• 24 Mar 2011 at 2:29 PM

BlackRock: Clean Up Your Filthy Workstations So We’re Not Embarrassed On Live TV

By

Think you’re above this edict? Okay, big shot, leave the mess. Larry Fink will personally lean your desk into a bin labeled “[your name]‘s crap” and file his nails while you beg for it back.

From: [redacated at BlackRock]
Sent: Wednesday, March 23, 2011 03:12 PM
To: NYC – PMG Bonds
Subject: CNBC ON FLOOR THURSDAY- COMPLETELY CLEAN DESKS BY 4 PM WEDS MARCH 23RD

PLEASE CLEAR ALL SURFACES AND CLEAN YOUR WORK SPACES BY 4 PM ON WEDS SO THAT YOU DO NOT DISTINGUISH YOURSELF BY HAVING TO LOOK FOR YOUR BELONGINGS ON THURSDAY MORNING.

(IT WILL BE EASY TO IDENTIFY THOSE WHO ARE SO EXPOSED.)

IT REALLY ISN’T AN OPTION TO DISTINGUISH YOURSELVES BY HAVING THE MESSY DESK ON LIVE TV; THAT OUTCOME WILL BE ELIMINATED FOR YOU.

BELOW IS A MEMO FROM BOBBIE COLLINS DESCRIBING WHAT WILL HAPPEN ON THURSDAY.

ENJOY.

[redacted]

Larry will join Maria from 3:05 to 3:10 p.m., and again at 4:15 p.m. with Rob. Rick, Dennis and Eric will have other segments and the show concludes at 5 p.m.

CNBC crew and BlackRock Corporate Communications staff will do their best to minimize what is a normal workday for you on the 24th. We ask that you do your part before you depart on Wednesday evening, the 23rd, by removing papers and cleaning up your workspace. On Thursday, please wear normal business attire.

Set-up will begin Thursday at 7:30 a.m. sharp with some activity all through the morning, including wiring, the moving of monitors, adding signage and other details. Arrangements will certainly ramp up in the afternoon and Maria’s pre-show arrival will be no later than 2:30 p.m. During the live broadcast, beginning at 3 p.m.

Just relax: it’s business as usual. But we also encourage some conversations and action. After all, it’s TV!

Thanks.

Comments (75)

  1. 1
    Posted by Guest | March 24, 2011 at 6:38 PM

    UBS sucks

  2. 2
    Posted by NakedShort | March 24, 2011 at 6:40 PM

    PLEASE CLEAR ALL SURFACES, CLEAN YOUR WORK SPACES AND HIDE ANY AND ALL CANDY, SNACKS, BEVERAGES AND NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT EMPTY YOUR TRASH CANS IF THEY CONTAIN ANY THROWN AWAY LEFTOVERS BY 4 PM ON WEDS SO THAT YOU DO NOT DISTINGUISH YOURSELF BY HAVING MARIA RAVAGE THROUGH YOUR WORK SPACE.

  3. 3
    Posted by FC Frathouse | March 24, 2011 at 6:41 PM

    I heard the Lou Man Group was doing a live performance after the show

  4. 4
    Posted by Guest | March 24, 2011 at 6:41 PM

    I’m just hoping Confused Commenter works for BlackRock and gets some saucy Miranda Kerr pics forwarded to him on live TV. Hopefully they let him leave a cup in his workspace.

  5. 5
    Posted by Ken Lewis | March 24, 2011 at 6:43 PM

    Lightweights

  6. 6
    Posted by BlackCock Wannabe | March 24, 2011 at 6:43 PM

    Would somebody please wear rabbit ears as a sign to all of us not blessed to work there that you DO care? Please?

  7. 7
    Posted by HR adds value | March 24, 2011 at 6:44 PM

    WOW CAP LOCKS
    HOW TACKY

  8. 8
    Posted by HR adds value | March 24, 2011 at 6:44 PM

    WOW CAP LOCKS
    HOW TACKY

  9. 9
    Posted by HR adds value | March 24, 2011 at 6:44 PM

    WOW CAP LOCKS
    HOW TACKY

  10. 10
    Posted by Conspiracy Theorist | March 24, 2011 at 6:48 PM

    Or, are they just firing everyone and want all the crap off their desk today?

  11. 11
    Posted by It's moving | March 24, 2011 at 6:51 PM

    I think someone should sit there with a large plate of Taco Bell delights reading a copy of the latest Maxim magazine. The chic on the current cover makes it move every time I see her.

  12. 12
    Posted by Anonymous | March 24, 2011 at 6:51 PM

    And don’t be looking at pictures of Irina Shayk behind Maria’s back. She won’t come to your rescue like the Australian chick did for the Macquaire lad.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAx23Rt6dPk

  13. 13
    Posted by Anonymous | March 24, 2011 at 6:51 PM

    And don’t be looking at pictures of Irina Shayk behind Maria’s back. She won’t come to your rescue like the Australian chick did for the Macquaire lad.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAx23Rt6dPk

  14. 14
    Posted by Rajat together with GS counsel | March 24, 2011 at 6:52 PM

    ……please, please, please burn all hard-drives with incriminating evidence…..just don’t want anymore CEO’s telling me Bernie wants a piece of my fat ass

  15. 15
    Posted by P. Bateman, BRoc MD | March 24, 2011 at 6:56 PM

    That’s a very fine chardonnay you’re drinking. I want you to clean your vagina.

  16. 16
    Posted by Time Traveling | March 24, 2011 at 7:08 PM

    Somehow Wednesday became “March 21″ in the Sent line.

  17. 17
    Posted by Time Traveling | March 24, 2011 at 7:08 PM

    Somehow Wednesday became “March 21″ in the Sent line.

  18. 18
    Posted by Time Traveling | March 24, 2011 at 7:08 PM

    Somehow Wednesday became “March 21″ in the Sent line.

  19. 19
    Posted by Spanishmoon | March 24, 2011 at 7:11 PM

    I assume we can safely short BLK now

  20. 20
    Posted by Spanishmoon | March 24, 2011 at 7:11 PM

    I assume we can safely short BLK now

  21. 21
    Posted by Spanishmoon | March 24, 2011 at 7:11 PM

    I assume we can safely short BLK now

  22. 22
    Posted by Bertie | March 24, 2011 at 7:14 PM

    “please wear normal business attire”

    So nothing but my mullet and a smile?

  23. 23
    Posted by Bertie | March 24, 2011 at 7:14 PM

    “please wear normal business attire”

    So nothing but my mullet and a smile?

  24. 24
    Posted by Guest | March 24, 2011 at 7:19 PM

    I like your attention to detail. Meet me at the Penn Station Taco Bell tonight. Carry a boombox playing Radiohead so I know it’s you.

  25. 25
    Posted by TPS Reports | March 24, 2011 at 7:25 PM

    Wait, so BAC owns about 50% of BLK so that gives Sallie Krawcheck the authority to write assinine memo’s to Blackrock employees too?

  26. 26
    Posted by Guest | March 24, 2011 at 7:28 PM

    the memo came from Peter Fisher, BLK head of fixed income.

  27. 27
    Posted by CurrencyTrader | March 24, 2011 at 7:28 PM

    Thank you for providing 2 unauthorized quotes from American Pyscho. Not only did either of these having nothing to do with the article at hand but your managed to screw the first one up.

    Where is the “have a giant teradactyl crash through your office window, grab you and throw you into oncoming traffic” button?

  28. 28
    Posted by Confused Commenter | March 24, 2011 at 7:30 PM

    I’m confused. If I am furiously cleaning my filthy workstation with MB looking over my shoulder, I won’t be in trouble? What if I am furiously using a 7 layer burrito as a fleshlight when Maria walks by, and she wants a snack?

  29. 29
    Posted by Suck My....Well You Know | March 24, 2011 at 7:31 PM

    Eventually American citizens will realize that most of Wall Street is just a soundstage for these cnbc fox morons.
    P.S. Suck my medium guinea cock.

  30. 30
    Posted by Suck My....Well You Know | March 24, 2011 at 7:31 PM

    Eventually American citizens will realize that most of Wall Street is just a soundstage for these cnbc fox morons.
    P.S. Suck my medium guinea cock.

  31. 31
    Posted by Guest | March 24, 2011 at 7:36 PM

    Wow, passive-aggressive much? Why not just say “Please clear off your desks today, so our office looks nice on TV.” Sheesh.

  32. 32
    Posted by Guest | March 24, 2011 at 7:36 PM

    Wow, passive-aggressive much? Why not just say “Please clear off your desks today, so our office looks nice on TV.” Sheesh.

  33. 33
    Posted by Bravo | March 24, 2011 at 7:40 PM

    well done policing the quotes. You’re a tremendous douchebag.

  34. 34
    Posted by Guest | March 24, 2011 at 7:43 PM

    Sucks why? They haven’t done anything really stupid for a few days. They’re getting better and better.

  35. 35
    Posted by FinkNottle | March 24, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    “BlackRock Corporate Communications staff will do their best to minimize what is a normal workday for you on the 24th.”

    I wish our Corp Comm staff would minimize our workdays.

  36. 36
    Posted by Oswald Gruebel | March 24, 2011 at 7:47 PM

    sorry accidentally hit like, meant to hit kill yourself button

  37. 37
    Posted by Guest | March 24, 2011 at 7:52 PM

    That button will never exist due to the misspelling of pterodactyl.

    – Guy who feels spelling is an barometer of one’s intellect

  38. 38
    Posted by Anonymous | March 24, 2011 at 7:56 PM

    At 5 we will have ceremony and a star placed on the trading floor marking the spot where maria went down on Larry Fink.

  39. 39
    Posted by Guest | March 24, 2011 at 8:01 PM

    7 layer burrito fleshlight is definitely the NKI.

    That was outstanding.

  40. 40
    Posted by Guest | March 24, 2011 at 8:01 PM

    7 layer burrito fleshlight is definitely the NKI.

    That was outstanding.

  41. 41
    Posted by Anonymous | March 24, 2011 at 8:01 PM

    clean my desk? I find I can’t bend my secretary over if my desktop isn’t clear…
    -MD

  42. 42
    Posted by Anonymous | March 24, 2011 at 8:01 PM

    clean my desk? I find I can’t bend my secretary over if my desktop isn’t clear…
    -MD

  43. 43
    Posted by Anonymous | March 24, 2011 at 8:03 PM

    I pray that burrito isn’t that 36% crap that is Taco Bell Meat

  44. 44
    Posted by Ken Lewis | March 24, 2011 at 8:08 PM

    Really? I though the quality of chic’s picked up at Taco Bell was much higher? That’s the word on the street for this Friday night.

  45. 45
    Posted by Anonymous | March 24, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    To hell with Maxim, go hard or go home. I suggest:

    Girls and Corpses (http://www.girlsandcorpses.com/)
    Miniature Donkey Talk Magazine (http://www.qis.net/~minidonk/mdt.htm)
    Modern Drunkard Magazine (http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/)
    sheep! (http://www.sheepmagazine.com/)

  46. 46
    Posted by Guest | March 24, 2011 at 8:29 PM

    From: (Redacted at BlackRock)
    To: NYC-PMG Bonds
    Subj: Additional Desk Clearing Instructions
    ———————————-

    New information has come to light. Should you have any of these, please remove these additional “potential” items from your desks prior to the CNBC segment:

    1. Slap Chops and Sham Wows.
    2. Any autographed Billy Mays items.
    3. Any images of trains going into tunnels.
    4. Small basketball goals on trash cans that make crowd noises when you make a basket.
    5. Dildos.
    6. Any novelty items noted as “Mile High Club” items.
    7. Autographed images of any other female CNBC celebrities.
    8. Complaint letters to Mark Haines.
    9. Valtrex vials.
    10. Any type of lotion or sanitizer.
    11. Images of flying Porshes of horses being comforted.
    12. Any picture of you holding a big fish.
    13. Autographed feminine apparel.
    14. SemGroup coffee cups.
    15. Unpaid therapist invoices.
    16. Silly String, air horns or megaphones.
    17. World War 1 aviator helmets.
    18. Sheepskin chaps.
    19. Podiatrist videos.
    20. Any visual references to Godzilla or Mothra.
    21. Instructions for making napalm.
    22. Invoices from “New York’s Hottest Party Line”

  47. 47
    Posted by Guest | March 24, 2011 at 8:45 PM

    Perhaps we could all benefit from a bit of proofreading.

    - Guy who feels grammar is “a” barometer of one’s intellect

  48. 48
    Posted by 7 Gram Rocks | March 24, 2011 at 8:45 PM

    They may as well film this from back office then

  49. 49
    Posted by Guest | March 24, 2011 at 8:49 PM

    WTF is up with Rick Rieder? that was painful to watch

  50. 50
    Posted by gasb | March 24, 2011 at 8:54 PM

    If you have any questions, please feel free to e-mail Jeffrey Gundlach a j.gundlach@bloomberg.net for additional clarification.

  51. 51
    Posted by Guest | March 24, 2011 at 9:06 PM

    Damnit none of those websites are real

  52. 52
    Posted by Dark Helmet | March 24, 2011 at 10:31 PM

    Fasten all seatbelts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the three ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo.

  53. 53
    Posted by Guest | March 25, 2011 at 2:37 AM

    good stuff

  54. 54
    Posted by Anonymous | March 25, 2011 at 3:48 AM

    I apologize.

    Here are correct links….enjoy…but hopefully not to the point of masturbating furiously…

    http://www.girlsandcorpses.com/

    http://www.qis.net/~minidonk/mdt.htm

    http://www.drunkard.com/

    http://www.sheepmagazine.com/

    Wait a minute…I tried the links and only the sheep one didn’t work…hmmm

  55. 55
    Posted by Guest | March 25, 2011 at 6:06 AM

    “THAT OUTCOME WILL BE ELIMINATED FOR YOU.”

    hey beavis, he said “come”, jijiji or hahaha not sure how to make the right laugh…

  56. 56
    Posted by Guest#9 | March 25, 2011 at 10:23 AM

    These thoughts will pass.

  57. 57
    Posted by Guest | March 25, 2011 at 10:29 AM

    All caps. Agressive.
    Doesn’t he really want to say: If any of you worthless motherfuckers don’t clean up your fucking desk, I’m coming over and rip your head off.

  58. 58
    Posted by Guest | March 25, 2011 at 3:42 PM

    I have cups ready to distribute.

  59. 59
    Posted by Guest | March 25, 2011 at 3:46 PM

    Ugh, I wish I could have responded sooner. I have cups to distribute.

  60. 60
    Posted by Guest | March 25, 2011 at 3:47 PM

    Corporate Comm. has to figure out ways to keep their jobs…

  61. 61
    Posted by Guest | March 25, 2011 at 3:47 PM

    Corporate Comm. has to figure out ways to keep their jobs…

  62. 62
    Posted by HFguy | March 25, 2011 at 7:20 PM

    FINALLY a firm that write an email as it should be written and not of that fucking too polite bullshit …

  63. 63
    Posted by HFguy | March 25, 2011 at 7:20 PM

    FINALLY a firm that write an email as it should be written and not of that fucking too polite bullshit …

  64. 64
    Posted by HFguy | March 25, 2011 at 7:20 PM

    FINALLY a firm that write an email as it should be written and not of that fucking too polite bullshit …

  65. 65
    Posted by HFguy | March 25, 2011 at 7:20 PM

    FINALLY a firm that write an email as it should be written and not of that fucking too polite bullshit …

  66. 66
    Posted by HFguy | March 25, 2011 at 7:20 PM

    FINALLY a firm that write an email as it should be written and not of that fucking too polite bullshit …

  67. 67
    Posted by HFguy | March 25, 2011 at 7:20 PM

    FINALLY a firm that write an email as it should be written and not of that fucking too polite bullshit …

  68. 68
    Posted by HFguy | March 25, 2011 at 7:20 PM

    FINALLY a firm that write an email as it should be written and not of that fucking too polite bullshit …

  69. 69
    Posted by HFguy | March 25, 2011 at 7:20 PM

    FINALLY a firm that write an email as it should be written and not of that fucking too polite bullshit …

  70. 70
    Posted by HFguy | March 25, 2011 at 7:20 PM

    FINALLY a firm that write an email as it should be written and not of that fucking too polite bullshit …

  71. 71
    Posted by HFguy | March 25, 2011 at 7:20 PM

    FINALLY a firm that write an email as it should be written and not of that fucking too polite bullshit …

  72. 72
    Posted by Guest | March 25, 2011 at 7:43 PM

    exactly – show some fkn respect!!!

  73. 73
    Posted by Guest | March 25, 2011 at 7:43 PM

    exactly – show some fkn respect!!!

  74. 74
    Posted by eenicker | April 28, 2012 at 10:46 AM

    [url=][/url]

  75. 75
    Posted by Binding Machines | September 5, 2012 at 5:34 AM

    I wonder when will be my home station seen in TV :)