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Steve Cohen Is Totally Unfazed By Feds

Perhaps, you thought, after his hedge fund had received a subpoena from the feds, and the FBI had raided the firms of a bunch of his former employees, and an analyst was asked to wear a wire while having conversations with him, all as part of the government’s effort to behead him on live TV, that Steve Cohen would not be in the best of moods. That he would have retreated to the safe room underneath SAC’s headquarters or cryogenically frozen himself inside a Bob’s Big Boy statue and floated in space for 20-30 years, or until this whole thing blew over. Well- think again! He’s in a great mood and he’s out there, getting after it.

At Wednesday’s private opening of the country’s largest and most prestigious art fair, Art Basel Miami Beach, financier Steve Cohen showed no signs of being affected by the subpoena his $12 billion hedge fund, SAC Capital, received last week as part of a sweeping insider-trading investigation…Mr. Cohen, in jovial spirits and eager to chat about his fresh art acquisitions during the fair’s VIP preview, was one of scores of New York collectors who snapped up works in the fair’s initial hours—or, in his case, minutes.

He’s dropping major coin on, among other things, art made out of cans.

Within five minutes of the 11 a.m. opening, Mr. Cohen had dropped into David Zwirner Gallery’s booth, where he spent about $300,000 on Adel Abdessemed’s “Mappemonde,” a large-scale map of the world made from tin cans collected off the streets of Dakar. Within the next hour, he plunked down $180,000 for Tim Hawkinson’s “Bike,” a work of collaged inkjet prints, from Blum & Poe. “It was like boom—immediately,” said Blum & Poe co-owner Jeff Poe.

He’s making jokes (about himself).

By the time he got to the booth for Gagosian Gallery, where he inquired about the price of Takashi Murakami’s “Yo Hakuin,” Mr. Cohen couldn’t help joking about his habits. “Let me ask you a question,” he said to a reporter, turning around. “Do I have a bull’s-eye on my back?”

Today, he’s handpicking Cubans to fly up to CT to roll cigars for the SAC Holiday Party. Tonight? Salsa dancing. Never given it a try but why not? He’s loving life right now. Tomorrow, if he’s not too hungover, he’s checking office space on Ocean Drive for a Miami outpost. Who knows what the rest of the weekend will bring, but he’s open to anything (e.g. swinging by Miami Ink for his first tat). This insider trading investigation bull shit is the best thing you people could’ve done to him.

Art Basel Miami Off To Fast Start [WSJ]

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144 Responses to “Steve Cohen Is Totally Unfazed By Feds”

  1. Guest says:

    Steve Cohen shits gold then sells it to Peter Schiff.

  2. AIGQ says:

    “….By the time he got to the booth for Gagosian Gallery, where he inquired about the price of Takashi Murakami’s “Yo Hakuin,” Mr. Cohen couldn’t help joking about his habits. “Let me ask you a question,” he said to a reporter, turning around. “Do I have a bull’s-eye on my back?”
    —————————-

    So he shops at Target, too?

    -AIG Quant

  3. mudslinger says:

    Is there extradition from Dakar?
    Other than that, I have no problem.
    -Recycler

  4. Guest says:

    Bernie Madoff continued to laugh and party until he bumped into Bubba in prison.

  5. bowl-er says:

    -My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
    – Oh yeah?
    – Yes, they don’t like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
    – Johnson?

  6. Rick James says:

    What do you mean “you people”

  7. Gaspacino says:

    He is scared to death of mirrors, however.

  8. Guest says:

    Wow, Mr. Cohen. I’d like to sell you some of my art work too!

    – 5th grader who just made a Macaroni Picture Frame for his art class

  9. Guest says:

    On the next episode of “SwampHedgers”, the new crossbred reality TV show produced by CNBC and the Discovery Channel, hedge fund personnel witch jobs with the men of Goodson’s All Terrain Logging with interesting results. In episode 1 of “SwampHedgers”, Steve Cohen uses salty language as he decides to buy the Corbett Swamp and move it to Connecticutt as an interactive art work. Justin Goodson wants to know why all the FBI guys are in his office and did the paper being shredded come from the Corbett Mill? Lisa Falcone erupts into a hissy fit as she discovers Maybach doesn’t make a logging truck. Dave, angry at having to wear fleece “in a building” wants to know why it’s 40 “%$^#@&ing degrees in an office as Ping looks longingly at all the logs on the way to the mill if the logging road will dry out….

  10. guest says:

    You need a hobby.

    -B. Fischer

  11. Unfortunate_Douche says:

    Steve Cohen and Stephen Schwarzman both feel a compulsion to overcompensate for their lack of physical stature. Did you know that they’re 5’4″ and 5’5″ tall, respectively? It’s true. Their short stature prompts them to make outlandish purchases.

    Anyway, if you told them that you could change them from their current hobbit-like heights to a Tom Brady-ish 6’4″ – at the expense of their entire personal fortune – they’d both say “I’m in.”

    I’m right. Being shorts sucks.

  12. Anonymous says:

    What an amazing concept! Short men often have an inesecurity complex! Now can you think of prominent historical short man for whom we can name your discovery?

  13. Guest says:

    We were talking about my rug.

  14. Bulls-eye? Might as well be a tramp-stamp.

    – Gay Banker seeks Bear Daddy

  15. Anonymous says:

    Try being long

  16. tranche monkey says:

    sold. you have no idea how difficult it is to find a 6 foot 4 or better woman to tower over me.

  17. Bon Vivant says:

    Takashi Murakami:CFA::Damien Hirst:MBA

  18. Isiah says:

    need a tag for Bob’s Big Boy statue. c’mon Bess…

  19. Anonymous says:

    And Bess– the Bob’s Big Boy thing was absolutely classic. kudos…

  20. covey01 says:

    Napoleon Bonaparte maybe? He certainly had issues!

  21. Guest says:

    It tied the room together.

  22. Guest says:

    Where does Koons fit in?

  23. moishe says:

    does SAC holiday party include gift certificates to People Resources?

  24. Kramerica says:

    I’ve heard getting Dominicans is cheaper

  25. Bon Vivant says:

    Koons:M.A. in economics

  26. Guest says:

    This will clearly be positive for revs

    -Guy who really likes 1 stock

  27. LloydB says:

    Mandelbaum,, Mandelbaum!!!

  28. Guest says:

    Conversation from the 80s about Henry Kravis and his wife, most likely apocryphal:

    Woman A: I don’t know what shee sees in him. He’s so short!
    Woman B: Yes, but he’s so tall when he stands on his wallet

  29. Ping Jiang says:

    The last time when ““It was like boom—immediately,” if I could recall, was a good session
    in the conference room.

    – P. Jiang

  30. Jack says:

    Imagine how his Mini-me feels.

  31. guest says:

    dropping stacks on ‘art’ to prove you’re not worried about the Feds = jeff garcia marrying a playmate to prove he doesn’t prefer dick?

  32. Anonymous says:

    Ultra: Snap out of it; long is good

  33. Bucs Fan says:

    Best comment of the day…

  34. Guest says:

    Duh….Adolf?

  35. Put_Option says:

    Cohen is on the board at Brown University…. That’s about as sub-par as wearing your boat shoes with mesh shorts

  36. Putz_Option says:

    Sub-par in a golf way?

  37. Schmuck_Option says:

    In a way that I think is escaping you sir

  38. Rye Yacht Club says:

    or sun-par in a boating asshole kind of way?

  39. Guest says:

    sub-par is a pretty neutral judgement. such as, “Hey Al, how’s the casserole?” “Oh, I don’t know, I guess I’d say it’s sub-par.”

    Unfortunately, your simile is way below sub-par. not in a golf way either.

  40. Carolina_Fan says:

    agree to disagree

  41. Guest says:

    he did it to get his son in. duh.

  42. Guest says:

    That sort of theory is utter BS. No one gets married to prove they’re “not” gay.

    -K Chesney
    Nosleeves, OK

  43. Anonymous says:

    If Bob’s Big Boy had been part of the Journal story that it would have necessitated a tag. Since it was MY joke, I don’t need to repeat it in the tags. C’mon Isiah…

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