By its own estimation, Morgan Stanley’s bonuses are set to suck this year. The best employees have been told to hope for is a year on year decrease of 10 to 30 percent. And for his own part, chief exec James Gorman has been fairly vocal about the need for Wall Street to get to a place where failure isn’t rewarded isn’t rewarded as richly as success. Since some of Morgan Stanley’s business have not exactly succeeded with flying colors this year, it should follow that their staff will be compensated accordingly. Perhaps anticipating that there will be some unhappy campers, Jim has suddenly decided that while it’s no secret most people’s pay will be in the toilet, which he supports, Morgan Stanley must suppress this information from the outside world. How is Gorman planning on going about enforcing the new rule? Brute fucking force.
Morgan Stanley Chief Executive James Gorman raised some eyebrows during a routine conference this week when he threatened to “personally escort” [out] anyone found leaking any details of the firm’s compensation levels to the media. Gorman, who has been pushing hard to keep the lid on bonuses and has railed against the superstar mentality on Wall Street, unexpectedly read the riot act to about 500 managing directors during the usually staid year-end conference call, according to sources familiar with the call.
After catching our breath at the thought of JG approaching someone’s desk and saying “Let’s go, chief,” one is reminded of a similar attempt by the bank to keep truth sharing at bay that went something like this:
…and of the fact that guess what, ‘Stan? YOU CAN’T HIDE THE TRUTH! For those of you feeling as though you want to get something off your chests at some point over the next several weeks, perhaps something that starts with a ‘b’ and ends with a ‘onus numbers,’ rest assured that there are many ways for you to do so that will not result in an encounter with Mr. “I’ll pull you out myself.” In addition to emailing us (from your NON-WORK ADDRESS), they include:
- Calling us collect at: 212-334-1871
- Texting the DealBreaker Tips Line: 973-495-0177
- Meeting us in an alley of your choice
- Wild card
All of those methods are the utmost in secure. Having said all that, I think we can all agree it would provide some level of amusement to see the genteel Aussi get his gangster on and bust some skulls. If you’d like to offer yourself up so that others might enjoy such a scene, feel free to transmit the information to us in the least discreet way possible and we’ll do our best to help you find a gig on the other side.
If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be that all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.
If I had two wishes I could make this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be someone at Morgan Stanley to defy Gorman and send a detailed list of bonus numbers to Bess.
You know, if I had three wishes I could make this holiday season, the first, of course, would be for all the children of the world to get together and sing, the second would be for someone to leak the Morgan Stanley bonus numbers, and the third would be for 30 million dollars a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account (not UBS, Credit Suisse preferred).
And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, the first would be the crap about the kids definitely, the second would be for the bonus numbers, the third would be for the 30 million, and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year to have an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought out slowly by Mandy Drury and that model Heidi somebody, I can’t think of her name.
Wait a minute, maybe the sex thing should be the first wish, so if I made that the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, y’know? No, no, the kids, the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who am I kidding? They’re not going to be able to get all those kids together. I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it’s worth! So — we reorganize! Here we go. First, the sex thing. We go with that. Second, the bonus numbers. No, money second, then the bonus numbers. And then the kids. Thank you everybody and Merry Christmas.
Top performers – A Cadillac
Median – Steak knives
Under performers – You’re fired
Come and get me Kangaroo Jack
check yourself.
-JG
check yourself.
-JG
adds dealbreaker ‘tip’ line to cell for use later…
adds dealbreaker ‘tip’ line to cell for use later…
I wonder how long it will take the tech department to find the digital watermark on that photo. Nothing is anonymous online. I suggest a voice distortion device and the pay phone next to UBS.
-guy who is wearing a tinfoil hat and giving the gift of food storage this holiday season.
I wonder how long it will take the tech department to find the digital watermark on that photo. Nothing is anonymous online. I suggest a voice distortion device and the pay phone next to UBS.
-guy who is wearing a tinfoil hat and giving the gift of food storage this holiday season.
I wonder how long it will take the tech department to find the digital watermark on that photo. Nothing is anonymous online. I suggest a voice distortion device and the pay phone next to UBS.
-guy who is wearing a tinfoil hat and giving the gift of food storage this holiday season.
Wikileak
Wikileak
Wikileak
does the clock start now or when it was first published, 2 years ago?
does the clock start now or when it was first published, 2 years ago?
does the clock start now or when it was first published, 2 years ago?
What happened to being Short??
What happened to being Short??
What happened to being Short??
What happened to being Short??
What happened to being Short??
The nature of bonus numbers renders them as concealable as the results of a hot date in the high school boys’ locker room.
This means, give up.
MM
exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.
exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.
exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.
exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.
exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.
exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.
exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.
exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.
exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.
exactly. also, the only reason MS is doing this is b/c the bonuses suck. it’s not exactly proprietary information that would cause a problem for biz if they got out, besides embarrassment.
Too long, still read it. Not disappointed.
Too long, still read it. Not disappointed.
Too long, still read it. Not disappointed.
Too long, still read it. Not disappointed.
Too long, still read it. Not disappointed.
Too long, still read it. Not disappointed.
I didn’t see the date, I had tinfoil in my eyes
Whose balls is this loser cupping on the pic above?
Biff Basness took on Dealbreaker and lost.
Lynne Tilton took on Dealbreaker and lost.
Dennis Kneale took on Dealbreaker and lost.
Chris Theoharis took on Dealbreaker and lost.
====
Ryan Gorman is taking on Dealbreaker and (fill in the blank)
the invisible man’s?
only one CEO could pull off the ‘personally escort you about the building’ move and I think we know who it is.
just sayin’
only one CEO could pull off the ‘personally escort you about the building’ move and I think we know who it is.
just sayin’
only one CEO could pull off the ‘personally escort you about the building’ move and I think we know who it is.
just sayin’
Just the tip huh? Does that line work often?
who is Ryan Gorman?
Fail! Was supposed to be a reply to Anon.
James, my bad
- guy who was thinking about a conversation he just had while typing
Man, don’t that run the cyclist off the road!!
-Guy Who Tries to Have Referential Comments
I assume the IDEAS group will, as usual, not be impacted by this business/management posturing.
I assume the IDEAS group will, as usual, not be impacted by this business/management posturing.
who is the IDEAS group?
Is the Dealbreaker Tips Line actually Bess’ cell phone?
-Not a creepy stalker.
Is the Dealbreaker Tips Line actually Bess’ cell phone?
-Not a creepy stalker.
wtf, i said too long to an earlier thing, and someone was ready to lynch me…electronically of course…
I was fired for a leaking butt.
P.Jiang
Is anyone else wondering how Gorman is going to leave the building now, unless alone???
–fmr LEHMQ Correlation Trader
You do know there is a spell check function, right?
only one way to find out…
- guy who wants to do it but is too nervous and wants someone else to go first
why don’t you tell us what the mistakes are, champ.
Dearest zeptards; poor, ignorant zeptards:
This is a nod to an earnest SNL skit that Steve Martin did many years ago around Christmas — perhaps before most of you were even sentient, though the case can be made that few of you are even today.
Bow to NakedShort’s oevre, and resume your back-office-monkeyshines. Then, go to Europe.
Sincerely,
The Master of Time, Space, and Dimension (MOTSAD)
So there will be a bunch of guys from MS in back alleys revealing their doughnuts. Is that news?
“..perhaps something that starts with a ‘b’ and ends with a ‘onus numbers,’”
Been puzzling over this all night. When is Bess going to reveal the answer?
-former LEH quant
I did learn that what starts with ‘f’ and ends with ‘uck’ is firetruck, so I am assuming it is big onus numbers.
-AIG Quant
good for james gorman!
I do love him; he looks fit for 75.
Fuck Jim Gorman and his threats. Let the public know how they’re screwing you this year despite your commitment to the firm’s success.
Better to die standing than live on your knees
Thank you for the inspiration to look this up.
Audio only but top notch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPVuHP3OXk0
nope, and that wasn’t the news revealed in this post. in sum, you’re an idiot.
back office types don’t really read DB– they populate waters like Seeking Alpha, Cluster, etc– perhaps you should join them.
Please god let 973-495-0177 be Bess’ cell…
Please god let 973-495-0177 be Bess’ cell…
So Gorman wants to change the comp culture. That’s his perogative; good luck w/that, BTW, Jimmy. Like there is even a remote chance the news doesn’t make it to the public. Please…
Does anyone know what date comp (or lack thereof) will be announced this year?
they dont do movies like these anymore
Here is my number Jimmy:
2009 total comp: $1.25 million
2010 total comp: $650k including those fcuking cash handcuffs because Jimmy is too afraid of a massive exodus on 7th of February.
Now come to my desk and escort me out. I’m on the fifth floor you moron.