From the complaint:


Full complaint and some initial thoughts:

* Favorite lines: “Fuckin..I…uh,” “Oh, it’s easy,” “you take two pairs of pliers,” and “threw that shit in the back of like random garbage trucks.”

* NORTH FACE FLEECE?!? Given that the Big Guy is partial to Patagonia, which is the brand that makes all SAC-issued fleeces,** this should’ve been a red flag this Freeman character couldn’t be trusted.

* If we were looking to cast two people in the parts of Freeman and Longueuil for a dramatic reading of the above, the proceeds of which would go toward a Leave Steve Alone or Cheer Up SAC fund (to be used at Beamer’s, the happiest place on earth), who would your picks be? Famous or otherwise.

Noah Freeman Complaint [PDF]

Comments (122)

  1. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 6:29 PM

    Could have hidden the UBS drive in a more discrete place.

    - Ping J

  2. Posted by derp | February 8, 2011 at 6:35 PM

    They left out the part where he goes on a 30 minute tangent about how comfortable and versatile his fleece North Face jacket is.

  3. Posted by SC | February 8, 2011 at 6:36 PM

    Instead of shoving all kind of stuff into your ass, you better learn some English.
    Its USB drive, USB drive. Got it, Mao Zedong?

  4. Posted by SC | February 8, 2011 at 6:36 PM

    Instead of shoving all kind of stuff into your ass, you better learn some English.
    Its USB drive, USB drive. Got it, Mao Zedong?

  5. Posted by trojan | February 8, 2011 at 6:39 PM

    chopped & screwed. Longueuil been into the purple drank.

  6. Posted by trojan | February 8, 2011 at 6:39 PM

    chopped & screwed. Longueuil been into the purple drank.

  7. Posted by trojan | February 8, 2011 at 6:39 PM

    chopped & screwed. Longueuil been into the purple drank.

  8. Posted by trojan | February 8, 2011 at 6:39 PM

    chopped & screwed. Longueuil been into the purple drank.

  9. Posted by trojan | February 8, 2011 at 6:39 PM

    chopped & screwed. Longueuil been into the purple drank.

  10. Posted by LB | February 8, 2011 at 6:46 PM

    yes.. he knows that.. he wouldnt have bothered with a USB stick.

  11. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 6:46 PM

    UBS Drive Sucks

  12. Posted by The Observer | February 8, 2011 at 6:46 PM

    I too am not the type of person that leaves a lot to chance.

    -A. Stanwyck

  13. Posted by Guywhoisboredwiththis | February 8, 2011 at 6:50 PM

    Meh….nobody important.

    -E. Spitzer

  14. Posted by Pudding | February 8, 2011 at 6:51 PM

    “wafer data”? They’re called cookies, dumbass!

    -former AIG quant

  15. Posted by Gentleman Trader | February 8, 2011 at 6:53 PM

    north face is for fat housewifes in the midwest

  16. Posted by DJ Scrambles | February 8, 2011 at 6:54 PM

    I’ll be calling you shortly. I thought we discussed user-friendly terminology.

    - Your MD

  17. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 7:02 PM

    Can we get some kind of expert to weigh in on whether the actions taken to destroy the “wafer” were not enough/just right/overkill with perhaps some suggestions for improvements?

    -Guy who does NOT insider trade

  18. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    OK, that was pretty good.

  19. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    Instead of shoving all kinds of stuff into your ass, you had better some English.
    It’s USB drive, USB drive. Got it, Mao Zedong?

  20. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    Instead of shoving all kinds of stuff into your ass, you had better some English.
    It’s USB drive, USB drive. Got it, Mao Zedong?

  21. Posted by ExtraOrdinaryPopularDelusions | February 8, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    This method would never work on STAR.

  22. Posted by Rusting on the inside | February 8, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    You’re probably right, north face is overkill for traders.

  23. Posted by Spanishmoon | February 8, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    He could have just chopped up Wini and Freeman and put them in his Miele kitchen compactor. Excessive free radicals ruin your complexion and your judgment.

    Patrick Bateman, MD – UBS Capital Markets

  24. Posted by palladin | February 8, 2011 at 7:14 PM

    plyers to rip up hard drive…$7.49
    northface jacket with deep pocket…$145
    getting your salad tossed by tranny hooker at Manhattan Correctional while awaiting bail…priceless

  25. Posted by L.Malvo | February 8, 2011 at 7:17 PM

    Tell ‘em, we have caught the sniper like a duck in a noose. Say it, duck in a noose. Say it, again, duck in noose.

  26. Posted by L.Malvo | February 8, 2011 at 7:17 PM

    Tell ‘em, we have caught the sniper like a duck in a noose. Say it, duck in a noose. Say it, again, duck in noose.

  27. Posted by StuckInOhio | February 8, 2011 at 7:19 PM

    Both Seagate and NSA can pull the bits off the platters even with holes in it. The gov’t use degaussing machines for drives with classified info.

  28. Posted by StuckInOhio | February 8, 2011 at 7:19 PM

    Both Seagate and NSA can pull the bits off the platters even with holes in it. The gov’t use degaussing machines for drives with classified info.

  29. Posted by Meatbone9 | February 8, 2011 at 7:22 PM

    Back in good old 2009 you would just fake your own death and go camping for a bit.

  30. Posted by Meatbone9 | February 8, 2011 at 7:22 PM

    Back in good old 2009 you would just fake your own death and go camping for a bit.

  31. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 7:24 PM

    Longueiul– Steve Buscemi
    Freemen- Richard Dreyfus

  32. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 7:27 PM

    Easy? How is prying it open @ 2AM & wandering the streets easier than just giving it to the Portuguese guy, and he throws it in the incinerator?

    -CK

  33. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 7:27 PM

    No brainer–

    Longueiul– Shia LaBoeuf– especially after his recent arrest for being called LaPoufter
    Freeman- Michael Douglas

  34. Posted by The Observer | February 8, 2011 at 7:29 PM

    Am I out of line by thinking you could just burn it?

  35. Posted by Anonymous | February 8, 2011 at 7:29 PM

    Christ, no. We’re going for comedic value here.

  36. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 7:31 PM

    Why is it my 2 year old can drop a external hard drive on the floor and completely destroy it with great ease?

  37. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 7:33 PM

    Good luck finding them

  38. Posted by guest | February 8, 2011 at 7:37 PM

    Noah Freeman … Jesse Eisenberg
    Donald Longueuil … Shia LaBeouf

  39. Posted by GuestyBreeze | February 8, 2011 at 7:37 PM

    Thermite works well, and is not too difficult to get (or make if your crafty).

  40. Posted by Guestart | February 8, 2011 at 7:38 PM

    There would have been an easier way to rid the drives. Just load them up with porn and have them shipped to the SEC. They will never be seen again.

  41. Posted by GuestyBreeze | February 8, 2011 at 7:39 PM

    …and if your crafty, you’re retarded.
    -Guy trying to correct an error.

  42. Posted by GuestyBreeze | February 8, 2011 at 7:39 PM

    …and if your crafty, you’re retarded.
    -Guy trying to correct an error.

  43. Posted by Freshman | February 8, 2011 at 7:40 PM

    Would the log float in a dark pool?

  44. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 7:41 PM

    Randolph & Mortimer Duke

  45. Posted by Anonymous | February 8, 2011 at 7:49 PM

    No, you guys suck at this. Think Christopher Walken, Charlie Day, Craig Robinson et al.

  46. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 7:56 PM

    How do you get “consensually recorded” when you know the feds are going to use it as evidence against you to lock you up for the rest of your life?

  47. Posted by ITloser | February 8, 2011 at 7:57 PM

    See “data remanence” on wikipedia. Best method: first overwrite all of the data on the drive multiple times. Then destroy physical media. Best of luck,

    -Loser in IT.

  48. Posted by guest | February 8, 2011 at 7:58 PM

    Too old

  49. Posted by Anonymous | February 8, 2011 at 7:59 PM

    Don’t question my casting choices.

  50. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 8:01 PM

    Definitely:

    Noah Freeman … Shia LaBeouf
    Donald Longueuil … Shia LaBeouf

    like LiLo style in “Parent Trap”

  51. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 8:04 PM

    Check. So you’re saying only way to hide evidence is to hide it in a smooth oblong or cylindrical object, perhaps a cigar case or permanent marker, and then insert it… Waitaminit.
    -New Ping Capital recruit

  52. Posted by PasteSpecialFormats | February 8, 2011 at 8:07 PM

    Call Bess too old one more time and I’m going to put a Cray 2 up your ass while you choke to death on a The North Face fleece.

  53. Posted by CraigsListKiller | February 8, 2011 at 8:07 PM

    Justin Bieber
    Clint Eastwood

  54. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 8:09 PM

    Well played, sir.

  55. Posted by Anonymous | February 8, 2011 at 8:10 PM

    Now you’re talking.

  56. Posted by DJ Scrambles | February 8, 2011 at 8:12 PM

    I hear Pauly Shore when reading Longueuil’s part. Freeman probably needs to be someone more serious, Bess was right on with Christopher Walken.

    I think that duo has potential.

  57. Posted by Jason STATHAM. | February 8, 2011 at 8:13 PM

    Freeman – Robert DeNiro
    Longueuil – Zach Galifianakis

    BOOM…goes the dynamite.

  58. Posted by Jason STATHAM. | February 8, 2011 at 8:13 PM

    Freeman – Robert DeNiro
    Longueuil – Zach Galifianakis

    BOOM…goes the dynamite.

  59. Posted by Jason STATHAM. | February 8, 2011 at 8:13 PM

    Freeman – Robert DeNiro
    Longueuil – Zach Galifianakis

    BOOM…goes the dynamite.

  60. Posted by Oliver Stone | February 8, 2011 at 8:13 PM

    Longueuil- Jeremy Piven

    Freeman- Crispin Glover

    done, call me for address to send the Golden Globe

  61. Posted by Oliver Stone | February 8, 2011 at 8:13 PM

    Longueuil- Jeremy Piven

    Freeman- Crispin Glover

    done, call me for address to send the Golden Globe

  62. Posted by Oliver Stone | February 8, 2011 at 8:13 PM

    Longueuil- Jeremy Piven

    Freeman- Crispin Glover

    done, call me for address to send the Golden Globe

  63. Posted by Anonymous | February 8, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    Either that or chuck it off the Manhattan Bridge.

  64. Posted by Anonymous | February 8, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    Either that or chuck it off the Manhattan Bridge.

  65. Posted by Jason STATHAM. | February 8, 2011 at 8:25 PM

    What about “comedic” don’t you understand?

  66. Posted by Jason STATHAM. | February 8, 2011 at 8:25 PM

    What about “comedic” don’t you understand?

  67. Posted by trojan | February 8, 2011 at 8:25 PM

    Noah Freeman … Daniel Radcliff
    Donald Longueuil … Dwayne Johnson

  68. Posted by trojan | February 8, 2011 at 8:25 PM

    Noah Freeman … Daniel Radcliff
    Donald Longueuil … Dwayne Johnson

  69. Posted by guest | February 8, 2011 at 8:29 PM

    Except you need to balance out the stupidity of Longueuil, 34 (agreeing to be taped) and the snake like characteristics of Freeman, 35. How about Seth Rogen as Longueuil and Bradley Cooper as Freeman.

  70. Posted by Donk | February 8, 2011 at 8:35 PM

    Matilda: “Did you find the files?” Hansel: “I don’t even know what they loo–What do they look like?” Matilda: “They’re in the computer.” Hansel: “They’re in the computer?” Matilda: “Yeah, they’re definitely in there. I don’t know how he labeled them.” Hansel: “I got it.” Matilda: “You gotta figure it out. We’re running out of time. You gotta find them and meet me at the show.” Hansel: “Roger. In the computer. It’s so simple.”

  71. Posted by Anonymous | February 8, 2011 at 8:38 PM

    Longueuil – Will Ferrell
    Freeman – Mark Wahlberg

  72. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 8:51 PM

    Can we get a little ethnic diversity here?
    Easy:
    Freeman = Morgan Freeman
    Longueueueueil = Sam Jackson

  73. Posted by Wylde Stallions | February 8, 2011 at 8:55 PM

    Keaunu Reeves and the other guy from Bill and Ted

  74. Posted by guest | February 8, 2011 at 8:57 PM

    Fine,
    Noah Freeman … Macaulay Culkin as Gary Busey
    Donald Longueuil … Sifl

  75. Posted by Anonymous | February 8, 2011 at 8:58 PM

    I’m glad someone gets it.

  76. Posted by Anonymous | February 8, 2011 at 8:58 PM

    I’m glad someone gets it.

  77. Posted by Anonymous | February 8, 2011 at 8:58 PM

    I’m glad someone gets it.

  78. Posted by Anonymous | February 8, 2011 at 9:00 PM

    Think “Wiseguys”
    -Noah Freeman: Joe Mantegna
    -Donald Longueuil: Danny DeVito

  79. Posted by Anonymous | February 8, 2011 at 9:00 PM

    Think “Wiseguys”
    -Noah Freeman: Joe Mantegna
    -Donald Longueuil: Danny DeVito

  80. Posted by Anonymous | February 8, 2011 at 9:00 PM

    Think “Wiseguys”
    -Noah Freeman: Joe Mantegna
    -Donald Longueuil: Danny DeVito

  81. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 9:11 PM

    Don’t discriminate against the LGBT crowd:

    Donald Longueiul- Neil Patrick Harris
    Noah Freeman- George Takei

  82. Posted by guest | February 8, 2011 at 9:17 PM

    It seems like Freeman was taping for the Fed by then and somehow convinced Longueuil to agree to taping. But how? This is why conspiracies usually fail.

  83. Posted by StuckInOhio | February 8, 2011 at 9:17 PM

    Yeah, they’re plastic with shiny brownish coating. BBQ away.

  84. Posted by Anonymous | February 8, 2011 at 9:19 PM

    Longueuil – Bernard Madoff
    Freeman – Marc Madoff

  85. Posted by Anonymous | February 8, 2011 at 9:19 PM

    Longueuil – Bernard Madoff
    Freeman – Marc Madoff

  86. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 9:33 PM

    Long Eel – Nick Manning
    Free Man – Philip Seymour Hoffman

  87. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 9:37 PM

    In this context, consensually recorded means that one of them wore a wire for the feds. As opposed to say, a recording under a warrant, or an inadmissible recording.

  88. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 9:37 PM

    In this context, consensually recorded means that one of them wore a wire for the feds. As opposed to say, a recording under a warrant, or an inadmissible recording.

  89. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 9:37 PM

    In this context, consensually recorded means that one of them wore a wire for the feds. As opposed to say, a recording under a warrant, or an inadmissible recording.

  90. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 9:37 PM

    In this context, consensually recorded means that one of them wore a wire for the feds. As opposed to say, a recording under a warrant, or an inadmissible recording.

  91. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 9:40 PM

    Now, I don’t know why my post shows as from “StuckInOhio”. That’s definitely not what I typed in there. In fact, this post is the first time in my life that I typed the words “StuckInOhio”.

  92. Posted by Sneakers | February 8, 2011 at 10:32 PM

    Freeman – Abe Vigoda
    Longueuil – Richard Lewis

  93. Posted by Sneakers | February 8, 2011 at 10:32 PM

    Freeman – Abe Vigoda
    Longueuil – Richard Lewis

  94. Posted by Sneakers | February 8, 2011 at 10:32 PM

    Freeman – Abe Vigoda
    Longueuil – Richard Lewis

  95. Posted by OnlyTardedOnce | February 8, 2011 at 10:57 PM

    Freeman – Timmay
    Longueuil – That guy from Life Goes On

  96. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 11:11 PM

    Freeman: Joe Pesci
    Longueuil: Patrick Stewart

  97. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 11:19 PM

    Freeman: Owen Wilson
    Longueuil: Ben Stiller

  98. Posted by Guest | February 8, 2011 at 11:25 PM

    Oh so the only consensus was between the feds and stool pigeon.

  99. Posted by guest | February 9, 2011 at 12:55 AM

    Anal plus asphyxiation. I’m intrigued. Your place or mine?

  100. Posted by Finn Alexander | February 9, 2011 at 12:56 AM

    Don’t hold back the female crowd:

    Donald Longueiul- Halle Berry
    Noah Freeman- Keira Knightly

  101. Posted by Guest | February 9, 2011 at 2:46 AM

    You only need consent from one of the parties being recorded for it to be a “consensual recording”. The civil liberties folks seem to have missed this one…

  102. Posted by guest | February 9, 2011 at 2:57 AM

    Isn’t that state by state? In NY only one party, but is that true in Mass? Where did this conversation take place? Longueuil in NYC and Freeman in Boston.

  103. Posted by Guest | February 9, 2011 at 7:29 AM

    If you find yourself asking questions at this level of detail, you should be looking for a lawyer, not posting on Dealbreaker…

  104. Posted by Guest | February 9, 2011 at 7:43 AM

    Back to the topic of this post,

    Freeman -> Clint Eastwood
    Longueuil -> Justin Bieber
    Girl taking sponge bath in the background -> Scarlett Johannson
    Girl giving sponge bath in the backgrond -> Penelope Cruz

  105. Posted by Tom | February 9, 2011 at 2:24 PM

    Longueil: Steve Buscemi
    Freeman: Who cares, if you can get Buscemi

  106. Posted by Rustynail | February 10, 2011 at 10:30 AM

    Nice suggestions on the casting. I’d advise the director and producer to go for the “brokeback mountain” and there you have it, an oscar winner!

    Wallstreet + romance + conspiracy + betrayal = FTW!

    cheers

  107. Posted by Rusty | February 23, 2011 at 6:17 AM

    Old article, but his just in:

    In research that has important findings for banks, businesses and security buffs everywhere, scientists have found that computer files stored on solid state drives are sometimes impossible to delete using traditional disk-erasure techniques.

    Even when the next-generation storage devices show that files have been deleted, as much as 75 percent of the data contained in them may still reside on the flash-based drives, according to the research, which is being presented this week at the Usenix FAST 11 conference in California.

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/02/21/flash_drive_erasing_peril/

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