this year despite your commitment to the firm’s success.

    Better to die standing than live on your knees

  68. Posted by Guest | December 19, 2010 at 1:17 PM

    Thank you for the inspiration to look this up.

    Audio only but top notch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPVuHP3OXk0

  69. Posted by Lsdj | December 20, 2010 at 1:47 AM

    nope, and that wasn’t the news revealed in this post. in sum, you’re an idiot.

  70. Posted by Lsdjf | December 20, 2010 at 1:48 AM

    back office types don’t really read DB– they populate waters like Seeking Alpha, Cluster, etc– perhaps you should join them.

  71. Posted by Brett Favre | December 20, 2010 at 7:50 PM

    Please god let 973-495-0177 be Bess’ cell…

  72. Posted by Brett Favre | December 20, 2010 at 7:50 PM

    Please god let 973-495-0177 be Bess’ cell…

  73. Posted by Guest | December 24, 2010 at 11:03 PM

    So Gorman wants to change the comp culture. That’s his perogative; good luck w/that, BTW, Jimmy. Like there is even a remote chance the news doesn’t make it to the public. Please…

  74. Posted by Guest | January 1, 2011 at 6:44 PM

    Does anyone know what date comp (or lack thereof) will be announced this year?

  75. Posted by Cfc | January 14, 2011 at 3:35 PM

    they dont do movies like these anymore

  76. Posted by Guest | January 23, 2011 at 1:10 PM

    Here is my number Jimmy:
    2009 total comp: $1.25 million
    2010 total comp: $650k including those fcuking cash handcuffs because Jimmy is too afraid of a massive exodus on 7th of February.

    Now come to my desk and escort me out. I’m on the fifth floor you moron.

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