Lynn Tilton, whose office at the $8 billion Patriarch Partners is decorated with whips, handcuffs, and a portrait of her “stretched across the hood of a black Mercedes,” sports five-inch stilettos on the job should she need to stick something up someone’s ass, only “strips and flips men, not companies,” and once sent a Christmas card to customers that featured a stuffed tiger and her in lingerie and fuck-me boots, brandishing whip, will star in Divas of Distressed. Because dreams really do come true. Here’s a peak at what’s in store.

In this preview, Tilton, whose daughter/assistant Carly is also featured, notes that “women rule the world” and tells a worker in a company she’s invested, “no pussies in my mill.” We’ll be recapping every episode.

Distressed Diva Lynn Tilton Gets Her Own Reality Show [NYM]

Comments (39)

  1. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | March 1, 2011 at 8:53 PM

    Definitely lights OFF!

  2. Posted by Vaz Sectomy | March 1, 2011 at 9:02 PM

    As soon as my balls descend back into my sack, I’ll make a comment.

  3. Posted by AmericanBandersnatch | March 1, 2011 at 9:05 PM

    “All right Mr. De Mille, but she’ll never be ready for a close-up”

  4. Posted by Guest | March 1, 2011 at 9:05 PM

    Watching her walk, I expected to see her scampering up a tree to grab fruit at some point. My goodness.

  5. Posted by Dr. Rosenrose | March 1, 2011 at 9:11 PM

    With the text-on-screen background info, that preview is a lot like the ones they do on Intervention. Except in this one the meth-addicted prostitute isn’t jerk material.

  6. Posted by Dr. Rosenrose | March 1, 2011 at 9:11 PM

    With the text-on-screen background info, that preview is a lot like the ones they do on Intervention. Except in this one the meth-addicted prostitute isn’t jerk material.

  7. Posted by JR | March 1, 2011 at 9:14 PM

    Snooky + CFA = Lynn Tilton

  8. Posted by Midnight Rider | March 1, 2011 at 9:15 PM

    Did she go to Columbia?

  9. Posted by HighBNR | March 1, 2011 at 9:16 PM

    This show won’t carry my interest

  10. Posted by Con Spiracy Theory | March 1, 2011 at 9:18 PM

    Wait til you see her fight that chick from the Chicopee Denny’s.

  11. Posted by Con Spiracy Theory | March 1, 2011 at 9:18 PM

    Wait til you see her fight that chick from the Chicopee Denny’s.

  12. Posted by Anonymous | March 1, 2011 at 9:20 PM

    Cougar attack!

    Hisssssss!!!!!!

  13. Posted by Anonymous | March 1, 2011 at 9:23 PM

    In the season finale the mill harvests those tree trunks Lynn Tilton calls legs.

  14. Posted by Guest | March 1, 2011 at 9:25 PM

    Good god who are her LPs, The Gimp from Pulp Fiction and The Machine from 8mm?

  15. Posted by Anonymous | March 1, 2011 at 9:31 PM

    “You are the princess, descending the staircase”

  16. Posted by RealityProducers | March 1, 2011 at 9:42 PM

    Michael Kevin Lallana lined up to provide the Vitamin S for her daily green shake.

  17. Posted by Non-Entity Hedge Fund Manager | March 1, 2011 at 9:52 PM

    The notion that this jabba-the-bitch wouldn’t send all of these no-name mill workers to her wholly-owned slaughterhouse down the street in the name of expanding her fixed cost coverage ratio — let alone give her contact information to a solitaire-playing secretary — is the most farcical thing I’ve heard YTD.

    - Guy who is not fooled

  18. Posted by TGFD | March 1, 2011 at 10:07 PM

    TGFD here.

    I kept wondering, is she a man or WTF?

    I could make it through only about 1/3 of the clip. Very distasteful. Besides, the sound was about 5 seconds ahead of the video. Didn’t she review the f*king thing before it went out.

    It’s no damn wonder that TGFD and every other MainStreeter hate wall street.

    The Guy from Delaware
    (back for only a very brief visit to let you all know that TGFD ain’t fucking ded yet)

  19. Posted by TGFD | March 1, 2011 at 10:07 PM

    TGFD here.

    I kept wondering, is she a man or WTF?

    I could make it through only about 1/3 of the clip. Very distasteful. Besides, the sound was about 5 seconds ahead of the video. Didn’t she review the f*king thing before it went out.

    It’s no damn wonder that TGFD and every other MainStreeter hate wall street.

    The Guy from Delaware
    (back for only a very brief visit to let you all know that TGFD ain’t fucking ded yet)

  20. Posted by Anonymous | March 1, 2011 at 10:09 PM

    did she say it was her job to be the “lady of light and salvation?” or did she say the “lady that fights for domination?”

  21. Posted by Anonymous | March 1, 2011 at 10:09 PM

    did she say it was her job to be the “lady of light and salvation?” or did she say the “lady that fights for domination?”

  22. Posted by Guest | March 1, 2011 at 10:11 PM

    Page 127 of Margin of Safety: “good value investors often have cameras following them around making shows about them”

  23. Posted by Guest | March 1, 2011 at 10:13 PM

    I hope she buys whatever business you are in next.

  24. Posted by Guest | March 1, 2011 at 10:13 PM

    I hope she buys whatever business you are in next.

  25. Posted by apt333 | March 1, 2011 at 10:15 PM

    So she fires former Patriarch President for appearing on Real Housewives of NYC (that tawdry show), and now gets her own show. Can’t beat em, join em. http://nyp.st/5CHnh9

  26. Posted by apt333 | March 1, 2011 at 10:15 PM

    So she fires former Patriarch President for appearing on Real Housewives of NYC (that tawdry show), and now gets her own show. Can’t beat em, join em. http://nyp.st/5CHnh9

  27. Posted by Guest | March 1, 2011 at 10:19 PM

    Thanks TGFD, it’s posts like that that made just EVERYONE wondering where you were??? Btw, ru gay?

  28. Posted by Guest | March 1, 2011 at 10:19 PM

    Thanks TGFD, it’s posts like that that made just EVERYONE wondering where you were??? Btw, ru gay?

  29. Posted by Walternoel | March 2, 2011 at 12:48 AM

    either this woman is a genius or insane or both??? she def has a screw loose…

  30. Posted by wtf | March 2, 2011 at 1:51 AM

    one team, one vision, one passion?

    Sign me up!

    – Austro-German investor.

  31. Posted by Finn Alexander | March 2, 2011 at 2:07 AM

    I think she needs to revive the pony express next.

  32. Posted by Guest | March 2, 2011 at 6:11 AM

    Were her nibs showing? Gross.

  33. Posted by Lord Humongous | March 2, 2011 at 2:56 PM

    It disappoints me to learn that her managing director is not attired like Gene Simmons on stage

  34. Posted by Lord Humongous | March 2, 2011 at 2:56 PM

    It disappoints me to learn that her managing director is not attired like Gene Simmons on stage

  35. Posted by Guest | March 2, 2011 at 2:57 PM

    She resembles Mark Teixeira in drag

  36. Posted by Searching for the Umlat key | March 2, 2011 at 9:53 PM

    I loved her in the Crue’s “Girls, Girls, Girls” video.

  37. Posted by Searching for the Umlat key | March 2, 2011 at 9:53 PM

    I loved her in the Crue’s “Girls, Girls, Girls” video.

  38. Posted by RobbingHood | March 4, 2011 at 8:17 PM

    Patriarch Partners is private………unlike Lynn. Has anyone examined their books? What independent proof do we have that she has been successful in turning these companies around? Does she deploy $6 billion or $8 billion, or is that subject to rounding? How about the number of employees she has- is it 10,000 or 250,000, the number often tossed around. How about the credit ratings of her funds- why doesn’t she reveal that information?

    Isn’t time that Lynn reveal as much about her portfolio as she does her cleavage?

  39. Posted by Past Employee | April 3, 2011 at 3:49 PM

    Her and her #2 guy, Giliotti, will be visiting Bernie Madoff in the big house this summer. BoA must be pissed that she milked them out of $8 billion……what a Ponzi Scheme

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