• 04 Feb 2011 at 12:52 PM

Hedge Fund Applicant Busts Out The Jazz Hands, Clip Art, Exclamation Points, Beginner Kayaking Skills For Shock And Awe Résumé

By

All should take notes.

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Comments (216)

Older Comments
  1. 1
    Posted by Guesty Guest | February 4, 2011 at 6:03 PM

    Oh no she di’int

  2. 2
    Posted by haha | February 4, 2011 at 6:03 PM

    http://www.kobren.com/bios/bio_ben.html

  3. 3
    Posted by Guestosaurus | February 4, 2011 at 6:05 PM

    this is a real tressure trove where do we start: the flatwater kayaking, the public speaking at a wedding, the merrimack college, the online courses rhetoric at yale..

    i’m overwhelmed.

  4. 4
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 6:06 PM

    This made my day!

  5. 5
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 6:07 PM

    Anyone else surprised that Columbia Business School isn’t listed under ‘Coursework’?

  6. 6
    Posted by SRH | February 4, 2011 at 6:11 PM

    what’s a tressure trove?

  7. 7
    Posted by GraphicDesignDegree>CFA>MBA? | February 4, 2011 at 6:11 PM

    “Passed Level 1 in the CFA Program”

    Well this pretty much settles it….

  8. 8
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 6:13 PM

    In Soviet Russia Impossible is Nothing

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15250703/ns/business-forbescom/

  9. 9
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 6:15 PM

    Looks like a pleasant day of flatwater kayaking just turned into a Class 4 rapid trip.

  10. 10
    Posted by Dr. Rosenrose | February 4, 2011 at 6:16 PM

    Hi, I’m interested in being a Old-West Saloon analyst at your hedge fund. Are there any openings?

  11. 11
    Posted by DJ Guest | February 4, 2011 at 6:18 PM

    1) Also worked “at the NSA”. You would think he would have mentioned that in his resume.
    2) Lean into the camera more
    3) Well, Big Cat, I guess everyone knows you’re applying!

  12. 12
    Posted by guest | February 4, 2011 at 6:20 PM

    Needs more cowbell. Other than that I have no concerns.

  13. 13
    Posted by guest | February 4, 2011 at 6:20 PM

    Needs more cowbell. Other than that I have no concerns.

  14. 14
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 6:21 PM

    Graphic Desing @ Merrimack > Series 66

  15. 15
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 6:22 PM

    Bess’ inbox.

  16. 16
    Posted by Guestosaurus | February 4, 2011 at 6:23 PM

    take a bathroom break, grab yourself a coke, switch off your phone, sit yourself down at your desk in your cubicle and stare hard and long at your keyboard.

    you’ll figure it out, you’re smart, that’s why they hired you.

  17. 17
    Posted by DJ Guest | February 4, 2011 at 6:26 PM

    Don’t forget woodworking. I’m thinking birdhouses in the shape of the various Roman marvels. Clearly his arbitrary, random hobbies are interfering with his studying for Level 2 CFA.

  18. 18
    Posted by Wilbur | February 4, 2011 at 6:30 PM

    18 month degree and HVAC School > Merrimack > Series 66 > Level I CFA ‘passer’

  19. 19
    Posted by Wilbur | February 4, 2011 at 6:30 PM

    18 month degree and HVAC School > Merrimack > Series 66 > Level I CFA ‘passer’

  20. 20
    Posted by Wilbur | February 4, 2011 at 6:30 PM

    18 month degree and HVAC School > Merrimack > Series 66 > Level I CFA ‘passer’

  21. 21
    Posted by Wilbur | February 4, 2011 at 6:30 PM

    18 month degree and HVAC School > Merrimack > Series 66 > Level I CFA ‘passer’

  22. 22
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 6:30 PM

    I’m ok with the rest but would never hire anyone with outside interests unless they are analyzing financial models and printing money

  23. 23
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 6:30 PM

    I’m ok with the rest but would never hire anyone with outside interests unless they are analyzing financial models and printing money

  24. 24
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 6:30 PM

    I’m ok with the rest but would never hire anyone with outside interests unless they are analyzing financial models and printing money

  25. 25
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 6:30 PM

    I’m ok with the rest but would never hire anyone with outside interests unless they are analyzing financial models and printing money

  26. 26
    Posted by NakedShort | February 4, 2011 at 6:31 PM

    This guy can do it all officiate weddings AND he knows how to use a Bloomberg

  27. 27
    Posted by NakedShort | February 4, 2011 at 6:31 PM

    This guy can do it all officiate weddings AND he knows how to use a Bloomberg

  28. 28
    Posted by NakedShort | February 4, 2011 at 6:31 PM

    This guy can do it all officiate weddings AND he knows how to use a Bloomberg

  29. 29
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 6:31 PM

    I prefer kayaking in sparkling water

  30. 30
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 6:31 PM

    I prefer kayaking in sparkling water

  31. 31
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 6:31 PM

    I prefer kayaking in sparkling water

  32. 32
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 6:31 PM

    I prefer kayaking in sparkling water

  33. 33
    Posted by CurrencyTrader | February 4, 2011 at 6:32 PM

    How this guy looks is how I envision everyone that posts on dealbreaker looks. A fat guy with a goatee that reeks of middle america.

  34. 34
    Posted by CurrencyTrader | February 4, 2011 at 6:32 PM

    How this guy looks is how I envision everyone that posts on dealbreaker looks. A fat guy with a goatee that reeks of middle america.

  35. 35
    Posted by CurrencyTrader | February 4, 2011 at 6:32 PM

    How this guy looks is how I envision everyone that posts on dealbreaker looks. A fat guy with a goatee that reeks of middle america.

  36. 36
    Posted by Chuddy | February 4, 2011 at 6:32 PM

    Microsoft Office, Morningstar, Bllomberg user??

    My 8-year old has the same skill set.

  37. 37
    Posted by Chuddy | February 4, 2011 at 6:32 PM

    Microsoft Office, Morningstar, Bllomberg user??

    My 8-year old has the same skill set.

  38. 38
    Posted by Chuddy | February 4, 2011 at 6:32 PM

    Microsoft Office, Morningstar, Bllomberg user??

    My 8-year old has the same skill set.

  39. 39
    Posted by HeeHee | February 4, 2011 at 6:33 PM

    They are calling it ‘woodworking’ now? Duly noted.

    ~ Pee Wee Herman

  40. 40
    Posted by AA | February 4, 2011 at 6:34 PM

    Is that “The Print Shop”?

  41. 41
    Posted by insiderhound | February 4, 2011 at 6:35 PM

    well, I appreciate your coming in. Officiating at a wedding is fine, but call me back when you officiate at the honeymoon.

  42. 42
    Posted by SRH | February 4, 2011 at 6:37 PM

    everyone puts bloomberg under skills, but way to nail him for the most mock-worthy parts of the resume.

  43. 43
    Posted by Phobe | February 4, 2011 at 6:40 PM

    I’m guessing the wedding was in Vermont.

  44. 44
    Posted by ExtraOrdinaryPopularDelusions | February 4, 2011 at 6:41 PM

    “Interests: Design”

    Is that some kind of joke?

  45. 45
    Posted by ExtraOrdinaryPopularDelusions | February 4, 2011 at 6:41 PM

    “Interests: Design”

    Is that some kind of joke?

  46. 46
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 6:42 PM

    Curvy water for me!

  47. 47
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 6:42 PM

    Curvy water for me!

  48. 48
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 6:44 PM

    Amazing that the picture of this douche that formed in my mind’s eye prior to seeing the link was dead-on except for one thing: I figured he’d be wearing a bow tie.

  49. 49
    Posted by PasteSpecialFormats | February 4, 2011 at 6:44 PM

    I will be pasting that format…

  50. 50
    Posted by Houlihan Lokey MD | February 4, 2011 at 6:50 PM

    If you’re a non-smoker, we’d like to sit down with you Thursday night. Are you familiar with the Encino Dave & Busters?

  51. 51
    Posted by Wilbur | February 4, 2011 at 6:50 PM

    You’re hired!

    ~ Phil

  52. 52
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 6:50 PM

    Be the hyena!

  53. 53
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 6:51 PM

    Well if you don’t like your goatee then why don’t you shave it off?

  54. 54
    Posted by Bowtie Wearer | February 4, 2011 at 6:52 PM

    Dislike with extreme prejudice.

  55. 55
    Posted by Bowtie Wearer | February 4, 2011 at 6:52 PM

    Dislike with extreme prejudice.

  56. 56
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 6:52 PM

    Hey…I do NOT have a goatee (not on my face anyway)

  57. 57
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 6:52 PM

    Hey…I do NOT have a goatee (not on my face anyway)

  58. 58
    Posted by The Naked Trader | February 4, 2011 at 6:53 PM

    You forgot “naked”.

  59. 59
    Posted by The Naked Trader | February 4, 2011 at 6:53 PM

    You forgot “naked”.

  60. 60
    Posted by The Naked Trader | February 4, 2011 at 6:53 PM

    You forgot “naked”.

  61. 61
    Posted by Super Senior HR MD | February 4, 2011 at 6:55 PM

    All of these hands on the CV, we have no openings for a hand job

  62. 62
    Posted by B. Hunter | February 4, 2011 at 6:55 PM

    I’m thinking that from what I read here recently that John Arnold in Houston needs some help.

  63. 63
    Posted by Chuddy | February 4, 2011 at 6:55 PM

    great, there goes my woodrow – now i wont be able to get out of my chair for 30 minutes

  64. 64
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 6:57 PM

    Do you suppose his research reports also resemble the credits for “True Grit”?

  65. 65
    Posted by GorillaSack | February 4, 2011 at 6:58 PM

    This guy is pure class, from head to toe. PURE CLASS.

  66. 66
    Posted by Smoking Hand | February 4, 2011 at 6:58 PM

    Hey!!

    -Pinnochio

  67. 67
    Posted by Smoking Hand | February 4, 2011 at 6:58 PM

    Hey!!

    -Pinnochio

  68. 68
    Posted by Ben the Slayer | February 4, 2011 at 6:58 PM

    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO
    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO

    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO
    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO

    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO
    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO

    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO
    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO

    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO
    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO

  69. 69
    Posted by Ben the Slayer | February 4, 2011 at 6:58 PM

    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO
    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO

    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO
    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO

    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO
    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO

    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO
    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO

    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO
    HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO

  70. 70
    Posted by UPhoenixAlum | February 4, 2011 at 6:59 PM

    Anybody else notice the Others listed after his plethora of online course experience? Why doesn’t he list the others? Does U Phoenix not look good?

  71. 71
    Posted by UPhoenixAlum | February 4, 2011 at 6:59 PM

    Anybody else notice the Others listed after his plethora of online course experience? Why doesn’t he list the others? Does U Phoenix not look good?

  72. 72
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:00 PM

    What the hell is a Merrimak College?

  73. 73
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:00 PM

    What the hell is a Merrimak College?

  74. 74
    Posted by Confucius | February 4, 2011 at 7:01 PM

    I hate how hard it is to break into the hedge fund world unless you come from the Merrimack/Houghton Mifflin/Tufts Night School pipeline

  75. 75
    Posted by Confucius | February 4, 2011 at 7:01 PM

    I hate how hard it is to break into the hedge fund world unless you come from the Merrimack/Houghton Mifflin/Tufts Night School pipeline

  76. 76
    Posted by Helmet Polish | February 4, 2011 at 7:02 PM

    Add breathing and water drinking

  77. 77
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:02 PM

    I thought I put a stop to that.

    -William “Braveheart” Wallace

  78. 78
    Posted by Rawr | February 4, 2011 at 7:03 PM

    We need to hire this guy!
    -Exotic Animal Derviatives Trader, Ringling Brothers Fund

  79. 79
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    Nicely done, sir.

  80. 80
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    Nicely done, sir.

  81. 81
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    Nicely done, sir.

  82. 82
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    Jr. tax accounting at a tiny boutique is the new still blows no matter how bad the economy is.

  83. 83
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    Jr. tax accounting at a tiny boutique is the new still blows no matter how bad the economy is.

  84. 84
    Posted by Anal_yst | February 4, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    Best comment by far

  85. 85
    Posted by Anal_yst | February 4, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    Best comment by far

  86. 86
    Posted by Anal_yst | February 4, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    Best comment by far

  87. 87
    Posted by No Such Agency | February 4, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    Maybe you’re not allowed to mention that on the resume since they didn’t really exist prior to 2004ish (forget when the Bush Admin admitted to their existence).

  88. 88
    Posted by No Such Agency | February 4, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    Maybe you’re not allowed to mention that on the resume since they didn’t really exist prior to 2004ish (forget when the Bush Admin admitted to their existence).

  89. 89
    Posted by No Such Agency | February 4, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    Maybe you’re not allowed to mention that on the resume since they didn’t really exist prior to 2004ish (forget when the Bush Admin admitted to their existence).

  90. 90
    Posted by Guy LeDouche | February 4, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    Is it really a hedge fund if your email address is @etrade.com?

  91. 91
    Posted by Guy LeDouche | February 4, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    Is it really a hedge fund if your email address is @etrade.com?

  92. 92
    Posted by Guy LeDouche | February 4, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    Is it really a hedge fund if your email address is @etrade.com?

  93. 93
    Posted by Guy LeDouche | February 4, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    Is it really a hedge fund if your email address is @etrade.com?

  94. 94
    Posted by Long Shot Taker | February 4, 2011 at 7:07 PM

    Pics or it’s not true.

  95. 95
    Posted by Long Shot Taker | February 4, 2011 at 7:07 PM

    Pics or it’s not true.

  96. 96
    Posted by Long Shot Taker | February 4, 2011 at 7:07 PM

    Pics or it’s not true.

  97. 97
    Posted by Long Shot Taker | February 4, 2011 at 7:07 PM

    Pics or it’s not true.

  98. 98
    Posted by Long Shot Taker | February 4, 2011 at 7:07 PM

    Pics or it’s not true.

  99. 99
    Posted by Drunk coed | February 4, 2011 at 7:07 PM

    Ben, meet me in the womens bathroom at Minetta’s. rape me so I know it’s you

  100. 100
    Posted by Drunk coed | February 4, 2011 at 7:07 PM

    Ben, meet me in the womens bathroom at Minetta’s. rape me so I know it’s you

  101. 101
    Posted by Drunk coed | February 4, 2011 at 7:07 PM

    Ben, meet me in the womens bathroom at Minetta’s. rape me so I know it’s you

  102. 102
    Posted by Long Shot Taker | February 4, 2011 at 7:07 PM

    Pics or it’s not true.

  103. 103
    Posted by Michael S. | February 4, 2011 at 7:08 PM

    The Dunder Mifflin pipeline is also effective.

  104. 104
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:08 PM

    Seconded.

  105. 105
    Posted by ExtraOrdinaryPopularDelusions | February 4, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    the best part is the yellow & blue glow filter he put around his name accented by the hand-drawn underline with the fancy curve at the end.

  106. 106
    Posted by ExtraOrdinaryPopularDelusions | February 4, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    the best part is the yellow & blue glow filter he put around his name accented by the hand-drawn underline with the fancy curve at the end.

  107. 107
    Posted by ExtraOrdinaryPopularDelusions | February 4, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    the best part is the yellow & blue glow filter he put around his name accented by the hand-drawn underline with the fancy curve at the end.

  108. 108
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    Examine your motives Mr. Prejudice. You’re probably also a fan of “the classics, particularly B&W” and not “colored” movies.

  109. 109
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    Examine your motives Mr. Prejudice. You’re probably also a fan of “the classics, particularly B&W” and not “colored” movies.

  110. 110
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    Examine your motives Mr. Prejudice. You’re probably also a fan of “the classics, particularly B&W” and not “colored” movies.

  111. 111
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    Bullshit Resume > Bess Levin too excited to post a proper headline and therefore misspells “Kayaking”

  112. 112
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    Bullshit Resume > Bess Levin too excited to post a proper headline and therefore misspells “Kayaking”

  113. 113
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    Bullshit Resume > Bess Levin too excited to post a proper headline and therefore misspells “Kayaking”

  114. 114
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    Bullshit Resume > Bess Levin too excited to post a proper headline and therefore misspells “Kayaking”

  115. 115
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    Bullshit Resume > Bess Levin too excited to post a proper headline and therefore misspells “Kayaking”

  116. 116
    Posted by Dork | February 4, 2011 at 7:13 PM

    Bess will be getting a call from Kobren soon complaining about the number of people web-jumping to their site from here.

    –Guy who doesn’t know shit about the interwebs and has no idea if things really work like that.

  117. 117
    Posted by Dork | February 4, 2011 at 7:13 PM

    Bess will be getting a call from Kobren soon complaining about the number of people web-jumping to their site from here.

    –Guy who doesn’t know shit about the interwebs and has no idea if things really work like that.

  118. 118
    Posted by Dork | February 4, 2011 at 7:13 PM

    Bess will be getting a call from Kobren soon complaining about the number of people web-jumping to their site from here.

    –Guy who doesn’t know shit about the interwebs and has no idea if things really work like that.

  119. 119
    Posted by Ft. Worth Hedge Fund Trader | February 4, 2011 at 7:13 PM

    I met a Steeler cheerleader in Dallas last night at the Ally Bank party. She was fit and toned and broad shouldered and we talked about the yen carry-she had a husky voice–I love huskyy girl’s voices–f and we hit it off and before too long I had her back at my room and I was pretty drunk and all and don’t remember much but gee you know, to tag a pro cheerleader had me really revved up and then I checked Dealbreaker this morning while taking some aspirin for my sore rear end…(must have fallen on it sometime last night) and someone wrote that the Steelers don’t have cheerleaders? hey…..wait a minute…..

  120. 120
    Posted by Tom Keene | February 4, 2011 at 7:16 PM

    Thirded

  121. 121
    Posted by PhD in Speedlines, ITT Tech | February 4, 2011 at 7:16 PM

    I hope to get to U Phoenix one day myself.

  122. 122
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:16 PM

    On closer examination the dude is 28-this is some high school sophomore bullshit. Embarassing.

  123. 123
    Posted by Bess' Box | February 4, 2011 at 7:17 PM

    Hey, Kid Chuddy, it’s weird that you have an 8 yr old and are on Dealbreaker…

  124. 124
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:17 PM

    applicants like this is what the subprime is in trouble

  125. 125
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:18 PM

    Clearly not given the format in which he chose to render his resume.

  126. 126
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:21 PM

    coloreds have equal rights now… fyi.

  127. 127
    Posted by ChazGaspasheen | February 4, 2011 at 7:21 PM

    Never hire a Mormon.

    /Confucius

  128. 128
    Posted by ChazGaspasheen | February 4, 2011 at 7:21 PM

    Never hire a Mormon.

    /Confucius

  129. 129
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:22 PM

    That’ll change tonight you little vixen.
    –The waitress you met at Henrietta Hudsons last night

  130. 130
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:22 PM

    That’ll change tonight you little vixen.
    –The waitress you met at Henrietta Hudsons last night

  131. 131
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:22 PM

    That’ll change tonight you little vixen.
    –The waitress you met at Henrietta Hudsons last night

  132. 132
    Posted by tw | February 4, 2011 at 7:23 PM

    What about “fluffer”? Skill wasn’t mentioned but implied by said hands.

  133. 133
    Posted by tw | February 4, 2011 at 7:23 PM

    What about “fluffer”? Skill wasn’t mentioned but implied by said hands.

  134. 134
    Posted by tw | February 4, 2011 at 7:23 PM

    What about “fluffer”? Skill wasn’t mentioned but implied by said hands.

  135. 135
    Posted by Knight Templar | February 4, 2011 at 7:23 PM

    Well then why don’t we reveal all our secret societies?

    Sir Hugh De Payne

  136. 136
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:24 PM

    it moved.

  137. 137
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:24 PM

    it moved.

  138. 138
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:24 PM

    it moved.

  139. 139
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:25 PM

    Thanks Bess. You won Internets today.

  140. 140
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:25 PM

    Thanks Bess. You won Internets today.

  141. 141
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:25 PM

    Thanks Bess. You won Internets today.

  142. 142
    Posted by White Guilt | February 4, 2011 at 7:27 PM

    [nervous laughter]

  143. 143
    Posted by Chuddy | February 4, 2011 at 7:28 PM

    32 is the new 25, haven’t you heard, dickwad?

  144. 144
    Posted by CurrencyTrader | February 4, 2011 at 7:29 PM

    I love you guys. But not in a gay way, let’s be clear.

  145. 145
    Posted by Bella Union Capital Mgmt | February 4, 2011 at 7:31 PM

    What a coincidence. We are working on a Saloon rollup in the upper midwest. We pay 6x EBITDA, sell off the horse tie ups, raise prices on whiskey, and then float the thing back to the unsuspecting public.

  146. 146
    Posted by Bess' Box | February 4, 2011 at 7:34 PM

    Well then it must have sucked to have had a kid at 24…are you Mormon?

  147. 147
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:34 PM

    Embrace a life of retail, my CFA, wedding-officiating friend…

  148. 148
    Posted by Howard Hughes | February 4, 2011 at 7:34 PM

    Hey!!

    -Howard Hughes
    Bazooms, NV

  149. 149
    Posted by Ed McMahon | February 4, 2011 at 7:37 PM

    Hey – ooo!

  150. 150
    Posted by Realist | February 4, 2011 at 7:37 PM

    But..think of the qualified “normal” professional resumes they’ll toss into File 13 as well.

  151. 151
    Posted by CaptainAwesome | February 4, 2011 at 7:38 PM

    Bess’s Kayking skills are second to none. Check yer motives, dog boi!

  152. 152
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:38 PM

    If Bess will post it, I will take it. Would you like 5 day growth or newly done #1 buzz?

  153. 153
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:38 PM

    Needs another yellow start in the top right corner “Sale On Now, 50% Off”

  154. 154
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:41 PM

    Hats off to you, CT for a post that lead to a very funny thread. A new day has dawned.

    xoxo

  155. 155
    Posted by Long Shot Taker | February 4, 2011 at 7:41 PM

    #1 buzz, please. Thanks for checking!

  156. 156
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    matted-post-gym-work-out shetland-pony-growth please

  157. 157
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    matted-post-gym-work-out shetland-pony-growth please

  158. 158
    Posted by Jos. A Bank | February 4, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    Disagree. Everyone knows running a sale only cheapens the brand.

  159. 159
    Posted by Jos. A Bank | February 4, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    Disagree. Everyone knows running a sale only cheapens the brand.

  160. 160
    Posted by Jos. A Bank | February 4, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    Disagree. Everyone knows running a sale only cheapens the brand.

  161. 161
    Posted by angry older brother | February 4, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    How did this guy get a hold of my little sister’s birthday party invitation template??

  162. 162
    Posted by angry older brother | February 4, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    How did this guy get a hold of my little sister’s birthday party invitation template??

  163. 163
    Posted by angry older brother | February 4, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    How did this guy get a hold of my little sister’s birthday party invitation template??

  164. 164
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:46 PM

    How about before and after, for comparison purposes?

  165. 165
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:46 PM

    How about before and after, for comparison purposes?

  166. 166
    Posted by Ft Worthless HF Trader | February 4, 2011 at 7:48 PM

    “I had her back at my room”, you sound like a high schooler/colleger.

    Move out of the parents place, the spiderman bed sheets are creepy,.. its abt time.

  167. 167
    Posted by Not Ken | February 4, 2011 at 7:48 PM

    Yes, rhymes with Spiv-A-Del

  168. 168
    Posted by CWT09_FemaleAssociate | February 4, 2011 at 7:49 PM

    Thank you Bess!

  169. 169
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:51 PM

    you’re the only one here posting from middle america.

  170. 170
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:52 PM

    Disgraceful, I tell you.

    C
    Box 850

  171. 171
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 7:53 PM

    there are a significant number of people who read DB that are over the age of 35, champ.

  172. 172
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 7:57 PM

    Public speaking experience at professional presentations = talking while clicking through the powerpoint slide deck?

  173. 173
    Posted by FixedInk | February 4, 2011 at 7:57 PM

    Nunchuck skills, bowstaff skills, computer hacking skills… Hedge funds only want guys that have great skills.”

  174. 174
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 8:01 PM

    Ewww…that’s nasty

  175. 175
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 8:01 PM

    Ewww…that’s nasty

  176. 176
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 8:01 PM

    Anything for you Perma. xoxo

  177. 177
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 8:01 PM

    Anything for you Perma. xoxo

  178. 178
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 8:04 PM

    Kind of lazy how he posted a special graphic next to Skills but just went with the hand with outstretched finger next to Experience, Interests and Coursework.

  179. 179
    Posted by STAR! | February 4, 2011 at 8:05 PM

    Whiiiirrrr beeeep!
    int x = font type
    int y = background color selection
    int z = colleges attended
    int a = amount of flair or clip art
    int b = goteeage

    (((x + a)*z)/(y))^b

    zzzziirrrp ding!

    Report:

    Font type and background color selection means major douche.
    College(s) attended show lack of dedication.
    Amount of flair show lack of anything interesting in resume.
    Gotee is a slacker trying to not be a slacker.
    This applicant is bigger douche than Spencer Greenberg.
    Recommend hiring as he will make Spencer look good.
    Carrer outcome, future bear stuffer/waffle maker/tea collecter

  180. 180
    Posted by Gravitas | February 4, 2011 at 8:09 PM

    LO FUCKING L!

  181. 181
    Posted by Supraman | February 4, 2011 at 8:11 PM

    Yes, my understanding is that if there is one thing companies hate it is increased traffic to their websites.

  182. 182
    Posted by Gmbones | February 4, 2011 at 8:12 PM

    you sir are an idiot, please stand up, walk to the window, and jump out. Unless of course you work on the first floor. Then continue until you meet the front of the M102.

    -guy who had to look up NYC buses

  183. 183
    Posted by OldSkool | February 4, 2011 at 8:16 PM

    Use of search engines.

    -Guy who had it on his resume in 2000.

  184. 184
    Posted by trojan | February 4, 2011 at 8:20 PM

    Shirley you must be joking

  185. 185
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 8:21 PM

    The BX15 would do a better job– they speed up to get through the yellow lights.

    -Guy who’s had the s*** scared out of him crossing Madison @ 42nd in the a.m.

  186. 186
    Posted by trojan | February 4, 2011 at 8:21 PM

    but what about a handbridge?

  187. 187
    Posted by trojan | February 4, 2011 at 8:21 PM

    but what about a handbridge?

  188. 188
    Posted by trojan | February 4, 2011 at 8:28 PM

    was thinking more along the lines of dorito chip…

  189. 189
    Posted by Bob Slydell | February 4, 2011 at 8:35 PM

    Bob Slydell: “You see, Ben, what we’re actually trying to do here is, we’re trying to get a feel for how people spend their day at work… so, if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?”

  190. 190
    Posted by J.Northrop | February 4, 2011 at 8:43 PM

    /Oyster farmer

  191. 191
    Posted by Guest | February 4, 2011 at 9:01 PM

    he graduated in 03, so likely 29 or 30. which is awesome.

  192. 192
    Posted by Judge Smails | February 4, 2011 at 9:10 PM

    Well? We’re waiting . . .

  193. 193
    Posted by Judge Smails | February 4, 2011 at 9:10 PM

    Well? We’re waiting . . .

  194. 194
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 9:29 PM

    Ahem…. The Sausage King of Chicago

  195. 195
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 9:29 PM

    Ahem…. The Sausage King of Chicago

  196. 196
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 9:29 PM

    Ahem…. The Sausage King of Chicago

  197. 197
    Posted by JR | February 4, 2011 at 9:29 PM

    Ability to draw hybrid beasts (such as ligers) is also in great demand.

  198. 198
    Posted by WalFart | February 4, 2011 at 9:43 PM

    Hey!!!

    -Sam Walton
    Bigbox, AR

  199. 199
    Posted by WalFart | February 4, 2011 at 9:43 PM

    Hey!!!

    -Sam Walton
    Bigbox, AR

  200. 200
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 10:03 PM

    I’m not. And don’t call me Shirley.

  201. 201
    Posted by Anonymous | February 4, 2011 at 10:03 PM

    I’m not. And don’t call me Shirley.

  202. 202
    Posted by Tanker2Banker | February 4, 2011 at 10:47 PM

    Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job

  203. 203
    Posted by Geust | February 4, 2011 at 11:02 PM

    blue waffles?

    search it in google and hit ‘i’m feeling lucky’, it’ll make your day

  204. 204
    Posted by AIG_FP_Quant | February 5, 2011 at 1:05 AM

    You have 2 vaginas?

  205. 205
    Posted by AIG_FP_Quant | February 5, 2011 at 1:05 AM

    You have 2 vaginas?

  206. 206
    Posted by Guest | February 5, 2011 at 1:07 AM

    Somewhere there is an unattended glory hole with your name on it so get back to work.

  207. 207
    Posted by Guest | February 5, 2011 at 1:07 AM

    Somewhere there is an unattended glory hole with your name on it so get back to work.

  208. 208
    Posted by Guest | February 5, 2011 at 6:52 AM

    Legacy Dartmouth / Wall St junior analyst?

    NSA was first publicly acknowledged as far back as 1957.

  209. 209
    Posted by Guest | February 5, 2011 at 6:59 AM

    Are you kidding? There are hundreds of Indian and Russian computer programmers posting here…

  210. 210
    Posted by Guest | February 5, 2011 at 7:05 AM

    Scared by a bus? You’re kidding, right?

  211. 211
    Posted by Guest | February 5, 2011 at 5:11 PM

    I SEE WHAT YOU DID

  212. 212
    Posted by Finn Alexander | February 6, 2011 at 9:16 PM

    Bet that’s the last time he lets his coworker, Etrade baby, help with the resume.

  213. 213
    Posted by BAFGB | February 7, 2011 at 5:16 AM

    I need a flashy, colorful resume with fancy icons of pointy fingers and gears. I also need to make sure I have a “history” of programming in various languages. Any kayaking…..little wonder why the fancy, big-willie hedge funds haven’t noticed me yet

  214. 214
    Posted by Dain bramaged | February 22, 2011 at 9:55 PM

    The most ridiculous thing about this resume is the guy graduated Magna Cum Laude with a degree in Computer Science from a COLLEGE and THIS is what his resume looks like.

  215. 215
    Posted by xxhzpj | April 13, 2012 at 11:14 PM

    t3Cfdx dbilarsmbgmz, [url=http://dkmelxgllvst.com/]dkmelxgllvst[/url], [link=http://vxnfsamxrims.com/]vxnfsamxrims[/link], http://fvkzsdxrtjwl.com/

  216. 216
    Posted by Fluokfup | April 15, 2012 at 12:58 AM

    look at cheap chanel bags online

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