• 09 Jun 2011 at 11:19 AM

Morgan Stanley Schools Employees On What To Do When Encountering A Mountain Lion

By

From: Caso, Thomas (Security)
Sent: Thursday, June 09, 2011 11:08 AM
To: All
Subject: Possible Sighting of Mountain Lion

All:

This morning the Harrison Police Department forwarded a press release, issued by the State of Connecticut Department of Environmental Protection, concerning possible sightings of a mountain lion in the nearby King Street area of Greenwich, CT.

The Connecticut DEP recommends that “anyone that sees this animal should not approach it and immediately call the local police and the DEP 24-hour Emergency Phone Line at 860-3423-3333.” Employees are asked to contact the 2000W Security Console at 914 225-1111 in the unlikely event of a sighting on Campus.

Prudence would dictate that employees that need to go outside should remain close to the building, and avoid walking or jogging in remote areas of the Campus until this issue is resolved.

Related: Morgan Stanley Schools Employees On How To Fend Off Bear Attacks

Comments (52)

  1. 1
    Posted by Guest | June 9, 2011 at 3:21 PM

    Are they sure it’s not Lynn Tilton?

  2. 2
    Posted by Guest | June 9, 2011 at 3:28 PM

    The only way a mountain lion is in these parts is if it escaped from the Michael Steinhardt zoo. 

    –Guy who finds it hard to believe a mountain lion crossed 7 states and swam across the Missisippi River before being seen for the first time

  3. 3
    Posted by Bob | June 9, 2011 at 3:31 PM

    there are plenty of mountain lions in the northeast

    -Guy who’s not a retard

  4. 4
    Posted by Brian1284 | June 9, 2011 at 3:33 PM

    There is a lot of Cougars in that area as well.  What number do I call if I spot one of them?

  5. 5
    Posted by Guest | June 9, 2011 at 3:34 PM

    Weak.  I make hats out of them.

    -East Texas Natty “Trader”

  6. 6
    Posted by PasteSpecialFormats | June 9, 2011 at 3:34 PM

    Another good reason for firms to move back to NYC: the only cougars here are at the Gansevoort.

  7. 7
    Posted by Guest | June 9, 2011 at 3:35 PM

     Do you want to come in its mouth and find out?

  8. 8
    Posted by Anonymous | June 9, 2011 at 3:35 PM

    Who is this Prudence and how come she gets to dictate what MS employees do or don’t do?

  9. 9
    Posted by Ooooooooh Yeah! | June 9, 2011 at 3:38 PM

    I bet the mountain lion is a pussy.  He probably wouldn’t even meet me at Minetta’s. 

  10. 10
    Posted by Gurd | June 9, 2011 at 3:39 PM

    There are no mountain lions or hyenas in Connecticut.

  11. 11
    Posted by Guest | June 9, 2011 at 3:40 PM

    Do they work in a zoo up there?

    http://dealbreaker.com/2010/07/morgan-stanley-schools-employees-on-how-to-fend-off-bear-attacks/#more-24176

  12. 12
    Posted by Guest | June 9, 2011 at 3:43 PM

    Maybe one of them escaped from the Circus at UBS, fucking Stamford bleeding like a cancerous growth down the New Haven line.

  13. 13
    Posted by Cougarlife.com | June 9, 2011 at 3:44 PM

    I see what you did there. 

  14. 14
    Posted by Guest | June 9, 2011 at 3:45 PM

    Spare underpants are available in the break room, for those who shit themselves.

    -The Underpants Gnomes

  15. 15
    Posted by early hominid | June 9, 2011 at 3:53 PM

    “Employees that need to go outside . . .”

    Curious about the troglophilic employees that never need to go outside.  Don’t they have to venture out in search of foodstuffs at some point? 

  16. 16
    Posted by CDNGuest | June 9, 2011 at 3:56 PM

    We put bells on the kids when they go for walks outside to scare the bears away. Maybe MS employees should wear bear bells.

  17. 17
    Posted by Guest | June 9, 2011 at 3:57 PM

    +1

  18. 18
    Posted by Brian1284 | June 9, 2011 at 3:58 PM

    To that point, Hide your kids, Hide your wife. And hide your husband cuz they’re rapin everybody out here.

    -AD-

  19. 19
    Posted by LET ME GOOGLE THAT FOR YOU | June 9, 2011 at 3:58 PM

    Where?

    - Guy who checks wikipedia before calling other people retards

  20. 20
    Posted by Steve Jobs | June 9, 2011 at 3:59 PM

    Not to worry, we have released over 100,000 wild lions across the country as part of our marketing strategy for the launch of our phenomenal new OS X LION operating system. We believe with every attack and mauling it will reinforce our superiority in the personal computing space. Compensation will be paid to victims as follows:

    Mauling of Child (no death) – One 32G iTouch
    Mauling of Child (w/ death) – One iPad II w/ Airport Express
    Mauling of Adult under 50 –  One Apple TV
    Mauling of Adult over 50 – 2G iPod shuffle (family’s choice of color- earbuds not included)

  21. 21
    Posted by Anonymous | June 9, 2011 at 4:00 PM

    EH: your vocab is impressive for a caveman. Anything else you got that might impress me?

    xoxo

  22. 22
    Posted by Hot Pants | June 9, 2011 at 4:01 PM

    I already knew there was a mountain lion in CT.

    /Ranger Gartman

  23. 23
    Posted by Guest | June 9, 2011 at 4:01 PM

    How was the CFA last weekend?

  24. 24
    Posted by NotLenny | June 9, 2011 at 4:10 PM

    There’s a G*d damned cougar in the car!

  25. 25
    Posted by Gurd | June 9, 2011 at 4:14 PM

    No Ocelots

  26. 26
    Posted by Gurd | June 9, 2011 at 4:14 PM

    Tapir’s

  27. 27
    Posted by Gurd | June 9, 2011 at 4:15 PM

    and certainly no wildebeast.

  28. 28
    Posted by Sequels Suck | June 9, 2011 at 4:30 PM

    Sure, but what do we do about the jungle cat in the bathroom?

  29. 29
    Posted by Jt101 | June 9, 2011 at 4:30 PM

    State Department of Environmental Protection officials investigating sightings of a large cat in backcountry Greenwich say it appears the animal is a mountain lion that may have been released or escaped from a local handler

    Read more: http://www.greenwichtime.com/news/article/DEP-Big-cat-seen-in-Greenwich-likely-mountain-1415956.php#ixzz1OnToUrn8

  30. 30
    Posted by Dean Pritchard | June 9, 2011 at 4:35 PM

    Go Cougars!!

  31. 31
    Posted by Wahoo | June 9, 2011 at 4:45 PM

    That depends, you ever run naked and backwards through a corn field?

  32. 32
    Posted by early hominid | June 9, 2011 at 4:54 PM

    Besides my big thick club I have a dense beard, low forehead, keen sense of smell, simple leopard print wardrobe to cover hairy back, Beamers loyalty card (almost completely punched), pre-owned Civic, cave with view of Jersey wastes through trees of Riverside Park (share with Mole People)  . . . the usual accoutrement (there’s a reason we’re pretty much extinct).  

  33. 33
    Posted by Barteby the Scrivener | June 9, 2011 at 4:58 PM

    The Gansevoort, huh?

  34. 34
    Posted by Wang | June 9, 2011 at 5:02 PM

    I fucking love Caddyshack. 

  35. 35
    Posted by Archer | June 9, 2011 at 5:08 PM

    Seriously. It’s like Meowschwitz in there.

  36. 36
    Posted by Caso, Thomas (Security) | June 9, 2011 at 5:08 PM

    Laugh all you want but I just made Dealbreaker!
    Who said there aren’t any perks to working Security at a sh*tty Investment bank?

  37. 37
    Posted by Tom C | June 9, 2011 at 5:24 PM

    Thanks for this, I always thought it was a good idea to approach a mountain lion but now I know better.

  38. 38
    Posted by Jimmy G | June 9, 2011 at 5:28 PM

    Would prefer you use better grammar — anyone “who”; employees “who”
    –Jim-may G

  39. 39
    Posted by Marlon P., Omaha | June 9, 2011 at 5:31 PM

    Duck-Billed Platypi?

  40. 40
    Posted by Anonymous | June 9, 2011 at 5:51 PM

    Dan Savage is way better than Prudence

  41. 41
    Posted by Andre | June 9, 2011 at 5:59 PM

    Yes, prudence would dictate that employees stay near the building.  But these folks are bankers.  “Prudence” isn’t in their vocabulary.  Chasing down that lion and wrestling it to the ground is the first thought that comes to mind.  Hell, if I was a MD, I’d offer my job to the first person who killed that lion with his bare hands.

  42. 42
    Posted by InsiderorPonzi | June 9, 2011 at 6:11 PM

    I like the “new” (??) smiley face at the bottom of this page….however, I thought that Bess hated them.

  43. 43
    Posted by Caso, Thomas (Security) | June 9, 2011 at 6:13 PM

    Jimmy G,
    I work security, my job sucks, these people suck, this FIRM sucks. I was just passing on info from DEP. Blame the government for hiring these idiots that use poor grammar, this was strictly a cut and paste job on my part. Why do you have to steal my thunder? I’m actually “trending” on Yahoo right now. Suck my Anthony Weiner!

  44. 44
    Posted by Anonymous | June 9, 2011 at 6:19 PM

    Duh, of course. Hasn’t everyone done that?

  45. 45
    Posted by Anonymous | June 9, 2011 at 6:22 PM

    Then you are the man of my dreams. Wanna go to CT and hunt down a mountain lion with me?

  46. 46
    Posted by Anonymous | June 9, 2011 at 6:28 PM

    Not usually what you come up with when you google “cougars in Greenwich”

  47. 47
    Posted by Anonymous | June 9, 2011 at 6:37 PM

    yeah whatever…do you mind if I glue up?

  48. 48
    Posted by John Mack | June 9, 2011 at 6:42 PM

    “A fucking cougar would be the least of the worries of any MS employee found off the desk during work hours in my day……..”

  49. 49
    Posted by early hominid | June 9, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    Stop dreaming and meet me at Minetta’s.  I’m the guy with club, leopard print Speedo and shaved back. 

  50. 50
    Posted by Anonymous | June 9, 2011 at 7:48 PM

    Minetta’s is so 2010. Meet me at Gunbar. Get a table and buy a bottle of vodka and a vat of Flock of Flamingos. I’ll be carrying a Glock so you know it’s me.

  51. 51
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 1:28 AM

    Guest is for you, MSers.

    http://animal.discovery.com/tv/my-cat-from-hell/

  52. 52
    Posted by Guest | June 10, 2011 at 2:57 AM

    That’s it!  The step right before profit!