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This Is A Conversation Among Credit Suisse Employees Debating Loaning A Stripper $1 Million

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78 Responses to “This Is A Conversation Among Credit Suisse Employees Debating Loaning A Stripper $1 Million”

  1. Guest says:

    Hope the IRS doesn’t read DB.

  2. Anonymous says:

    and thus Patriarch Partners was born unto this world

  3. derp says:

    is Amber Swift the stripper? I think I know her work.

  4. (* All figures quoted in Bess Bux.)

  5. Redacted says:

    To: Ronald Szukala

    From: Eddie Othman

    Subject: Second Opinion

    Ron,

    Per your request, I spent the last week at the club assessing our client’s income potential. Can you please expedite my expense report as I put everything on my Amex and can’t cover the bill I just received.

    Regards

    Eddie

    PS – I believe she can cover the nut.

  6. Lewis Winthorpe III says:

    $550/night, 5 nights a week, as a stripper in NC? Challenge!

    Even if she gives EPIC bj’s that’s still unrealistic.

    • Chester D. Molester says:

      that or 27.5 lapdances, not counting what they have to pay the house.

      • Guest says:

        Only 93.75 minutes of work (house is $200)

        or 19.5% “utilization rate” (8 Hour shift)

        –UBS Commodities Analyst

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  7. Bob the Horse says:

    Imagine the size of the thong you would need to handle $1m stuffed down it.

  8. Kennylew says:

    From: “Tony Noviello”

    To: “Eric Lapin”

    Eric:

    She’s telling me that she’s on a $10,000/month cash money retainer by a certain NC bank senior executive, she refers to him by “Kenny” though I looked and there is no executive of a real bank by this name in NC. But he’s been money good for a couple of years now, always asks about her kids, and she doesn’t even have to swallow.

    Please resubmit.

    Thx,

    Tony

  9. Anonymous says:

    You know you’ve made it when your office is located on T Rex Avenue.

  10. SeahorseSeahell says:

    Soo, anyhoo, it’s Friday, and I’m not wearing pants. Not now, not never.

    Dresses.

  11. Anonymous says:

    Please be specific about the type of jail somoene needs to go to for this.

    –MT

  12. Guest says:

    Is that reported income? How do you approve a loan to someone whose income is all cash? No way is she reporting it all.

    • Lewis Winthorpe III says:

      Stop. Stop with your logic and reasoning. It’s free-for-all friday.

    • Poop says:

      That’s why its a no income loan you pansy. where have you been the past 5 years?

    • Poop says:

      That’s why its a no income loan you pansy. where have you been the past 5 years?

  13. Rivkat says:

    Doesn’t this email chain reflect that they’re debating whether they should have made the loan, not whether to make it? It suggests she’s 2 months overdue. They’re now fighting over the putback, because they already made the loan. So I think it’s worse than the headline suggests.

  14. Guest says:

    You don’t see this kind of stuff at UBS.

  15. Guest says:

    Should have demanded 10,000 prepaid tickets for lap dances as collateral, instead of some shitty piece of real estate. With proper loan structuring, we wouldn’t be having this problem now.

    A real banker

  16. Silverstein says:

    Credit Suisse is the best you can work for, except BlackRock. Stop blaming bankers, journalists are fools, didn´t make the way of us financials. This behaviour must be stopped.

  17. Foi says:

    They should have just verified her assets

    Leslie Scism

  18. Blanal says:

    I wonder if her income will remain at those levels for the next 3 decades?   Hrm, things to think about between rounds of Angry Birds on the shitter…

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