As you may have heard, UBS has been going through a bit of a rough patch. Despite posting an annual profit (of 7.2 billion Swiss francs) for the first time since 2006, things just haven’t been the same since the crisis, and some have suggested it never will be, claiming that the bank “doesn’t have a chance” getting back to pre-crisis levels because “too much damage has been done.” Not helping things is the fact that there’s been very high turnover in the last couple months, which may have something to do with the fact that people would like to get paid. What you may not have heard is that the investment bank? Is kicking ass, according to Chairman Oswald Gruebel who is kind of confused as to why the media has chosen to ignore the division’s “steady progress” but wants employees to know he, for one, has not.
UBS Chief Sends Memo to I-Bankers [NetNet via BI]
Today we are among the top five investment banks in Stamford, but our ambitions go beyond this
Top five foreign banks places you after gs, ms, jpm, baml, c, cs, barcap, db. Good middle market creds guys
Dear colleagues,
You may have heard around the website Dealbreaker.com that we here at UBS “suck.” The fact of the matter is that I am committed to making this bank not-suck. I know we’re not paying you, but please don’t leave me.
Ossie
I feel dirty after reading “Ossie.”
Evercore and Lazard as well…
That would be top four foreign banks. We get to put another one on that list.
(“Beavis”) Gruebel: “This POT Kicks Ass…”
“Butthead” Investors: “ShutUp you Dumbass”
What language was that written in?
-Guy who thought he spoke English but isn’t really sure anymore
All Aboard!!! A-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!!!
-Ozzie
Americans love a comeback story. We also love free t-shirts. I think I just
figured out a way for UBS to win back our hearts.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.
Put the SH Sharks in UBS T-shirts for Game 5 (or 6, who cares because I’m not paying attention)? It might work.
**excluding complex structured products. ~ BUSTED
UBS SUCKS and everyone who still works there is mediocre at best
I feel sorry for junior people at UBS (VPs and Associates)…. they have no chance at success
Credit Suisse, Barclays, Deutsche Bank, HSBC >>>> UBS
UBS SUC
Do I win?
Gerglish. The verb at the end of the sentence is.
4,000 canucks fans yesterday in hp pavilion was a bit much. what is this, a celine dion concert?
To stay out of the Layoffs Watch 2011 thread
We’re paying las Vegas to keep her there. Same with that Avril girl.
UBS will always suck…..the BIG one!
hummm….i would be that Jefferies and certainly Wells Fargo have more IBD revenue that these guys…so pls do not sell your position so short…as it is short…
i hear that there are a massive amount of corner offices up for grabs for the secretaries, as they are the only ones left…oh yea, some MS energy guy has come, so he will have his pick of the litter of the offices…go to sleep UBS IBD, that is the best thing for us long suffering shareholders
Lets not forget BNP, HSBC, Socgen…shit is UBS worst than Nomura or RBC or RBS?
UBS could rent space to that French Perv. That would generate income.
- Guest who is doing his part to be part of the solution
In all seriousness, enough! It’s boring, it’s cliche, the joke is overused and this blog is consistently making fun of UBS and its sucking… how about you all check this article from JPM on all the big banks’ revenues.
It was posted on wallstreetoasis.com just recently… Apparently if you look at p.19 and p.32, you’ll see expected revenues for 2011 and 2012. You can also read the entire pdf and see how JPM is overweight UBS. The “Ossie” might actually have a point.
Here is the link to the pdf:
https://mm.jpmorgan.com/stp/t/c.do?i=5930E-12&u=a_p*d_558208.pdf*h_-2igf3ms
Sadly, you fools know nothing.
- Guy who actually does some research here
$50 says you are the same dude who posted that on WSO, and another $50 says you are working at UBS.
U mad u work at UBS bro?
You’re right, I don’t work there. One of my good friends does, and it’s all I can do to keep him from throwing himself under a bus.
What am I supposed to tell him? It’s gonna be ok? There’s other jobs coming?
After all of the legitimate years, I fuck one goat and, well, we all know how that story goes. Ossie knows what I’m talking about.
-Bernie
UBS is ballin!!!
Go UBS!
Translation:
Thank you for your hard work (with very little commensurate compensation) and commitment. I appreciate your continued dedication (I know you can't find a job on Wall Street, save for Jefferies) and look forward to further success (trading debacles) in the months ahead (for those of you that will survive our massive layoffs)…