Earlier: Nancy, Please! I’m Down On My Knees In A $3500 Suit!
Archive for April 2011
Some Wealthy Parents Not Letting On What Offspring Stand To Inherit In Hopes They Might Actually Make Something Of Themselves
By Bess LevinAbout 67 percent of those surveyed by BofA’s private wealth management unit haven’t told their children the full extent of their net worth, and 15 percent told their children nothing about their family’s wealth. The average age of those surveyed was 61. “There’s a concern that if the kids are fully cognizant it may start to influence how hard they work at their own careers,” said Banks. [Bloomberg]
Catch Andrew Ross Sorkin’s column about Goldman Sachs this morning? Charlie Gasparino did and he didn’t like it. Noting Goldman Sachs’ desire not to make a big deal about the money it made correctly predicting the housing market crash, perhaps in an attempt not to attract anymore attention from Senator Carl “Goldman Sachs is a financial snake pit rife with greed, conflicts of interest, and wrongdoing” Levin, Sorkin encouraged the Masters of the Universe to stop denying their success. Rather, ARS would like to see them “take a bow,” as their housing call is something they should be proud of and which shareholders and taxpayers alike should be happy about, since it meant the latter didn’t have to bail the firm out to the extent it did Citi and AIG. And that pissed Gasparino off something fierce.
Normally he wouldn’t say anything (“‘I’m not and never have been in the Goldman is the root-of-all-evil-camp,” CG prefaces) but after last month’s antics wherein the firm dared to deny his report Lloyd Blankfein’s friends claim he’s thinking of retiring, Chaz can no longer bite his tongue. Not to get too off-topic, but it still baffles CG as to how GS spokesman Lucas vP “can deny someone’s impression from a private conversation.” Sorry, he just had to get that out there. But back to the suggestion that Goldman should be taking any bows– bull shit, Gasparino says. Bull, shit.
“The last thing Goldman should be doing right now is taking a bow and telling the world it’s a great firm, because when it comes down to it, Goldman isn’t really a great firm.
“What is it then,” CG asks fuming. Not being here to simply raise questions without providing answers, Gasparino goes on, attributing a well-known saying to a guy he gets drunk with. Continue reading »
Perhaps inspired by how well Raj Rajaratnam’s decision to plead not guilty and take his insider trading charges to trial, Zvi Goffer AKA Mr. Octopussy AKA Dances with Tracksuits has done the same, a week after having six extra accusations of securities fraud added to his file. Continue reading »
In September 2009, Deutsche Bank employee Victoria Huxter’s colleague, Ian Whittaker, asked her if she’d like to adopt his family’s dog, a lab named Bailey. Whittaker and his wife, an apparently irresponsible woman named Leslye, hadn’t realized having two dogs (plus a horse) would be a lot of work and wanted to get rid of one, like yesterday’s trash. Huxter accepted and immediately fell in love with the pup, who she renamed Bella, finding it “more suitable for a female.” About two seconds later, Mrs. Whittaker realized she’d made a terrible mistake in abandoning her fur baby and demanded the dog back, thinking things work that way. When the Huxter declined, Leslye called the cops, who told her she was crazy and the dog was no longer hers. Still pissed about the situation nearly two years later, the couple recently proceeded with a rationale course of action that involved hiring a pet detective, who lured Bella’s walker to a park, where he stole the dog and had a camera crew film the entire thing. Continue reading »
As Donald Trump has stated previously, were he to run for President (and he says he doesn’t want to but might have to because “the world laughs at us and they won’t be laughing at us if I’m president”), the first issued he’d tackle is “this business” with China. The Don says he’s uniquely to do so because 1) he “buys a lot of products from China” and 2) he knows how to “knows how to say things,” unlike our diplomats. Trump has said he’d put a 25 percent tax on China’s products that come into the United States and this morning on the Today show, he laid out the vicious rhetoric he’d use to make sure everyone knew to take him seriously.
“I would tell China very nicely, ‘Fellows, you’re my friend, I like you very much — and I have made a lot of money with China.’ I would say ‘We are going to put a 25% tax on all your products coming in’ and that’s going to do a number of things. Number one, as soon as they believe it will happen they will behave so nicely because it would destroy their economy.”
As for anyone who doesn’t think Donald is deadly serious about maybe running, he’d like you to know that 1) “This is very serious- I always take things seriously but never like this” and 2) You can go fuck yourself, just like Bill Cosby. Continue reading »
Overseeing The Liquidation Of A Ponzi Scheme Almost As Lucrative As Running A Ponzi Scheme
By Bess Levin
Irving Picard wants $43.2 million for the last four months of work on the Madoff file. Continue reading »
Sssssh. Don’t talk about trading. Continue reading »
Banks Would Have An Easier Time Freezing Gadhafi’s (Gaddafi’s? Kadafi’s?) Assets If They Could Get A Consensus On How His Name Is Spelled
By Bess Levin
Are you planning on doing something in the near or distant future that could potentially get your assets frozen, be it running a massive Ponzi scheme or waging genocide against a group of people? Here’s a pro-tip: spell your name at 100 different ways and they’ll never find you. Continue reading »
“They’re not going to be able to repair this bank back to pre-crisis levels,” said Simon Maughan, co-head of European equities at MF Global Ltd. in London, who has a “sell” rating on UBS. “Too much damage has been done, and the world has moved on. Gruebel needs to revise down his targets for the investment bank, as they aren’t going to meet them. The market knows they haven’t got a chance.” [Bloomberg]
Deutsche Bank Needs Less People Vomiting Outside Its Las Vegas Nightclub, More People Blowing Money In Its Casino
By Bess Levin
As you may have heard, Deutsche Bank owns a casino (/hotel) in Vegas, called the Cosmopolitan. The Germans never intended to run the joint, originally merely funding the project by developer Ian Bruce Eichner but in 2008 Eichner had to go and default on his loans. No one else wanted to invest in the place, so DB decided to man up and finish the job itself, laying out an additional $3 billion of its own money. Allowing themselves to get momentarily excited, Deutsche scrapped Eichner’s plans and hired its own team of gambling and real estate experts, architects and interior designers. The Cosmpolitan now includes “a three-story crystal-strewn bar meant to evoke the inside of a chandelier” and guests in its hotel reportedly love the massive rooms that typically sell-out. Unfortunately, the bank is nowhere near close to breaking even on its investment (and lost $139.5 million in 2010), which might have something to do with the fact that no one is gambling there. Instead, visitors think of it more as a place to eat dinner, get drunk, and then vomit while waiting to get into a club. Continue reading »
