• 10 Jun 2011 at 1:38 PM

Let Goldman Sachs Help You Get Your Shake Shack Order In Under 3 Hours Today

By

One of the great equalizers in the city of New York, whether you’re a CEO or a summer intern, a billionaire or a mere hundred thousandaire involves beef. Specifically, that found at Shake Shake. Come summer, everyone in this city** waits an ungodly amount of time for their order at Shake Shack, no matter who they are. Senior employees at Credit Suisse, whose building is located across from the original Madison Park Shack, have attempted work-arounds for years, i.e. sending junior staff to wait on line and place orders for them, but still, they wait. Today, however, two viable options for not spending three hours waiting for your Double Shack Burger have emerged. Naturally, they come courtesy of the innovators at Goldman Sachs.

1. Get a job at Goldman Sachs or
2. Work near their downtown office and figure out the secret hand signal that was clearly used in the following scenario:

Was just at the newly opened Shake Shack across street from GS building. Standing next to a GS employee complaining that his order is taking forever, manager of Shack comes over and says “it’s on the Goldman private grill, I’m sorry there was a big order in front of you, that’s all I can do.” (The SS is open to the public but GS owns the building, which I guess is how they got the private grill.)

Also important to note: while an ID badge and/or intel on the hand signal/secret password/what have you used by those who want to get on the GS grill when ordering will put you ahead of those in the peasant section, if you want really speedy service, you’d best figure out how to get on the upper right quadrant, reserved for LB and those who’ve truly earned it. And don’t believe them when they say there’s no bacon on the menu. In the upper right quadrant, there is.

**Except those of us who actually wouldn’t even rank SS in their Top 10 of burgers.

Comments (181)

  1. 1
    Posted by vegetarian | June 10, 2011 at 5:56 PM

    this shake shack is shit, all shit.

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | June 10, 2011 at 6:02 PM

    Customer:  Where’s my fill?
    GS prime brokerage desk:  I’m sorry, there was a big order in front of you, that’s all I can do.

  3. 3
    Posted by Matt T. | June 10, 2011 at 6:05 PM

    Last time someone cut me in line at Shake Shack, Madison Square Park ran thick with my off-menu equestrian protein concrete.

    But THIS? Shameful. Just shameful.

    Just wait.

  4. 4
    Posted by Matthew C Taibbi | June 10, 2011 at 6:08 PM

    Their burgers are saltier and saucier than ones I have sampled at other places, I dont know if I like it or not yet, but hey when you place an order and they say “Matt, your’s is on the house” and you dont have to wait in line, who am I to complain!?

  5. 5
    Posted by guest | June 10, 2011 at 6:09 PM

    The vampire squid have taken over the shake shack grill?  that’s it get my vasoline jar!

    -m taibbi

  6. 6
    Posted by guest | June 10, 2011 at 6:09 PM

    JG Melon’s > Burger Joint > PJ Clarkes > Any random pub > Five Guys > Shake Shack

  7. 7
    Posted by Put_Option | June 10, 2011 at 6:11 PM

    Screw 5 guys and shake shack, Big Mac is where it at yallz!

    - MC Donald 

  8. 8
    Posted by Nosmo King | June 10, 2011 at 6:12 PM

    WTF? For $5 billion you couldn’t be mensches and throw a DQ in there instead?
    - W. Buffett

  9. 9
    Posted by HR | June 10, 2011 at 6:12 PM

    The Shake Shack manager later explained that customers had to come back to the Shack 42 times before they could hope to obtain Goldman Grill status.

  10. 10
    Posted by Anonymous | June 10, 2011 at 6:18 PM

    BJ > JG Melon’s
    PJ Clarkes only if it has the smothered onions
    Stoned Crow was No. 1 until it devastatingly closed
    5 napkin > Peter Luger’s [but why would you get the burger?] > any random pub > Bill’s Burger Bar > Shake Shack > 5 guys

  11. 11
    Posted by Anonymous | June 10, 2011 at 6:18 PM

    Living in Texas as I do, I’d never say it in public for fear of lynching but…Shake Shack is the best burger on earth…and I’ve tried a few.

    Between trips to the city i’m reduced to:

    http://aht.seriouseats.com/archives/2009/10/the-burger-lab-the-fake-shack-how-to-make-shake-shack-burger.html

    -Guy who just had lunch at Southwell’s and feels cheated

  12. 12
    Posted by Also A Guest | June 10, 2011 at 6:23 PM

    The hand signal isn’t exactly a secret. They just give the guy behind the counter a handjob. A guy I know that works at GS  cut me in on the secret a long time ago and it has worked flawlessly every time.

    -AIG Quant

  13. 13
    Posted by Barteby the Scrivener | June 10, 2011 at 6:24 PM

    I sent Nippers down there for Ginger Nut Cakes two hours ago.  Where is he?

  14. 14
    Posted by Koolaidisfun | June 10, 2011 at 6:24 PM

    In N Out > All

    -West Coast Bias

  15. 15
    Posted by Confused Commenter | June 10, 2011 at 6:26 PM

     Furiously masturbating to Bess reading menus of burger joints out loud. 

  16. 16
    Posted by Vacek Tim | June 10, 2011 at 6:28 PM

    Blankfein and bacon? Isn’t there something sacrilegious going on there??

  17. 17
    Posted by Put_Option | June 10, 2011 at 6:30 PM

    Yankee Doodle > Louie’s Lunch > PJ Clarkes sliders > JG Melon’s bloody bull and burger > Energy Kitchen Turkey Burger > Roadkill Rockefeller > Shake Shack

    - Yale undergrad crew team captain 

  18. 18
    Posted by Donnie | June 10, 2011 at 6:35 PM

    Amen, brother

  19. 19
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 6:36 PM

    I bet Goldman is secretly “net short” the SS in a different part of the bank.

  20. 20
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 6:40 PM

    I bet GS is secretly “net short” the Shake Shack in a different part of the bank.

  21. 21
    Posted by Anonymous | June 10, 2011 at 6:41 PM

    (1) Shake Shack (2) tie, Burger Joint & JG Melon’s (3) Spotted Pig. 

    Five Guys is second tier…behind In n’ Out and Smashburger.

  22. 22
    Posted by guest | June 10, 2011 at 6:44 PM

    I hate Five Guys, only put it ahead of Shake Shack to make a point of how much I hate Shake Shake.  Also, don’t underestimate how bad Corner Bistro is.  So glad its not getting any love.  

  23. 23
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 6:44 PM

    Go fuck yourself with all of this In N Out Burger Bias.  It’s a goddamn burger & fries.  Christ people

    -Guy who’s sick of it, but would prob be all about it if he had one

  24. 24
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 6:45 PM

    You didn’t hear, God’s work included changing the Kosher laws, Bacon’s in bro!

  25. 25
    Posted by Enzo Scumcunt Lippolis | June 10, 2011 at 6:46 PM

    Once a bunch of front-running cocksuckers always a bunch of front-running cocksuckers. 

  26. 26
    Posted by Anonymous | June 10, 2011 at 6:49 PM

    I haven’t underestimated how bad CB is, which is why it’s not on my list- it’s dry, awkwardly shaped, and not worth waiting 75 minutes with your head pressed against someone’s ribcage.

  27. 27
    Posted by Anonymous | June 10, 2011 at 6:53 PM

    Louie’s Lunch…mecca for burger fiends.  One day I’ll get there

  28. 28
    Posted by Lidstrom needs another cup! | June 10, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    STONED CROW IS CLOSED?!

  29. 29
    Posted by Anonymous | June 10, 2011 at 7:11 PM

    I know. I hadn’t been there in a while and just found out about it today. Very upsetting.

  30. 30
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 7:16 PM

    I heard the partners can buy at a 30% discount too!

  31. 31
    Posted by animal style fries | June 10, 2011 at 7:16 PM

    Clearly you are just jealous because you live in an inferior part of the country where you are unable to enjoy the greatness that is in and out

  32. 32
    Posted by Lewis Winthorpe III | June 10, 2011 at 7:17 PM

    Yeah, where’s the fucking government investigation on this one??  IS THIS LEGAL OR ETHICAL????

  33. 33
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 7:18 PM

    You didn’t hear? Mostly only very religious Jews keep kosher.

  34. 34
    Posted by Burgerzzzzzzz | June 10, 2011 at 7:23 PM

    All this talk of juicy delicious burgers is making me hungry…

    - West coast guy who is now going to go find a burger joint for lunch and then pass out at his desk from the food comatose 

  35. 35
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 7:27 PM

    If it’s so great, why don’t they open in nyc.  These questions need answers.

  36. 36
    Posted by Confucius | June 10, 2011 at 7:29 PM

    Is CB what we are calling a weekend at Jeffery Epstein’s house now?

  37. 37
    Posted by Lidstrom needs another cup! | June 10, 2011 at 7:30 PM

    lousy NYU students! How could they let that happen! 

  38. 38
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 7:33 PM

    You mean to tell us the CEO who does “God’s work” is not very religious?

  39. 39
    Posted by meathead trader | June 10, 2011 at 7:38 PM

    Arent Cash Cows the Upper Left Quad in a BCG matrix?

    - Guy who clearly isnt a consultant nor a GS employee

  40. 40
    Posted by Ding Fries R Dun | June 10, 2011 at 7:42 PM

    White Castle > All Burger Joints > Shake Shack

    -Guy who knows quality

  41. 41
    Posted by Anonymous | June 10, 2011 at 7:53 PM

    The burger w bearnaise @ Clarke’s is pretty phenomenal; would put that over smothered onions.

    Honorable mention to The Jackson Hole and Burger Heaven, IMHO– if I’m going to eat at a chain it might as well be a local one.

  42. 42
    Posted by Guest_CFA | June 10, 2011 at 7:53 PM

    Resto (on 29th St.) is the best burger I’ve had in NYC though Wollensky’s Grill and JG Melon’s are close behind (I know, way different experiences).  5 guys blows in NYC and everywhere else across this country.

  43. 43
    Posted by Buzzkill | June 10, 2011 at 7:55 PM

    The “Goldman private grill” is really just a grill that they typically use for large orders.  It just so happens that most large orders come from GS.- disappointed guy who thought he could get his food faster than everyone else

  44. 44
    Posted by Anonymous | June 10, 2011 at 7:56 PM

    R.I.P Chumley’s

  45. 45
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 7:59 PM

    Like all great burger joints in Houston, Otto’s closed and you are left with southwells and a handful of sub-par places

  46. 46
    Posted by Anonymous | June 10, 2011 at 8:04 PM

    So true.  Missing Otto’s badly, second best burger in Texas (first Kinkaid’s in Ft. Worth)

    This place isn’t bad.  Not the Shake Shack by a long shot, but you can get a “Shack Burger” :)  Plus you can stop off at Specs and pick up your livations for the weekend.

    http://burgershacktexas.com/

  47. 47
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 8:08 PM

    Hubcap? Seriously wtf is wrong with you

  48. 48
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 8:09 PM

    do you work at the shake shack?

  49. 49
    Posted by BarCap Trader | June 10, 2011 at 8:11 PM

    Oh yeah, well we have our own oven at the Sbarro’s in Time Square.

  50. 50
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 8:11 PM

    – BarCap Trader

  51. 51
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 8:14 PM

    Uh, why would they dub it the “Goldman *private* grill” then? If it’s just for any large orders?

  52. 52
    Posted by Burgerzzzzzzz | June 10, 2011 at 8:34 PM

    Zzzzz

  53. 53
    Posted by Buzzkill | June 10, 2011 at 8:35 PM

    I don’t know.  Maybe that’s what the employees jokingly call it because GS brings most of the large orders.  Maybe the manager thought that’s what the guy wanted to hear.  Maybe Senator Levin had his close relative plant a completely fabricated story in her blog in an attempt to drum up more anger at GS.*  You really can’t rule anything out.

    *Just kidding Bess – your journalistic integrity is beyond reproach

  54. 54
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 8:50 PM

    If the SS figured their burgers were poisonous, aggressively sold them to their customers while assuring them the company routinely ate them, took out life insurance policies on the aforementioned customers, and then lied to congress about it, maybe someone might get subpoenaed, if and only if a senator does a yearlong investigation and numerous articles are published highlighting the possible criminal misdeeds.   

  55. 55
    Posted by CB in the house | June 10, 2011 at 9:01 PM

    CB trumps all. I never have to wait in line – the F man seats me and my crew whenever we show. When people complain, he tells them they don’t have to eat there. Sux to be you….

  56. 56
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 9:03 PM

    My question remains, unless you’re a Shake Shack employee, how do you know there isn’t a private GS grill? It’s not out of the realm of possibility at all, especially since they own the building.

  57. 57
    Posted by guest | June 10, 2011 at 9:16 PM

    Into a cup ?

    ~not the original ‘Into a cup’ guy but a fan of his work

  58. 58
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 9:18 PM

    you’re a tool.

  59. 59
    Posted by VonSloneker | June 10, 2011 at 9:25 PM

    or libations, other than that I have no concerns

  60. 60
    Posted by Anonymous | June 10, 2011 at 10:02 PM

    They don’t want to get their west coast karma contaminated by the NY angst – can you blame ‘em?

  61. 61
    Posted by Pmm | June 10, 2011 at 10:22 PM

    Much ado about a f@#%&%# hamburger? What ever happened to the concept of an on-site restaurant/dining-room for senior people? They might live longer were they to eat healthier, but maybe that is the point.

  62. 62
    Posted by Mexi-Cant | June 10, 2011 at 10:25 PM

    The SS on 86th and lex is much better and has no lines.

  63. 63
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 10:27 PM

    so if the SS refer to it as that- which is all the above tip says- then I guess it’s true? that there is, in fact, a grill the SS employees call the ‘gs grill’? 

  64. 64
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 10:28 PM

    would love to know how you could possibly know for certain what goes on behind the counter, if the SS employees have a grill that is called the GS grill, gets the GS orders, etc. 

  65. 65
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 10:29 PM

    and yet they call it the GS grill, which is all the above tip said. 

  66. 66
    Posted by CT | June 10, 2011 at 10:30 PM

    the post says there’s a grill that SS employees call the GS grill. your comment says the same thing. it’s fun to try and come into the comments and be all “i’m calling BS” but it’d help if your comment didn’t reiterate what was stated exactly in the story.

  67. 67
    Posted by Anon | June 10, 2011 at 10:34 PM

    I love how all the tip in the above post says is that there’s a grill SS employees call the private gs grill (which you agree with in your comment) and then the rest, ie commentary by Bess, is clearly taking it and making a joke (as DB, on occasion, has been known to do) and yet you feel the need to attempt to blow up the story (by confirming exactly what was written).

    - 200 West’er who hopes I never encounter you in the building

  68. 68
    Posted by Matt T | June 10, 2011 at 10:35 PM

    I think I saw the grill cook pissing on the GS grill today.

  69. 69
    Posted by Ray Finkle | June 10, 2011 at 11:29 PM

    DuMont Burger in Williamsburg is the best.

  70. 70
    Posted by Guest | June 11, 2011 at 1:05 AM

    Louis’ Lunch, not Louie’s Lunch. Douche.

  71. 71
    Posted by Finn Alexander | June 11, 2011 at 6:33 PM

    You didn’t hear? Jews for Jesus got a hold of Blankfein and now the clean and the unclean (pork) is all good. 

  72. 72
    Posted by Ben B | June 11, 2011 at 8:35 PM

    Two companies made a business deal that benefits both of them?! Ohmigawd someone hold me please I don’t want to live in this cruel wor-r-rld!!

  73. 73
    Posted by Anonymous | June 11, 2011 at 8:36 PM

    If you’re waiting 2 hours for a burger, you’ve already lost the game.

  74. 74
    Posted by Cowgirl | June 12, 2011 at 12:21 AM

    That costs extra for everyone else.

  75. 75
    Posted by AngryAnalyst | June 12, 2011 at 12:38 AM

    Anyone know if prime brokerage clients get access?  If they do, do they get front run here too?

  76. 76
    Posted by Diabhol | June 12, 2011 at 2:49 AM

    In & Out makes a point of owning the land they build restaurants on. Jesus Christ could come back to Earth and invent cold fusion and he’d never be able to afford property in NYC.

  77. 77
    Posted by yeahman | June 12, 2011 at 2:54 AM

    Dudes, DB Bistro Moderne’s foie-gras stuffed burger with the perfectly French french fries basically tells you you’ve made it, and f-you GS grill at SS, who cares?

    –Guy who travels to midtown just to get that burger and look at the Fox Busienss babes’ posters in the Rock Center subway station

  78. 78
    Posted by Alain Ducasse | June 12, 2011 at 12:07 PM

    What is this -comment dire- ‘amburger you speak of?

  79. 79
    Posted by Guest | June 12, 2011 at 2:52 PM

    I figured Minetta Tavern would be getting some love here…

  80. 80
    Posted by atx4life | June 13, 2011 at 5:40 AM

    Hut’s in Austin is best in Texas.

  81. 81
    Posted by abbreviation joke | June 13, 2011 at 5:42 AM

    yeah, but none of them are down with the SS…

  82. 82
    Posted by Detex | June 13, 2011 at 12:46 PM

    Louis’ Lunch is AMAZING!!! vertical flame kissed burgers all the way! “With” and “With!!!”

  83. 83
    Posted by Detex | June 13, 2011 at 12:47 PM

    go easy, it is hard to eat there in a blazer…

  84. 84
    Posted by Anonymous | June 13, 2011 at 2:16 PM

    2008 happened.

  85. 85
    Posted by Guest | June 13, 2011 at 9:57 PM

    This comment didn’t get nearly enough love.

  86. 86
    Posted by Nonsense | June 14, 2011 at 3:25 AM

    Speaking as a goldman employee and shake shack frequenter, this story is BS. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have waited 45 minutes for a burger last Friday.

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