A very wise, British-born, not banker but nevertheless partner of Goldman Sachs tasked with dealing with the firm’s image once lamented, “Jamie Dimon tells the government to wank off and the public calls him oh so spirited. Would life change for me if Lloyd wore lifts?” The Masters of the Universe aren’t usually ones to whine (or give a baker’s fuck about what the public thinks) but honestly, what the hell? Why is it that when Goldman has some maybe non-consensual relations with the economy it’s not okay but when JPMorgan does they’re the best bank in the world? How is it that Goldman can somehow get blamed when a kid in Akron, Ohio kicks a puppy but senior management at JPMorgan picks up where Michael Vick left off and they’re just having some fun? Or Lloyd Blankfein is a monster for passing a hobo and only giving him a dollar (when he made so much more last year) but Jamie Dimon rapes the same hobo after helping himself to some change and he’s “just being affectionate.” It’s just not fair and it makes no sense, have come the wails from within 200 West.

The double-standard struck the most sensitive nerve, of course, immediately following the crisis when the hate for Lloyd and GS versus the perceived love for James was so great Goldman’s board considered asking LB to wear a Jamie mask “just in public, or when addressing large groups of people, reporters, etc.” So we were interested to find out if the public’s perception of JD v. LB still chapped some Goldman hide now that things have calmed down a bit. Turns out it does.

Duff McDonald reports:

I was at a fairly large dinner party last Saturday night, and found myself sitting next to the wife of a Goldman partner. She later introduced me to her husband, whose ears perked up when I told him I’d written a biography of Dimon. “You know,” he said, “we scratch our heads at Goldman every day about that guy. He can be a much bigger bully in the markets than we are, but everyone still thinks he’s a prince and [Goldman CEO] Lloyd Blankfein is the devil.”

Seriously, what is it? It can’t be all looks because Jamie, while, yes, quite boyishly handsome, doesn’t have the Lloyd Grin. Is it the hair? It’s the hair, isn’t it. If that’s the case, you should all know LB’s actually got lots of it, he just chose to start covering it with makeup a la Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder a number of years back because he thought he had to to make CEO, as the pates of those who came before him would suggest. You want hair, he’ll give you hair.

How Much Does It Suck To Be Jamie Dimon These Days [Fortune]

142 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (142)

  1. Posted by Goldman_baller | February 4, 2011 at 5:26 PM

    Haters gonna hate.

  2. Posted by Inner beauty | February 4, 2011 at 5:32 PM

    Probably b/c JD looks like a CEO and Lloyd looks like Gollum

    Worked for Ronald Reagan.

  3. Posted by Coiffure | February 4, 2011 at 5:43 PM

    “It’s the hair, isn’t it” needs to be a tag for all things JD, going forward.

  4. Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 5:44 PM

    For better or for worse Goldman earned it’s reputation

  5. Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 5:45 PM

    you’re so deep.

  6. Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 5:50 PM

    Love’em or hate’em, Goldman Sachs is a bank.

  7. Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 5:55 PM

    “Jamie Dimon tells the government to wank off and the public calls him oh so spirited. Would life change for me if Lloyd wore lifts?”

    bess levin = national treasure

  8. Posted by Guestosaurus | February 4, 2011 at 5:55 PM

    ..some day soon Obama will come with a glass slipper in his hand that only Lloyd fits and he’ll look deep in Lloyd’s eyes and say “Lloyd, my one true love, deep inside i knew it was you all along”

  9. Posted by SRH | February 4, 2011 at 5:57 PM

    I’m not one to jump on the ‘ride BL’s uterus’ like most of the sychophants here but this post might change my tune.

  10. Posted by Peter Davis | February 4, 2011 at 6:12 PM

    Doing God’s work is truly a thankless job. Just remember, Jesus died for our sins once, too.

  11. Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 6:15 PM

    JD is Charlie Sheen; he does what he wants, doesn’t give a shit and everyone loves him for it. LB is Tiger Woods; he can’t get back to his winning ways because he acts remorseful.

    LB needs to go back to fucking the waffle house waitress, earning and burning, snapping necks and cashing checks.

  12. Posted by Avenue62 | February 4, 2011 at 6:44 PM

    Is Dimon a goy?

  13. Posted by Guessst | February 4, 2011 at 6:47 PM

    I dont know if he’s a goy, but I’d certainly call him Schlomo.

  14. Posted by FudgieTheWhale | February 4, 2011 at 6:56 PM

    Correction: Bess Levin’s inbox is a god damn national treasure.

  15. Posted by FudgieTheWhale | February 4, 2011 at 6:56 PM

    Correction: Bess Levin’s inbox is a god damn national treasure.

  16. Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:01 PM

    co-signed

  17. Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:01 PM

    co-signed

  18. Posted by Sad | February 4, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    I don’t understand how all these so called best and brightest of the free financial world fucked this country financially better than Osama Bin Laden could have ever dreamed.

  19. Posted by Sad | February 4, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    I don’t understand how all these so called best and brightest of the free financial world fucked this country financially better than Osama Bin Laden could have ever dreamed.

  20. Posted by Go Fuck Your Mother | February 4, 2011 at 7:16 PM

    Hey, look! Someone set down their pitchfork and torch long enough to pound out a blind, baseless accusation!

  21. Posted by Mournful Clown | February 4, 2011 at 7:16 PM

    Wow…yeah.

  22. Posted by Lloyd Blankefein | February 4, 2011 at 7:16 PM

    BUT WE ARE DOING GODS WORK! (i.e. enrich the “chosen” members of the “tribe” and support Israel)

  23. Posted by Lloyd Blankefein | February 4, 2011 at 7:21 PM

    Nope, he’s a fellow OvenDodger

  24. Posted by Guestronomist | February 4, 2011 at 7:26 PM

    You should have stopped after the first 3 words.

  25. Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    YOU are doing god’s work with this comment.

    -adolf

  26. Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    YOU are doing god’s work with this comment.

    -adolf

  27. Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 8:07 PM

    For better or for worse, you need to review the rules of English grammar.

  28. Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 8:34 PM

    They took ‘er jobs!

  29. Posted by James (not Jim!) Gorman | February 4, 2011 at 8:36 PM

    What about me?

  30. Posted by James (not Jim!) Gorman | February 4, 2011 at 8:36 PM

    What about me?

  31. Posted by James (not Jim!) Gorman | February 4, 2011 at 8:36 PM

    What about me?

  32. Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 9:01 PM

    Wasn’t trying to be…. assclown

  33. Posted by Gwatkins2805 | February 4, 2011 at 10:00 PM

    You must live under a rock, cause Sad’s statement is a lot closer than you think to the real life scenario of this mess.

  34. Posted by Gwatkins2805 | February 4, 2011 at 10:00 PM

    You must live under a rock, cause Sad’s statement is a lot closer than you think to the real life scenario of this mess.

  35. Posted by FrenchMistress | February 4, 2011 at 10:18 PM

    Oh please, they should only wait until finally govmnt will start breaking up too big too fail — then JPMorgan will be first in line!

  36. Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 11:33 PM

    Please tell me you’re joking- Barry’s got his lips wrapped around JD’s dick, Bahney has his tongue all the way to his prostate, and Timmy is wearing a gimp mask in the corner beating off to the scene. Elizabeth Warren will get laid before they break up TBTF banks

  37. Posted by LEWOODWORTH | February 5, 2011 at 12:19 AM

    LOTS OF GOOD COMMENTS. GO GS ! JUST BOT 5,000 SHS.

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    Does Goldman also offer free checking?

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