As you may have heard (or witnessed firsthand), a whole bunch of banks are planning on laying off staff in the next couple months, with estimates for carnage in New York alone in the thousands. Barclays has already made cuts (on several occasions), and, as previously mentioned, Morgan Stanley and Credit Suisse have similar ideas in mind, as does UBS. Most disturbingly? Goldman Sachs, which should be immune to this stuff, will be letting people go as well and what’s worse, there’s no sign or word from the bank that this is merely part of its yearly exercise in which they lop off the bottom, least Sachy members of the group. Also? We’re going to say it in a whispery voice so as not to freak anyone out but: bonuses may be compromised.
“It’s a tense environment right now,” said Glenn Schorr, an analyst with the investment bank Nomura. Even Goldman Sachs, Wall Street’s most profitable firm, is retrenching. Senior executives at Goldman have concluded they need to cut 10 percent, or $1 billion, of noncompensation expenses over the next 12 months, according to a person close to the matter who was not authorized to speak on the record. The big pullback will cause Goldman employees, who have already been ordered to cut costs, to re-examine every aspect of their business. The firm, this person said, had not set final targets for layoffs, but Goldman was “certain” to shrink headcount in the coming months. Decisions on bonuses are still months away, but they are sure to come down as well if business does not pick up.
Q: What do you get when Bank of America lays off all its employees?
A: Nomura Bank.
How many exit interviews will those poor bastards have to go through?
Anyone have first year numbers???
Déjà vu
They laid me off last week ago, but I got the news ahead of time and planted a little surprise for them. Fell free to “Cool Off” at my expense during the hot summer months you ungreatful SOBs!!!
http://dealbreaker.com/2011/06/barclays-making-it-rain-inside-the-office/
Em, we decided to go ahead and to show some leadership, and to work withing fucking constraints and to fucking fire 10% today, another 10 during next few months, then another 40 and ..
Sounds like “Shovel-Ready Was Not as Shovel-Ready as We Expected”
–Baracka
Will you shut the fuck up?
Kettle, meet Black
over-inflated real estate sector fueled by overly loose credit – check;
phantom rebound based on overly lose credit – check;
structural unemployment due to misaligned job growth and work-force skills set – check;
If it looks like a lost decade and smells like a lost decade and quacks like a lost decade, it’s a lost decade.
did you just race card me or??
wait dont you mean two lost decades?
-guy whos lost period of growth clock started in 2000
Bess, you seem to have a soft spot for BAC traders.
Please explain.
Domo arigato.
meanwhile…in related news…GS is expanding its commodity trading business in Houston. GS will be relocating NY staff and adding new hires in crude, refined products, gas, and power. No state income taxes and 2 hrs from Grand Cayman.
Wow, this may have been one of the more epic moments ever on DB. Absolutely brlliant!
That’s a long period. You must be related to PMCO.
-ex-BSC ex-LEH ex-AIGFP Quant
It’s kind of like beating up Richard Simmons. You want to, but it just wouldn’t be right.
There is absolutely nothing worse than cuts to the sach.
I take it you voted for and still support curious george.
______
Guy who stayed home and played with himself last election.
Trust me, its not lost. It stays with you forever and ever like the twins in The Shining.
Yoshiku Kawazaki
Japanese Finance Minister 1990-2000
90k base, 65k bonus
Not only a douchebag, but also a hyper sensitive liberal. I would speculate on which caused which but correlation is not always causation.
I personally can’t wait to get laid off and get my severance so I can FINALLY get back to finishing that coming-of-age novel in my drawer. I love going to Starbucks and really delving into the character development and getting my crank going with a triple expresso. There really is no substitute for the rush you get from creative writing and the feeling of being out there on your own, away from the corporate rat race, exploring our collective humanity and the existential struggle for meaning that we all face. Although I have to say, I will miss banging my secretary’s ass and knowing for certain every time I look at my next paycheck that I am better than 99% of the human race.
Hey if they’re hiring, I know about speedlines and the Elliot Wave. Also, I can show them the best tittie bars in town. But if they wear them charcoal suits to Treasures, the black lights there will show their white T-backs through their trousers, FYI.
They don’t need to bring anyone with them. Y’all will run screaming home on that first lovely breezeless 110 degree, 99% humidity day.
I’m giving the MD a call, see if I can’t convince him to keep it local
“How you uh, how you comin’ on that novel you’re working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice little story you’re working on there? Your big novel you’ve been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protagonist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? No, no, you deserve some time off.”
Treasures is nasty now, Men’s Club not too far behind, Ricks out in BFE. We’re going to lose our tiddie bar rep with the NBA players if this keeps up.
-Charles Barkley
Hmm lets see :
NY markets 8 times smaller than London
NY uptight assholes work the Banks
NY piss poor people skills
NY cant get what you want no matter how much money you have
NY rule of law is crap
NY miles away from anything useful or important
NY thinks they are king of the shit when they are shit of the king
And you’re surprised ?
Lay them all off — NY is just an outdated uptight noisy outpost
Maybe your secretary digs writers.
-Novelist who thinks he’s better than everyone
She might, but anal is for closers.
I play with myself every erection!
- P. Jiang
I did better than that.
- Jealous Liar
Bitch, please.
NY is and always will be the envy of everywhere else in the world. Have fun surfing for pictures of Pippa.
motives?
-guy who can’t figure out British verb usage rules
Yeah, things really suck over here. If only we had a bit more urine, rats, street crime…and our very own superiority complex like NYC, London and Paris.
Love,
Monaco & Geneva
If everyone had kept it local Enron wouldn’t have even got off the ground.
So we should move to a country with rising unemployment and inflation, and an outdated class system. Also, the country where the wealthiest people are non-natives — says a lot about you guys. Europe is a museum.
If your arguement had suggested Singapore, I would have agreed in a heartbeat.
GTFO and go smoke a fag, you…
“Excuse me, do you know what schools I’ve been to?”
who actually lives in Monaco?
The brilliance of this one isn’t being fully appreciated….
Tired of looking at horseface, Charles takes to the interwebs
Yeah Pippa says she is well.
She also says she plans on going to NY for a cheap holiday and will be making donations for you all.
Has the UK been annexed to India yet?
People with their penises pierced.
-BSC Quant
India is still a crown colony, just a different corporate structure.
How is something 8 times smaller than something?
-Guy who understands 1/8th but not 8 times smaller.
weird because they’re expanding at a lot of their other locations.. maybe they’ll be shifting people to other offices
weird because they’re expanding at a lot of their other locations.. maybe they’ll be shifting people to other offices