Earlier this morning, Raj Rajaratnam was found guilty on 9 counts on insider trading and 5 counts of conspiracy. He is probably not in the best of moods right now, as he may be going away to a place that doesn’t give you extra mayo on the side of your tuna sandwich, for nearly 20 years. But there is some good news, which is that someone will most likely make a movie about this whole thing. To give producers a jump start, we will start the casting process now.
The following roles need to be filled:
* Raj Rajaratnam- The Guy
* Danielle Chiesi- The Girl who reels in tips with her fishnet stockings
* Anil Kumar- The McKinsey guy who faithfully provided Raj with inside info
* Rajat Gupta- The Goldman board member
* Bob Moffat- The IBM exec who cried over Danielle Chiesi in public at least three time, and then promised to never open his heart to a woman other than his wife again
* The Dwarf- The little person who was hired by Raj as an April Fool’s Day joke, and introduced to employees as a new analyst brought on to cover “small-cap” stocks
* Keryn Limmer- The Galleon analyst who Raj paid $5,000 to be tased when execs from stun-gun maker Taser International came to make a pitch in 2005 (“Employees gathered around as two people propped up trader Keryn Limmer at the elbows and another person fired the weapon. Ms. Limmer’s legs buckled beneath her from the shock”)
* The Idiot Analyst- The Galleon Group analyst who was called an ‘idiot’ by Raj for questioning the hedge fund manager’s inside information about Goldman Sachs, given to him by a board member
* The Spandex Analyst- The Galleon junior female analyst Raj told to buy a spandex outfit from Lululemon, wear it to the firm’s morning meeting and “walk back and forth on top of the conference table” while Raj commented that “few consumers would pay so much money for the expensive outfit in a recession”
Raj= Chris Christie after a vacay in Sicily
Danielle= Meredith Whitney
Anil Kumar= Vikram Pandit
Rajat Gupta= some high-priest type, like Dr. Gupta
from CNN
Bob moffat= Mitt Romney looks executive enough
The Dwarf= Mini-me from Dr Evil
Keryn Limmer= some dungeon movie star that likes being electrocuted
Idiot Analyst= Zachery Kowe
Spandex Analyst=
Lisa Falcone
Chris Farley
He’ll be getting plenty of extra “mayo” if you know what I’m talking about.
that’s enough out of you
Dammit, I thought of Meredith Whitney for that role too. As for Lisa, you just want to see it. Me too.
raj- eddie murphy with nutty professor prosthetics
danielle- sharon stone
rajat- ben kingsley
preet- maulik pancholy
john dowd- ned beatty
lloyd- jason alexander
A plumped up Wesley Snipes as Raj.
Ben Kingsley is def Rajat
I’m thinking Melanie Griffith for Danielle
Tom Cruise for the Dwarf
Mila Kunis for Spandex Chick
Shia Lebouf as the Idiot Analyst
Paris Hilton or LiLo as the Limmer, provided an actual taser is fired at them
Raj is tough. George Wendt in blackface?
Having a Cougar/Whore, Model/Taser-Bait, AND FetishSpecialist/SpandexAnalyst
on payroll is …. definitely NKI
Raj= Tyler Perry
Danielle= Tyler Perry
Anil Kumar= Tyler Perry
Rajat Gupta= Tyler Perry
Bob moffat= Tyler Perry
The Dwarf=Tyler Perry
Keryn Limmer=Tyler Perry
Idiot Analyst=Tyler Perry
Spandex Analyst=Tyler Perry
We’re going to make Fuck You Money off this….
Raj – Whitney Houston
Danielle – Whitney Houston
Rajat – Whitney Houston
Preet – Whitney Houston
John Dowd- Whitney Houston
reed brodsky- john haam
richard schutte- stephen cobert
geoffrey canada- ted “golden voice” williams
Spandex Analyst = Bess
Red Shirt Analyst = CurrencyTrader
In the movie version, Raj punches the red shirt wearing analyst in the face.
Yup.. cockmeat sandwiches come with extra mayo.
Danielle – any two bit whore with a wide pussy and cum dripping from her mouth will do.
Raj – Ron Jeremy
That ass never gets old.
Other than that I have no concerns.
raj – shamu
Cue prison scene:
Raj^2: One entire whole week, we’ve been calling you. Highly unprofessional.Prisoner Archer: Really, because I find your sweatiness unprofessional.Prisoner Archer[sniffs shirt]: Now we have something else in common. Besides the fact that, now, both of our shirts reek of curry.Raj^2: And when will you settle you account?Prisoner Archer: When will you buy some dress shields?Raj^2: This is not a dress.
Prisoner Archer: Are you serious? that’s not a dress?
WTF is wrong with Dealbreaker and our IT department today?
Bess, you have a sweet ass there, petunia!
There better be a role in here for me, just saying…http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2106637/
Anil Kumar is a punjabi wankster. Is there anything worse than Mckinsey analysts? Last one that came in to our office I nearly tripped over his fucking umbilical chord. Since when did they hire toddlers? His power point was
written in alphabetti spaghetti for christs sakes.
The next time they send some snarky fucking 22 year old to tell us how to manage a global business I’m going to kick them in the nuts/ovaries so hard their grandparents are going to go get warped back in time where they will explode before they get a chance to procreate.
Raj Rajaratnam …. Kal Penn
Danielle Chiesi …. Brigitte Nielsen
* Ms Nielsen’s body double …. Ginger Lynn
Anil Kumar …. Deep Roy
Rajat Gupta …. Mos Def
Bob Moffat …. James Spader
The Dwarf …. Timmy Geithner
Keryn Limmer …. Maggie Gyllenhaal
The Idiot Analyst …. Zachary Quinto (with Vulcan ears)
The Spandex Analyst …. Chloë Moretz
as long as you cast both gyllenhaals and they have a love scene… WINcest
You could have just said Paris Hilton instead of giving your rubbish casting description.
U mad, bro?
Dude, it never ceases to amaze me how big of a poser a-hole you are. With you, it’s always the same: everyone sucks, they don’t know shit, they don’t make nearly enough money to deserve your valuable attention, etc. etc. So lame…
Raj on stage: I’m not guilty
Stanislavski: I don’t believe
Raj=Carl Winslow
Now now buddy I’ve always got valuable time for you. That is if you are a huge boobed female, are wearing yoga pants, and are asking me not to cum in your mouth. Other than I have no time.
it moved.
-guy who’s now under his desk crying.
Jake and Sam… sounds hot go on.
Raj= Grimace or Mayor McCheese, they’re both semi-retired so they may need work.
Danielle=
Birdie the Early Bird
Anil Kumar= The Hamburgler, underrated thespian with an uncommon range
of characters.
Rajat Gupta= Officer Big Mac, switch the constable uniform for a suit and he can be convincing.
Bob Moffat= I’ll nominate myself for this role, I’ve cried over Raggedy Anne enough to know the pain of lust and betrayal on the existential playground.
The Dwarf= CosMC , if we can find him.
Keryn Limmer= One of the Happy Meal Gang Kids, I think the hot one is out of rehab.
Idiot Analyst= Perfect bit part for the Griddler.
Spandex Analyst= Definitely one of the Fry Kids, one of the gals has a Yoga studio now in Pasadena. I think she already has plenty of LuLu clothes. We dated briefly but she criticized my diet and clothes. She said something about clowns scaring her, but she still may be up for the part.
too soon
Sweet story, brah
Chloe Moretz FTMFW
-J. Epstein
In his most challenging role to date, Shia La Bouef as Raj Rajaratnam.
You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
No, what are you talking about?
Furiously reaching for the jar of mayo in the break room fridge.
Bess, I’ve always wondered what your backside looked like. Thanks.
Sharon Stone should play Chiesi. I can totally see her saying “I played him like a finelly tuned piano.” Perhaps they should show how she did that, too (Stone, not Chiesi).
Heaven.
DUH! Semen!
bess, where did you get that spandex pants picture?
You haven’t watched ”
Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
“?
Given that the movie should obviously be a Bollywood musical treatment, and given also that I don’t know the names of any Bollywood actors, I’m afraid I have no suggestions here.