• 13 Jul 2011 at 1:45 PM

Bernanke Denies Gold Is Money, Makes Alarming Claims Re: Roundness of Earth, Ape Grandfather

By

Let’s pause for a minute and talk about how Ben Bernanke has now confessed that he’s nothing but a tool of the fractional reserve conspiracy that has inflated the global ponzi scheme and destroyed American prosperity and power with its worthless fiat money. Thank hero Ron Paul for finally getting him to admit the truth:

Ron Paul: Do you think gold is money?
Bernanke: [long pause, stares into space, ponders how pretty the flowers must be in Princeton this time of year] No. It’s a precious metal.
Ron Paul: It’s not money? Even if it has been money for 6,000 years*, somebody reversed that, eliminated that economic law?
Bernanke: Well, it’s, y’know, it’s an asset. It’s the same — would you say Treasury bills are money? I don’t think they’re money either but they’re a financial asset.
Ron Paul: Why do central banks hold it if it’s not money?
Bernanke: Well, it’s a form of reserves.
Ron Paul: Why don’t they hold diamonds?
Bernanke: Well it’s tradition, long-term tradition.
Ron Paul: [laughs derisively] Some people still think it’s money.

Now back to lining up the water bottles in my bomb shelter.

* Since the creation of the world

Bernanke Fights Ron Paul in Congress: “Gold Isn’t Money” [Forbes]

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Comments (65)

  1. 1
    Posted by ExtraOrdinaryPopularDelusions | July 13, 2011 at 5:55 PM

    Bess, Is he allowed to read ZH during work hours?

  2. 2
    Posted by Anonymous | July 13, 2011 at 5:55 PM

    Krugman: You guys want to see my cat?

  3. 3
    Posted by Homer | July 13, 2011 at 5:58 PM

    Sure Lisa, some maaaagic metal.

  4. 4
    Posted by GoldIsMoney | July 13, 2011 at 6:00 PM

    I’m totally voting for this guy just for annoying The Bernank.

  5. 5
    Posted by Guest | July 13, 2011 at 6:05 PM

    Bravo Matt.  You do care about us, you really really do. 

  6. 6
    Posted by UVA Secure | July 13, 2011 at 6:05 PM

    Apes are the fucking rake.  

  7. 7
    Posted by Mr. Chairman | July 13, 2011 at 6:08 PM

    Around here we hold Bess Bux in our reserves. It is our long-term tradition.  

  8. 8
    Posted by JPM | July 13, 2011 at 6:12 PM

    Hi Matt – if I wanted to read zerohedge, i would go to http://www.zerohedge.com. Please keep in mind and stop sucking.

  9. 9
    Posted by Jack | July 13, 2011 at 6:12 PM

    Ever try to pay your taxes in gold?

  10. 10
    Posted by Wu Tang Financial MD | July 13, 2011 at 6:16 PM

    I wonder if Ron Paul saw the back of a $20 bill…on weed…now THAT would blow his mind!

  11. 11
    Posted by Guess | July 13, 2011 at 6:17 PM

    Why would anyone want to read zeropunctuation.com, even if they agreed with its message?

  12. 12
    Posted by ExtraOrdinaryPopularDelusions | July 13, 2011 at 6:18 PM

    Yes. Didn’t turn out too well.

    -old german jew

  13. 13
    Posted by PasteSpecialFormats | July 13, 2011 at 6:18 PM

    Paul: Some people think its money.
    Bernanke: Well some people shouldn’t conduct monetary policy.

  14. 14
    Posted by Anonymous | July 13, 2011 at 6:25 PM

    Horrible– but funny.

  15. 15
    Posted by Shadow | July 13, 2011 at 6:25 PM

    After reading this “article” of detailed financial analysis, I think we know who the ape is.

  16. 16
    Posted by Texashedge | July 13, 2011 at 6:27 PM

    I’m pretty sure Matt is being sarcastic here

  17. 17
    Posted by Texashedge | July 13, 2011 at 6:29 PM

    Pork bellies are an asset too

  18. 18
    Posted by Au^2 | July 13, 2011 at 6:32 PM

    Of course Gold isn’t money.  Would anyone really pay me $1600/oz for a rock that I pick up outside? Of course not.
    -JPM Commodities Analyst

  19. 19
    Posted by Guest | July 13, 2011 at 6:35 PM

    You can also dip and plate stuff in gold.  Can’t do that with Treasuries or paper money.
     
    –Lloyd Blankfein  

  20. 20
    Posted by Anonymous | July 13, 2011 at 6:37 PM

    By stuff, do you mean junk?

  21. 21
    Posted by Guest | July 13, 2011 at 6:43 PM

    I think Bernanke is gold.

    Those answers are great. Like beating off a Stuttering John interview with quick comic timing. Bravo Ben.

  22. 22
    Posted by Guest | July 13, 2011 at 6:45 PM

    Precisely the reason to maintain a semi-independent Fed.

  23. 23
    Posted by Brian1284 | July 13, 2011 at 6:47 PM

    Ron Paul:  What about “rare earth elements” those must be worth something? 

  24. 24
    Posted by Put_Option | July 13, 2011 at 6:50 PM

    Dear JPM,

    You are so right. Thankfully people like you exist to make sure nothing slips through the cracks. You are so eloquent in your brevity. I mean why even waste your time on just policing DB when you could be adding value to other anonymous message boards?

    Or maybe Matt is trying some satire here, and it went completely over your head?

  25. 25
    Posted by Anonymous | July 13, 2011 at 6:53 PM

    They’re used to make bacon, as you might find in a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich.

    -M. Duke

  26. 26
    Posted by Guess | July 13, 2011 at 6:56 PM

    Are you serious? You thought “it’s tradition, long-term tradition” is characteristic of quick comic timing?

  27. 27
    Posted by Ghost Commenter | July 13, 2011 at 6:56 PM

    Mattums, can you grab a box of magnums for me on the way home?  I’ll make your favorite for dinner!

    Love,

    Mom

  28. 28
    Posted by Au^2 | July 13, 2011 at 6:59 PM

    Mind if I look through your junk?
    -Mike Wolfe
     American Pickers

  29. 29
    Posted by Yosemite Sam | July 13, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    Bernanke: Gold? No gold is not money. But it is something that we still definitely have in abundance at our Fort Knox facilities [winks at Ron Paul].

  30. 30
    Posted by trojan | July 13, 2011 at 7:10 PM

    spiderpig?

  31. 31
    Posted by Jawalllamam Cell Block C | July 13, 2011 at 7:11 PM

    Where you and your cocksucking friends are going cigarettes will be your currency.  Cigarettes and black cock. mwaaahhaaaahhhah

  32. 32
    Posted by Big Ben | July 13, 2011 at 7:14 PM

    Gold is not money.  My Jos. A Bank card is money.  

  33. 33
    Posted by TheGuyFromDallas | July 13, 2011 at 7:28 PM

    As it pertains to monetary policy, Ron Paul is just about the only guy who’s not what’s the subprime in trouble.

  34. 34
    Posted by Anonymous | July 13, 2011 at 7:30 PM

    He better not be lying about getting to Maxine.

  35. 35
    Posted by Anonymous | July 13, 2011 at 7:32 PM

    We’re going to 1946 Germany?

    -former BSC risk manager

  36. 36
    Posted by Guest | July 13, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    Maxine Waters, Lisa Marie Falcone, Lynn Tilton and Meredith Whitney walk into a bar……
    What happens next?

  37. 37
    Posted by the truth | July 13, 2011 at 7:47 PM

    Fail.  Would’ve been funny if you signed off Gordon Brown instead. 

  38. 38
    Posted by the truth | July 13, 2011 at 7:48 PM

    Ron Paul:Gold::Mad Max:Minority lending

  39. 39
    Posted by Au^2 | July 13, 2011 at 7:51 PM

    EOPD, you cannot blame him as he is enamored with this site that was blocked at his previous employer.

  40. 40
    Posted by Christofurio | July 13, 2011 at 7:58 PM

    Whitney says, “I hear municipalities are going down.”

    Tilton says, “I love it when men go down.”

    Lisa Marie Falcon asks, “Why am I even in this bar?”

    And Waters answers, “Because sometimes the probed becomes the prober.”

    http://dealbreaker.com/2010/12/maxine-waters-the-probed-becomes-the-prober/ 

    (Okay, not great, but I do what I can with the material you give me.)

  41. 41
    Posted by Karl Mozurkewich | July 13, 2011 at 8:00 PM

    Paul: No really, some people think its money.
    Bernanke: Some people smell their own farts.

  42. 42
    Posted by Meg Grichaels | July 13, 2011 at 8:00 PM

    Suddenly, I have the chills.

  43. 43
    Posted by BigFatSlob | July 13, 2011 at 8:01 PM

    You’re money, baby, money…You’re like this big bear with claws and fangs… And big fuckin’ teeth…And she’s like this little bunny cowering in the corner…… And you’re just looking at your claws like how do I kill this bunny? …You’re just poking at it… You’re just gently batting it around… And the rabbit’s all scared… And you got big claws and fangs… … And you’re like i don’t know what to do. How do I kill this bunny with these big claws and fangs?You’re so fuckin money.

  44. 44
    Posted by Guest | July 13, 2011 at 8:12 PM

    Wrong. You can access ZH at the squid

  45. 45
    Posted by BigDisappointment | July 13, 2011 at 8:14 PM

    This is bullshit.  Up the effort and output here Matt.   Fuck I had a sliver of faith in you and its dissolving fast.

  46. 46
    Posted by Guest | July 13, 2011 at 8:15 PM

    Good effort. Maybe Put Option can help…he’s the funniest guy here.

  47. 47
    Posted by FinkNottle | July 13, 2011 at 8:26 PM

    “Your CEO that you hired to work with you is from Goldman Sachs, also?”  

  48. 48
    Posted by Guest | July 13, 2011 at 8:31 PM

    Paging Not_One_Person…..

  49. 49
    Posted by I'm a Dude | July 13, 2011 at 8:48 PM

    wow, finally a real ad on DB for Audemars Piguet. must be because of Matt that DB landed the big account.

  50. 50
    Posted by Guest | July 13, 2011 at 9:21 PM

    Serious Question – What’s wrong with ZH? 

    - Bro who has made a couple mill from creatively implementing some ideas? 

  51. 51
    Posted by Anonymous | July 13, 2011 at 9:30 PM

    Vegas Baby

    -Bloddied Crosschecked EA Hockey Gretzky

  52. 52
    Posted by Anonymous | July 13, 2011 at 9:33 PM

    No thanks guys, I already had breakfast this morning

    - B. Ray Valentine, Capricorn

  53. 53
    Posted by Gentleman Trader | July 13, 2011 at 9:33 PM

    TheMaestro: Fag

  54. 54
    Posted by Jason588 | July 13, 2011 at 9:35 PM

    I prefer to use brass

    D Tepper

  55. 55
    Posted by FinkNottle | July 13, 2011 at 9:35 PM

    I miss the Chivas Regal brotherhood

    – Chivas Regal Bro

  56. 56
    Posted by Anonymous | July 13, 2011 at 9:44 PM

    Me too

    - Blake, VP Sales
    Glengary Glen Ross Properties

  57. 57
    Posted by MVP3 | July 13, 2011 at 9:46 PM

    Bernanke: Some people say cucumbers taste better pickled.
    Paul: What?
    Bernanke: Huh?

  58. 58
    Posted by Anonymous | July 13, 2011 at 9:46 PM

    It doesn’t come across in the text, he actually sang it.  Trust me it brings the house down.

    Tevye, VP Fiddling
    The Roof Inc.

  59. 59
    Posted by Anonymous | July 13, 2011 at 9:49 PM

    Right now Chivas is cutting DB a check for that comment alone

  60. 60
    Posted by I'm a Dude | July 13, 2011 at 9:50 PM

    that was a cool ad, was set up with the black background so you automatically clicked the link. DB musta raked in millions. enough to hire away from GS!

  61. 61
    Posted by trojan | July 13, 2011 at 10:29 PM

    not a big account until they land a. lange & sohne

  62. 62
    Posted by I'm a Dude | July 13, 2011 at 11:39 PM

    the MOTs, these levin(e)s  would never do deal with zie germans

  63. 63
    Posted by Anonymous | July 14, 2011 at 2:20 AM

    I didn’t know they gave out rings at the Holocaust

    -Fat Jesus

  64. 64
    Posted by Guest | July 14, 2011 at 2:27 AM

    Maxine Waters says what? 

  65. 65
    Posted by zzzzzz | July 14, 2011 at 6:10 AM

    Is Copper money?

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