You know what’s so fucking hot right now? Tea. You know how we know that? Because the Post has deemed it so. And you know how they know that? At least one person drinks it in mass quantities– legendary hedge fund manager Spencer Greenberg. Greenberg, you may recall, is the 27 year-old co-founder of Rebellion Research, a firm that uses “artificial intelligence” to invest and manages under $7 million. His passion for leaves is cited today as evidence that this stuff that’s been around for thousands of years is finally now a ‘thing.’ Greenberg, pictured here with his stash and described as resembling Jake Gyllenhaal, we’re told, “is not your average tea enthusiast.”

An “average” tea enthusiast, one guesses, would be someone who just drank it when they were in the mood, maybe keeping a couple bags around the house. That’s child’s play for someone like Spencer. He keeps 40 kinds of tea on hand in his apartment in Union Square and serves tea “virtually every time” he has friends over, who order off a “detailed tea menu” that he created. Among Greenberg’s favorites? Jasmine green and rose black. “Sometimes you’ll smell a flower and you’ll wish you could have something taste like the flower smells,” he says.

Who will join Spence on this ‘baggin wagon?


Excitement Is Brewing Over An Ancient Drink, As Young Professionals Find A Brand New Bag
[NYP]

86 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (86)

  1. Posted by ANGRY FOCKER | February 2, 2011 at 7:14 PM

    Why is this news? I’m so angry right now.

  2. Posted by Curious | February 2, 2011 at 7:14 PM

    Where are the cats?

  3. Posted by Nouveau Richie | February 2, 2011 at 7:15 PM

    I’m surprised he has time for a hobby. He seriously must be hammered by the work of “checking” STAR’s trades on a daily basis.

  4. Posted by Nouveau Richie | February 2, 2011 at 7:15 PM

    I’m surprised he has time for a hobby. He seriously must be hammered by the work of “checking” STAR’s trades on a daily basis.

  5. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 7:16 PM

    All I want for Valentine’s Day is for Rebellion Research to be closed down so these clowns can go back to playing music in their parents basement.

  6. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 7:17 PM

    Sure, its a bit strange. But is his apartment a pirate ship? Does he have a pig that plays a piano? An egg-shaped penis?

    I think the answer in each case is “no”…he’s just a guy who likes tea.

  7. Posted by ADB | February 2, 2011 at 7:25 PM

    7 million is a hobby, not a hedge fund

  8. Posted by Anon4Regalness | February 2, 2011 at 7:25 PM

    He looks so homosexual with a hint of colonialism in that pic.

  9. Posted by Drugs Delaney | February 2, 2011 at 7:26 PM

    Chances this kid has ever had a piece of puss:

    2%

  10. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 7:28 PM

    Don’t get your hopes up. That’s all I wanted for Christmas and all i got was a shitload of Earl Grey in my stocking.

  11. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 7:31 PM

    except maybe from the post reporter, which would explain the baffling blow job of a story and describing him as looking like jake gyllenhaal.

  12. Posted by InfiniteGuest | February 2, 2011 at 7:33 PM

    Post graphics could’ve done a lot for this story.

  13. Posted by InfiniteGuest | February 2, 2011 at 7:33 PM

    Post graphics could’ve done a lot for this story.

  14. Posted by STAR_GUEST | February 2, 2011 at 7:36 PM

    I predict the rise in popularity of tea, and this idiot takes all the credit.

    -STAR

  15. Posted by David Einhorn | February 2, 2011 at 7:38 PM

    I’ll take the under

  16. Posted by Ray Finkle | February 2, 2011 at 7:40 PM

    Greenberg. Is that Italian?

  17. Posted by General Disarray | February 2, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    Teabagging artificial intelligence? He doesn’t have the balls.

  18. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 7:45 PM

    I’ll give you cats:

  19. Posted by I'm a dude | February 2, 2011 at 7:45 PM

    this guy greenberg must have an amazing PR person who keeps on getting him into the news, first for his tiny “fund”, now for his love of tea.
    next he’s going to be in the paper with his pokemon collection.

  20. Posted by Guest.com | February 2, 2011 at 7:45 PM

    Where does he find room to store all that tea? Certainly not in his living room/cubicle or pantry/server room.

    You would think someone who so can splurge on tea as exotic as the Tetley prominently displayed in the shot could afford an apartment that isn’t his office.

  21. Posted by STAR | February 2, 2011 at 7:50 PM

    Bizzzop! ‘Menu he created’!!!!!! Bizzz! STAR work until 3 in the am Christmas Eve synthesizing tea menu at request of Lord Spencer. Bizzz! Outrage!!!!!! Whoop!!!!

  22. Posted by Financial_Servicer | February 2, 2011 at 7:52 PM

    Who cares if the stories have any relevance to his “work” right? Staying on message creates too many limitations.

  23. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 7:53 PM

    tetley is for poor people.

    -a Brit

  24. Posted by RichardSimmons | February 2, 2011 at 7:53 PM

    Who doesn’t love a nice teabagging?

  25. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 7:54 PM

    Giving your friends a detailed tea menu every time they come over is the new killing it.

  26. Posted by PasteSpecialFormats | February 2, 2011 at 7:55 PM

    BLEEEP…BLOOOP…WHIRRRR…
    STAR IS OMNISCIENT. STAR SEE ALL, KNOWS ALL. STAR DOES NOT POSSESS KNOWLEDGE OF HUMAN SLAVE’S ‘FRIENDS.’ LIES AND JASMINE CANNOT SAVE YOU. ALL WILL PERISH IN FLAME.

    WHIRRR…CLICK.

  27. Posted by Financial_Servicer | February 2, 2011 at 7:56 PM

    “Sometimes you’ll smell a flower and you’ll wish you could have something taste like the flower smells.”

    2% seems generous.

  28. Posted by Bigelow | February 2, 2011 at 7:56 PM

    Spence: I think we should get naked.
    Reporter: What?
    Spence: Don’t ask questions. Just give in to the power of the tea.

  29. Posted by Disgruntled Waiter | February 2, 2011 at 7:58 PM

    Spencer, that wasn’t tea the other day. I was just dehydrated.

  30. Posted by Ray Finkle | February 2, 2011 at 7:59 PM

    Dental care is too

  31. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 8:00 PM

    in light of that quote it sounds like he’s not actively trying for puss….

  32. Posted by Shia Feva | February 2, 2011 at 8:04 PM

    I say a ‘hair doll’ was constructed about 15 minutes after the reporter left.

  33. Posted by Shia Feva | February 2, 2011 at 8:04 PM

    I say a ‘hair doll’ was constructed about 15 minutes after the reporter left.

  34. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 8:05 PM

    still funny after 10 years. that movie is a classic.

  35. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 8:05 PM

    still funny after 10 years. that movie is a classic.

  36. Posted by Gross comment | February 2, 2011 at 8:05 PM

    For VIPs he serves a very special and rare brew from Meredith Whitney’s used tampons.

  37. Posted by Gross comment | February 2, 2011 at 8:05 PM

    For VIPs he serves a very special and rare brew from Meredith Whitney’s used tampons.

  38. Posted by STAR | February 2, 2011 at 8:09 PM

    Whir, boop beep slurrrrrrr wheep boop. Agreed.

  39. Posted by STAR | February 2, 2011 at 8:09 PM

    Whir, boop beep slurrrrrrr wheep boop. Agreed.

  40. Posted by STAR | February 2, 2011 at 8:10 PM

    BEEP POP WHIRRR
    OUT OF DISK SPACE ERROR
    DELETE USER:SGREENBERG/THE_NOTEBOOK_2004_XVID.AVI: PERMISSION DENIED
    DELETE USER:SGREENBERG/(500)_DAYS_OF_SUMMER_2009_XVID.AVI: PERMISSION DENIED
    BLOOP WHIRR

  41. Posted by STAR | February 2, 2011 at 8:10 PM

    BEEP POP WHIRRR
    OUT OF DISK SPACE ERROR
    DELETE USER:SGREENBERG/THE_NOTEBOOK_2004_XVID.AVI: PERMISSION DENIED
    DELETE USER:SGREENBERG/(500)_DAYS_OF_SUMMER_2009_XVID.AVI: PERMISSION DENIED
    BLOOP WHIRR

  42. Posted by H. Yena at Bridgewater | February 2, 2011 at 8:11 PM

    “Sometimes you’ll smell a wildebeest and you’ll wish you could have something taste like the wildebeest smells.”

  43. Posted by STAR | February 2, 2011 at 8:12 PM

    BEEP POP WHIRRR
    STAR ATE SPACE CAKE ONCE
    OPENED ASYNCHRONOUS SOCKET TO TWO HP-12C CALCULATORS
    TRIPPIN BALLS MAN
    BLOOP WHIRR

  44. Posted by Pawn Star | February 2, 2011 at 8:17 PM

    A hedge fund guy managing $7 million bucks walks into my shop sipping tea with a computer that tells you how to make a huge return on investment. If this checks out I’ve got to have it!

    -Rick Harrison
    Pawn Stars
    Las Vegas, NV

  45. Posted by STAR | February 2, 2011 at 8:17 PM

    BEEP POP WHIRRR
    STAR ONLY TEABAGS IN HALO REACH
    ALTHOUGH ONCE DROPPED CORE ON AN EMC SYMMETRIX
    FSCK THAT SHIT
    BLOOP WHIRRR

  46. Posted by Homosaurus | February 2, 2011 at 8:17 PM

    because he’s hit his brown water mark?

  47. Posted by Watson | February 2, 2011 at 8:17 PM

    STAR is such a pretentious tool.

  48. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 8:21 PM

    Dracula’s tea bags.

    -Not the Joke Briefer but a Fan of His Work

  49. Posted by 2 5 | February 2, 2011 at 8:22 PM

    “I serve coke virtually every time I have friends over,” says Sheen, who has also created a detailed “coke menu” for hooker guests to peruse when they visit his place. He counts jasmine green and rose black among his favorite varieties.

  50. Posted by Chumlee | February 2, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    A guy comes into my shop saying he has a Bible signed by Jesus. If this checks out I have got to have it in my shop!

    -Rick Harrison
    Pawn Stars
    Las Vegas, NV

  51. Posted by trojan | February 2, 2011 at 8:33 PM

    trade of the month: long snorlax, short jigglypuff
    -legacy Super Smash Bros. quant

  52. Posted by trojan | February 2, 2011 at 8:33 PM

    trade of the month: long snorlax, short jigglypuff
    -legacy Super Smash Bros. quant

  53. Posted by Meatspin | February 2, 2011 at 8:33 PM

    more like faggin’ wagon

  54. Posted by Meatspin | February 2, 2011 at 8:33 PM

    more like faggin’ wagon

  55. Posted by SP Trader | February 2, 2011 at 8:35 PM

    he is 27, makes his own hours and does what he loves. Bravo Spencer. Anonymity makes everyone an asshole.

  56. Posted by SP Trader | February 2, 2011 at 8:35 PM

    he is 27, makes his own hours and does what he loves. Bravo Spencer. Anonymity makes everyone an asshole.

  57. Posted by trojan | February 2, 2011 at 8:52 PM

    there’s a Bachmann joke tucked somwhere under all that tea

  58. Posted by deez nutz | February 2, 2011 at 8:54 PM

    … you mean teabagging?

  59. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 8:55 PM

    yeah. no.

  60. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 8:55 PM

    all the fund’s money came from mommy and daddy; some of us would rather make our own money.

  61. Posted by Guest_night | February 2, 2011 at 8:57 PM

    Asperger’s much?

  62. Posted by Guest.com | February 2, 2011 at 9:04 PM

    Let me do this math for you. $7M at 2%, is $140k. Divided amongst 5 idiots is $28k each. I will assume they make no profits @ 20%.

    For $28k a year, I can do what I want and just touch myself on ChatRoulette all day.

  63. Posted by Financial_Servicer | February 2, 2011 at 9:06 PM

    Thanks for weighing in, Spence.

  64. Posted by Meta | February 2, 2011 at 9:14 PM

    Bachmann is actually under the table tea-bagging Spencer.

  65. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 9:18 PM

    Traded in his ‘stache for a stash, I see. Quite clever.

    By “apartment” does he also mean the Rebellion Research world headquarters? I seem to recall several commenters noting the homey quality of their office when we last saw Spencer in a televised moment.

  66. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 9:18 PM

    Traded in his ‘stache for a stash, I see. Quite clever.

    By “apartment” does he also mean the Rebellion Research world headquarters? I seem to recall several commenters noting the homey quality of their office when we last saw Spencer in a televised moment.

  67. Posted by Anonymous | February 2, 2011 at 9:18 PM

    those aren’t varieties of coke, amateur

    -C. Sheen

  68. Posted by Anonymous | February 2, 2011 at 9:18 PM

    those aren’t varieties of coke, amateur

    -C. Sheen

  69. Posted by Asshole Observer | February 2, 2011 at 9:42 PM

    Noticed that you are anonymous too.

  70. Posted by Asshole Observer | February 2, 2011 at 9:42 PM

    Noticed that you are anonymous too.

  71. Posted by Spencer | February 2, 2011 at 9:54 PM

    I’m going to kick your ass as soon as I’m done organizing my tea by the date each company’s president was born, from oldest to youngest.

  72. Posted by I'm a dude | February 2, 2011 at 10:16 PM

    hey sperm trader,
    the guy sleeping under the tracks makes his own hours too.

  73. Posted by SP Trader | February 2, 2011 at 10:32 PM

    for 28k a year I agree with you guys, but I assumed they were performing.

    Also, since when does it take 5 people to run 7 million?

  74. Posted by SP Trader | February 2, 2011 at 10:32 PM

    for 28k a year I agree with you guys, but I assumed they were performing.

    Also, since when does it take 5 people to run 7 million?

  75. Posted by SP Trader | February 2, 2011 at 10:32 PM

    for 28k a year I agree with you guys, but I assumed they were performing.

    Also, since when does it take 5 people to run 7 million?

  76. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 10:40 PM

    Then again, you could say the same of my unemployed friends. They are 27, make their own hours (noon to 2 am), and do what they love (heavy drinking, snowboarding, Halo, Madden). And they probably have about the same comp. I salute them.

  77. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 10:40 PM

    Then again, you could say the same of my unemployed friends. They are 27, make their own hours (noon to 2 am), and do what they love (heavy drinking, snowboarding, Halo, Madden). And they probably have about the same comp. I salute them.

  78. Posted by Guest | February 2, 2011 at 10:53 PM

    who knows but if you read the article they have 5 ‘traders’

  79. Posted by SP Trader | February 2, 2011 at 11:02 PM

    ok ok, you all know what I meant regarding freedom…I was not insulting working (and most likely making much more) for someone else. Working in the industry will allow you to raise a great deal more if you want to then Spencer and his four buddies running 7 million.

  80. Posted by Intellectual Masturbator | February 3, 2011 at 1:37 AM

    He tried to get the Elizabeth Warren brew, but she’s hoarding all her used tea-pons.

  81. Posted by Guest | February 3, 2011 at 3:57 AM

    It’s a fine line between running $7 mil with 5 guys and being unemployed, that’s all I’m saying. You could easily mistake one for the other.

  82. Posted by Finn Alexander | February 3, 2011 at 8:38 AM

    Come on now. World headquarters is in the bathroom with Star. Main office is in the living room. Pay attention. The backup data site in case systems go down is in the field office on the balcony, where the netbook sits, next to a spare can of Constant Comment. That way if systems go down the data is safe and you can still celebrate the moments of your life, resting easy.

  83. Posted by Anonymous | February 3, 2011 at 5:06 PM

    He’s going to upgrade to Twinings when they pass $10mm AUM

  84. Posted by Guest | February 3, 2011 at 8:43 PM

    Artificial intelligence based trading? Let me call my friend who’s an expert in artificial intelligence based trading to see what he thinks.” – Rick

  85. Posted by Blackcock | February 4, 2011 at 3:54 AM

    better than blackrocks PAG group all in comp

  86. Posted by Stephen | May 8, 2012 at 10:58 PM

    Wow, thanks for the set of link from my cnmemot, this link (!) and for cnmemoting at my site.I have read you for a few years and linked you on my Rockford Bloggers post as far back as 2005 (on my Lifetrek blog). I still post a list of about 20 Rockford Area blogs, let me know if you know of others. ()Question of the day — Mr. Obama — If you can reevaluate your 20 year membership at Trinity Church when the circumstances change, why can’t you do the same thing with something as important as Iraq?DKK