Part I (emphasis his):
From: [redacted at JPMorgan]
Sent: Thursday, June 16, 2011 1:53 PM
To: All
Subject: REMINDER… TONIGHT ReUnion Bar!
Importance: HighWhat’s up guys,
So tonight is going to be wild… ReUnion Bar on 17th and Park Ave @ 10pm. A link to view pics of the lounge is below in the original email so check it out the place is really classy. We already have 100+ JPMC interns who accepted the invite, so tonight will be a great opportunity to check out everyone and have an awesome time. Keep spreading the word, keep telling everyone and anyone who is not on this list and who doesn’t work for JPMC. You don’t want to miss out on this, trust me.
If there are 100+ interns from around the area who come and talk to me, this will be a huge every week party at different lounges of choice all free of cover. The bigger the crowd, the more discounted drinks, the more fun for all of us. Also, there will be events Fridays and Saturdays if tonight goes well and you all show interest in it.
ReUnion is not strict on IDs so if you have a fake you will be fine. If you don’t have an ID… get one! Sorry about that, I will push for black ‘X’s’ next time so those without IDs can come hangout, since I want you all to have a great time this summer.
TONIGHT:
ReUnion Bar on 17th and Park Ave
Free cover
100+ new friendsDon’t miss out! Tell everyone, it’s going to get wild.
AT THE DOOR SAY YOU ARE WITH “InternParties”… see you all tonight at the Pizza Party, and then at ReUnion!
Part II :
From: [redacted at JPMorgan]
Sent: Thursday, June 16, 2011 2:21 PM
To: All
Subject: RE: ROOFTOP CHANGED to ReUnion Bar!To all,
My apologies for spam, but I have realized this is not the place to use company time to talk about after work events. Although I would like all of you to enjoy your summers, I will be reaching you from my other email, after work hours from now on. In no means did I intend to go against code of conduct, and that was my own fault which will not happen again. I know some of you interns are not 21, so remember to think and be smart and it is 21+ to drink…underage activity is illegal. Thank you and enjoy the rest of your afternoons. See you at the pizza party.
Favorite Parts:
* Importance: High
* Underlining and bolding the section on fake ID’s
* “If you don’t have an ID… get one!”
* “It’s going to get wild”
* “underage activity is illegal”
* “See you at the pizza party”
* Remaining calm and continuing to encourage people to just come out and have fun long after the wheels have come off the whole ‘invite’ thing
* Internally repeating the phrase “this is still salvageable”
* Everything
Note: Do not put this kid’s name in the comments section. It will be deleted and I will hunt you down (and you will not like it)!
Update: and there’s a Part III:
From: [redacted at JPMorgan]
Sent: Thursday, June 16, 2011 3:32 PM
To: All
Subject: Tonight 21+ @ ReUnionEveryone,
Disregard anything you heard, Tonight is 21+ only… that is, 21+. ReUnion is a classy venue and it will be a great time for us all to hangout. InternParties is hosting this great event. ReUnion is not a pushover bar, I am sorry for the rumors that spread, it is 21+ see you all there, enjoy.
[redacted],
(Not affiliated with InternParties, just trying to get everyone out and having fun)
wow what a dumbass. i’m sure the ReUnion manager appreciated that “shout out”
“Underage Activity is Illegal” Who said that, Zuckerberg?
Also: This his how Chiesi got started with raj, right?
Soveriegn wealth funds are not strict about CDO’s, so if you have a fake you will be fine
What’s ReUnion’s policy on concealed handguns?
- P. Burress
Wild you say? I’ll be there, young interns.
All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I’m fine
- J. Spicoli
How did Epstein get a JPM email account?
wuss.
Munich Re Intern.
What happened to interns just icing one another?
This guy needs to be fired. Totally against JPM rules.
On a scale of 1-4 Chungs, I can only give a 2.5 for this.
There goes his career.
We have a private grill for young JPM interns, and sell sprite in premium bottles!
- Domino’s 271 Park
Bess, sorry but everyone knows the interns name. Dick Wad
Oh come on, JPM is a decent company….
Future UBS compliance manager.
Will there be someone there to explain these “OUTS” i keep hearing about?
Well, a I lot of people think interns Mark “Cutback” Davis or Bob “Jungle Death” Gerrard will show up to this party.
We laugh at this guy, but I’ll probably still show up at ReUnion Bar later.
Talk about inviting Buzz Killington to the party.
come onnn some body give a name…
Bess, what happened to you? You used to be cool… Why can’t we name and shame the intern?
We request the breech be emptied and all magzines left with our complimentary coat check service. Thank you.
—The Management at ReUnion
Ah, youth…….
This guy shows little regard for the law and is clearly untrained regarding the use of email. In short, he’s got management written all over him.
If you show up with a used tire you get a free set-up.
Because just because he’s an idiot doesn’t mean he needs his life and/or future prospects of getting a job completely ruined?
I’d like to give a special shout-out to my ReUnion manager. I love you just like a father.
- Terrelle Pryor
Seriously? What kind of fucking establishment has policies on playing lacrosse? What, do you need to walk in with a mouth-guard?
-LEH Quant
I feel like the pizza party is getting no love in all of this
Mark my words: That person will wind up trading gas for Energy Transfer.
Checking google maps for a Taco Bell location near ReUnion . . .
Teen drinking…is very bad….YO I GOT A FAKE ID THO!
At GS these sort of character flaws tend to be caught around interview #20 or #21.
Apparently JPM doesn’t follow the DES interview model. No way this guy makes it past “How do I know you’re a genius?”
probably some entitled ass in the PWM group
It became even funnier when you identified yourself as a LEH Quant a second time.
Bess,
No relation, but,
besssinbox.com is still available.
-Guy who just saw sarahsinbox.com and was heavily disappointed
At GS you just run out for 20 minutes, do an 8-ball off your hooker’s ass crack, smack her and throw her a few Benjamins, and then you get back to the fucking office and do God’s muthafuckin’ work. None of this lollygagging around at some faggoty intern party where you “get wild” with some Jaegger shots and roll in late the next morning. And THAT is why JP Morgan will always – in the end – kiss my ring and wash my balls.
LB
This Redacted Guy sounds like a dirty old uncle trying to be cool….
Pro-Tip: To complete the irony circle you should have signed off with “-Guest”
I’ll be tweeting the event!
-ex-Rep. Anthony W.
I thought Union Bar is at 17th and Park, are you telling me there is a ReUnion Bar as well?
Meet me at ReUnion. I’ll be the guy in a crotchless speedo looking for the girls with the black x, or red A.
So am I going to Union bar or Reunion bar tonight?
If you can’t shame him w/o knowing his name, you’re not trying hard enough.
Really? I hardly think this would have any long lasting impact on his career (or future prospects of).
JD is not amused.
because that didn’t already happen within the firm
Wonder what Dimon though while reading it
Looks like Union Bar renamed itself ReUnion although given this kid’s apparent level of intellect it is possible he misread an email entitled “Re: Union Bar.”
I didn’t get a job in finance and had to do a specialty group with a Big 4 accounting firm instead. Considering this guy beat me in getting that job, I’ve come to the realization that I probably need to kill myself
Thank you. Died laughing … off to find that 8-Ball..
-MK
Liability insurance premiums too high…
I don’t understand the point of this story, unless you’re keen to get a 20-year-old fired from his internship.
Chung is still king.
To all:
When you find yourself in situations like this, please use my proprietary Someone-Hacked-My-Account Solution2.0. I have fine tuned my Someone-Hacked-My-Account Solution1.0 as this version experienced technical difficulties. Please call to discuss – I have the time.
- Weiner
I wouldn’t be too upset; he sounds mid-office.
Bess, any relation?
I agree with Dilbert…The hiring process must be easy or there is massive nepotism going on!!
Sounds like you’re the guy/girl who wrote the memo.
Is that you, [redacted]?
thanks for your concern. now please leave.
We have realized this is not the place to hire useless interns who use company email for your shoddy promotion gigs. Although I would like to wish you good luck in your future endeavours, we do not have a place for someone of your skillset at JPMorgan from now on, or ever.
JD
His name is “Guess,” you fucking idiot. Attention to detail. Etc.
-LEH Quant
What do the colored wristbands mean again?
Who the hell uses “keen”?
I bet this kid is going to be a massive baller. He has the social skills, needs to work on his confidence a bit though, everyone knows you never wuss out outrageous emails with appologetic corporate banter.
During the intern’s interview I bet some JPM asshole asked him/her what the square root of 69 is.
He refers to JPMorgan Chase as JPMC. Consult the style guide.
The event is now “cancelled” but I think it’s just that– “cancelled.”
Underlining and bolding a comment in your email, then apologizing for “rumors” of the content of such underlined and bolded words is the NKI.
you know, I thought the memo was pretty funny… freakin stupid but pretty funny… but I’ve come to the realization that the funniest part of this whole thing are the comments! you guys had me rolling on the floor!!
Anyone who wants to comment about “InternParties” marketing techniques can do so at:
http://www.internparties.com/
Just click contact us.
Huh, no you wont !
Huma
Further proof that baseball is superior
-AIG Risk Mgmt
By correcting him as “LEH Quant” you completely fucked up the “LEH Quant” joke. Attention to detail, indeed.
Get your shit together!!
peter chung wannabee
oh are we making you laugh? kill yourself.
We don’t even card!
- Benelux Insurance Company (bank subsidiary) general account management team
Give the kid a break, he slept on a park bench last night
Um, excuse me Dick, uh Rich, will milk be made available? We’re extremely thirsty sir.
We do too, yeah?
why is DB picking on a poor intern and screwing up his career.
You don’t say! That seemed so in keeping with the “Code of Conduct.” Thanks for the heads up.
Huh?
that’s some flawless logic you got there, since considering the email went out to hundreds of people at JPM directly and then more after that (and the entire firm, within 10 minutes), whatever was going to happen regardless of it appearing on Dealbreaker.
wow, really?
1) everyone at JPM (read: his bosses, i.e. the people who could fire him) knew about this prior to it being on DB. if he was going to get fired (which I don’t believe he has), it would’ve happened with or without the post.
2) does his name appear on this post? if you didn’t work at JPM/see the email, would you be able to identify who he is and “ruin” his career (you seem slow, so the answer is: no).
right, because DB draft the “get your fake ID’s email!!!” and then sent it out to all of JPM from this kid’s email address….
oh, wait.
DB is picking on the poor intern, but I’m pretty sure he screwed up his own career.
Joke: Fail.
Interning at JPM and is promoting an intern rager..this is clearly a dead ringer for the Chase debit card kid.
Yup
you seem to have a broad definition of “picking on”…pretty fucking kind of DB to not use his name and not allow others to name him, meaning that unless you received this email yourself, you’d have no idea who he was.
I’m not angry, just very disappointed.
Bess, while I’d never out this kid, the idea of you hunting me down is titilating to say the least. I’m at Minetta’s. Come and get me. Let’s set it off, baby girl.
There is no question in my mind that:
1) This person is gonezo and will made an example of in future code of conduct training
and
2) The individuals who stood behind him/her aren’t feeling too good about this
pretty funny.
LA-PIN
who are the people who “stood behind him/her” in this?
Bess, why do you loathe “LOL” and smilies? Serious question.
I know the person’s name (just made one of the interns give it to me, the name that is), I’ll send it out when I get home from the office
If you wanna be chosen as the next Green Lantern, lasting impact.
Shut up!
-Newt Gingrich
Compare Bess posting about the snotty fuckwit with real behavior issues on the train to posting about this misguided fuckwit who just needed guidance.
Bess is being extremely fair. No complaints.
yep, couldn’t agree more. I’ll probably get call out as an ass-kisser but I’ve always thought BL’s editorial judgement/fairness/etc is beyond reproach.
I’ll be wearing Stu Nahan’s jacket when I show up with Mick before we jam on down to Australia!
agreed. if this is “picking on,” cry me a river. (and obviously, yes, the kid did all this himself.)
And what’s the point of that? Loser.
pretty sure the point is that he’s kidding, which is why he signed it “Jamie”
Yeah, I got the email too. Back office NOOBS.
you got the email that every single person at jpm received directly or was forwarded? wow. big time.
Junior dodged a real bullet though and should definitely send Bess lunch, flowers and a man-servant to clean up after her and deliver DB fleeces.
This qualifies as news?
yes. any other brain busters?
it qualifies as humor, which is something DB sometimes posts. any other comments, self appointed decider of what ‘qualifies as news’?
This probably wasn’t even written by an intern. Probably a first year VP who has lost touch with reality and wants to be buddies with the new kiddies.
Winner. This comment wins, hands down. Guest, tip of the cap to you good sir.
There was a prequel to Part I — the initial invite–precious as well.
That was dumb, haha. I am shocked he got an internship in the first place :))
sooooooo how was the pizza party?
ever?
How was it?
- Guy who is married.
Go back to work you pompous knobgobbler.
You and your mates at Ageas should be out on the street for being a bunch of useless turds.
You are clearly not in the bidness.
I’m waiting.
I think point of knocking DB is that a private issue within JPM is easier for bosses of this poor bastard to overlook than one that is now the subject of an article and more than 100 comments; DB do the kid a favor and delete this entire article/comments.
canadians
you’re an idiot- he was most certainly dealt with the second the email went out, before the post went up.
Much better, even, than a lot of the “serious” news publications that repost her primary work after she breaks a story.
not one person liked this FTW!
I appreciate your empathy for the kid, but sorry- at a massive public company like JPM, the second this kid used his corporate email to send out an invite for his fellow interns to get smashed and encouraged people to use fake ID’s, he was done for it. the email went viral within the firm (prior to making it to DB; I work at JPM and got it) and there was no way they were not going to make an example of him. He was going to get the ax with or without the DB story.
There was no way in HELL the corporate drones in HR were going to overlook this. The kid was toast the second it went out. DB’s post had zero effect either way.
Jp Morgan is a financial institution that emphasizes integrity and ethical standards that are both moral and legal. We do not in anyway support or tolerate any type of misbehavior that will jeapordize our reputation… Screw it had a tough week… I’ll see you there interns bottoms up!!
- jamie D
18/19 to drink here, and we don’t say “keen” unless drunk, and even then only for money.
Bess did him a a favor and protected his identity.
Life’s a contact sport, champ. No one’s gonna coddle you from here on out.
I am there, baby! Hope to see all my homies from the Institutional Sales and Canadian Dollars there tonight! Shakira, PLEASE wear THAT skirt (you know which one). Free drinks to first three chicks who show me their belly rings.
That means you, Becky in PR.
Bobby Rubin
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