Yes, everyone who’s testified so far has said you’ve paid them for inside information to trade, that you told them to keep the activities on the hush hush and that you played favorites with your tipsters. Each and every time someone takes the witness stand it gets worse and worse, like a bomb that won’t stop exploding. Still, despite nearly two months to go, it seems unlikely anyone could get up there and do you as bad as this:

Barry Bonds’s ex-mistress testified that the slugger told her in 1999 or 2000 that he took steroids and said she observed physical changes in him, including testicle shrinkage and problems with sexual performance…“The shape, size of his testicles, smaller, unusual, different shape, and he had some trouble keeping an erection and tried some things to resolve that,” Bell said.

[BusinessWeek]

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Comments (50)

  1. Posted by Guest | March 28, 2011 at 8:38 PM

    He could work for UBS

  2. Posted by Guest | March 28, 2011 at 8:43 PM

    He’s just not that into you. The peen cannot lie.

  3. Posted by Guest | March 28, 2011 at 8:49 PM

    “Bell, dressed in a light gray pantsuit and white top, also testified that Bonds became “increasingly aggressive, irritable, very impatient.”

    “He would get really angry really easy,” she said. Asked by Nedrow for details, she said Bonds told her “he would cut my head off and leave me in a ditch.””

    shit just got real.

  4. Posted by Guest | March 28, 2011 at 8:53 PM

    is that what you tell chicks when they ask why you’re tiny dick can’t get it up?

  5. Posted by Guest | March 28, 2011 at 8:59 PM

    No, I am a chick.

  6. Posted by Guest | March 28, 2011 at 8:59 PM

    No, I am a chick.

  7. Posted by Guest | March 28, 2011 at 8:59 PM

    No, I am a chick.

  8. Posted by Anonymous | March 28, 2011 at 9:00 PM

    I was talking to someone about this before. Not to minimize her situation but how can you take someone who says something like that seriously? If someone told me he was going to cut my head off and leave me in a ditch I’d pass out from laughing so hard.

  9. Posted by Anonymous | March 28, 2011 at 9:00 PM

    I was talking to someone about this before. Not to minimize her situation but how can you take someone who says something like that seriously? If someone told me he was going to cut my head off and leave me in a ditch I’d pass out from laughing so hard.

  10. Posted by Anonymous | March 28, 2011 at 9:00 PM

    I was talking to someone about this before. Not to minimize her situation but how can you take someone who says something like that seriously? If someone told me he was going to cut my head off and leave me in a ditch I’d pass out from laughing so hard.

  11. Posted by Contraction Jackson | March 28, 2011 at 9:04 PM

    NO, YOU ARE TINY DICK.

  12. Posted by Contraction Jackson | March 28, 2011 at 9:04 PM

    NO, YOU ARE TINY DICK.

  13. Posted by Contraction Jackson | March 28, 2011 at 9:04 PM

    NO, YOU ARE TINY DICK.

  14. Posted by Contraction Jackson | March 28, 2011 at 9:04 PM

    NO, YOU ARE TINY DICK.

  15. Posted by Contraction Jackson | March 28, 2011 at 9:04 PM

    NO, YOU ARE TINY DICK.

  16. Posted by Contraction Jackson | March 28, 2011 at 9:04 PM

    NO, YOU ARE TINY DICK.

  17. Posted by Contraction Jackson | March 28, 2011 at 9:04 PM

    NO, YOU ARE TINY DICK.

  18. Posted by Contraction Jackson | March 28, 2011 at 9:04 PM

    NO, YOU ARE TINY DICK.

  19. Posted by Contraction Jackson | March 28, 2011 at 9:04 PM

    NO, YOU ARE TINY DICK.

  20. Posted by Contraction Jackson | March 28, 2011 at 9:04 PM

    NO, YOU ARE TINY DICK.

  21. Posted by InfiniteGuest | March 28, 2011 at 9:05 PM

    Black-market hormones + ED + he “tried some things” = I think I’ve heard this story before.

  22. Posted by InfiniteGuest | March 28, 2011 at 9:05 PM

    Black-market hormones + ED + he “tried some things” = I think I’ve heard this story before.

  23. Posted by InfiniteGuest | March 28, 2011 at 9:05 PM

    Black-market hormones + ED + he “tried some things” = I think I’ve heard this story before.

  24. Posted by IrishCurse | March 28, 2011 at 9:13 PM

    even with smaller balls, and pimples on my back (“backne”) and cock (“cockne”), I’m still the HNIC, hoe… betta’ reckanize!

    Barry “I put the ‘pus’ in ‘pussy’” Bonds

  25. Posted by Marion Berry | March 28, 2011 at 9:17 PM

    WOMEN!

  26. Posted by Marion Berry | March 28, 2011 at 9:17 PM

    WOMEN!

  27. Posted by Confused Commenter | March 28, 2011 at 9:20 PM

    Bess, I am going to cut my head off and leave it in a ditch. Wait. What?

  28. Posted by Anonymous | March 28, 2011 at 9:22 PM

    Which is worse: having “smaller, unusual, different-shaped” balls or having an egg-shaped pecker?

  29. Posted by Anonymous | March 28, 2011 at 9:37 PM

    Kinda depends on the size of the egg. Quail egg = bad; double yolk emu egg = this could be fun.

  30. Posted by Jose Canseco | March 28, 2011 at 9:38 PM

    I hate all this stuff.

  31. Posted by sad guest | March 28, 2011 at 9:44 PM

    How often do you hangout with ‘roided up dudes though?

  32. Posted by Lord Humongous | March 28, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    Bitch set me up

    - Marion Barry

  33. Posted by Lord Humongous | March 28, 2011 at 10:01 PM

    Dinosaur egg?

  34. Posted by Anonymous | March 28, 2011 at 10:04 PM

    I’m yet to cross that bridge. Though if the ‘roided up dude in question suffers from the side effect of a high pitched voice, wouldn’t it only add to the hilarity? Anyway…I’m sure it wasn’t actually that funny, I’m just picturing people I know saying it to me and am having a hard time keeping a straight face.

  35. Posted by Anonymous | March 28, 2011 at 10:09 PM

    Wiki says they can be 2ft long and 8 inches in diameter, so that would be “just the tip” thanks Humongous…something you’ve heard before, I assume?

  36. Posted by Anonymous | March 28, 2011 at 10:09 PM

    Wiki says they can be 2ft long and 8 inches in diameter, so that would be “just the tip” thanks Humongous…something you’ve heard before, I assume?

  37. Posted by P.Jabre | March 28, 2011 at 10:14 PM

    Stuff like this happens here all the time. No big deal.

  38. Posted by Guest | March 28, 2011 at 10:36 PM

    Mmmmmm ostrich….

  39. Posted by PastBall | March 28, 2011 at 10:38 PM

    Barry “Raisinettes” Bonds, went up two shoe sizes (11 to 13) in two years and down two jock and protective cup sizes. When he’d put on the spandex pants the other players in the clubhouse would call him “Mooseknuckle” or “Cameltoe Bonds” behind his back.

    I once dated a female bodybuilder who was on the ‘roids and the chick’s clit was the size of my little finger (no, she wasn’t a trannie – it was her clit). She could fuck like a female gymnast on speed, but the physique and her mindset was too masculine – I figured it was best to end that deal right there, before she started talking about strap-ons. I often wonder what happened to her, if today when some guys undresses her she whips out an 8″ clit or something line that.

    Roids will do some weird things, no doubt.

  40. Posted by Nails | March 28, 2011 at 10:53 PM

    Blowing him was like having a limp twizzler hanging out of my mouth.

  41. Posted by IrishCurse | March 28, 2011 at 11:22 PM

    please note: Barry Bonds does, in fact, have a somewhat high-pitched voice and effete delivery (though, unfortunately, it’s not a ‘howler monkey screech’ a la Jack from Will & Grace).

  42. Posted by OJ | March 28, 2011 at 11:41 PM

    I’m not saying what I did was right, but you understand now, right?

  43. Posted by A3407699 | March 29, 2011 at 2:24 AM

    get back to Perez Hilton, bitch

  44. Posted by Blumecury | March 29, 2011 at 2:40 AM

    Maybe she did have a “hard time” keeping a straight face, hece the reply “I’m gonna cut off your head and leave you in a ditch”

  45. Posted by Wu-Tang Financial | March 29, 2011 at 6:29 AM

    Shrinkage? Was he in a pool?

  46. Posted by No | March 29, 2011 at 2:02 PM

    mmm dinosaur

  47. Posted by Charlie Sheen | March 29, 2011 at 4:30 PM

    Winning!

  48. Posted by bookmarking service | September 10, 2012 at 12:53 PM

    J7R44R Looking forward to reading more. Great post.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.

  49. Posted by Cameron | September 18, 2012 at 12:29 AM

    This is a topic that is close to my heart..

    . Cheers! Exactly where are your contact details though?

  50. Posted by halloween food | September 26, 2012 at 3:47 AM

    Muchos Gracias for your blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Awesome.