As you may have heard, the New York Mets are going through a bit of a rough patch, on account of being screwed financially on their investment with Madoff Securities. In January the organization announced it needed to sell a minority stake, to little success. Among the people who turned them down? Steve Cohen. Despite being a huge fan, who has a box at Citi field, Cohen was reportedly “adamant” that he wouldn’t shell out a dime without getting a say in the direction of the franchise. At the time, we told the Wilpons to not take the rejection as a hard no, as Steve is an ideas man and just wanted some level of assurance that if he was going to pony up the money, his voice would be heard. Now, suddenly, the hedge fund manager has “joined the bidding for a minority stake.” What changed?
Details are scant at this time but several legitimate explanations come to mind. The first is that the Mets wised up and promised to adopt the items floated by Steve, via us, most of which will translate to rings come November (included but not limited to: a down and out clause– if the team is down by more than 15 games at the All Star break, players are told they’re idiots and sent home. (This is how you motivate people.); no more polyester- from now on players wear fleece, with the top 3 or 4 buttons undone so there’s no overheating; SC gets his own playing cards, which are sure to be a breakout hit). Also possible:
* SAC decided to launch a new fund (the Queens Pennant Restructuring Exceptional Value Opportunities fund; fees are 1 and .400)
* Mr. Met showed up to Casa de Cohen drunk and crying and this was the only way Steve could get the guy to leave
* In a dream, the ghost of Keith Hernandez came out of a closet and told Steve: “Let me tell you something kid. Everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people never take the chance, either because they’re too scared, or they don’t recognize it when it hocks a loogie on their glasses. This is your big chance- you shouldn’t let it go by.”
Come on Bess. You can do better.
This was fucking funny, and she already did the huge SAC/Mets post previously. Also, kill yourself.
Come on douche. You can leave a vaguely amusing comment.
Pretty sure he can’t.
I’m pretty sure there was a “second spitter”.
News Reporter: So, Steve. How do you feel about owning a team in New York?
Steve: You mean ‘JEW’ York? It’s fuckin’ great.
Get a job, bum.
Beer prices went up. He needs protection against further concession increases.
Wow….Didn’t know Jeff Skilling had access to the internet.
Stevie has been given permanent immunity after threatening to bring back Omar Minaya and Steve Phillips
Didn’t Stevie say he was “on the way down” recently. Well, there you go.
Conversations heard from the mets clubhouse circa june 2011:
SC: how the fuck could you bunt there?
3rd manager since may: we were down 1 run and needed to move the runner over
SC: you fucking shit for brains idiot. get the fuck out of my face. get me conheeny we need a new manager these fucking idiots don’t know what they are doing. buy 500 spus
Do I get to be bat boy?
-D. Berk
Can you play left field?
Stevie better learn some Spanish if he wants to communicate with his players.
-Guy who would have liked this comment a lot more had it been 2009 when most of the Mets spoke English as a second language.
Can’t wait until they use the zamboni to drag the infield.
Alexandra G. Cohen will sit with the Met wives/girlfriends a la Cameron Diaz. Annie L. will capture for posterity.
One of the first thing Cohen did was to have a new pitching machine installed and it still beat the Mets by a score of 4 to 1….
Getting truffle-shuffled by SC > working at UBS > owning any portion of the Mets
With his shirt unbuttoned, you can see his chest hair.
/Matt Taibbi
Must have inside info that the Mets will win the World Series in 2012
-LEH Quant
Steve is just doing this so when he goes to games he can wear the Mr. Mets suit and eat 15 chili dogs in peace.
…driven by a man wearing a king’s robe
GEORGE: What are all sweatin’ for?TARTABULL: It’s hot in this uniform.GEORGE: Hot? What is this?TARTBULL: What is what?GEORGE: This uniform, what’s it made from?TARTBULL: I don’t know, cotton?GEORGE: No. This is not cotton. Here, lemme see. Oh. Of course. Polyester! TARTABULL: So?GEORGE: I can’t believe you’re not playing in cotton.TARTABULL: Well, this is what they give us.GEORGE: You know they used to make leisure suits out of this fabric?TARTABULL: You really think cotton’s better?GEORGE: Of course! Alright, maybe I’ll say something to Buck.TARTABULL: Yeah, good idea. Catch ya later.
Well that’s 40+ new high net worth individuals at whetever the hell he charges. This should pay back pretty quickly.
Well that’s 40+ new high net worth individuals at whetever the hell he charges. This should pay back pretty quickly.
Well that’s 40+ new high net worth individuals at whetever the hell he charges. This should pay back pretty quickly.
Well that’s 40+ new high net worth individuals at whetever the hell he charges. This should pay back pretty quickly.
Well that’s 40+ new high net worth individuals at whetever the hell he charges. This should pay back pretty quickly.
let me be the first and last to say it: go kill yourself
…follow your heart kid. you’ll never go wrong.
…follow your heart kid. you’ll never go wrong.
…follow your heart kid. you’ll never go wrong.
…follow your heart kid. you’ll never go wrong.
…follow your heart kid. you’ll never go wrong.
KC Royals, circa 1987?
Back, and to the left. Back…and to the left.