What’s zero divided by four?
Just kidding of course (though in same cases not kidding at all). As previously mentioned, Credit Suisse has jumped on the tantra bandwagon and decided that 2010 bonuses will be paid out through 2014 (bonuses above $50,000 are subject to deferral, no matter the recipient’s title at the bank). Here’s what employees have to work with:
The bank trimmed compensation by 2.4%, to 14.5 billion Swiss francs from 14.9 billion Swiss francs in 2009. The cuts were deepest in the bank’s bonus pool, which decreased by one-quarter in 2010 to 5.14 billion Swiss francs ($5.3 billion) compared with 6.85 billion Swiss francs in 2009. Average pay per employee was 297,944 Swiss francs ($306,611), down from 313,592 Swiss francs in 2009.
disregard
let’s not give UBS too much credit….
UBS sucks.
-Lehman Quant
They have always muddled along. It is a firm run by idiots for the benefit of idiots.
They should cut to the chase and take the bold step of paying all bonuses in Lindens. They could surpass GS in payouts by whatever order of magnitude they chose. Just think of the PR!
So imaginary numbers = imaginary bonuses = like unicorns and mermaids and shit??
Sweet.
Shit is real.
I think we all know what time it is…
-Head Chef
Dunkin’ Donuts
UBS Sucks comments are starting to suck
I need clarification on the DD meme
where is the joke briefer?
where is the joke briefer?
quaternions!
four quarter zeros.
four quarter zeros.
Investment banking compensation consists of salary plus an annual discretionary bonus, which in good years at good places is multiples of the aforementioned salary. While no one has taken my survey, I can promise you that no one in banking works for the salary as it barely covers rent, drycleaning and copulation-related expenses. There is an usual amount of excitement, disappointment and grief at bonus time when bankers get their “number”. Recently, there was at least one instance of a layoff right before bonus week at a bank, a big no-no, as it is implied that the bonus reflects year-long efforts. Getting a bonus of $0 is called a “donut” by the dealbreaker commentariat.
~Not the joke-briefer but an admirer of his work
Investment banking compensation consists of salary plus an annual discretionary bonus, which in good years at good places is multiples of the aforementioned salary. While no one has taken my survey, I can promise you that no one in banking works for the salary as it barely covers rent, drycleaning and copulation-related expenses. There is an usual amount of excitement, disappointment and grief at bonus time when bankers get their “number”. Recently, there was at least one instance of a layoff right before bonus week at a bank, a big no-no, as it is implied that the bonus reflects year-long efforts. Getting a bonus of $0 is called a “donut” by the dealbreaker commentariat.
~Not the joke-briefer but an admirer of his work
I believe the joke-briefer would have also pointed out that Dunkin’ Donuts ran an ad campaign featuring an older man who Dr. Oz would say was too big in the waist. He was a likable fellow who’s tag line was “time to make the donuts.” Thus, the reference to “what time it is.”
So Credit Suisse calculates their bonuses by the square root of negative numbers?
CS sucks is the new theme. Just see all the news around today about their overconfidence and how the market doesnt trust them no more- stock was down 6%. They were just lucky not to screw up by default during the crisis, but that magic is long gone.
A classic indeed