Like seek a job where you get paid?
“Bonuses in JPM’s prime brokerage were cut 75 percent (department-wide average). They tried to tell us the 75% was across the board in IB though obviously that’s not the case. There’s expected to be a mass-exodus from PB in the coming weeks, which it sounds like management is hoping for…”
According to a spokeswoman for JPMorgan, “The report is not accurate.”
Brilliant strategy!
-Passive, aggressive, former DE Shaw quant who is transitioning to a career in HR
There is an unspoken message here.
I hope you haven’t maxed out your chase debit cards.
I hope you haven’t maxed out your chase debit cards.
debit cards dont have limits… credit cards do. jackass.
I sense a disturbance.
They were probably way up last year
-Glass half full guy
Please do not comment again until you have brushed up on your Dealbreaker memes.
Did Chiarello get his sports tix? Or did vendors take care of it?
Did Chiarello get his sports tix? Or did vendors take care of it?
This is a good way for JPM to cleanse itself from the Bear Stearns infection…
- Guy who thought 2 dollars was generous.
Where’s what’s-his-name to tell us all about how they finally their comeuppance, use the word ‘bankster’ so many times it loses all meaning, and just generally sound like a twat?
According to his horrific website (which focuses quite a bit on the conspiracy that stole the last election from Hillary), he seems to think he was uninvited from participating in the discussion here.
I introduced him to Last Bastion of Balance, last I heard they are busy creating a new “super blog” to really educate the people of America/detail their wedding plans. She supplies the content and he does graphics – a match made in heaven really.
Good luck in HR!
-Passive, aggressive DE Shaw quant who is sticking to being a genius
Mass exodus??? And where will they be mass exiting to??
More like super brats that are resistant to the most powerful antibiotics.
the ones who have been swallowing after dinners, will obv get gigs at the former clients funds.
the others.. well i hear financial advisors work awesome hours
The meter-reading dept of ConEd
The meter-reading dept of ConEd
nail, head.
some people are too busy smashing 8 and ups to keep up with DB, jackass
In regards to guest…
This is a good way for JPM to cleanse itself from the Bear Stearns infection…
- Guy who thought 2 dollars was generous.
Wow. You are such a jerk for saying that. I hope YOU lose your job for saying such an asinine comment. Families depend on that money. Grow a pair and post your name instead of “guest” too-loser.
thought they were phasing out meter readers
thought they were phasing out meter readers
You too?
I agree…This “Guest” guy is a jerk.
Plus he seems to have multiple personalities. Maybe he is off his medication.
This guy has a point. I hate myself for evaluating the price of a financial asset and concluding that it was too high.
-Another (personality of) Guest
I heard they had a “staff” infection…
>> Families depend on.
if that’s a shitty excuse when JPM is foreclosing on someone’s house, then it’s a shitty one now.
don’t worry about your grandma, Gilmore. She can live with me in my house. She can be my maid.
don’t worry about your grandma, Gilmore. She can live with me in my house. She can be my maid.
don’t worry about your grandma, Gilmore. She can live with me in my house. She can be my maid.
Mmmm. A disturbence you sense?
Mmmm. A disturbence you sense?
JPM and Blythe took over a perfectly well run energy trading business in Houston (Bear Energy) and have run it in to the ground…yep…the street is scared $hitless. Well done JP. Well done.
Easy people, eaaasssyyy. How about a snuggle sesh?
Easy people, eaaasssyyy. How about a snuggle sesh?
That one made me cringe… But continue.
That one made me cringe… But continue.
Sure- meet me at Minetta’s
Sure- meet me at Minetta’s
Doubt it was too high. They got the Clearing business, Risk Arb, the Muni franchise + the RE at 383 Madison and elsewhere; basically blew out everyone else… and handed the “problem assets” to Uncle Sam… The RE alone was prob. worth more than $2/share.
High school educated Tonys and Vinnys in PB get overpaid after BS take-under so JPM can assume client relationships.
Business grows rapidly based on much stronger balance sheet of JPM vs. those at former BS competitors (ie third-tier banks).
Tony and Vinny expect commensurate increase in comp.
Head of PB (legacy BS) makes some snide brassballed remark in his speech at the holiday part about how his group drove IB earnings growth for the year… with the his boss standing right next to him.
JPM smart enough to realize PB sales/cash trading is a commodity business, and the only thing HF clients care about is counterparty credit risk and liquidity, not how many beers their PB sales guy can drink or how big a Yankees fan he is.
And boom goes the dynamite. You were all overpaid to being with, JPM just “fixed the glitch”. I hear the print shops are hiring again, prospectus orders are piling up.
I’ll bring the markers…I heard that’s what they do in Soviet Russia.
Good luck with being a genius
-Overeducated bear stuffer
Listen Hoss, it just frosts my cookies when peeps don’t know the memes.
And I hate myself for loving you.
Vinny from Jersey Shore?
Let me see…JPM buys BSC & Sempra and then lets all those units languish…so what was the point of buying them? Turning Prop Energy units into flow trading…sounds like a great plan for synergy development. As for Prime Brokerage, you pay these guys money for their relationships…and that’s why MS and GS win at this, they understand how things work.
And then in a couple of years, when the Ivy-educated automata running JPM have driven the business into the ground, they will (after having a meeting to plan the meeting to plan the meeting to plan the strategy session to draft the powerpoint to present to the consultants) carefully bring in their crack JPM I-bankers to sell the division to Cantor or Jeffries or whoever hired Vinnie and Tony for approximately 25% of its 01/01/11 value.
The argument is the relationships were bought and assimilated. Pretty clear on the PB side JPM has effectively captured them all and then some.
After a nice 2+ year just-the-tip session with all those clients JPM is now ready to go ballsdeep, knowing few if any of those HF’s will leave just because Tommy Toughnutts and Joey “The Chin” Pescapone got donkey punched on their 2010 number.
The logistic nightmare that ensues while switching your PB is so mindnumbing, it’s in no way worth jumping ship to show “loyalty” to a mutt sales guy.
JPM PB has not held on to the balances from 2008 that went over there when the sky was falling. GS and MS got the balances (and relationships) back and JPM has been used as a custodian of sorts. No leverage + no shorting = no money. The dead pool is starting on the top five JPM PB people leaving by May 1.
Can I get in on the dead pool?
fire away. give me your top 5
fire away. give me your top 5
Spokeswoman is completely right. It isn’t accurate. SOME OF US HAD OUR SALARIES SLASHED TOO!
she is already my ‘maid’
PB are a bunch of glorified backoffice monkeys anyways. I love it when PB monkeys try to make bankers their peer set when they are glorifed process management sales clerks.
Actually, that sounds a lot like IB too !!! Kidding, PB is bottom rung.
Blythe and Jimmy Lee thank you for your hard work..