Stephen Colbert Threatens To Give Out Goldman Sachs Partner’s Credit Card Number Unless He Comes On Show

While Stephen Colbert is all good with Wall Street bonuses, he is aware that 70% of American playa-hatas are not. He’d like someone making it rain this year to come on his show and make people understand why they money is deserved but so far no one has accepted his offer. Luckily, one of his writers found a lost credit card belonging to a Goldman Sachs partner last week. Specifically, the MasterCard of Buckley T. Ratchford, who was inducted into the Brotherhood of the Sach in 2006.

So here’s what– every night that Buckley does not appear on the Colbert Report to talk bonuses, Stephen will give out one number from his card. One would assume BTR had the foresight to cancel his card after losing it but he probably would still prefer the digits not shared with the world? Maybe? Anyway, last night was 5. Tonight, another body. A little bit about the victim– Buck was married in March (wife is a chef at Mas); he works in the global credit division at GS, is a graduate of Dartmouth, the London School of Economics, and Harvard Law. As a partner, he presumably has his own fleet of Tonton Macoutes who can deal with this issue should it escalate, in addition to Lloyd’s pager number and the instruction to “beep me any time, day or night, if you’re in trouble and legs need to be broken.”

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37 Responses to “Stephen Colbert Threatens To Give Out Goldman Sachs Partner’s Credit Card Number Unless He Comes On Show”

  1. Tad says:

    Wife is hot.

  2. Banker_chick says:

    He is hot.

  3. Guest says:

    she looks a little pretentious.

  4. rando says:

    that only makes her hotter…

  5. SellItToME says:

    Lifelock ad as the jump ftw!

  6. Frank Abagnale says:

    The leading digit “5” simply means its a MasterCard. Nothing for ol’ Buck Ratchford to worry about… yet.

  7. Guest says:

    thanks for cracking that code. we never would’ve known it was a mastercard.

  8. No, that would be Chase debit.

  9. Guest says:

    Buckley T. Ratchford sounds like an ironic name for a Williamsburg pet cat.

  10. Festerbottom, Charles says:

    Effing WASPs, what’re you gonna do?

  11. Guest says:

    bet she has a wide V

  12. rando says:

    frigid now…but probably has angry sex a lot, no?

  13. WASP Chroniclator says:

    He’s not 1st tier WASP. For that he would need either a “nickname” or a roman numeral. For example:

    Buckley T. “D-Bag” Ratchford or Buckley T. Ratchford XIX.

  14. Guest says:

    methinks you don’t understand the meaning of the term frigid.

  15. Guest says:

    why is that? because you heard that joke on curb your enthusiasm and thought you’d just repeat it? you couldn’t even be bothered to contextualize it with the post?

  16. GlobalReachAround says:

    Why do Jewish chicks hate giving head?

  17. Guest_guest says:

    this is a reply to globalreacharound (who I for some reason can’t reply to directly)- as someone who’s dated many a Jewish chick, I’ve never found that to be the case. maybe they (and chicks in general) just hate giving YOU head?

  18. GlobalReachAround says:

    So you’re saying they hate giving me head? I say shenanigans to that.

  19. Guest says:

    Nicely done.

  20. Guest_guest says:

    “So you’re saying they hate giving me head?”

    yes. that’s exactly what we’re saying. have they expressed a lack of interest in giving it to you? do they give it to others?

  21. GGGuest says:

    I’m usually one not to profile, but I have yet to “meet” a jewish girl who could not suck start a leaf blower. So in this instance…sometimes it’s not, but when everyone has a different experience…well the only conclusion is that is, in fact, you.

  22. Guest says:

    what if it was: Buckley “T-Bag” Ratchford XIV I think the WASPiverse would explode

  23. Anonymous says:

    question for her: why the long face?

  24. Joseph di Jersey City says:

    The only girl I ever dated who was resistant to giving head was Jewish. She was also (perhaps not coincidentally) the only Jewish girl I’ve dated so it’s too small an n to draw conclusions.

  25. Jacob Moore says:

    I know that guy. He will never go on the show.

  26. Anonymous says:

    Black Mastercard ooh that’s impressive, now if it was a black AE then that would have been worth something.

  27. Anonymous says:

    Seeing as how you’re so well connected, perhaps you could get his autograph for me?

    – Guy that’s easily impressed

  28. Elliot Rosewater says:

    I will bet you a dollar the next one is a 4.

  29. Guest says:

    Being a MOT and at times unfaithful to the tribe, getting head has never been the issue. It’s spit/swallow vs the pull away that’s been the crux of the issue. And it’s a fairly even split amongst the two religions in my experience.

    – 2 cents

  30. Guest says:

    Get one for me too!

    -Tashard Choice

  31. Jacob Moore says:

    sorry, they axed my whole dept.

  32. Jacob Moore is a says:


  33. budfox07 says:

    Found this on WSB :
    Ah, Buckley! Remember me? It’s Thornton Wicks, old boy! Dartmouth Crew ’94. You were quite the pip in those days Buck…a real rabble rouser as they say. HaHa! Well, I see this liberal stooge Colbert has stolen your plastic princess. No worries, old Buck. I’ll have my father, the formidable Winston Wicks, use his considerable means to pay a common thug to hunt down this Irish jester. We’ll just wait outside of whatever gay bathhouse this communist poof Colbert frequents and then….blammo!! Off with his head! Give Karen my best.

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