As we reported last week, when the earthquake hit, JPMorgan CEO James Dimon did not think twice about booking a flight to Japan to visit with employees and clients affected by the disaster. He arrived yesterday and, hearteningly, seems to have breathed new life into the area with his mere presence, lifting the spirits of those who were badly in need of a pick-me-up. Dimon offered “a silent prayer” for the victims of the ‘quake and delivered a “short but moving” speech to a sizable crowd, who was extremely happy to see him. “As part of the staff based in Japan, I was really encouraged by his visit,” a person at the bank told the Journal. As for what happened next, we don’t want to scare anyone but all Park Ave-based employees should be taking careful notes.
According to one person, snaking lines formed around the smiling CEO as people waited to get a photo with Mr. Dimon, who became a legend for steering the bank through the global financial crisis. The photo session went on for about two hours in the evening.
“It was almost like he was a Japanese pop idol,” the person said. Mr. Dimon also appeared on the trading floors to mingle with his staff earlier this morning.
While JPMorgan employees at home surely respect JD and perhaps even still get butterflies in their stomachs when glimpsing him in the building, few if any whip out a pitchbook or a breast for Dimon to sign. And one can’t but wonder if the contrast between how he was received in Tokyo and the reception he receives at home will stick out in his mind. If you’re at 270 and feel silly worrying, yet can’t get the idea out of your head that maybe JD will decide to relocate and abandon you, start thinking about what you can do to make him feel as loved as your counterparts in Japan. Sending him a care package while he’s gone with (photoshopped) pictures of the two of you to remind him what you look like would be a good jumping off point, as would rallying the troops to plan a “Welcome Home, We Love You” parade, and, if you really want to tip the scales, asking him to be a sperm donor for your unborn child.
Send him an Edible Arrangement tastefully coated in rohypnol. Its fool proof and delicious!
If I was at 383, I would just hope that they quarantine his ass at 270 upon arrival.
The irony of all of this is that if you have ever met one of these CEO’s you would know that they look at yu with utter disdain like they want you to die right where you are standing. Unless it was Ken Lewis, who looked at me like I was the smartest guy in the room or Jimmy Cayne, who is well Jimmy Cayne
Hasn’t been my experience.
I meant when you work for them Bess, sorry should have clarified
How is that ironic? CEOs are famous. The public like to see famous people regardless of how they are perceived by the CEO.
These are the same people who think oranges are exotic, think that Michael Jackson wasn’t creepy, and are still paying Seinfeld residuals for “Super Terrific Happy Hour”. I’m not sure that JD should be so impressed.
These are the same people who think oranges are exotic, think that Michael Jackson wasn’t creepy, and are still paying Seinfeld residuals for “Super Terrific Happy Hour”. I’m not sure that JD should be so impressed.
Booked a flight my ass
But you’re you and I’m just me. That’s the difference.
We once had a party for Dimon when he came to visit. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Hey, man, you don’t talk to JD. You listen to him. The man’s enlarged my mind. He’s a poet banker in the classic sense. I mean sometimes he’ll… uh… well, you’ll say “hello” to him, right? And he’ll just walk right by you. He won’t even notice you. And suddenly he’ll grab you, and he’ll throw you in a corner, and he’ll say, “Do you know that ‘if’ is the middle word in life? If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you”… I mean I’m… no, I can’t… I’m a little man, I’m a little man, he’s… he’s a great man! I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas
How can anyone have disdain for Bess? Most of these CEO types would be undressing her with their eyes. JD included.
You’re a fool. Unless you’re meeting with them in particularly stressful crisis, CEO’s as a group are some of the most gracious, personable people in society. Having a high EIQ and making people you don’t give a shit about feel like a million bucks with just a smile is practically a prerequisite.
Wow, I am impressed with this show of great leadership and still can’t believe it is coming from the private sector. By the way, has anyone seen my keys to the Whitehouse? I got locked out while on vacation in Rio.
Wow, I am impressed with this show of great leadership and still can’t believe it is coming from the private sector. By the way, has anyone seen my keys to the Whitehouse? I got locked out while on vacation in Rio.
Wow, I am impressed with this show of great leadership and still can’t believe it is coming from the private sector. By the way, has anyone seen my keys to the Whitehouse? I got locked out while on vacation in Rio.
Fuck
Your
Mother.
Fuck
Your
Mother.
Fuck
Your
Mother.
I think his reception in Japan has more to do with it NOT being NY. JD was greeted in Houston about a year ago with a standing “O”. He met with a few Fortune 500 clients, toured the Bear Energy trade floor (that Blythe has f’d up and run in to the ground) and flew back to the big apple.
JPMorgan CEO James Dimon is so dreamy
JPMorgan CEO James Dimon is so dreamy
I was there. It was really quite moving and, frankly unexpected. After the earthquake, I was considering the value in what I was doing for a living. But after hearing Mr. Dimon’s moving words, I am now convinced that I can most benefit humanity by repeatedly fucking the impoverished and ignorant out of every dime they have while binding them into a lifetime of debt servitude.
Whew! Glad I got that off my chest…
I was there. It was really quite moving and, frankly unexpected. After the earthquake, I was considering the value in what I was doing for a living. But after hearing Mr. Dimon’s moving words, I am now convinced that I can most benefit humanity by repeatedly fucking the impoverished and ignorant out of every dime they have while binding them into a lifetime of debt servitude.
Whew! Glad I got that off my chest…
I was there. It was really quite moving and, frankly unexpected. After the earthquake, I was considering the value in what I was doing for a living. But after hearing Mr. Dimon’s moving words, I am now convinced that I can most benefit humanity by repeatedly fucking the impoverished and ignorant out of every dime they have while binding them into a lifetime of debt servitude.
Whew! Glad I got that off my chest…
Lighten up Barry. He was just joking.
Lighten up Barry. He was just joking.
You know, Peter Davis, if seems that you have a tendency to leave these bankster-esque rants every time there’s a story about JD. Why is that? I think I might know. Is it his blue eyes? His impeccable grey hair? They way he carries himself like the real man your father never was? Whatever it may be, please try your best to keep the expressions of your not-so-repressed homosexual love for JD to yourself.
Oh, and one more thing – kill yourself.
+1 ftw
Yeah he probably took a bus there, you’re right
Yeah he probably took a bus there, you’re right
Lol seriously he really is.
He’s got a bit too much hair for my liking. Lloyd is more my man. But to each their own.