As you may have heard, early this morning, Lenny Dykstra decided to bare his soul to, and lay some truth on the asses of, “the people of the great city of New York.” The last couple years have been a bit of a whirlwind for LD, culminating in his being arrested and indicted on charges of bankruptcy fraud for ripping the toilets out of his foreclosed on house, which was precipitated by, among other things, filing for Chapter 11, living out of his car and bouncing a check to a hooker. But there are other things you don’t know. Things you probably can’t even imagine. Things you probably think are made up but that LD promises are not. Like that he has hundreds of millions in assets. Like that prison wardens tortured him. Like that he didn’t steal that car.  Like that he didn’t get this way overnight. Why is he telling this story now? Because God came to him in the middle of the night and commanded him to do so. If you’re ready to listen, Lenny- whose story has undeniable parallels to that of Christ- is ready to talk.

I address the people of the great City of New York:

You need to buckle your seat belts, because what you are about to read could not be made up. What I have somehow lived through the past 2½ years, and continue to live through now, makes me fully understand that God would never make someone endure what I have endured unless there was a reason for it.

That being said, I was wrong when I thought God put me on this earth to entertain people at Shea Stadium. (Remember? I was pretty good at that.) However, I have come to realize that God put me on this earth to help people, to be a factor. And that, my friends, is what I intend to do — because at the end of the day, it’s all about results. The kind of results I will bring to the party will be unlike any seen before. Talk is cheap; I am about walking the talk.

You need to know, now that the “shock factor” and the disbelief of what these people did to me has worn off. What I am forced to endure with the FBI and the US attorney sets the stage for me to tell my side of the story, so that all of America will finally hear the truth surrounding my particular set of circumstances over the last two years.

This is exactly the platform needed for me to get my story out, to get the real truth out. Bottom line: When all of the evidence is brought forward, the jury will be told by the judge to make an example out of these corrupt people so this does not continue to happen to other Americans.

THE TRUTH, NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH, SO HELP ME GOD:

To begin with, I had $100 million in assets when I filed my Chapter 11. It is also important for you to know that I did not get stupid overnight. I didn’t make bad investments; every company that I have ever created or owned was and still is a winning company. And I sure as hell was not going to get on my knees, put my hands behind my head, and let this corrupt group of people masquerading as attorneys execute me — as that is what bankruptcy is all about. Just because they do this to everyone else does not mean I was going to let them do it to me. The corrupt world of bankruptcy is best described as “the death chamber.”

The so-called “grand theft auto” was never even brought; the case was dismissed. The theft was committed by them, as they stole a car I was leasing from Ford. Heck, it was only a Ford Flex.

Are they allowed to steal it when they brought no charges? Are they allowed to shuffle me from jail to jail in what was left of my street clothes that they made me wear for seven days without even being permitted to take a shower? Are they allowed to then lock me up in a cell at three different courthouses, on three different days, and not even let me see a judge? Are they allowed to physically and mentally assault me and tie me up like I was some kind of animal “because they thought it was funny?” Are they allowed to torture me to the point where two nurses happened to be walking by and saw me — came to my rescue — took my blood pressure and registered it at 180 over 120?

I told them, “If you are trying to kill me, then you better put a bullet in my head because I am not backing down. Torture me all you want, I am stronger than you will ever know.” So, they kept going, almost like the movies, except this was a real, living nightmare!

Over the last two years, they have basically stolen everything from me — my family, my kids, my homes, my cars, my businesses, my reputation, my money, my life. But what they can never steal is my HEART and my FIGHT — and at the end of the day, I will win and I will win big!

Dykstra Writes Exclusive Column About Recen Troubles [NYP]

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Comments (26)

  1. Posted by LEH Analyst | May 10, 2011 at 6:32 PM

    So he’s saying Blankfein is the cause of all his woes?

  2. Posted by GGGuest | May 10, 2011 at 6:33 PM

    “It is also important for you to know that I did not get stupid overnight.”

    So he admits he is stupid…this is a step in the right direction. Although the rest of the article is a step in the crazy direction.

  3. Posted by Take It All | May 10, 2011 at 6:33 PM

    no time to shower? try http://www.freshballs.com and become rejuvenated! the hookers that you ‘pay’ with bad checks will love it!!

  4. Posted by Cuddly Sphincter | May 10, 2011 at 6:33 PM

    Huh, that’s weird.

  5. Posted by Seaman Bodine | May 10, 2011 at 6:39 PM

    If Ray Dalio went to SUNY Purchase, and this was a BWater glossy, it’d be a more believable read.

  6. Posted by C. Sheen | May 10, 2011 at 6:40 PM

    This guy’s a total freakin’ rock star from Mars.

  7. Posted by BallsNshaft | May 10, 2011 at 6:45 PM

    Bess, work the balls and the shaft! Sheesh.

  8. Posted by Farmers Fight! | May 10, 2011 at 6:45 PM

    “I did not get stupid overnight…”

    Isn’t that the motto (in latin) of the Mays School of Business at Texas A&M?

  9. Posted by trojan | May 10, 2011 at 6:53 PM

    vatican assassin

  10. Posted by you know who | May 10, 2011 at 7:15 PM

    Nails:

    You are a vatican assassin. Don’t let the Trolls get you down — you have tiger blood in your veins. Time to join with me in the Torpedo of Truth tour.

    Let’s shit on the floor together as we go down the tubes

    -Charlie

  11. Posted by PasteSpecialFormats | May 10, 2011 at 7:26 PM

    It was only an Enzo.

    -Eddie Griffin

  12. Posted by Anonymous | May 10, 2011 at 7:31 PM

    My name is Daffy Duck;
    I worked on a merry-go-round;
    I rode round and round and round and round till the merry-go-round broke down
    Woo Hoo!

  13. Posted by d strawberry | May 10, 2011 at 7:41 PM

    i totally vouch for this guy

    -d strawberry

  14. Posted by Nailsfails | May 10, 2011 at 7:45 PM

    “To begin with, I had $100 million in assets when I filed my Chapter 11″

    There´s a song called “Dream On”, Aerosmith, fits perfect to Nails

  15. Posted by early hominid | May 10, 2011 at 7:48 PM

    Why is “death chamber” in quotes? Is that some kind of ironic death chamber?

  16. Posted by Guest | May 10, 2011 at 7:49 PM

    I did not get stupid overnight. It was a long and sometimes diffcult process for which many people made immeasurable contributions to help me get there. Do you think I just woke up one morning this stupid? Do you think I just closed my eyes and cured myself of intelligence with my brain? Do I look like a cat all nimbly bimbly drinking milk from a saucer? Wait, what?

  17. Posted by Anonymous | May 10, 2011 at 7:50 PM

    Como se dice “Winning”?

  18. Posted by Lord Humongous | May 10, 2011 at 7:55 PM

    I drive a Dodge Stratus!!

  19. Posted by Lewis Winthorpe III | May 10, 2011 at 8:04 PM

    “Walking the talk” is the NKI?

  20. Posted by Guest | May 10, 2011 at 8:27 PM

    Was hoping someone would mention that.

  21. Posted by Isa_xander | May 11, 2011 at 12:12 AM

    FYI

    To all who don’t know this – This is the alias that the ret__d ( Dykstra) hides under when he tries to scam people to work for him as an assistant or impress some young naive girls.

  22. Posted by Captain Obvious | May 11, 2011 at 12:12 AM

    “I did not get stupid overnight…”

    True, but you were born stupid.

  23. Posted by White Shadow | May 11, 2011 at 12:22 AM

    I hope this is not realy Charlie Sheen, cause you are way to intelligent to continue surounding your self with losers- such as ret__ds as Mr.WinthorpIV Howell – now calling himself
    Lewis Winthorpe III,his brain is so fried that he can’t even
    keep his aliases straight.
    Got news for you- he is just trying to use you as some of the other leeches surrounding you.

  24. Posted by dude | May 11, 2011 at 3:59 AM

    Best thing I read all day…..and I wrote this letter for nails

  25. Posted by streethockey | May 11, 2011 at 2:08 PM

    he is the gift that keeps on giving.

  26. Posted by Philliesfan4 | June 7, 2011 at 3:14 AM

    Lenny …. your still my idol :) …. The truth will set you free !!
    Free the dude :)

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