July 2011

  • News

    Write-Offs: 07.29.11

    $$$ W.House addresses 14th Amendment on debt ceiling (Reuters) $$$ Double A could be the new triple A (FT) $$$ My own private island (WSJ) $$$ Traders plan for short weekends amid Washington agony (Reuters) $$$ Clemens Asks Judge to Bar Perjury Retrial (Bloomberg)

    / Jul 29, 2011 at 6:14 PM
  • News

    Real Housewives Of Wall Street Missing Two Crucial Elements

    This is not the way we wanted to start the weekend but so be it: the dream of having Lisa Maria Falcone and her Grammy-award winning pig in our living room every week is over. Reality TV show Wall $treet Wives has been cast and our favorite hedge fund wife and her sidekick are nowhere […]

    / Jul 29, 2011 at 5:37 PM
  • News

    Tea Party Financial Advisors Long America Ex the Next Three Weeks

    At least one of them is not sweating the whole debt ceiling thing and is happily buying up U.S. equities, as well as enough gold to stay on friendly terms with Ron Paul. What does worry him though is how cavalierly Nebraska regulators will go around sanctioning people for, and here’s where it gets a […]

    / Jul 29, 2011 at 4:55 PM
  • News

    Dear Perry Capital Investors

    Second quarter performance.

    / Jul 29, 2011 at 4:52 PM
  • News

    Caption Contest Friday

    / Jul 29, 2011 at 3:05 PM
  • News

    If You Care About Preserving Our National Credit Rating, You’ll Light Yourself On Fire This Instant

    Okay, it’s a summer Friday afternoon and it’s hard to concentrate on work, whether you’re thinking about beating the traffic out of town or just nibbling daintily on a tiny burger. But John Carney’s sources in Washington would really appreciate it if you could stay focused for a few more hours and freak the fuck […]

    / Jul 29, 2011 at 2:51 PM
  • News

    Which One Of You Is Gonna Pass A Stone During The December CFA And Still Finish The Exam?

    In a few short weeks, many financial services employees will begin the soul-crushing, life-sucking process of studying for Level I CFA exam given in December. So you that you don’t look back and realize you wasted 4+ months of your time on earth, most of you are probably hoping to pass. And sure, that’s a […]

    / Jul 29, 2011 at 1:44 PM
  • News

    How Many Tender Little White Castle Burgers With Those Little, Itty-Bitty Grilled Onions That Just Explode In Your Mouth Like Flavor Crystals Can 3 JPMorgan Interns Eat In 5 Minutes?

    Three summer interns are about to go head to head. All are said to be of “medium build,” with two standing at about 5’11 and one at 5’5.

    / Jul 29, 2011 at 1:15 PM
  • News

    Bonus Watch ’11: UBS

    Apparently there are some pleasantly surprised junior mistmakers today.

    / Jul 29, 2011 at 10:55 AM
  • News

    Still Want to Invest With George Soros?

    Bummed that George Soros has closed his fund to outside investors and will no longer use his 2 and 20 from your cash to destroy America? The SEC has been thinking about your problem, and have come up with something that could be good both for your PA and for your love life.

    / Jul 29, 2011 at 10:14 AM
  • News

    Ex-Goldman Trader Predicts Firm Is About 2 Years Away From Offering Reward Debit Cards And Personalized Checks

    “Working for Goldman is no longer different than working for anybody else,” said one former Goldman trader who left this year. “At the same time, if you have Goldman on your resume, that’s still a premium. People are monetizing the Goldman premium now because two years from now you won’t be able to.” [Reuters]

    / Jul 29, 2011 at 10:07 AM
  • News

    What Do You Do After Years And Years Of Bill Gross Riding Your Ass In The Office Conga Line?

    The artist formerly known as Paul McCulley has some ideas.

    / Jul 29, 2011 at 9:47 AM
  • News

    Opening Bell: 07.29.11

    House Puts Off Debt Vote as Press by Boehner Fails (NYT) Just minutes from a roll call vote on the plan pushed by Speaker John A. Boehner, Republicans stunned the House by interrupting the debate and turning to routine matters while Mr. Boehner and his lieutenants tried to pressure reluctant conservatives into backing their plan. […]

    / Jul 29, 2011 at 8:37 AM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 07.28.11

    $$$ S&P Bluffing on US Downgrade? (MarketBeat) $$$ Reid: Senate will vote down Boehner debt plan as early as tonight (WaPo) $$$ Cristiano Ronaldo’s new position: bank collateral [PressEurop] $$$ Citi, Goldman Mortgage Bond Traders Leave (Bloomberg) $$$ Millennium Hedge Fund Is Said to Hire Former BofA Proprietary-Trading Team (Bloomberg) $$$ Katie Benner: The Forbes […]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 6:56 PM
  • News

    An Alternate Career To Consider Should Prefer Asses To Assets

    By 11 a.m. on a recent sweltering Sunday, Harrison Anastasio had already collected the cellphone numbers of five bikini-clad women on the rooftop pool at the James New York Hotel. “Don’t forget to text me,” one of the women whispered to the 17-year-old, flashing him a coy smile…A certified lifeguard, Anastasio, a rising senior at […]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 6:20 PM
  • News

    Jean-Claude Trichet: If You Buy Greek CDS, You Will Be Sorry

    We don’t spend much time with Jean-Claude Trichet, the president of the European Central Bank, and really that’s our loss because he is quite the charmer, though less seductive and/or rapey than other French international bankers who come to mind. Last week he sat down with a French magazine for an interview that was released yesterday, […]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 5:30 PM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’11: HSBC

    Yeah, well. Apparently someone has been snacking between meals, and now there will be purges: “There was a lot of talk about streamlining going on at the last strategy day, so I suppose this is a function of that,” one top 10 HSBC shareholder told Reuters. “It is a quite sprawling bank, and I wouldn’t […]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 5:05 PM
  • News

    Suspend Your Meth Usage On The Trading Floor Until At Least Mid-September

    Toying with the idea of cranking things up a notch at work with a few lines of blow before the open, exploring the affects of Ecstasy on your ability to trade, smoking enough meth to lose your teeth and/or saying fuck it on casual Fridays and rolling in wearing a button down with the sleeves […]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 3:39 PM
  • News

    China Is Embarrassed For Us

    “Senior Chinese officials are appalled by the impasse among U.S. politicians on raising the nation’s debt ceiling to avoid a default,” said Stephen Roach, non-executive chairman of Morgan Stanley Asia. “Coming so shortly on the heels of the subprime crisis, the debate over the debt ceiling and the budget deficit is the last straw for […]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 3:27 PM
  • News

    Another Congressman Using Pop Culture References About Assault And Battery To Make A Point About Going Into a Room And Pushing A Button

    [Rep. Mike Kelly (R., Pa.)], who attended the University of Notre Dame on a football scholarship, received a raucous response when he exhorted rank-and-file Republicans, Rep. Pete King (R., N.Y.) told reporters after the meeting. “He gave a Knute Rockne-type speech,” Mr. King said while holding up a “Play Like a Champion Today” sign, a […]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 2:48 PM
  • News

    David Einhorn THISCLOSE To Eating A Comped Ice Cream Sundae Out Of A Tiny Plastic Mets Batting Helmet

    The Mets’ deal to sell a minority stake in the team for $200 million to David Einhorn, a hedge fund manager, is finished except for completing the deal’s paperwork, said one person briefed on the sale. [NYT, earlier]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 2:02 PM
  • News

    Layoffs Watch ’11: How Much Will Firing You Save the Shareholders?

    Credit Suisse. Earnings. Not so great. Net income CHF 768 vs 1bn estimates, investment bank net revenues down 31% y-o-y and 43% q-o-q. Like its next-door neighbor gnomes, CS is most saddened and disappointed by the efforts of its investment bank. Wall Street analysts are pretty bummed too: “The investment bank is a catastrophe,” said […]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 12:21 PM
  • News

    Lady Who Traded On Inside Information Obtained From AshleyMadison.Com Paramours Will Not Do Time

    Remember Donna Murdoch? Her story is a bit complicated but essentially: Murdoch and her husband were hard up for some money (they owed $1.45 million on a subprime home mortgage, natch). She decided the best way to tackle the debt was to make some money trading on material non-public information. Getting the tips was easy […]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 11:49 AM
  • News

    So Harbinger-Backed LightSquared Might Kill Some People, So What?

    As you know, Harbinger Capital currently has a big bet going on a wireless company called LightSquared. Should it succeed, Phil Falcone will make billions and his investors will receive the triple digit returns they scored on subprime. Should it fail…we don’t even want to go there but someone will need to take in the […]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 9:51 AM
  • News

    Ken Langone Sees A Much Bigger Problem Than The Debt Ceiling

    Ken Langone popped by CNBC earlier this morning to guest host Squawk Box with Becky, Joe and Andrew Ross Sorkin. Is he worried about the debt ceiling? No. “It’s a done deal,” Langone told the gang. “They don’t know it yet, but it’s taken care of.” There is something Ken is losing sleep over, however, […]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 9:35 AM
  • News

    Opening Bell: 07.28.11

    Credit Suisse Q2 profit falls by more than half (MarketWatch) The Swiss bank’s April-June net profit fell to 768 million Swiss francs ($958 million) from 1.6 million francs in the year-earlier quarter, with the lender citing poor trading results and a strong Swiss currency. The profit result missed an median forecast of 1 billion Swiss […]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 8:27 AM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 07.27.11

    $$$ House GOP revolts against Boehner plan (Washington Times) $$$ The Greenwich Mountain Lion Was Really From South Dakota (Daily Intel) $$$ Chris Whalen: Why the US debt crisis is a good thing (Reuters) $$$ After a Rocky Start, Semprae’s Female Arousal Oil Gains Traction (Bloomberg) $$$ Alex Trebek injured after chasing burglar at SF […]

    / Jul 27, 2011 at 7:03 PM
  • News

    Dick Bové: You Should Be Pissing Your Pants In Fear And Planning On Staying Wet

    She recommends “suspending investing since all stocks are likely to fall now,” getting liquid, and finding a “safe haven” where you can draw the blinds and lay low until things blow over.

    / Jul 27, 2011 at 6:18 PM

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