• 15 Apr 2011 at 2:10 PM

Warren Buffett Needs A Hug, Angel At ABC

By

Gang, we’re not going to mince words here- this has been the worst month of Warren Buffett’s life. Anything that could have gone wrong did. The Sokol business, the Dilly Bar he dropped on his shirt before going into a big meeting, the Squawk Box redesign, the unwrapped Sees Candy Munger left on his dash in the hot sun. If all that wasn’t enough, now comes word that in one fell swoop, his favorite show, the launchpad for his acting career, and his shot at a date with Susan Lucci are gone.

Because they don’t care that the Oracle is in a very fragile state right now, executives at ABC have cancelled Buffett’s beloved soap, All My Children, which he guest starred on several times in the hopes of transitioning careers. Now what’s he supposed to do, huh? Show up to open casting calls? Take his clothes off for some director? Appear in a commercial for Valtrex? I think not. What does need to happen is that someone at ABC needs to fix this and fast. Until then, this will be watched on loop through a veil of tears.

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Comments (69)

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  1. 1
    Posted by Nosmo King | April 15, 2011 at 6:30 PM

    And exactly how does CBS cancel a show that runs on ABC?

  2. 2
    Posted by Proxyguy | April 15, 2011 at 6:32 PM

    I see Susan Lucci is unemployed. I wonder if she does @nal.

  3. 3
    Posted by Supraman | April 15, 2011 at 6:35 PM

    Bess may have made a minor error in naming a network. You however, have betrayed a level of awareness of soap operas which is punishable by drawing and quartering.

  4. 4
    Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 at 6:35 PM

    Zip it.

  5. 5
    Posted by Nosmo King | April 15, 2011 at 6:40 PM

    Or I simply noticed that both the article link and the CNN video box above referenced ABC.

  6. 6
    Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 at 6:49 PM

    At least Sister Wives hasn’t been cancelled yet, right?

  7. 7
    Posted by Skinny Dipping | April 15, 2011 at 6:58 PM

    I hope you do not mind that I didn’t save my virginity for old age.
    -Warren B

  8. 8
    Posted by Hotdog | April 15, 2011 at 6:58 PM

    Medium sized buyer on Lucci still….

    -Guy who uses financial terms for in non-financial situations

  9. 9
    Posted by Confused Commenter | April 15, 2011 at 6:59 PM

    Thanks for the heads up Bess, barn door was open. Furiously closes fly.

  10. 10
    Posted by Guest | April 15, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    I’m throbbing in anticipation of my offering pricing tonight.

    -Guy’s polar opposite twin

  11. 11
    Posted by Brian1284 | April 15, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    Warren still got a Coke and a Smile.

  12. 12
    Posted by SI | April 15, 2011 at 7:08 PM

    Warren has been learning “the Dougie” for next year’s “Woodstock for Investors”.

    -K. Upton

  13. 13
    Posted by Thanks for the Softball, Bess | April 15, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    Caption: “So you’re playing someone convicted of insider trading in the docudrama?”

  14. 14
    Posted by Texashedge | April 15, 2011 at 7:18 PM

    You can go ahead and say anal here, as long as you’re tasteful about it.

  15. 15
    Posted by Proxyguy | April 15, 2011 at 7:34 PM

    Tasteful Anal? So many confusing images….

  16. 16
    Posted by Grandpa Warren | April 15, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    “Hey Susan, want to make $14 the hard way?”

  17. 17
    Posted by Upvote Me Bitches | April 15, 2011 at 7:56 PM

    UBS Sucks

  18. 18
    Posted by Anonymous | April 15, 2011 at 9:00 PM

    Hey War-Buff, no worries brah. ShamWOW needs a new spokesman, and with those acting chops, you got in the bag.

  19. 19
    Posted by Lisa | April 15, 2011 at 9:01 PM

    Maybe Becky Quick can do another powder puff interview to make him feel like a big man. (Ever notice that her right hand is never in sight?)

  20. 20
    Posted by Attention to Detail Guy | April 16, 2011 at 2:05 AM

    He spent five minutes answering the phone

  21. 21
    Posted by dalidan | April 16, 2011 at 10:24 PM

    I nominate this as the best Dealbraker Post of the decade.

  22. 22
    Posted by dalidan | April 16, 2011 at 10:32 PM

    I don’t want to speak too soon but…I think Warren could be the next Robert DeNeiro.

  23. 23
    Posted by Last of the Beck Lovers | April 18, 2011 at 1:20 AM

    Lay off Becky. She’s doing the best she can with her brains and education, and now that looks count, she’s competing with people who need two to three pounds less pancake makeup, so give her a break. If she wants to do a 53rd interview with Buffett, give her a break.

  24. 24
    Posted by Guest | April 18, 2011 at 2:08 AM

    Warren Buffet needs a blowjob and a handjob.

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    Amazing. Absolutely amazing

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