For many who work or aspire to work on Wall Street, getting a gig with Steve Cohen at SAC is the holy grail, for obvious reasons. Money. Prestige. “Stretching” rooms. An office on the water, perfect for midday contemplation. All the fleece clothes you could ever want. The opportunity to be called “sport” or “champ” or “idiot” by the big guy. And so on and so forth. Having said that, most people probably only know of the standard practices for obtaining employment at SAC. They include connections, applying, impressing representatives of the firm at your college or business school, and things of that nature. Unfortunately, we don’t generally hear about the less orthodox tactics some people have used (other than Gary Busey’s avenue for getting in good). Today James Altucher relates his tale. If you’ve been trying with little success to get your foot or other body part in the door, you’ll want to take notes. Step one: obtain Steve’s screen name.
If you are unable to get your hands on it, either from someone on the inside or stalking AOL chatrooms, you’ll have to work a bit harder, like Altucher, a columnist for TheStreet.com, did.
In 2004 I had been trading about $27 million allocated to me from various hedge funds and investors. But its hard to build a business so I wanted to switch to trading for Stevie Cohen’s SAC Capital, the biggest hedge fund in the world. Stevie Cohen was the best investor in the world and people working for him could make 10s of millions of dollars a year or more.
At first I emailed him. I didn’t have his email address so I tried various combinations of stevecohen@sac.com, steve@sac.com, cohen@sac.com, etc. I sent about 30 emails to 30 different combinations of the above. No response. The next month I did it again. And again.
If you’re extremely patient, your moment may come.
Finally, after a year of doing this, there was a response: “Whats your IM”. So Stevie Cohen, the best investor in the world, with $3bb of his own money in SAC Capital, and I started to IM with each other.
Not knowing exactly when you’ll be on the receiving end of an IM from [redacted], it’s important to have your pick up line ready, unless you’re really good at riffing and think he’s interested in the random links and clips you’ve recently come across. State your purpose.
I explained my approach and he wanted to meet. So a few weeks later a car service took me to Stamford, CT.
Prepare to sit around for a while, and try not to reach out and touch any employees, no matter how soft they look.
I waited for about a half hour. It was near the close of the trading day so I assumed he was busy. People were walking in and out of the building. They were all wearing these fleece jackets that said SAC Capital on them. They were like a big family. They all loved each other. I could tell. I wanted to be part of the family also. So I could love them and they could love me. We would joke around at lunchtime. Maybe we would make fun of Cohen and all laugh but all nervously looking around to make sure he wasn’t there. Slowly we would get to know each other and, when they were comfortable with me, maybe they would invite me over to dinner to meet their family. “This is that new guy I was telling you about. Thank God Stevie Cohen hired him!”
Make him want it.
Finally, someone came to get me, “He’s ready for you now.”…I sat down across from him. “Why do you want to start trading for me?” he asked.
“Its hard to trade, raise money, manage a business,” I said. “I think the economics work a lot better if I’m managing money for you.”
“You’re absolutely right,” he said.
Let him come to you.
We started to walk together out the door, down the hallway. “Lets do this,” he said, “ why don’t you instant message me before you do a trade for the next few weeks. We’ll see how it goes in real time.”
Don’t choke.
The next day, right around 9:29 am before I was going to make my first trade of the day I instant messaged him the trade. He wrote back, “Thanks”. I’m not exaggerating: about 50 trades in a row had worked out for me at that point. It was June, 2004 and I hadn’t had a down month since July, 2003. Not even a down week. Until that trade.
And the next seven trades after it.
I was totally disheartened. It was like being impotent and telling the girl, “this has never happened to me before.” Stevie Cohen was THAT GIRL.
“Don’t worry”, Cohen IM-ed me. “Just relax. We can try again in an hour.” Actually, he didn’t IM that. He IM-ed. “Don’t worry. This happens.”
But at some point I just stopped sending him trades. And a few days later he IMed, “where are you???” but I didn’t respond to that. I was ashamed.
If you do choke, GET BACK OUT THERE. Not with trade ideas, since it seems those might not be your forte, but stuff that could keep you in the game. Like:
* Divert his attention by asking “So, what are you wearing?”
* Try a compliment that will both flatter and weird him out such as, “Spill it- there’s no way those baby blues are real; how long you been rocking the color contacts?”
* Innocently go for the sweet spot a la: “Hey, what do you say we blow off the rest of this day and hit up the Patagonia outlet?”
* Get belligerent with him. IM something like, “No you four-eyed fuck I said SELL not BUY, SELL! Get your vision examined.” Few if any people would ever dream of doing such a thing, particularly SAC employees, so he might actually like it.
* Blame the insider network tip your trade was based on
* Go for the sympathy angle. Something like this might work (you’ll need a webcam for full effect):
You: Steve, we’re both in trading. Let me tell you why I suck as a trader. Let’s say I go short on a stock, let’s say it’s even remotely working my way. Well then I get all excited. I’m like Jojo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet.
[Reach down and pick up a half eaten bagel from breakfast]
You: [Hold up the bagel] Now the pet here is my possible profit. [To the bagel] Hello there pretty little pet, I love you, I say. And then I stoke it, and I pet it, and I massage it. Hehe I love it, I love my little naughty pet.
[Poke bagel playfully]
You: You’re naughty! And then I take my naughty pet and I go and double down my position…rumor hits that the stock is an acquisition target.
[make ripping noises as you tear apart bagel]
You: [Wail loudly, make people start to look] Uuuuuuh! I killed it! I killed my profit! And that’s when I blow it. That’s when traders gotta forge ahead, Steve. Am I right?
Steve: God, you’re sick.
Just make sure your ready to eat the ass end out of a dead rhino.
I have been using SAC’s back door for years. If anyone wants me to draw them a map on a whiteboard on how to find the back door, give me a call.
Ping; Whiteboard Anal Cartographer
+1 for incorporating Cartographer.
+1 for incorporating Cartographer.
More back door sexual innuendos in 3… 2… 1…
Why would you want to work for SAC now? There’s absolutely no question that the FBI is gunning for them. Oh, and active portfolio management is a confirmed fail and there is no “alpha” – only some guy named Pradip in supply chain management who texts you how many (spontaneously combusting) Dell computers rolled off of the Singapore assembly line the day before the 10-Q is filed.
Signed up for the CFA? You signed up for obsolescence.
I once AIM’d the head of “strategic recruiting” for SAC, trying to get them to look at a fund we seeded to bring in house; he hacked my box through the AIM socket, downloaded all of my secret cache of documents regarding TTWO, and then literally had COMCAST kill my internet connection
a few months later, after he’d sent child services to my house, he fedex’d me iced champage, and a note that said, “tough break kid, get dunk on me…use the bucket to ice down your marbles”
Backdoor Strategy? Tell me more about it!
- Ping
Considering the CFA preaches passive indexing over active management, good point.
-Guy who signed up for the CFA
“He’s ready for you now” sounds like a sultan/harem line. Other than that, no concerns.
Backdoor Strategy?!? Is that level II?
-Ghana CFA candidate eagerly awaiting results
He has been IM’ing me since I told him I know a guy who knows a guy, who’s uncle owns the embalmed remains of Paul the Octopus.
After he tells you he’s done with you and your money losing trades, and you want to f*ck with him a bit, IM him you just got a call from the SEC and say they’ve arrested you for insider trading and now have your computer.
Rather than doing obnoxious journalism bordering on harassment, Courtney over at Clusterstock has been doing some real investigative work on insidergate…
You’re on fire today!
You’re on fire today!
You’re on fire today!
What’s with the Tommy Callahan quotes? Arguably, the funniest movie ever made.
What’s with the Tommy Callahan quotes? Arguably, the funniest movie ever made.
Fag.
-Jim Cain
why are you here?
“clusterstock” and “real investigative work”
LOL
is there a Courtney/Bess spat going on? ringside tickets for 1, please. And, Go Bess!
is there a Courtney/Bess spat going on? ringside tickets for 1, please. And, Go Bess!
is there a Courtney/Bess spat going on? ringside tickets for 1, please. And, Go Bess!
sweet heart? the real investigative work was done by BL, when she reported that LG was closing; given that you have an obvious bias toward the firm, you seem to be not accepting reality, but that’s what it is.
sweet heart? the real investigative work was done by BL, when she reported that LG was closing; given that you have an obvious bias toward the firm, you seem to be not accepting reality, but that’s what it is.
sweet heart? the real investigative work was done by BL, when she reported that LG was closing; given that you have an obvious bias toward the firm, you seem to be not accepting reality, but that’s what it is.
clusterstock posted this exact same story “border line harassment” story.
other than that, I have no concerns.
clusterstock posted this exact same story “border line harassment” story.
other than that, I have no concerns.
clusterstock posted this exact same story “border line harassment” story.
other than that, I have no concerns.
clusterstock posted this exact same story “border line harassment” story.
other than that, I have no concerns.
clusterstock posted this exact same story “border line harassment” story.
other than that, I have no concerns.
the day clusterstock does any actual real investigative work, I’ll stick my own dick in my ear.
-hank blodget
You don’t need to accept reality (that this is neither obnoxious, nor harassment; that clusterstock will never do real journalism; that BL broke the LG story last week) but you do need to kill yourself.
You got your feelings hurt by the Level Global coverage last week. You think the above is obnoxious and- and this is your best line- borders on harassment. Why are you still here, and commenting no less?
LG closing was obvious all along. The Coatue story is true new news. My comment has nothing to do with the above article.
LG closing was obvious all along. The Coatue story is true new news. My comment has nothing to do with the above article.
LG closing was obvious all along. The Coatue story is true new news. My comment has nothing to do with the above article.
Don’t worry. Just relax. We can try again in an hour
Ickkkkkghhh. You made me throw up a little.
still haven’t answered the question as to why you’re still here on the site..
still haven’t answered the question as to why you’re still here on the site..
still haven’t answered the question as to why you’re still here on the site..
Backdoor is always the way to go.
-Maria B.
Backdoor is always the way to go.
-Maria B.
Backdoor is always the way to go.
-Maria B.
Backdoor is always the way to go.
-Maria B.
Backdoor is always the way to go.
-Maria B.
Backdoor is always the way to go.
-Maria B.
…and thus commenced my vitriolic self abuse….
…and thus commenced my vitriolic self abuse….
…and thus commenced my vitriolic self abuse….
…and thus commenced my vitriolic self abuse….
…and thus commenced my vitriolic self abuse….
…and thus commenced my vitriolic self abuse….
LOL, um, why don’t you enlighten us has to how DB’s work “borders on harassment.”
or just kill yourself. either/or.
LOL, um, why don’t you enlighten us has to how DB’s work “borders on harassment.”
or just kill yourself. either/or.
LOL, um, why don’t you enlighten us has to how DB’s work “borders on harassment.”
or just kill yourself. either/or.
LOL, um, why don’t you enlighten us has to how DB’s work “borders on harassment.”
or just kill yourself. either/or.
LOL, um, why don’t you enlighten us has to how DB’s work “borders on harassment.”
or just kill yourself. either/or.
LOL, um, why don’t you enlighten us has to how DB’s work “borders on harassment.”
or just kill yourself. either/or.
LOL, um, why don’t you enlighten us has to how DB’s work “borders on harassment.”
or just kill yourself. either/or.
“LG closing was obvious all along. ”
wtf does that even mean? it wasn’t reported until it was reported. people know about rumors ahead of all stories, including the Coatue one.
“LG closing was obvious all along. ”
wtf does that even mean? it wasn’t reported until it was reported. people know about rumors ahead of all stories, including the Coatue one.
kind of seems like you know a whole lot about behavior that borders on harassment.
It was my 32nd interview with SAC Capital, and I had been IMing, Skyping, and emailing with Mr. Cohen for the better part of a year. I was invited up to Connecticut to meet the team in person, and was promptly ushered into Mr. Cohen’s office. Without so much as a ‘Did you find the offices OK?’ he launched into questioning me on trading style.
“You have short position on a firm, and the stock stubbornly refuses to come down. Do cover or ride it out?”
“Ride it out. I ride it like a skeleton horse down through the gates of hell,” I said, confidently.
“How can you so sure you’re not wrong? That you shouldn’t be long?” he asked, with a hint of condescension.
“I mean, I holding next week’s earnings statement in my hand…”
“I think we’ll start you with $25 million, and see how you do. What size are you in a Patagonia?”
LOL at the attempt to promote Blodget’s pathetic attempt that site’s poor man Bess.
into a cup?
-guy who wants to know if Confused Commenter utilizes a cup in these episodes of self abuse.
into a cup?
-guy who wants to know if Confused Commenter utilizes a cup in these episodes of self abuse.
Does anyone else picture SC getting these trades and then taking the other side for 3 times the amount, to manipulate this guy into failing? Kind of like a Dr. Evil type thing, because he’s bored and it’s Tuesday and his secretary is out to lunch?
“But its hard to build a business”
If he had what it took to get a job at SAC, he probably wouldn’t want one, as he would already be a successful fund.
“But its hard to build a business”
If he had what it took to get a job at SAC, he probably wouldn’t want one, as he would already be a successful fund.
“But its hard to build a business”
If he had what it took to get a job at SAC, he probably wouldn’t want one, as he would already be a successful fund.
“But its hard to build a business”
If he had what it took to get a job at SAC, he probably wouldn’t want one, as he would already be a successful fund.
It was my 17th interview at SAC capital and I was ushered into Steve Cohen’s office where he himself was sitting behind his desk looking regal in his Patagonia. On his otherwise empty desk was a stack of deep fried Oreos, an unopened box of dry erase markers and a stack of stolen draft earnings releases.
Steve looked at me and said “Choose. But choose wisely, for while the correct one will bring you profit, the false one will result in an FBI raid.” I paused, leaned forward and then quickly yanked his fleece off over his head.
Steve quietly said “You have chosen… wisely. Can you come back next week?”
BL, absolutely spectacular job with the Tommy Boy/Helen reference. I have no (more) words.
Thanks, I felt good about it, too.
> Oh, and active portfolio management is a confirmed fail
=========
Book Value
(1)
S&P 500
with Dividends
Included
(2)
Relative
Results
(1)-(2)
1965 . . . 23.8 10.0 13.8
1966 . . . 20.3 (11.7) 32.0
1967 . . . 11.0 30.9 (19.9)
1968 . . . 19.0 11.0 8.0
1969 . . . 16.2 (8.4) 24.6
1970 . . . 12.0 3.9 8.1
1971 . . . 16.4 14.6 1.8
1972 . . . 21.7 18.9 2.8
1973 . . . 4.7 (14.8) 19.5
1974 . . . 5.5 (26.4) 31.9
1975 . . . 21.9 37.2 (15.3)
1976 . . . 59.3 23.6 35.7
1977 . . . 31.9 (7.4) 39.3
1978 . . . 24.0 6.4 17.6
1979 . . . 35.7 18.2 17.5
1980 . . . 19.3 32.3 (13.0)
1981 . . . 31.4 (5.0) 36.4
1982 . . . 40.0 21.4 18.6
1983 . . . 32.3 22.4 9.9
1984 . . . 13.6 6.1 7.5
1985 . . . 48.2 31.6 16.6
1986 . . . 26.1 18.6 7.5
1987 . . . 19.5 5.1 14.4
1988 . . . 20.1 16.6 3.5
1989 . . . 44.4 31.7 12.7
1990 . . . 7.4 (3.1) 10.5
1991 . . . 39.6 30.5 9.1
1992 . . . 20.3 7.6 12.7
1993 . . . 14.3 10.1 4.2
1994 . . . 13.9 1.3 12.6
1995 . . . 43.1 37.6 5.5
1996 . . . 31.8 23.0 8.8
1997 . . . 34.1 33.4 .7
1998 . . . 48.3 28.6 19.7
1999 . . . .5 21.0 (20.5)
2000 . . . 6.5 (9.1) 15.6
2001 . . . (6.2) (11.9) 5.7
2002 . . . 10.0 (22.1) 32.1
2003 . . . 21.0 28.7 (7.7)
2004 . . . 10.5 10.9 (.4)
2005 . . . 6.4 4.9 1.5
2006 . . . 18.4 15.8 2.6
2007 . . . 11.0 5.5 5.5
2008 . . . (9.6) (37.0) 27.4
2009 . . . 19.8 26.5 (6.7)
Compounded Annual Gain – 1965-2009 . . . 20.3% 9.3% 11.0
Overall Gain – 1964-2009 . . . 434,057% 5,430%
=========
Enough said
You got arrested over the phone? By an agency that only has civil enforcement powers?
HI Bess; could I get some editing features? I will Nancy Kerrigan BI people for you!
So you don’t have to look it up: those are the Berkshire performance numbers.
So you don’t have to look it up: those are the Berkshire performance numbers.