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Goldman Sachs Execs Are Sick Of JPMorgan Getting Away With Everything They Can’t

A very wise, British-born, not banker but nevertheless partner of Goldman Sachs tasked with dealing with the firm’s image once lamented, “Jamie Dimon tells the government to wank off and the public calls him oh so spirited. Would life change for me if Lloyd wore lifts?” The Masters of the Universe aren’t usually ones to whine (or give a baker’s fuck about what the public thinks) but honestly, what the hell? Why is it that when Goldman has some maybe non-consensual relations with the economy it’s not okay but when JPMorgan does they’re the best bank in the world? How is it that Goldman can somehow get blamed when a kid in Akron, Ohio kicks a puppy but senior management at JPMorgan picks up where Michael Vick left off and they’re just having some fun? Or Lloyd Blankfein is a monster for passing a hobo and only giving him a dollar (when he made so much more last year) but Jamie Dimon rapes the same hobo after helping himself to some change and he’s “just being affectionate.” It’s just not fair and it makes no sense, have come the wails from within 200 West.

The double-standard struck the most sensitive nerve, of course, immediately following the crisis when the hate for Lloyd and GS versus the perceived love for James was so great Goldman’s board considered asking LB to wear a Jamie mask “just in public, or when addressing large groups of people, reporters, etc.” So we were interested to find out if the public’s perception of JD v. LB still chapped some Goldman hide now that things have calmed down a bit. Turns out it does.

Duff McDonald reports:

I was at a fairly large dinner party last Saturday night, and found myself sitting next to the wife of a Goldman partner. She later introduced me to her husband, whose ears perked up when I told him I’d written a biography of Dimon. “You know,” he said, “we scratch our heads at Goldman every day about that guy. He can be a much bigger bully in the markets than we are, but everyone still thinks he’s a prince and [Goldman CEO] Lloyd Blankfein is the devil.”

Seriously, what is it? It can’t be all looks because Jamie, while, yes, quite boyishly handsome, doesn’t have the Lloyd Grin. Is it the hair? It’s the hair, isn’t it. If that’s the case, you should all know LB’s actually got lots of it, he just chose to start covering it with makeup a la Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder a number of years back because he thought he had to to make CEO, as the pates of those who came before him would suggest. You want hair, he’ll give you hair.

How Much Does It Suck To Be Jamie Dimon These Days [Fortune]

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142 Responses to “Goldman Sachs Execs Are Sick Of JPMorgan Getting Away With Everything They Can’t”

  1. Goldman_baller says:

    Haters gonna hate.

  2. Inner beauty says:

    Probably b/c JD looks like a CEO and Lloyd looks like Gollum

    Worked for Ronald Reagan.

  3. Coiffure says:

    “It’s the hair, isn’t it” needs to be a tag for all things JD, going forward.

  4. Anonymous says:

    For better or for worse Goldman earned it’s reputation

  5. Guest says:

    “Jamie Dimon tells the government to wank off and the public calls him oh so spirited. Would life change for me if Lloyd wore lifts?”

    bess levin = national treasure

  6. Guestosaurus says:

    ..some day soon Obama will come with a glass slipper in his hand that only Lloyd fits and he’ll look deep in Lloyd’s eyes and say “Lloyd, my one true love, deep inside i knew it was you all along”

  7. Peter Davis says:

    Doing God’s work is truly a thankless job. Just remember, Jesus died for our sins once, too.

  8. Anonymous says:

    JD is Charlie Sheen; he does what he wants, doesn’t give a shit and everyone loves him for it. LB is Tiger Woods; he can’t get back to his winning ways because he acts remorseful.

    LB needs to go back to fucking the waffle house waitress, earning and burning, snapping necks and cashing checks.

  9. Avenue62 says:

    Is Dimon a goy?

  10. Sad says:

    I don’t understand how all these so called best and brightest of the free financial world fucked this country financially better than Osama Bin Laden could have ever dreamed.

  11. Sad says:

    I don’t understand how all these so called best and brightest of the free financial world fucked this country financially better than Osama Bin Laden could have ever dreamed.

  12. James (not Jim!) Gorman says:

    What about me?

  13. James (not Jim!) Gorman says:

    What about me?

  14. James (not Jim!) Gorman says:

    What about me?

  15. FrenchMistress says:

    Oh please, they should only wait until finally govmnt will start breaking up too big too fail — then JPMorgan will be first in line!

    • Guest says:

      Please tell me you’re joking- Barry’s got his lips wrapped around JD’s dick, Bahney has his tongue all the way to his prostate, and Timmy is wearing a gimp mask in the corner beating off to the scene. Elizabeth Warren will get laid before they break up TBTF banks

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