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Morgan Stanley Schools Employees On What To Do When Encountering A Mountain Lion

From: Caso, Thomas (Security)
Sent: Thursday, June 09, 2011 11:08 AM
To: All
Subject: Possible Sighting of Mountain Lion

All:

This morning the Harrison Police Department forwarded a press release, issued by the State of Connecticut Department of Environmental Protection, concerning possible sightings of a mountain lion in the nearby King Street area of Greenwich, CT.

The Connecticut DEP recommends that “anyone that sees this animal should not approach it and immediately call the local police and the DEP 24-hour Emergency Phone Line at 860-3423-3333.” Employees are asked to contact the 2000W Security Console at 914 225-1111 in the unlikely event of a sighting on Campus.

Prudence would dictate that employees that need to go outside should remain close to the building, and avoid walking or jogging in remote areas of the Campus until this issue is resolved.

Related: Morgan Stanley Schools Employees On How To Fend Off Bear Attacks

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52 Responses to “Morgan Stanley Schools Employees On What To Do When Encountering A Mountain Lion”

  1. Guest says:

    Are they sure it’s not Lynn Tilton?

  2. Guest says:

    The only way a mountain lion is in these parts is if it escaped from the Michael Steinhardt zoo. 

    –Guy who finds it hard to believe a mountain lion crossed 7 states and swam across the Missisippi River before being seen for the first time

  3. Bob says:

    there are plenty of mountain lions in the northeast

    -Guy who’s not a retard

    • LET ME GOOGLE THAT FOR YOU says:

      Where?

      – Guy who checks wikipedia before calling other people retards

  4. Brian1284 says:

    There is a lot of Cougars in that area as well.  What number do I call if I spot one of them?

  5. Guest says:

    Weak.  I make hats out of them.

    -East Texas Natty “Trader”

  6. PasteSpecialFormats says:

    Another good reason for firms to move back to NYC: the only cougars here are at the Gansevoort.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Who is this Prudence and how come she gets to dictate what MS employees do or don’t do?

  8. Ooooooooh Yeah! says:

    I bet the mountain lion is a pussy.  He probably wouldn’t even meet me at Minetta’s. 

  9. Gurd says:

    There are no mountain lions or hyenas in Connecticut.

    • CDNGuest says:

      We put bells on the kids when they go for walks outside to scare the bears away. Maybe MS employees should wear bear bells.

  10. Guest says:

    Maybe one of them escaped from the Circus at UBS, fucking Stamford bleeding like a cancerous growth down the New Haven line.

  11. Guest says:

    Spare underpants are available in the break room, for those who shit themselves.

    -The Underpants Gnomes

  12. early hominid says:

    “Employees that need to go outside . . .”

    Curious about the troglophilic employees that never need to go outside.  Don’t they have to venture out in search of foodstuffs at some point? 

    • Guest says:

      +1

    • Anonymous says:

      EH: your vocab is impressive for a caveman. Anything else you got that might impress me?

      xoxo

      • Wahoo says:

        That depends, you ever run naked and backwards through a corn field?

      • early hominid says:

        Besides my big thick club I have a dense beard, low forehead, keen sense of smell, simple leopard print wardrobe to cover hairy back, Beamers loyalty card (almost completely punched), pre-owned Civic, cave with view of Jersey wastes through trees of Riverside Park (share with Mole People)  . . . the usual accoutrement (there’s a reason we’re pretty much extinct).  

        • Anonymous says:

          Then you are the man of my dreams. Wanna go to CT and hunt down a mountain lion with me?

          • early hominid says:

            Stop dreaming and meet me at Minetta’s.  I’m the guy with club, leopard print Speedo and shaved back. 

          • Anonymous says:

            Minetta’s is so 2010. Meet me at Gunbar. Get a table and buy a bottle of vodka and a vat of Flock of Flamingos. I’ll be carrying a Glock so you know it’s me.

  13. Steve Jobs says:

    Not to worry, we have released over 100,000 wild lions across the country as part of our marketing strategy for the launch of our phenomenal new OS X LION operating system. We believe with every attack and mauling it will reinforce our superiority in the personal computing space. Compensation will be paid to victims as follows:

    Mauling of Child (no death) – One 32G iTouch
    Mauling of Child (w/ death) – One iPad II w/ Airport Express
    Mauling of Adult under 50 –  One Apple TV
    Mauling of Adult over 50 – 2G iPod shuffle (family’s choice of color- earbuds not included)

  14. Hot Pants says:

    I already knew there was a mountain lion in CT.

    /Ranger Gartman

  15. NotLenny says:

    There’s a G*d damned cougar in the car!

  16. Sequels Suck says:

    Sure, but what do we do about the jungle cat in the bathroom?

  17. Dean Pritchard says:

    Go Cougars!!

  18. Barteby the Scrivener says:

    The Gansevoort, huh?

  19. Caso, Thomas (Security) says:

    Laugh all you want but I just made Dealbreaker!
    Who said there aren’t any perks to working Security at a sh*tty Investment bank?

    • Jimmy G says:

      Would prefer you use better grammar — anyone “who”; employees “who”
      –Jim-may G

      • Caso, Thomas (Security) says:

        Jimmy G,
        I work security, my job sucks, these people suck, this FIRM sucks. I was just passing on info from DEP. Blame the government for hiring these idiots that use poor grammar, this was strictly a cut and paste job on my part. Why do you have to steal my thunder? I’m actually “trending” on Yahoo right now. Suck my Anthony Weiner!

  20. Tom C says:

    Thanks for this, I always thought it was a good idea to approach a mountain lion but now I know better.

  21. Andre says:

    Yes, prudence would dictate that employees stay near the building.  But these folks are bankers.  “Prudence” isn’t in their vocabulary.  Chasing down that lion and wrestling it to the ground is the first thought that comes to mind.  Hell, if I was a MD, I’d offer my job to the first person who killed that lion with his bare hands.

  22. InsiderorPonzi says:

    I like the “new” (??) smiley face at the bottom of this page….however, I thought that Bess hated them.

  23. Anonymous says:

    Not usually what you come up with when you google “cougars in Greenwich”

  24. John Mack says:

    “A fucking cougar would be the least of the worries of any MS employee found off the desk during work hours in my day……..”