First off, you remember the Connecticut man who fisted a horse, yes? For those who fail to recall, last fall, Shelton resident Marian Wegiel was accused of forcing himself on a horse, having been found with “much of his arm inside the animal’s vagina.”

Wegiel explained at the time that he was merely comforting the horsie–which belonged to his neighbor– who he claimed to have heard “cry out in distress.” His neighbor somehow did not buy the story that this was an accidental fisting with no malice intended and pressed charges that included cruelty to animals, fourth-degree sexual assault, third-degree criminal trespass and second-degree breach of peace.

Today, Wegiel showed up in court, where his lawyer argued that just as Wall Street has often been a victim of the media sensationalism that’s led to a demonizing of the industry, so too has Wegs. If we strip away the bull shit, nothing that serious actually went down here.

“If this was a guy and a sheep in Litchfield, and I’ve had a few of those cases, this would not have gotten nearly the media attention it has,” said Ralph Crozier, who represents 63-year-old Marian Wegiel.

“But I guess because a horse is higher off the ground it leaves a little more to the imagination.”

I don’t actually know how the height of the horse is relevant here but somehow it works. Goldman et al are advised to give Crozier a call, in case they want an attorney who gets them.

Lawyer for man accused of sexually assaulting horse says story has been overhyped [CT Post]

59 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (59)

  1. Posted by GGGuest | February 17, 2011 at 8:18 PM

    so fisting a sheep is the NKI?

  2. Posted by GGGuest | February 17, 2011 at 8:18 PM

    so fisting a sheep is the NKI?

  3. Posted by Semi-Serious Question | February 17, 2011 at 8:20 PM

    I don’t get this guy’s point. How does the height of the animal affect what gets left to the imagination?

  4. Posted by Guest | February 17, 2011 at 8:21 PM

    “If we strip away the bull shit, nothing that serious actually went down here.”

    I see what you did there…

  5. Posted by Horse Whisperererer | February 17, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    “Wegiel explained at the time that he was merely comforting the animal…”

    This man knows horses inside and out.

  6. Posted by Guestosaurus | February 17, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    Whereas the Connecticut man was caught with much of his arm inside the horse’s vagina, wall street is typically caught with much of their head up the horse’s ass.

  7. Posted by Guestosaurus | February 17, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    Whereas the Connecticut man was caught with much of his arm inside the horse’s vagina, wall street is typically caught with much of their head up the horse’s ass.

  8. Posted by Anonymous | February 17, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    white people problems…

  9. Posted by Anonymous | February 17, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    white people problems…

  10. Posted by Anonymous | February 17, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    white people problems…

  11. Posted by Guestosaurus | February 17, 2011 at 8:28 PM

    check what color the horse is, it may be a hate crime

  12. Posted by Guestosaurus | February 17, 2011 at 8:28 PM

    check what color the horse is, it may be a hate crime

  13. Posted by derp | February 17, 2011 at 8:28 PM

    Marian,

    Call me.

    -SJP

  14. Posted by derp | February 17, 2011 at 8:28 PM

    Marian,

    Call me.

    -SJP

  15. Posted by Motive Examinator | February 17, 2011 at 8:29 PM

    My litany of possible replies caused me to repeatedly examine my motives. I learned something.

  16. Posted by Guest | February 17, 2011 at 8:33 PM

    You have to be really demented to sexually assault a horse.

  17. Posted by Guest | February 17, 2011 at 8:34 PM

    was he also able to hold a cup?

  18. Posted by Jockey | February 17, 2011 at 8:35 PM

    So this guy is not a veternarian?

  19. Posted by Anonymous | February 17, 2011 at 8:36 PM

    Wait until MT and his congressional aide buddies get wind of this…

  20. Posted by Guest | February 17, 2011 at 8:45 PM

    The outcome of this case could have implications for the husbands/boyfriends of the Noel sisters.

  21. Posted by Mutualfdmgr | February 17, 2011 at 8:48 PM

    So sheep fisting in Litchfield is an everyday occurrence?

  22. Posted by Guest | February 17, 2011 at 8:57 PM

    Hmm….seems someone

    got caught “red handed”…

    with their “hand in the cookie jar”…

  23. Posted by Amish Electricity Trader | February 17, 2011 at 8:58 PM

    What do you call an Amish guy with his arm up a horse’s vagina? A mechanic!!

  24. Posted by Guest | February 17, 2011 at 9:00 PM

    Which is hotter, hoses or horses?
    I say hoses.

    – Ping

  25. Posted by Dr. Ed Equus, DVM | February 17, 2011 at 9:00 PM

    We call it semenal retrieval, you bastard!!

  26. Posted by Anonymous | February 17, 2011 at 9:01 PM

    So this guy brings in a horse with a fist in it’s vagina. I don’t know what its worth so I am going to bring in an expert to take a look, but if this thing checks out, I just gotta have it!

    Rick Harrison
    Pawn Stars
    Las Vegas, NV

  27. Posted by Not A Lawyer | February 17, 2011 at 9:06 PM

    So… f!st-f^cking an animal is only

    “fourth-degree sexual assault”?

    I’d hate to see the rest of the scale …

  28. Posted by Hereallnight | February 17, 2011 at 9:08 PM

    How do you know if your horse is gay? When you’re banging him in the ass, you reach around and he’s got a hard-on.

    -Jackie the Jokeman

  29. Posted by Anonymous | February 17, 2011 at 9:13 PM

    To be fair, the horse was asking for it.

  30. Posted by Guest | February 17, 2011 at 9:23 PM

    Suddenly, I feel the need to comfort my secretary

  31. Posted by AIGQ | February 17, 2011 at 9:26 PM

    We think he eats meat, actually.

    -AIG “Event Driven” Quant

  32. Posted by Connecticut Center for Excuses | February 17, 2011 at 9:29 PM

    And he was only going 35 miles per hour.

    -Connecticut Center for Excuses

  33. Posted by Just Wondering | February 17, 2011 at 9:31 PM

    Did this guy ever trade energies?

  34. Posted by PasteSpecialFormats | February 17, 2011 at 9:43 PM

    Wegs,

    Call me when you’re out. I think we might have something for you here.

    -MW

  35. Posted by Anonymous | February 17, 2011 at 9:53 PM

    I love you for this comment.

  36. Posted by Shecky Palmer | February 17, 2011 at 10:00 PM

    Here’s how I got a black eye while golfing. I was at the 16th hole of Lochnivar, you know, by the cow pasture wher the cows come up to the fence for treats even though the course frowns on it and I saw some ladies following us and one hit a ball that, by the sound landed somewhere near me so I started looking around for it. After a while the lady who hit the ball came up and I told her i had been looking all this time for her ball but it was like it just disappeared and she started looking too. Some time went by and a cow went by and I looked and there under the cow’s tail was the ball resting in the cow’s vag and I lifted up the tail of the cow and innocently just said, “Hey lady! Does this one look like yours?” …well, you know what happened then.

  37. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | February 17, 2011 at 10:01 PM

    The lawyer is incompetent. He should have simply said, “Its a small neighborhood” and left it at that. That’s what Goldman instructs their people to do when media types try to make a big deal over little things like this.

  38. Posted by Guest | February 17, 2011 at 10:14 PM

    You’re hired!

    -Ping Capital HR

  39. Posted by Guest | February 17, 2011 at 10:18 PM

    I feel like I have been knighted! Thanks!

    -“Connecticut Center for Excuses” Guy

  40. Posted by CurrencyTrader | February 17, 2011 at 10:28 PM

    Every time a lame Ping comment is made a 1st year analyst get’s rejected at Marque and blows his bonus on a craigslist call girl only to get all forms of hepatitis.

  41. Posted by Neigh | February 17, 2011 at 10:37 PM

    It’s all fun and games until you marry a Noel sister.

  42. Posted by Guest | February 17, 2011 at 10:43 PM

    “So you got hepatitis-B??? You should have got a hepatitus-A!!”

    -Domineering Father

  43. Posted by Guest | February 17, 2011 at 10:44 PM

    What bonus, dickbag?

    – 1st year analyst, Credit Suisse Equity Research

  44. Posted by Tiger Mom | February 17, 2011 at 11:18 PM

    I aglee.

  45. Posted by Redpipe | February 18, 2011 at 12:12 AM

    He sounds like a real “go getter”; I might have a position for him if he is interested.
    – Irving Picard

  46. Posted by Rusty | February 18, 2011 at 12:35 AM

    More like a DIY horse gynecologist

  47. Posted by Yaletimo | February 18, 2011 at 12:45 AM

    +1

  48. Posted by guest | February 18, 2011 at 1:14 AM

    lacist.

  49. Posted by guest | February 18, 2011 at 1:14 AM

    lacist.

  50. Posted by Gyddiup | February 18, 2011 at 3:35 AM

    More importantly, did he find the G-spot?

    Equestrian who thinks that the female orgasm is a myth.

  51. Posted by Don't hassle me I'm local | February 18, 2011 at 4:00 AM

    What happens in CT, stays in CT.

  52. Posted by Greg | February 18, 2011 at 5:56 AM

    At least it was a female horse. Not that anything’s wrong with that………

  53. Posted by Von Sloneker | February 18, 2011 at 1:36 PM

    I know what happened, someone told you they don’t let ladies play at Lochinvar.

  54. Posted by TurrencyCrader | February 18, 2011 at 2:33 PM

    No – he first traded Options, then switched to Currencies.

  55. Posted by Henry | February 18, 2011 at 2:52 PM

    Whats the age of horse-consent in CT? In MA he could marry the horse and it won’t be able to testify against him. If the horse was male this guy would be elected to congress for his courage in breaking down barriers. You anti-beastiality fear mongers.

  56. Posted by Henry | February 18, 2011 at 2:53 PM

    Whats the age of horse-consent in CT? In MA he could marry the horse and it won’t be able to testify against him. If the horse was male this guy would be elected to congress for his courage in breaking down barriers. You anti-beastiality fear mongers.

  57. Posted by Guest | February 18, 2011 at 3:34 PM

    That’s no big deal. That kind of things happens all the time around here.

    -Jimmy Dean butcher.

  58. Posted by Guest of Anonymous | February 18, 2011 at 4:55 PM

    Moose Fisting > Horse Fisting. Just sayin’.

  59. Posted by Kimber | February 19, 2011 at 7:20 PM

    SOMEONE NEEDS TO COMFORT HIM NOW…..