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There Will Be No Celebratory Showtunes At The Falcone Manse This Evening

Almost exactly a year ago, if you happened to be walking down East 67th Street toward Fifth Avenue, you probably stopped to peer through the window of a certain $49 million townhouse. Specifically the one belonging to Phil Falcone. There, a piano playing pig name Wilbur was pulling out all the stops (“Memory” from Cats, his infamous Bette Midler), in celebration of his boss making AR Magazine‘s annual list of the 25 highest paid managers, having taken home $825 million in 2009. The good spirits and the gin were running high that night and the party didn’t stop ’til the early hours of the morning. This year, things will be different. The lights will be dimmed and Wilbur will be in his room, digging out the cocktail napkin with the number of the hedge fund manager he’d met last summer in Connecticut. He told himself he wasn’t going to do anything with it but…things have changed.

This year, Phil didn’t even crack the top 25, let alone the top ten. Here are the guys whose paychecks ranked them among the best in 2009, and whose 2010 comp may mean household staff looking for greener pastures in the coming weeks:

* John Arnold (Centaurus Energy)
* Phil Falcone (Harbinger Capital Partners)
* Andreas Halvorsen (Viking Capital)
* Alan Howard (Brevan Howard)
* O. Francis Biondi Jr./Brian J. Higgins (King Street Capital)

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116 Responses to “There Will Be No Celebratory Showtunes At The Falcone Manse This Evening”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Will there be bacon?

  2. Guest says:

    “This year, things will be different. The lights will be dimmed and Wilbur will be in his room, digging out the cocktail napkin with the number of the hedge fund manager he’d met last summer in Connecticut. He told himself he wasn’t going to do anything with it but…things have changed.”

    amazing.

  3. LP says:

    Lights on, pig watching, Wilbur playing the piano, me reading the cocktail napkin while wearing a monogramed shirt.

  4. THUNDER TUNA says:

    Spider Pig > Wilbur > Ken Griffin

  5. Diesel7 says:

    Agreed, Bess is amazing.

    Nothing good can come out of these lists, the liberals will be up in arms.

  6. Guest says:

    I never knew Phil had two left hands. And why isn’t it on that chicks hot ass?
    Lisa

    • AIG Thermal Coal Quant says:

      Maybe because he’s worried his hands will burn?????

      -AIG Thermal Coal Group Quant

  7. Bacon says:

    How the fuck did I manage a triple post!

  8. C. Gasparino says:

    Hey Wilbur, if you’re looking to start a band, I’m an accomplished skin flute player.

  9. C. Gasparino says:

    Hey Wilbur, if you’re looking to start a band, I’m an accomplished skin flute player.

  10. CoachK says:

    How does Falcone still have investors with that psycho wive of his making so many waves?

  11. CoachK says:

    How does Falcone still have investors with that psycho wive of his making so many waves?

  12. CoachK says:

    How does Falcone still have investors with that psycho wive of his making so many waves?

  13. IRS Agent says:

    Just a reminder Phil, two weeks. Please don’t be late

  14. Guest says:

    In the corner by himself, Wilbur watched as Phil flipped pucks with an old hockey stick into a wastepaper basket tipped on its side. Every time a puck went in the basket, Phil raised his hands into the air and strutted around the room, making crowd noises and pumping his fist. In another room Lisa Marie was singing something in Spanish. He could see her when she danced in front of the door with her iPod. She was dressed in something resembling an outfit he saw on Toddlers & Tiaras the other night. For the first time in his porcine life, Wilbur felt uneasy.

  15. White bread or crack says:

    What is it with hedgies? They either marry the pole dancer or the Darien soul-sucker…

    Is there nothing in between?

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