As previously discussed, one major focus of the government’s insider trading cases du jour is the use of primary networks, whose information those on the prosecution side argue is just too good. Among all the expert network analysts charged, one stands out- Winifred Jiau. The best of the best, Jiau seems to have worked with everyone who’s been accused of trading on material non-public information and for good reason- her information, according to clients, was “precise to the decimal point.” And unlike other expert network analysts, who perhaps weren’t as good or just didn’t know their worth, Jiau was well-aware of just how much her trader friends needed her, and acted as such. In the opinion of former SAC Capital PM Noah Freeman (who pleaded guilty in April, after working with the government to turn over his ex best friend and colleague Donald Longueuil), this was like a bitch.

“Despite her information being very, very accurate, she was very difficult to work with,” said Mr. Freeman, an articulate and confident 35-year-old Harvard College graduate. Among the issues he said that he had with Ms. Jiau: She could be rude, it was hard to get a hold of her and she often canceled meetings at the last minute.

And yet, he couldn’t quit her. When “Poohster” (apparently Freeman and Co’s nickname for Jiau) said jump, Freeman asked how high. Similarly, when Poohster said “buy me an iPhone,” buy me a gift certificate a clothing store no wait I meant the Cheesecake Factory,” and “buy me a bunch of lobsters,” Freeman said “how many,” “for how much,” and “how would you like them delivered?”

In addition to the cash compensation, Mr. Freeman said that he and Samir Barai, another hedge fund manager who has pleaded guilty, provided Ms. Jiau with presents, including three iPhones. There was also a gift certificate to a clothing boutique “that we canceled at her request and replaced with a $300 gift certificate to The Cheesecake Factory,” Mr. Freeman said. But the most amusing gift came in November 2007, when Ms. Jiau asked the Boston-based Mr. Freeman for 12 lobsters so she could serve them on Thanksgiving. “I remember this because it was an unusual time to serve lobsters,” Mr. Freeman said.

The government then showed Mr. Freeman an e-mail he had sent to his secretary Annie Gallin with the subject heading “Can you please send lobsters to Winnie?” “I know you hate her but we have to do this,” he wrote. “Sure thing,” Ms. Gallin replied. “I hope she gets sick from the lobsters.” “Me too (but not dying, just suffering),” Mr. Freeman responded.

Right, because if the Poohster were to die, where would Freeman get his information from? No, best to just wish a couple days of violent food poisoning on her. And then when she lets the lobsters perish at FedEx, rather than in boiling water, threaten (to your secretary) to call PETA on her ass and mention that you have a right mind to tell her where to go, before complying with her next demand within seconds of the request, lest she get angry.

Ms. Gallin dutifully sent Ms. Jiau a dozen lobsters from the Fresh Lobster Company in Gloucester, Mass., across the country to Ms. Jiau, who lived in Silicon Valley. But there turned out to be a slight problem. “Typical Winnie to leave 12 lobsters to die at FedEx,” Ms. Gallin wrote in a follow-up email. “She has no heart.” She does, however, appear to have chutzpah. The next month, Ms. Jiau asked for another dozen lobsters for Christmas, a request with which Mr. Freeman dutifully complied.

That’s right, Errand Boy. And don’t forget to pick up the dry-cleaning, presort the M&M’s into ROYGBIV piles, draft a summary of today’s episode of One Life To Live and feed the dog, or there’ll be hell to pay.

Former SAC Trader Tells Jury Of Tipster’s ‘Perfect Information’ [DealBook]

62 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (62)

  1. Posted by in love with pmco avatar | June 6, 2011 at 8:03 PM

    maybe she is the real octopussy

  2. Posted by Anonymous | June 6, 2011 at 8:14 PM

    12 lobsters…weak! Try getting the guy to give you 10,000 M&Ms with all the brown ones removed.
    -DLR

  3. Posted by Guest | June 6, 2011 at 8:14 PM

    I feel like punching all these losers square in the face (but not dying, just suffering).

  4. Posted by InfiniteGuest | June 6, 2011 at 8:20 PM

    She was obviously trying to pass a coded message. 12 lobsters = 12 companies in hot water.

  5. Posted by Guest | June 6, 2011 at 8:22 PM

    This guy wouldn’t last a day with me.

    -L.T.

  6. Posted by PasteSpecialFormats | June 6, 2011 at 8:27 PM

    Collate, bitch.

  7. Posted by East Texas Gas Trader | June 6, 2011 at 8:28 PM

    These people must have traded or brokered natural gas 10 yers ago.

  8. Posted by Guest | June 6, 2011 at 8:33 PM

    I’d rather  feed them to the lobsters.

  9. Posted by Guest | June 6, 2011 at 8:34 PM

    lol @ Weiner — meeting chicks on facebook.

  10. Posted by Guest | June 6, 2011 at 8:35 PM

    Oh baby. Type dirty to me.

  11. Posted by CT | June 6, 2011 at 8:39 PM

    are you lost?

  12. Posted by Shecky Steinum | June 6, 2011 at 8:46 PM

    At a meeting hosted by IMF officials, a female analyst know for her curt but brilliant work walked up to an IMF employee and said, “I need to see your boss. Right now!”   A manager was summoned and said, “How may I help you?”

    The female analyst raised her right hand up to the IMF manager’s mouth and gently stuck two fingers in it.  The IMF manager was immediately aroused and began to slowly suck on her fingers.  After a short while he opened his mouth and backed away. Then he said softly, “Now….how can I help you?”

    The analyst replied, “Tell your bosses that there’s no toilet paper in the ladies room….” 

  13. Posted by in love with pmco avatar | June 6, 2011 at 8:49 PM

    please stay within the subject matter

  14. Posted by Sleepless in CT | June 6, 2011 at 9:02 PM

    Winnie the Pooh is the fuckin’ rake!

    – NF

  15. Posted by Guest | June 6, 2011 at 9:05 PM

    1) that was fucking awful
    2) try coming up with a joke that pertains to the above or GTFO

  16. Posted by Anonymous | June 6, 2011 at 9:25 PM

    I like this chick’s style.
    -Steve Schwarzman

  17. Posted by Guest | June 6, 2011 at 9:36 PM

    Haha I like her a lot.

  18. Posted by Guest | June 6, 2011 at 9:39 PM

    Fortunately, most male readers will have already ejaculated and hit “back” after the second paragraph above.

  19. Posted by early hominid | June 6, 2011 at 9:42 PM

    As the pressure to please Poohster intensified, the ironically-named Mr. Freeman became irritable and paced the halls muttering to himself Nixon-like: “Just because I”m from Boston she thinks I’ve got some special relationship with lobsters?  Pffft. Stereotype much?   Like Bostonians can just go to the end of the jetty and chant “Rise, my chitinous friends, your mistress summons you from the briny deep!” and they’re supposed to, what, crawl into the fucking FedEx box? So you can leave them to die uneaten in some bleak Palo Alto warehouse?  I’ve had it.  No more. Uh-uh.”  But in the end he always came around.  Freeman indeed.  Where are your pithy rejoinders now and whence your articulate confidence?  

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  21. Posted by Mexi-Cant | June 7, 2011 at 12:05 AM

    I thought it was quite clever and witty. Spot on shecky, spot on!

  22. Posted by Jermaine | June 7, 2011 at 11:45 AM

    Harvard ?????

    Sing Sing….. for …..  MBA and  PhD

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  24. Posted by Takashi | June 7, 2011 at 1:00 PM

    Maybe we could have robster claws?

  25. Posted by Guest | June 7, 2011 at 2:01 PM

    nope.

  26. Posted by Guest | June 7, 2011 at 2:01 PM

    FTW

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