Instead, the self-described “mathematics genius” and “smartest student ever in the engineering department” took a moment to tell the bank representative who’d informed him they weren’t interested a piece of his mind.
From: [redacted]
Sent: Monday, February 14, 2011 11:55 AM
To: [redacted at Citi]
Subject: Re: Citi Sales, Trading & Quantitative Analysis Summer Analyst ProgramHi [redacted]:
Thank you so much for replying my email!!
Ah, what a pity that I missed one of the most prestigious bank in the world, and what a pity citi-group missed a mathematics genius like me, the smartest student ever in the engineering department, the one who beaten math majors in the most difficult competition in the world like idiots, and the one who astutely points out the mars existing in the Gaussian Copula and made proper corrections on it!! [Redacted]‘s stupidity can surely not appreciate my conspicuously superior intellectuality. Woe to the fatuous decision, yet I humbly accpet!
Best luck with citi-bank, and I sincerely hope the trading can still flourish with those incompetent workers, with those preposterous foreclosures and ludicrous CDOs, with those avaricious vampires drying the blood of tens of thousands of poor languishing in loans and poverty! Woe!
May God’s wrath descends, and the world becomes round again, rather than flat! May Wall Street realize its originally obscure identity as a mere defending street against the English colonizers! Beware Ozymandias, beware! If I come to power one day, surely I will follow unfalteringly the foot steps of Andrew Jackson, exterminating these unsatisfying and heinous vermins first and foremost, breaching the seemingly unbreakable pillbox of the shameless bankers, advocating the glory of justice, and spreading the merrying news of equality and happiness!
So help me, God!
Whoa indeed
Umm, what is a Gaussian Copula? Something weird and British?
Umm, what is a Gaussian Copula? Something weird and British?
Umm, what is a Gaussian Copula? Something weird and British?
What you’ve just wrote is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having read to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
What you’ve just wrote is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having read to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Must be Nassim Taleb’s nephew
Must be Nassim Taleb’s nephew
Must be Nassim Taleb’s nephew
Must be Nassim Taleb’s nephew
giving 10:1 this guy is asian.
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnope.
I advise this guy to get hold of a marker and examine it with tender loving care. It will
calm down his nerves.
- Ping
Call it weird, but this letter does not end getting shitcanned, which is more than you can say for probably 95% of the employment-related letters Citi gets. It may generate an FBI file, but it doesn’t get ignored.
-Guy who would like to see SI swimsuit model’s Gaussian Copula.
Seems like he’s planning on doing the exact opposite of the “If you can’t beat them, join them” strategy. Only it reads a little more like “If you weren’t good enough to join them, somehow beat them.”
I think Aleksey and Jeffrey just found a new club member.
sounds like citi did something right for a change.
Don’t get me wrong, you are as smart as can be.
But the other intern didn’t screw up my lunch order. Dems the breaks, kid.
Now go get your fucking shine box!!
Strange that the top half of the email is in broken English and the bottom half is not.
Strange that the top half of the email is in broken English and the bottom half is not.
It’s spelled “Whoa” you fucking dolt.
the subprime why market is broken the
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Destroyer of Mathematics Majors, Corrector of the Gaussian Copula, loyal servant to the true engineer, Andrew Jackson. Holder of a worthless CDO, Owner of a murdered dream. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
Kid studies philosophy at Harvard and can’t write two coherent sentences. What a joke…
Kid studies philosophy at Harvard and can’t write two coherent sentences. What a joke…
Oh no, Citi interviewed the Son of Sam again?
Note to Citi HR: resumes from someone named David Berkowitz at the Sullivan Correctional facility should not be put into the phone interview pool.
LOL even billy madison’s speech was better than this shit
FACT: Smart money says he is Blasian.
Is Shelli fat? Too bad if she is not fat.
I hear Sovereign Bank might be hiring…
“Just do the math.”
-still pushing 2011 slogan
Return address:
c/o Manhattan Psychiatric Institute
Ward’s Island
New York, NY 10028
Sounds like he’s coming down from a Big Bang Theory marathon high.
Sounds like he’s coming down from a Big Bang Theory marathon high.
Worked for me & the Niners.
-Aaron Rodgers
Worked for me & the Niners.
-Aaron Rodgers
looks like watson is becoming self-aware
looks like watson is becoming self-aware
looks like watson is becoming self-aware
It’s not…?
I am also the only Engineering student in the department.
- from student over at Western University of Ontario
I am also the only Engineering student in the department.
- from student over at Western University of Ontario
in all fairness, i don’t blame the kid. if i got rejected from shitty, i’d be pissed too.
in all fairness, i don’t blame the kid. if i got rejected from shitty, i’d be pissed too.
in all fairness, i don’t blame the kid. if i got rejected from shitty, i’d be pissed too.
You’re hired!!
~UBS
You’re hired!!
~UBS
You’re hired!!
~UBS
Don;t do crack if you can’t handle it socially.
Don;t do crack if you can’t handle it socially.
Don;t do crack if you can’t handle it socially.
“English mother fucker. Do you speak it???”
~ Jules (and now HR guy at Citi)
“English mother fucker. Do you speak it???”
~ Jules (and now HR guy at Citi)
“English mother fucker. Do you speak it???”
~ Jules (and now HR guy at Citi)
Really? Does he need a spot as a wingman?
Really? Does he need a spot as a wingman?
Really? Does he need a spot as a wingman?
All better now? Hug it out?
All better now? Hug it out?
All better now? Hug it out?
If he actually is the top maths student, probably getting rejected by Chitty will be the best thing that ever happened to him. Trust me!
If he actually is the top maths student, probably getting rejected by Chitty will be the best thing that ever happened to him. Trust me!
I spoke with a citi recruiter in London – she was ignorant and arrogant. What can I say. Ahahah. This person is nuts but I see where he is coming from AHHAHAHHAHA
I spoke with a citi recruiter in London – she was ignorant and arrogant. What can I say. Ahahah. This person is nuts but I see where he is coming from AHHAHAHHAHA
I spoke with a citi recruiter in London – she was ignorant and arrogant. What can I say. Ahahah. This person is nuts but I see where he is coming from AHHAHAHHAHA
Shelli:
I need you to call this guy back for an interview with me ASAP. We could use a guy like this in our High Net Worth/Private Banking group. You know, spout off random shit that sounds intelligent to impress our clients.
-Vick
So apparently the smartest student in the engineering department doesn’t know how to spell or use proper grammar or the fact that there is no hyphen in Citibank. Hhhmm.
I’m pretty sure the brother of the guy who directed Apocolypse Now…or an old wooden ship
definitely not a skitzo…
Is it preposterous to start avariciously masturbating now?
Now who can argue with that? I think we’re all in debt to [redacted] for stating what needed to be said. I am particulary glad that these lovely children are here today to hear that speech. Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish, it expressed the courage little seen in this day and age.
Now who can argue with that? I think we’re all in debt to [redacted] for stating what needed to be said. I am particulary glad that these lovely children are here today to hear that speech. Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish, it expressed the courage little seen in this day and age.
Now who can argue with that? I think we’re all in debt to [redacted] for stating what needed to be said. I am particulary glad that these lovely children are here today to hear that speech. Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish, it expressed the courage little seen in this day and age.
Now who can argue with that? I think we’re all in debt to [redacted] for stating what needed to be said. I am particulary glad that these lovely children are here today to hear that speech. Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish, it expressed the courage little seen in this day and age.
Now who can argue with that? I think we’re all in debt to [redacted] for stating what needed to be said. I am particulary glad that these lovely children are here today to hear that speech. Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish, it expressed the courage little seen in this day and age.
Pot, kettle, etc. You is why subprime good no.
Dear “Mathmatics Genuis” and “Smartest student in the Engineering Department”:
1. We tell everyone that they are the smartest
2. Stop screwing up our brand image
Dear “Mathmatics Genuis” and “Smartest student in the Engineering Department”:
1. We tell everyone that they are the smartest
2. Stop screwing up our brand image
I think it’s a constellation. Mars is in it.
I think it’s a constellation. Mars is in it.
What the hell’d I ever do to the little pissant? Fuckin Bieber fans.
-Ozzy O.
What the hell’d I ever do to the little pissant? Fuckin Bieber fans.
-Ozzy O.
Allesandro Machi applied to Citi?
Allesandro Machi applied to Citi?
his prose is contrived. obviously a kid just trying to have some good fun at citi’s expense. i thought it was funny.
his prose is contrived. obviously a kid just trying to have some good fun at citi’s expense. i thought it was funny.
Ugh, I did engineering as an undergrad… and this is why i hate other engineers. dumb ass muthafuckas.
Nice play!
Nice play!
lacking the ability to recognize humor is the NKI?
lacking the ability to recognize humor is the NKI?
I like to think of the Gaussian Copula as a mischievous badger.
Do you think this kid wrote this out in his head in a Samuel L. Jackson voice, cus that’s kind of what I’m thinking…
I see what you did there. Whether you intended to do it or not.
I see what you did there. Whether you intended to do it or not.
If there’s a progression, it’s just the psych meds gradually wearing off.
If there’s a progression, it’s just the psych meds gradually wearing off.
If there’s a progression, it’s just the psych meds gradually wearing off.
Must be
Must be
Must be
Must be
I approve this comment
I approve this comment
I approve this comment
I approve this comment
I am Gaussianing the hell out of my secretary’s copula as I write this!
In almost 5 years, this is the 1st time I’ve seen anyone comment using that moniker. Congratulations on finally putting it together!
I’ll take the other side…
into a cup?
Yes they deserve to die, and i hope they burn in hell!
-guy who routinely sits down when he pees
Seldom does an attempt to re-meme work out well, but you, sir, I think have just done so with enormous success.
Seldom does an attempt to re-meme work out well, but you, sir, I think have just done so with enormous success.
I think this guy is a fan of Harry Potter
Yeah… No one else got it 5 years ago…
Yeah… No one else got it 5 years ago…
He wants to be an Analyst and clearly needs a Therapist – he should see Tobias Funke, the world’s first Analrapist and professional twice over.
He wants to be an Analyst and clearly needs a Therapist – he should see Tobias Funke, the world’s first Analrapist and professional twice over.
Prudential one I talked to in NYC a while back was similar, HR: Human Roadblock (except in this case it was likely a good one, for a change)
Prudential one I talked to in NYC a while back was similar, HR: Human Roadblock (except in this case it was likely a good one, for a change)
Prudential one I talked to in NYC a while back was similar, HR: Human Roadblock (except in this case it was likely a good one, for a change)
CHUNG IS KING!!!!
– Dave Chappelle
CHUNG IS KING!!!!
– Dave Chappelle
CHUNG IS KING!!!!
– Dave Chappelle
CHUNG IS KING!!!!
– Dave Chappelle
CHUNG IS KING!!!!
– Dave Chappelle
CHUNG IS KING!!!!
– Dave Chappelle
Shelli F is not fat.
Shelli F is not fat.
Shelli F is not fat.
Shelli F is not fat.
Shelli F is not fat.
Shelli F is not fat.
bring knife the fight gun to never
bring knife the fight gun to never
bring knife the fight gun to never
bring knife the fight gun to never
I’d imagine many of the smartest kids in most engineering departments can’t write for shit (in English, at least)…have you ever read any of their papers? Hell the math “geniuses” in MBA classes can’t even speak, let alone write in English.
I’d imagine many of the smartest kids in most engineering departments can’t write for shit (in English, at least)…have you ever read any of their papers? Hell the math “geniuses” in MBA classes can’t even speak, let alone write in English.
I’d imagine many of the smartest kids in most engineering departments can’t write for shit (in English, at least)…have you ever read any of their papers? Hell the math “geniuses” in MBA classes can’t even speak, let alone write in English.
I’d imagine many of the smartest kids in most engineering departments can’t write for shit (in English, at least)…have you ever read any of their papers? Hell the math “geniuses” in MBA classes can’t even speak, let alone write in English.
I’d imagine many of the smartest kids in most engineering departments can’t write for shit (in English, at least)…have you ever read any of their papers? Hell the math “geniuses” in MBA classes can’t even speak, let alone write in English.
I’d imagine many of the smartest kids in most engineering departments can’t write for shit (in English, at least)…have you ever read any of their papers? Hell the math “geniuses” in MBA classes can’t even speak, let alone write in English.
I’d imagine many of the smartest kids in most engineering departments can’t write for shit (in English, at least)…have you ever read any of their papers? Hell the math “geniuses” in MBA classes can’t even speak, let alone write in English.
bonus points if he had worked “Super SIV” in there..
bonus points if he had worked “Super SIV” in there..
they call that a half n half
they call that a half n half
they call that a half n half
This is probably a joke.
But the comments on this thread are awesome.
Odwalla “Very Berry” smoothies make my afternoon farts smell like jet fuel, rotting flesh and burning aluminum.
- Citi CDS Risk Analyst
what?!?!
Gaussian Copulas are not weird or British. It’s a financial engineering term. They are used to model credit default risk for a population of similar issuers.
So he’s very good at math according if he does say so himself. Clearly he could stand to brush up on his English grammar skills. The big question is if he hates banks so much why does he want to work at one?
“Avaricious vampires drying the blood of thousands… unsatisfying and heinous vermins… conspicuously superior intellectuality…”
Is it me or does it sound like he wrote this using those refrigerator magnets with random words on them?
“Avaricious vampires drying the blood of thousands… unsatisfying and heinous vermins… conspicuously superior intellectuality…”
Is it me or does it sound like he wrote this using those refrigerator magnets with random words on them?
“Avaricious vampires drying the blood of thousands… unsatisfying and heinous vermins… conspicuously superior intellectuality…”
Is it me or does it sound like he wrote this using those refrigerator magnets with random words on them?
Hey Anal Rapist, please keep your commenting to no more than 25 times and ‘liking’ to 1000 on a post. Every time you comment a junior stock broker at Ameriprise Financial gets it’s wings.
Hey Anal Rapist, please keep your commenting to no more than 25 times and ‘liking’ to 1000 on a post. Every time you comment a junior stock broker at Ameriprise Financial gets it’s wings.
Hey Anal Rapist, please keep your commenting to no more than 25 times and ‘liking’ to 1000 on a post. Every time you comment a junior stock broker at Ameriprise Financial gets it’s wings.
You want to “exterminat[e] these unsatisfying and heinous vermins [sic]…breaching the seemingly unbreakable pillbox of the shameless bankers” but you applied to be one?
Sour grapes much?
Yes, we all know that a Gaussian copula is constructed from the bivariate normal distribution via Sklar’s theorem…but we’re looking for jokes, dammit!
Yes, we all know that a Gaussian copula is constructed from the bivariate normal distribution via Sklar’s theorem…but we’re looking for jokes, dammit!
Aside from Andrew Jackson being on the $20 bill, what historical significance does this man represent? Why would he reference him in denouncing Citi?
-Guy with a sense of irony
Needs work, kid.
kill yourself.
He forgot to sign himself “Fomer LEH Quant”
I think it has something to do with this quote: ”
Gentlemen, I have had men watching you for a long time and I am convinced that you have used the funds of the bank to speculate in the breadstuffs of the country. When you won, you divided the profits amongst you, and when you lost, you charged it to the bank. You tell me that if I take the deposits from the bank and annul its charter, I shall ruin ten thousand families. That may be true, gentlemen, but that is your sin! Should I let you go on, you will ruin fifty thousand families, and that would be my sin! You are a den of vipers and thieves.”
Perhaps he doesn’t like Indians.
For doing that, he was rewarded with his portrait on the $20 bill? Ironic to say the lease.
Andrew Jackson was a staunch opponent of the Second Bank of the United States (think of Citi sent back to the early 1800s) and withdrew all federal funds from it until its charter expired in 1836.
wow, if you record this letter as it is read out loud, then replay it backwards, there’s a secret message
wow, if you record this letter as it is read out loud, then replay it backwards, there’s a secret message
What says the lease?
What says the lease?
I think he is gaussian
I think he is gaussian
no , it’s “giving 10:1 this guy swallowed a mouthful of shrooms 2 hours previous to writing this”
I be rich than grammar good
“Woe to the fatuous decision, yet I humbly accpet!”
Last call after too many RBV’s is always trouble.
Yes and if the jokes were funny there would be no confusion
Yes and if the jokes were funny there would be no confusion
Our HR Dept would’ve hired this guy.
Our HR Dept would’ve hired this guy.
Our HR Dept would’ve hired this guy.
They don’t how, they ask how many.
-Pig Hunter
They don’t how, they ask how many.
-Pig Hunter
They don’t how, they ask how many.
-Pig Hunter
or Matt Taibbi
or Matt Taibbi
Say what again
Say what again
Who’s confused? Oh yeah, This Guy ^^^^^^^^^^^^
Who’s confused? Oh yeah, This Guy ^^^^^^^^^^^^
In Russia, Copula Gaussian’s You
- Not the Russia Guy, but an admirer of his work!
You mean Engrish?
He’s just over selling his little bang theory.
UBS Sucks
Excuse me, but can someone please explain what an “accpet” is?
Risk Manager, Rebellion Research
Well, it could be a Terrapin, a Yellow Jacket, an Eagle, a Tiger . . .
see what you did there
see what you did there
Very nice. Call me. I job you.
-Borat
Can anyone understand what this kid is saying?
- Soros
After reading this, I bet Citi HR upped the threat level to orange. Oh wait, I’m confusing it with a different unmanageable bureaucracy . . .
After reading this, I bet Citi HR upped the threat level to orange. Oh wait, I’m confusing it with a different unmanageable bureaucracy . . .
This would never happen at the University of Phoenix…. and by this I mean getting an interview.
No, Paolo Pelligrini.
pls hold while I load up my monte carlo simulator
-LEH Quant
nope, eastern european / russian. see vampire references. don’t think they have those in asia.
Homo says what.
that was one shit kicking good post. this is why we all love bess levin
Market will become less volatile with Citi losing an intern like this
fucking indians and their raping of the english language. why is there so much of that in banking? are there no normal white guys any more?
this dude gets a sign off bonus for exiting the interview pool that is double what a 2nd year associate at UBS SUX will get this year
Isn’t “alg416″ a fabulous retro nudist photo file jpeg?
I guarantee that guy never gets laid.
-Captain Insano
By “engineering department” he meant BNSF International Intermodal University where Gaussian cupolas are used on German freight trains.
I submit the following description of True Blood biographies from Entertainment Weekly (http://insidetv.ew.com/2010/10/25/true-blood-scoop-major-intel-on-season-4/) for your reconsideration:
“Naomi is an Asian-American cage fighter who, outside of the ring…er, cage…is hot-’n’-heavy with one of her female competitors. My hunch is that, driven away by brother Sam, Tommy starts putting up his dukes for money instead of his paws.”
real fucking genius he is, he forgot to use spell check “yet I humbly accpet!”
All your Gaussian Copulas are belong to us.
^^^^WIN!^^^^
Sorry about your tiny pink rejection slip
Where did he land a job? With the Obama administration?
Where did he land a job? With the Obama administration?
Andrew Jackson advocated the “glory of justice”?
Have you any Cherokee friends, mate?
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