Perhaps, you thought, after his hedge fund had received a subpoena from the feds, and the FBI had raided the firms of a bunch of his former employees, and an analyst was asked to wear a wire while having conversations with him, all as part of the government’s effort to behead him on live TV, that Steve Cohen would not be in the best of moods. That he would have retreated to the safe room underneath SAC’s headquarters or cryogenically frozen himself inside a Bob’s Big Boy statue and floated in space for 20-30 years, or until this whole thing blew over. Well- think again! He’s in a great mood and he’s out there, getting after it.
At Wednesday’s private opening of the country’s largest and most prestigious art fair, Art Basel Miami Beach, financier Steve Cohen showed no signs of being affected by the subpoena his $12 billion hedge fund, SAC Capital, received last week as part of a sweeping insider-trading investigation…Mr. Cohen, in jovial spirits and eager to chat about his fresh art acquisitions during the fair’s VIP preview, was one of scores of New York collectors who snapped up works in the fair’s initial hours—or, in his case, minutes.
He’s dropping major coin on, among other things, art made out of cans.
Within five minutes of the 11 a.m. opening, Mr. Cohen had dropped into David Zwirner Gallery’s booth, where he spent about $300,000 on Adel Abdessemed’s “Mappemonde,” a large-scale map of the world made from tin cans collected off the streets of Dakar. Within the next hour, he plunked down $180,000 for Tim Hawkinson’s “Bike,” a work of collaged inkjet prints, from Blum & Poe. “It was like boom—immediately,” said Blum & Poe co-owner Jeff Poe.
He’s making jokes (about himself).
By the time he got to the booth for Gagosian Gallery, where he inquired about the price of Takashi Murakami’s “Yo Hakuin,” Mr. Cohen couldn’t help joking about his habits. “Let me ask you a question,” he said to a reporter, turning around. “Do I have a bull’s-eye on my back?”
Today, he’s handpicking Cubans to fly up to CT to roll cigars for the SAC Holiday Party. Tonight? Salsa dancing. Never given it a try but why not? He’s loving life right now. Tomorrow, if he’s not too hungover, he’s checking office space on Ocean Drive for a Miami outpost. Who knows what the rest of the weekend will bring, but he’s open to anything (e.g. swinging by Miami Ink for his first tat). This insider trading investigation bull shit is the best thing you people could’ve done to him.
Steve Cohen shits gold then sells it to Peter Schiff.
“….By the time he got to the booth for Gagosian Gallery, where he inquired about the price of Takashi Murakami’s “Yo Hakuin,” Mr. Cohen couldn’t help joking about his habits. “Let me ask you a question,” he said to a reporter, turning around. “Do I have a bull’s-eye on my back?”
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So he shops at Target, too?
-AIG Quant
Is there extradition from Dakar?
Other than that, I have no problem.
-Recycler
Bernie Madoff continued to laugh and party until he bumped into Bubba in prison.
-My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
- Oh yeah?
- Yes, they don’t like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
- Johnson?
What do you mean “you people”
He is scared to death of mirrors, however.
Wow, Mr. Cohen. I’d like to sell you some of my art work too!
- 5th grader who just made a Macaroni Picture Frame for his art class
On the next episode of “SwampHedgers”, the new crossbred reality TV show produced by CNBC and the Discovery Channel, hedge fund personnel witch jobs with the men of Goodson’s All Terrain Logging with interesting results. In episode 1 of “SwampHedgers”, Steve Cohen uses salty language as he decides to buy the Corbett Swamp and move it to Connecticutt as an interactive art work. Justin Goodson wants to know why all the FBI guys are in his office and did the paper being shredded come from the Corbett Mill? Lisa Falcone erupts into a hissy fit as she discovers Maybach doesn’t make a logging truck. Dave, angry at having to wear fleece “in a building” wants to know why it’s 40 “%$^#@&ing degrees in an office as Ping looks longingly at all the logs on the way to the mill if the logging road will dry out….
You need a hobby.
-B. Fischer
Steve Cohen and Stephen Schwarzman both feel a compulsion to overcompensate for their lack of physical stature. Did you know that they’re 5’4″ and 5’5″ tall, respectively? It’s true. Their short stature prompts them to make outlandish purchases.
Anyway, if you told them that you could change them from their current hobbit-like heights to a Tom Brady-ish 6’4″ – at the expense of their entire personal fortune – they’d both say “I’m in.”
I’m right. Being shorts sucks.
What an amazing concept! Short men often have an inesecurity complex! Now can you think of prominent historical short man for whom we can name your discovery?
We were talking about my rug.
Bulls-eye? Might as well be a tramp-stamp.
- Gay Banker seeks Bear Daddy
Try being long
sold. you have no idea how difficult it is to find a 6 foot 4 or better woman to tower over me.
Takashi Murakami:CFA::Damien Hirst:MBA
need a tag for Bob’s Big Boy statue. c’mon Bess…
And Bess– the Bob’s Big Boy thing was absolutely classic. kudos…
Napoleon Bonaparte maybe? He certainly had issues!
It tied the room together.
Where does Koons fit in?
does SAC holiday party include gift certificates to People Resources?
I’ve heard getting Dominicans is cheaper
Koons:M.A. in economics
This will clearly be positive for revs
-Guy who really likes 1 stock
Mandelbaum,, Mandelbaum!!!
Conversation from the 80s about Henry Kravis and his wife, most likely apocryphal:
Woman A: I don’t know what shee sees in him. He’s so short!
Woman B: Yes, but he’s so tall when he stands on his wallet
The last time when ““It was like boom—immediately,” if I could recall, was a good session
in the conference room.
- P. Jiang
Imagine how his Mini-me feels.
dropping stacks on ‘art’ to prove you’re not worried about the Feds = jeff garcia marrying a playmate to prove he doesn’t prefer dick?
Ultra: Snap out of it; long is good
Best comment of the day…
Duh….Adolf?
Cohen is on the board at Brown University…. That’s about as sub-par as wearing your boat shoes with mesh shorts
Sub-par in a golf way?
In a way that I think is escaping you sir
or sun-par in a boating asshole kind of way?
sub-par is a pretty neutral judgement. such as, “Hey Al, how’s the casserole?” “Oh, I don’t know, I guess I’d say it’s sub-par.”
Unfortunately, your simile is way below sub-par. not in a golf way either.
agree to disagree
he did it to get his son in. duh.
That sort of theory is utter BS. No one gets married to prove they’re “not” gay.
-K Chesney
Nosleeves, OK
If Bob’s Big Boy had been part of the Journal story that it would have necessitated a tag. Since it was MY joke, I don’t need to repeat it in the tags. C’mon Isiah…