BusinessWeek is here to help! The magazine, for some reason, is offering tips for people interested in “picking-up” a co-worker.
None of them seem to be in anyway tailored to the situation- namely, that you’re trying to hit on someone in your place of business and not out at a bar- and include the following:
* “Ask questions like you’re a radio show host and they’re the guest.” (That one comes from Neil Strauss, author of The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists)
* “If you can’t think of a question, ask someone if they floss before or after brushing.”
* Use a straightforward approach like, “I think you’re really pretty, and you’re probably also cool. Give me your phone number, and then I’ll call you and we’ll go do something fun.”
We’ve come up with a few that probably couldn’t hurt your chances any worse than the above, such as:
* Get the objection of your affection’s attention by shouting “I want you inside me!” from across the room. (In the unlikely event he/she looks at you like a freak, and responds “Uh..what?” shake it off and tell them “Oh, I was just saying hey…from before.”)
* A great line should be a springboard to a follow-up conversation. Approach the dime you’ve got your eye on and ask, “How many sexual partners have you had in your life?”
* Strauss likes breaking the ice with a “sincere open-ended question about a topic you’re genuinely interested in.” So try this: “Do you know what the the statute of limitations on manslaughter is?”
Hope this helped.
<3's Mrs. JerseyShorePatrol wink wink!
“Hey, you’re in grad school, right? I can fix your grades. I graduated from Nevada-Reno!”
Thanks Businessweek but this is a few years too late.
Try “you have the water guy’s number? Cause, I’m into that.”
OR
“Do you like your ruffinis with or without olives?”
“Have you seen my Sharpie?”
I can read between the lines. Bess, call me.
-Zack
Seriously?
-Greg
Where did you put my dildo?
-Mom
“Put these yoga pants on… “
“Put these yoga pants on… “
“Put these yoga pants on… “
I often break the ice with a bit of “puppetry of the penis” in the breakroom. The “swan” is a crowd favorite.
I often break the ice with a bit of “puppetry of the penis” in the breakroom. The “swan” is a crowd favorite.
I often break the ice with a bit of “puppetry of the penis” in the breakroom. The “swan” is a crowd favorite.
I thought you were straight.
-Zack
“I’d like to vlookup your skirt sometime. How about Happy Hour?”
Whats your favorite Food Network show to masturbate to?
Whats your favorite Food Network show to masturbate to?
Why bother putting in that kind of effort at the office when you can just stop by a Taco Bell
Why bother putting in that kind of effort at the office when you can just stop by a Taco Bell
EOPD, you ok?
EOPD, you ok?
Windows key + “L” if you walk away from the terminal
Windows key + “L” if you walk away from the terminal
I find asking my staff if they would like a bigger bonus does the trick.
I find asking my staff if they would like a bigger bonus does the trick.
Just mixing my uppers and downers here. It’ll balance out in about 30 minutes. Unless I run out of whiskey.
Just mixing my uppers and downers here. It’ll balance out in about 30 minutes. Unless I run out of whiskey.
Cream Fraiche!!! Yea, F*ck Yea!
So, you want to Bunga Bunga later?
I always like for people giving out tips.
I knew a shoe salesman with a lisp who used to asked babes if they’d like him to look up their “thize”
I knew a shoe salesman with a lisp who used to asked babes if they’d like him to look up their “thize”
“Wanna practice interview techniques?”
- UBS Associate
Ina. What? Is that wrong?
Ina. What? Is that wrong?
There’s always Bess’s go-to favorite: Wanna go halvsies on the abortion?
The natgas traders at RDG+Bar Annie in Houston just say, “You know, you don’t sweat much for a fat girl…..”
Is that a stapler in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
“…….and he stepped on the ball!!”
Very sorry to hear that place has gone downhill
Let me try…
“I think that you are a sizzlin’ split tail. Want to hear a riddle?……After UBS sucks, does it spit or swallow……TRICK QUESTION! UBS never finishes sucking.”
I picked a hell of a week to stop sniffing glue
I picked a hell of a week to stop sniffing glue
Do you have a gag reflex? Because my anal bead tail is over 12in long.
Do you have a gag reflex? Because my anal bead tail is over 12in long.
Second use of that Wet Hot American Summer reference in Dealbreaker, nice!
Second use of that Wet Hot American Summer reference in Dealbreaker, nice!
Do you wipe front to back or back to front? Let me check for you.
And when he/she calls you a douchebag, simply maintain your cool as a recently crowned class B dungeon master and reply: “douchebags are a sanitary device, I take that as a compliment”
- guy who just wants to feel close to Bess by using similar quotes.
Bar Annie’s crowd goes to the Tasting Room or Mo’s now…Arturo’s if you’re looking for “higher miles” desperate divorcee.
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