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Let Goldman Sachs Help You Get Your Shake Shack Order In Under 3 Hours Today

One of the great equalizers in the city of New York, whether you’re a CEO or a summer intern, a billionaire or a mere hundred thousandaire involves beef. Specifically, that found at Shake Shake. Come summer, everyone in this city** waits an ungodly amount of time for their order at Shake Shack, no matter who they are. Senior employees at Credit Suisse, whose building is located across from the original Madison Park Shack, have attempted work-arounds for years, i.e. sending junior staff to wait on line and place orders for them, but still, they wait. Today, however, two viable options for not spending three hours waiting for your Double Shack Burger have emerged. Naturally, they come courtesy of the innovators at Goldman Sachs.

1. Get a job at Goldman Sachs or
2. Work near their downtown office and figure out the secret hand signal that was clearly used in the following scenario:

Was just at the newly opened Shake Shack across street from GS building. Standing next to a GS employee complaining that his order is taking forever, manager of Shack comes over and says “it’s on the Goldman private grill, I’m sorry there was a big order in front of you, that’s all I can do.” (The SS is open to the public but GS owns the building, which I guess is how they got the private grill.)

Also important to note: while an ID badge and/or intel on the hand signal/secret password/what have you used by those who want to get on the GS grill when ordering will put you ahead of those in the peasant section, if you want really speedy service, you’d best figure out how to get on the upper right quadrant, reserved for LB and those who’ve truly earned it. And don’t believe them when they say there’s no bacon on the menu. In the upper right quadrant, there is.

**Except those of us who actually wouldn’t even rank SS in their Top 10 of burgers.

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181 Responses to “Let Goldman Sachs Help You Get Your Shake Shack Order In Under 3 Hours Today”

  1. vegetarian says:

    this shake shack is shit, all shit.

  2. guest says:

    Customer:  Where’s my fill?
    GS prime brokerage desk:  I’m sorry, there was a big order in front of you, that’s all I can do.

  3. Matt T. says:

    Last time someone cut me in line at Shake Shack, Madison Square Park ran thick with my off-menu equestrian protein concrete.

    But THIS? Shameful. Just shameful.

    Just wait.

    • Lewis Winthorpe III says:

      Yeah, where’s the fucking government investigation on this one??  IS THIS LEGAL OR ETHICAL????

      • Guest says:

        If the SS figured their burgers were poisonous, aggressively sold them to their customers while assuring them the company routinely ate them, took out life insurance policies on the aforementioned customers, and then lied to congress about it, maybe someone might get subpoenaed, if and only if a senator does a yearlong investigation and numerous articles are published highlighting the possible criminal misdeeds.   

  4. Matthew C Taibbi says:

    Their burgers are saltier and saucier than ones I have sampled at other places, I dont know if I like it or not yet, but hey when you place an order and they say “Matt, your’s is on the house” and you dont have to wait in line, who am I to complain!?

  5. guest says:

    The vampire squid have taken over the shake shack grill?  that’s it get my vasoline jar!

    -m taibbi

  6. guest says:

    JG Melon’s > Burger Joint > PJ Clarkes > Any random pub > Five Guys > Shake Shack

    • Anonymous says:

      BJ > JG Melon’s
      PJ Clarkes only if it has the smothered onions
      Stoned Crow was No. 1 until it devastatingly closed
      5 napkin > Peter Luger’s [but why would you get the burger?] > any random pub > Bill’s Burger Bar > Shake Shack > 5 guys

      • Koolaidisfun says:

        In N Out > All

        -West Coast Bias

        • Donnie says:

          Amen, brother

        • Guest says:

          Go fuck yourself with all of this In N Out Burger Bias.  It’s a goddamn burger & fries.  Christ people

          -Guy who’s sick of it, but would prob be all about it if he had one

          • animal style fries says:

            Clearly you are just jealous because you live in an inferior part of the country where you are unable to enjoy the greatness that is in and out

          • Guest says:

            If it’s so great, why don’t they open in nyc.  These questions need answers.

          • Anonymous says:

            They don’t want to get their west coast karma contaminated by the NY angst – can you blame ‘em?

      • Confused Commenter says:

         Furiously masturbating to Bess reading menus of burger joints out loud. 

      • guest says:

        I hate Five Guys, only put it ahead of Shake Shack to make a point of how much I hate Shake Shake.  Also, don’t underestimate how bad Corner Bistro is.  So glad its not getting any love.  

        • Anonymous says:

          I haven’t underestimated how bad CB is, which is why it’s not on my list- it’s dry, awkwardly shaped, and not worth waiting 75 minutes with your head pressed against someone’s ribcage.

      • Lidstrom needs another cup! says:

        STONED CROW IS CLOSED?!

      • Anonymous says:

        The burger w bearnaise @ Clarke’s is pretty phenomenal; would put that over smothered onions.

        Honorable mention to The Jackson Hole and Burger Heaven, IMHO– if I’m going to eat at a chain it might as well be a local one.

    • Put_Option says:

      Yankee Doodle > Louie’s Lunch > PJ Clarkes sliders > JG Melon’s bloody bull and burger > Energy Kitchen Turkey Burger > Roadkill Rockefeller > Shake Shack

      – Yale undergrad crew team captain 

      • Anonymous says:

        Louie’s Lunch…mecca for burger fiends.  One day I’ll get there

      • Guest_CFA says:

        Resto (on 29th St.) is the best burger I’ve had in NYC though Wollensky’s Grill and JG Melon’s are close behind (I know, way different experiences).  5 guys blows in NYC and everywhere else across this country.

      • Guest says:

        Louis’ Lunch, not Louie’s Lunch. Douche.

      • Detex says:

        Louis’ Lunch is AMAZING!!! vertical flame kissed burgers all the way! “With” and “With!!!”

    • Anonymous says:

      (1) Shake Shack (2) tie, Burger Joint & JG Melon’s (3) Spotted Pig. 

      Five Guys is second tier…behind In n’ Out and Smashburger.

    • Ding Fries R Dun says:

      White Castle > All Burger Joints > Shake Shack

      -Guy who knows quality

    • Anonymous says:

      R.I.P Chumley’s

  7. Put_Option says:

    Screw 5 guys and shake shack, Big Mac is where it at yallz!

    – MC Donald 

  8. Nosmo King says:

    WTF? For $5 billion you couldn’t be mensches and throw a DQ in there instead?
    – W. Buffett

  9. HR says:

    The Shake Shack manager later explained that customers had to come back to the Shack 42 times before they could hope to obtain Goldman Grill status.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Living in Texas as I do, I’d never say it in public for fear of lynching but…Shake Shack is the best burger on earth…and I’ve tried a few.

    Between trips to the city i’m reduced to:

    http://aht.seriouseats.com/archives/2009/10/the-burger-lab-the-fake-shack-how-to-make-shake-shack-burger.html

    -Guy who just had lunch at Southwell’s and feels cheated

  11. Also A Guest says:

    The hand signal isn’t exactly a secret. They just give the guy behind the counter a handjob. A guy I know that works at GS  cut me in on the secret a long time ago and it has worked flawlessly every time.

    -AIG Quant

  12. Barteby the Scrivener says:

    I sent Nippers down there for Ginger Nut Cakes two hours ago.  Where is he?

  13. Vacek Tim says:

    Blankfein and bacon? Isn’t there something sacrilegious going on there??

  14. Guest says:

    I bet Goldman is secretly “net short” the SS in a different part of the bank.

  15. Guest says:

    I bet GS is secretly “net short” the Shake Shack in a different part of the bank.

  16. Enzo Scumcunt Lippolis says:

    Once a bunch of front-running cocksuckers always a bunch of front-running cocksuckers. 

  17. Guest says:

    I heard the partners can buy at a 30% discount too!

  18. Burgerzzzzzzz says:

    All this talk of juicy delicious burgers is making me hungry…

    – West coast guy who is now going to go find a burger joint for lunch and then pass out at his desk from the food comatose 

  19. meathead trader says:

    Arent Cash Cows the Upper Left Quad in a BCG matrix?

    – Guy who clearly isnt a consultant nor a GS employee

  20. Buzzkill says:

    The “Goldman private grill” is really just a grill that they typically use for large orders.  It just so happens that most large orders come from GS.- disappointed guy who thought he could get his food faster than everyone else

    • Guest says:

      do you work at the shake shack?

    • Guest says:

      Uh, why would they dub it the “Goldman *private* grill” then? If it’s just for any large orders?

      • Buzzkill says:

        I don’t know.  Maybe that’s what the employees jokingly call it because GS brings most of the large orders.  Maybe the manager thought that’s what the guy wanted to hear.  Maybe Senator Levin had his close relative plant a completely fabricated story in her blog in an attempt to drum up more anger at GS.*  You really can’t rule anything out.

        *Just kidding Bess – your journalistic integrity is beyond reproach

        • Guest says:

          My question remains, unless you’re a Shake Shack employee, how do you know there isn’t a private GS grill? It’s not out of the realm of possibility at all, especially since they own the building.

        • Guest says:

          so if the SS refer to it as that- which is all the above tip says- then I guess it’s true? that there is, in fact, a grill the SS employees call the ‘gs grill’? 

    • Guest says:

      would love to know how you could possibly know for certain what goes on behind the counter, if the SS employees have a grill that is called the GS grill, gets the GS orders, etc. 

    • Guest says:

      and yet they call it the GS grill, which is all the above tip said. 

    • CT says:

      the post says there’s a grill that SS employees call the GS grill. your comment says the same thing. it’s fun to try and come into the comments and be all “i’m calling BS” but it’d help if your comment didn’t reiterate what was stated exactly in the story.

    • Anon says:

      I love how all the tip in the above post says is that there’s a grill SS employees call the private gs grill (which you agree with in your comment) and then the rest, ie commentary by Bess, is clearly taking it and making a joke (as DB, on occasion, has been known to do) and yet you feel the need to attempt to blow up the story (by confirming exactly what was written).

      – 200 West’er who hopes I never encounter you in the building

  21. BarCap Trader says:

    Oh yeah, well we have our own oven at the Sbarro’s in Time Square.

  22. CB in the house says:

    CB trumps all. I never have to wait in line – the F man seats me and my crew whenever we show. When people complain, he tells them they don’t have to eat there. Sux to be you….

  23. Pmm says:

    Much ado about a f@#%&%# hamburger? What ever happened to the concept of an on-site restaurant/dining-room for senior people? They might live longer were they to eat healthier, but maybe that is the point.

  24. Mexi-Cant says:

    The SS on 86th and lex is much better and has no lines.

  25. Matt T says:

    I think I saw the grill cook pissing on the GS grill today.

  26. Ray Finkle says:

    DuMont Burger in Williamsburg is the best.

  27. Ben B says:

    Two companies made a business deal that benefits both of them?! Ohmigawd someone hold me please I don’t want to live in this cruel wor-r-rld!!

  28. Anonymous says:

    If you’re waiting 2 hours for a burger, you’ve already lost the game.

  29. AngryAnalyst says:

    Anyone know if prime brokerage clients get access?  If they do, do they get front run here too?

  30. Diabhol says:

    In & Out makes a point of owning the land they build restaurants on. Jesus Christ could come back to Earth and invent cold fusion and he’d never be able to afford property in NYC.

  31. yeahman says:

    Dudes, DB Bistro Moderne’s foie-gras stuffed burger with the perfectly French french fries basically tells you you’ve made it, and f-you GS grill at SS, who cares?

    –Guy who travels to midtown just to get that burger and look at the Fox Busienss babes’ posters in the Rock Center subway station

  32. Alain Ducasse says:

    What is this -comment dire- ‘amburger you speak of?

  33. Guest says:

    I figured Minetta Tavern would be getting some love here…

  34. Nonsense says:

    Speaking as a goldman employee and shake shack frequenter, this story is BS. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have waited 45 minutes for a burger last Friday.

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