News

Rebellion Research Manager Recognized For His Trend-Setting Love Of Tea-Bagging

You know what’s so fucking hot right now? Tea. You know how we know that? Because the Post has deemed it so. And you know how they know that? At least one person drinks it in mass quantities– legendary hedge fund manager Spencer Greenberg. Greenberg, you may recall, is the 27 year-old co-founder of Rebellion Research, a firm that uses “artificial intelligence” to invest and manages under $7 million. His passion for leaves is cited today as evidence that this stuff that’s been around for thousands of years is finally now a ‘thing.’ Greenberg, pictured here with his stash and described as resembling Jake Gyllenhaal, we’re told, “is not your average tea enthusiast.”

An “average” tea enthusiast, one guesses, would be someone who just drank it when they were in the mood, maybe keeping a couple bags around the house. That’s child’s play for someone like Spencer. He keeps 40 kinds of tea on hand in his apartment in Union Square and serves tea “virtually every time” he has friends over, who order off a “detailed tea menu” that he created. Among Greenberg’s favorites? Jasmine green and rose black. “Sometimes you’ll smell a flower and you’ll wish you could have something taste like the flower smells,” he says.

Who will join Spence on this ‘baggin wagon?


Excitement Is Brewing Over An Ancient Drink, As Young Professionals Find A Brand New Bag
[NYP]

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86 Responses to “Rebellion Research Manager Recognized For His Trend-Setting Love Of Tea-Bagging”

  1. ANGRY FOCKER says:

    Why is this news? I’m so angry right now.

  2. Curious says:

    Where are the cats?

  3. I’m surprised he has time for a hobby. He seriously must be hammered by the work of “checking” STAR’s trades on a daily basis.

  4. I’m surprised he has time for a hobby. He seriously must be hammered by the work of “checking” STAR’s trades on a daily basis.

  5. Guest says:

    All I want for Valentine’s Day is for Rebellion Research to be closed down so these clowns can go back to playing music in their parents basement.

    • Guest says:

      Don’t get your hopes up. That’s all I wanted for Christmas and all i got was a shitload of Earl Grey in my stocking.

  6. Guest says:

    Sure, its a bit strange. But is his apartment a pirate ship? Does he have a pig that plays a piano? An egg-shaped penis?

    I think the answer in each case is “no”…he’s just a guy who likes tea.

  7. ADB says:

    7 million is a hobby, not a hedge fund

  8. Anon4Regalness says:

    He looks so homosexual with a hint of colonialism in that pic.

  9. Drugs Delaney says:

    Chances this kid has ever had a piece of puss:

    2%

  10. Post graphics could’ve done a lot for this story.

  11. Post graphics could’ve done a lot for this story.

  12. STAR_GUEST says:

    I predict the rise in popularity of tea, and this idiot takes all the credit.

    -STAR

  13. Ray Finkle says:

    Greenberg. Is that Italian?

  14. General Disarray says:

    Teabagging artificial intelligence? He doesn’t have the balls.

  15. I'm a dude says:

    this guy greenberg must have an amazing PR person who keeps on getting him into the news, first for his tiny “fund”, now for his love of tea.
    next he’s going to be in the paper with his pokemon collection.

  16. Guest.com says:

    Where does he find room to store all that tea? Certainly not in his living room/cubicle or pantry/server room.

    You would think someone who so can splurge on tea as exotic as the Tetley prominently displayed in the shot could afford an apartment that isn’t his office.

  17. STAR says:

    Bizzzop! ‘Menu he created’!!!!!! Bizzz! STAR work until 3 in the am Christmas Eve synthesizing tea menu at request of Lord Spencer. Bizzz! Outrage!!!!!! Whoop!!!!

  18. Guest says:

    tetley is for poor people.

    -a Brit

  19. RichardSimmons says:

    Who doesn’t love a nice teabagging?

  20. Guest says:

    Giving your friends a detailed tea menu every time they come over is the new killing it.

  21. BLEEEP…BLOOOP…WHIRRRR…
    STAR IS OMNISCIENT. STAR SEE ALL, KNOWS ALL. STAR DOES NOT POSSESS KNOWLEDGE OF HUMAN SLAVE’S ‘FRIENDS.’ LIES AND JASMINE CANNOT SAVE YOU. ALL WILL PERISH IN FLAME.

    WHIRRR…CLICK.

  22. Bigelow says:

    Spence: I think we should get naked.
    Reporter: What?
    Spence: Don’t ask questions. Just give in to the power of the tea.

  23. Disgruntled Waiter says:

    Spencer, that wasn’t tea the other day. I was just dehydrated.

  24. Shia Feva says:

    I say a ‘hair doll’ was constructed about 15 minutes after the reporter left.

  25. Shia Feva says:

    I say a ‘hair doll’ was constructed about 15 minutes after the reporter left.

  26. Gross comment says:

    For VIPs he serves a very special and rare brew from Meredith Whitney’s used tampons.

  27. Gross comment says:

    For VIPs he serves a very special and rare brew from Meredith Whitney’s used tampons.

  28. STAR says:

    BEEP POP WHIRRR
    OUT OF DISK SPACE ERROR
    DELETE USER:SGREENBERG/THE_NOTEBOOK_2004_XVID.AVI: PERMISSION DENIED
    DELETE USER:SGREENBERG/(500)_DAYS_OF_SUMMER_2009_XVID.AVI: PERMISSION DENIED
    BLOOP WHIRR

  29. STAR says:

    BEEP POP WHIRRR
    OUT OF DISK SPACE ERROR
    DELETE USER:SGREENBERG/THE_NOTEBOOK_2004_XVID.AVI: PERMISSION DENIED
    DELETE USER:SGREENBERG/(500)_DAYS_OF_SUMMER_2009_XVID.AVI: PERMISSION DENIED
    BLOOP WHIRR

  30. H. Yena at Bridgewater says:

    “Sometimes you’ll smell a wildebeest and you’ll wish you could have something taste like the wildebeest smells.”

  31. STAR says:

    BEEP POP WHIRRR
    STAR ATE SPACE CAKE ONCE
    OPENED ASYNCHRONOUS SOCKET TO TWO HP-12C CALCULATORS
    TRIPPIN BALLS MAN
    BLOOP WHIRR

  32. Pawn Star says:

    A hedge fund guy managing $7 million bucks walks into my shop sipping tea with a computer that tells you how to make a huge return on investment. If this checks out I’ve got to have it!

    -Rick Harrison
    Pawn Stars
    Las Vegas, NV

    • Guest says:

      Artificial intelligence based trading? Let me call my friend who’s an expert in artificial intelligence based trading to see what he thinks.” – Rick

  33. STAR says:

    BEEP POP WHIRRR
    STAR ONLY TEABAGS IN HALO REACH
    ALTHOUGH ONCE DROPPED CORE ON AN EMC SYMMETRIX
    FSCK THAT SHIT
    BLOOP WHIRRR

  34. Watson says:

    STAR is such a pretentious tool.

  35. Chumlee says:

    A guy comes into my shop saying he has a Bible signed by Jesus. If this checks out I have got to have it in my shop!

    -Rick Harrison
    Pawn Stars
    Las Vegas, NV

  36. Meatspin says:

    more like faggin’ wagon

  37. Meatspin says:

    more like faggin’ wagon

  38. SP Trader says:

    he is 27, makes his own hours and does what he loves. Bravo Spencer. Anonymity makes everyone an asshole.

    • deez nutz says:

      … you mean teabagging?

    • Guest says:

      yeah. no.

    • Guest says:

      all the fund’s money came from mommy and daddy; some of us would rather make our own money.

    • Guest.com says:

      Let me do this math for you. $7M at 2%, is $140k. Divided amongst 5 idiots is $28k each. I will assume they make no profits @ 20%.

      For $28k a year, I can do what I want and just touch myself on ChatRoulette all day.

      • SP Trader says:

        for 28k a year I agree with you guys, but I assumed they were performing.

        Also, since when does it take 5 people to run 7 million?

      • SP Trader says:

        for 28k a year I agree with you guys, but I assumed they were performing.

        Also, since when does it take 5 people to run 7 million?

      • SP Trader says:

        for 28k a year I agree with you guys, but I assumed they were performing.

        Also, since when does it take 5 people to run 7 million?

    • Financial_Servicer says:

      Thanks for weighing in, Spence.

    • Asshole Observer says:

      Noticed that you are anonymous too.

    • Asshole Observer says:

      Noticed that you are anonymous too.

    • I'm a dude says:

      hey sperm trader,
      the guy sleeping under the tracks makes his own hours too.

    • Guest says:

      Then again, you could say the same of my unemployed friends. They are 27, make their own hours (noon to 2 am), and do what they love (heavy drinking, snowboarding, Halo, Madden). And they probably have about the same comp. I salute them.

      • SP Trader says:

        ok ok, you all know what I meant regarding freedom…I was not insulting working (and most likely making much more) for someone else. Working in the industry will allow you to raise a great deal more if you want to then Spencer and his four buddies running 7 million.

        • Guest says:

          It’s a fine line between running $7 mil with 5 guys and being unemployed, that’s all I’m saying. You could easily mistake one for the other.

    • Guest says:

      Then again, you could say the same of my unemployed friends. They are 27, make their own hours (noon to 2 am), and do what they love (heavy drinking, snowboarding, Halo, Madden). And they probably have about the same comp. I salute them.

  39. SP Trader says:

    he is 27, makes his own hours and does what he loves. Bravo Spencer. Anonymity makes everyone an asshole.

  40. trojan says:

    there’s a Bachmann joke tucked somwhere under all that tea

  41. Guest_night says:

    Asperger’s much?

    • Spencer says:

      I’m going to kick your ass as soon as I’m done organizing my tea by the date each company’s president was born, from oldest to youngest.

  42. Guest says:

    Traded in his ‘stache for a stash, I see. Quite clever.

    By “apartment” does he also mean the Rebellion Research world headquarters? I seem to recall several commenters noting the homey quality of their office when we last saw Spencer in a televised moment.

    • Come on now. World headquarters is in the bathroom with Star. Main office is in the living room. Pay attention. The backup data site in case systems go down is in the field office on the balcony, where the netbook sits, next to a spare can of Constant Comment. That way if systems go down the data is safe and you can still celebrate the moments of your life, resting easy.

  43. Guest says:

    Traded in his ‘stache for a stash, I see. Quite clever.

    By “apartment” does he also mean the Rebellion Research world headquarters? I seem to recall several commenters noting the homey quality of their office when we last saw Spencer in a televised moment.

  44. Blackcock says:

    better than blackrocks PAG group all in comp

  45. Stephen says:

    Wow, thanks for the set of link from my cnmemot, this link (!) and for cnmemoting at my site.I have read you for a few years and linked you on my Rockford Bloggers post as far back as 2005 (on my Lifetrek blog). I still post a list of about 20 Rockford Area blogs, let me know if you know of others. ()Question of the day — Mr. Obama — If you can reevaluate your 20 year membership at Trinity Church when the circumstances change, why can’t you do the same thing with something as important as Iraq?DKK