As you may have heard, UBS has been going through a bit of a rough patch. Despite posting an annual profit (of 7.2 billion Swiss francs) for the first time since 2006, things just haven’t been the same since the crisis, and some are suggesting it never will be, writing that the bank “doesn’t have a chance” getting back to pre-crisis levels because “too much damage has been done.” Not helping things is the fact that there’s been very high turnover in the last couple months, which may have something to do with the fact that people have a need to get paid.
The last two months have seen a large turnover of staff and an overhaul of management at the top. In the last month alone, a new global head of securities, the co-head of fixed-income, currencies and commodities, and a top deal maker in Asia, traditionally a strong region for UBS, have all left. At the same time, the bank has announced new leadership for the crucial M&A business and new chiefs for investment banking for the Americas, Asia and Europe, among other changes. Just this week, UBS lost the head of its prime brokerage unit in Asia, as well as the co-head of its Asian industrials banking team.
UBS is struggling to pay enough to keep top talent as it works on the revamp, say headhunters and former UBS bankers, with some senior bankers not having received a bonus in several years. And while UBS paid dearly to attract a few heavy hitters, overall pay is too low to keep staff from jumping ship, they say. In February, the bank delayed by a week the announcement of bonuses while it reworked its plan to try to prevent bankers from leaving.
Not saying no one at UBS will ever get paid again but in order to account for a worst case scenario, let’s just say that. Any ideas how management can entice people not to quit/take a gig with them? As the Swiss are getting desperate, you could probably suggest just about anything and they might give it a shot. What if they could guarantee a guy pulling up to the Stamford office in a white Civic and demanding to speak to “the President” while brandishing a baseball bat at least once a week? Would that be something you’d be interested in? (It’d probably do it for me.)
I hear that jello shots off of a nice set of fun bags is a big morale booster.
What’s wrong with good, old-fashioned HR lies? False promises of promotions, bonuses, work-life balance, etc. have worked for years to get people in the door.
Hmm… stop sucking?
Two words Spirit Points
I once worked there. A good start would be getting rid of assholes like Phil Gramm.
Guest’s list of ways to get new UBS employees without using actual money:
1. Adopt 100 puppies and let them run through the place.
2. Become 4-20 friendly (happy pot-head day to those who celebrate).
3. Take over the Penn Station Taco Bell.
4. Get cheerleaders to do routines during break time.
5. Start a prison work program. Lots of good talent behind bars.
Beamers. Field Trip. Tuesdays.
Moelis just doesn’t stop taking the talent from that bank.
Let them front run deals you’re working on.
- W. Buffett
Schrute bucks!
Fixing UBS for Dummies
1. Scrap advisory business. If all your top talent is quitting, nobody is really going to want your advice.
2. Hire “banker who fears she’s too good looking” and others like her as S&T analysts/assistants.
3. Hire socially awkward UChicago and MIT MBAs promising them that they get to sit next to these girls all day while they write algorithms.
4. Pray correlations don’t break down.
(1) Foster a internal culture of aggressive hostile reality-denying ignorance.
– Donald “Rusty” Trump.
(2) Stop felching.
– everyone else.
thanks but the question was, what could they do to get you to work there besides money. try again.
They’ve already tried bagpipers with no luck.
I looked up the word “asshole” in the dictionary and Phil Gramm’s picture was right next to it. Then it was written, “see Enron….”
Provide nude, duck-walk experiences to the tune of “Flight of the Bumblebee”.
-J. Macke
Go to rbs
On-site recruiters from other banks.
At the jr. level it really isn’t too bad. Still do big deals and get paid decent bonus. Can’t speak to Assoc+.
As a VP, I can tell you it’s probably worse than being unemployed.
Asshole.
- J. Skilling
uh wheres the UBS Sucks Guy..I was expecting a comment from him on this one
UBS Sucks!
– Not the “UBS Sucks” Guy, not a fan of his work, but willing to give the crowd what it wants
Bess’ question is more philopsophical than practical. UBS sucked. UBS sucks. UBS will suck. UBS is the platonic ideal of sucking and if, in some other reality, it did not suck then it would not be UBS. You might as well ask how a triangle could add a fourth side and still be a triangle.
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that was confusing. To simplify, I answered “hire hot girls and use them to entice socially awkward MBAs to come work you”
Don’t let all the numbers scare you, it’s not really that complex.
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that was confusing. To simplify, I answered “hire hot girls and use them to entice socially awkward MBAs to come work you”
Don’t let all the numbers scare you, it’s not really that complex.
*work for you…
*work for you…
Give UBS some credit this story being ” floated ” in WSJ laying further ground work to move the bank back to NYC . It has long be sited by mgt that there is a brain drain with limited talent pool willing to commute up to Stamford . Equity trading heading back into NYC in Q3 ( that is 1/3 the trading floor if not more ) and FX PB heads to NYC in May / June . Rumor is that when they constructed the building they sold it to a managment company and took a 10 yr lease …. that lease is supposedly up in 2012/2013 !
Give UBS some credit this story being ” floated ” in WSJ laying further ground work to move the bank back to NYC . It has long be sited by mgt that there is a brain drain with limited talent pool willing to commute up to Stamford . Equity trading heading back into NYC in Q3 ( that is 1/3 the trading floor if not more ) and FX PB heads to NYC in May / June . Rumor is that when they constructed the building they sold it to a managment company and took a 10 yr lease …. that lease is supposedly up in 2012/2013 !
And assholes like Simon J and Darren T?
And assholes like Simon J and Darren T?
There is a certain Australian on CNBC today that is showing the spring spirit by showing aggressive amounts of “Easter eggs” and not a single DB post! What gives Bess?
Why Ze hating on us? Ve will even smuggle ze diamonds up our asses for ze clients.
DO NOT recommend working at UBS to anyone you care about. Like ever. It is really a disaster here at this place, as soon as my GTP contract ends, I am done
Yes, Beamers. And now a gambling ring inside the building ON the trading floor. It’s hard to believe until you really appreciate the whole organization how bad it really it is.
Phil Gramm, like maybe UBS can get into the 2010-2012 era someday. No one cares what Phil Gramms thinks, and pathetic if they pay this guy for doing nothing but sticking his foot in his mouth
totally great work life balance. you can work and gamble at the same time
rqkuPQ Major thankies for the article. Great.
Very neat article post.Really looking forward to read more. Cool.