You’re a hedge fund manager working and living in CT, catching a 7:30 showing of Harry Potter this evening in Stamford. The tickets have been purchased, the seats selected, and the previews about to begin. You tell your wife you need to take a leak and will be back in 5. You clumsily make your way through the aisle, forcing people to turn their legs so you can fit through and get outside. But once there you don’t head toward the bathroom. Because that’s not what you actually excused yourself to do. Oh, you came outside to pull down your pants and relieve yourself alright, but in a totally different way: by shoving a box of Jujubees in them.

It doesn’t have to be Jujubees, of course. Twizzlers would work, as would Junior Mints or a medium tub of popcorn, so long as you get to feel the rush of taking the items without asking or paying for them.

Well here’s a word of advice- unless you want your ass hauled out of that theater for questioning, you’d best stifle tonights urge because Stamford is cracking down on candy thieves, and they don’t care how many years you’ve been “a fucking hedge fund manager for.”

Police said Dr. Stuart Zweibel reached behind a counter and stole a box of Pretzel M&Ms without paying at the Bow Tie Cinemas on Wednesday night, then ran into the theater. After he was taken into custody, Zweibel went on a rant, saying, “I don’t understand. I’ve been a surgeon for the past f–ing 40 years,” police said. Manager Kristina Aolston led police into the theater. When they found Zweibel and asked him to come outside and talk to them, he asked, “For what?” police said.

When Zweibel was asked again to step out of the theater and he did not move, an officer grabbed his left arm. Zweibel finally rose, asked what was going on and told the officer not to grab him, police said. As three officers were escorting Zweibel out near the end of the aisle, police said the doctor fell forward and let out a loud scream. Once led back to the candy counter, the clerk identified Zweibel as the man who took the box of candy — M&Ms containing a crunchy pretzel inside milk chocolate inside a colorful candy shell. Police said they believe a surveillance camera also caught the incident on tape, Blanc said. Zweibel initially told police that an “Italian manager” gave him the candy. After he was told the theater manager called police to report the theft, he told police he wanted to work the problem out by paying for the box of candy.

Instead, he was charged with sixth-degree larceny and not released into his wife’s custody until posting a $2,500 cash bond. Consider yourselves warned.

Distinguished doctor charged with stealing candy at Stamford theater [Greenwich Time]

Comments (84)

  1. Posted by Anonymous | July 15, 2011 at 9:44 PM

    Reminds me of the time I went to see Rochelle Rochelle.

  2. Posted by Anonymous | July 15, 2011 at 9:47 PM

    “Zweibel initially told police that an u201cItalian manageru201d gave him the candy.”u00a0 nnSure, blame the Italian.u00a0 Where were Sacco and Vanzetti when he needed ‘em?

  3. Posted by Guest | July 15, 2011 at 9:50 PM

    So does he get charged double for stealing m&m’s and pretzels? u00a0Would the charges be less for just plain m&m’s. u00a0What if they had peanuts inside, more?nn-confused AIG candy quant

  4. Posted by Guest | July 15, 2011 at 9:54 PM

    I’m not a fan of the Italians either, fuckin Charles Ponzinn-Federal inmate 287734 in Butner, NC

  5. Posted by Guest | July 15, 2011 at 10:08 PM

    “You came outside to pull down your pants and relieve yourself alright, but in a totally different way: by shoving a box of Jujubees down them.”nnI love you Bess Levin

  6. Posted by Jimmy | July 15, 2011 at 10:08 PM

    “M&Ms containing a crunchy pretzel inside milk chocolate inside a colorful candyu00a0shell.”nThis is journalism.

  7. Posted by JPM | July 15, 2011 at 10:08 PM

    olive oil voice and guinea charm – seen it one too many times

  8. Posted by Guest | July 15, 2011 at 10:17 PM

    I cannot believe anyone would those nasty things.nnAlso? Bess is an artist. Notice the tags. nnNext time just do NetFlix, Doc.

  9. Posted by Guest | July 15, 2011 at 10:22 PM

    More evidence of artistry:u00a0″You came outside to pull down your pants and relieve yourself alright, but in a totally different way: by shoving a box of Jujubees in them.”

  10. Posted by Shecky Forney | July 15, 2011 at 11:39 PM

    An electricity and natural gas buyer for a major pet “big box store” store chain is in Seattle one day on a business trip and he wins an adult domesticated duck as a gag gift during a local store’s employee rally. u00a0Since it is raining as he leaves the rally, he places the duck inside his overcoat and starts walking back to his hotel. u00a0As he is walking along he passes a theater where a movie is playing he’d like to see. u00a0He feels confident that the duck will be OK in his overcoat so he buys a ticket and goes inside as the movie is about to begin. u00a0He introduces himself to the man and woman he sits next to and soon the movie begins. u00a0 After a while, the woman who is sitting next to the fuel buyer whispers to her date next to her, “I think the guy we just met is exposing himself!” The man whispers back, “Just ignore him….” u00a0The lady whispers back to him frantically, “I can’t! u00a0It’s eating my popcorn!!”u00a0

  11. Posted by don glover | July 15, 2011 at 11:59 PM

    ahh great fucking article! WHO FUCKING CARES!!!!!!!!!!!!! sounds like youve got nothing good to write about. Why dont you write about something meaningful you cocksucking cunt

  12. Posted by Guest | July 16, 2011 at 12:09 AM

    This whole thing could have been avoided had he told them he works for UBS. They would have let him keep the candy out of sympathy.

  13. Posted by Guest | July 16, 2011 at 12:13 AM

    Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the infamous Stamford Stealer!

  14. Posted by Guest | July 16, 2011 at 12:14 AM

    Tip: use your Lightsquared shares to post your bond.nnPhil F

  15. Posted by Italian Guest | July 16, 2011 at 12:28 AM

    Greenwich Time: All the news that’s not even remotely fit to print.

  16. Posted by Guest | July 16, 2011 at 1:52 AM

    How long have you been off your meds?

  17. Posted by Guest | July 16, 2011 at 1:52 AM

    welcome to Dealbreaker, guy who stole the m&ms!

  18. Posted by Guest | July 16, 2011 at 2:03 AM

    Just so we’re clear, what would you deem “useful”? The numbers for local psychiatric wards?nn- not the cocksucking cunt but a fan of her work

  19. Posted by DealBreaker Detective | July 16, 2011 at 2:21 AM

    Is McCrudden writing Dealbreaker comments under the nom de plume of “don glover”?

  20. Posted by Dotting The i | July 16, 2011 at 2:26 AM

    Shouldn’t this “don glover” person have used “alleged” before “cocksucking cunt”? u00a0After all that’s happened with Casey Anthony and DSK, I think it’s time to use abundant amounts of “alleged” before such sweeping indictments as “don glover’s”

  21. Posted by Gues | July 16, 2011 at 2:37 AM

    Keep away before we track you down, pay someone to chop you into pieces and feed you for fucking dogs in China.

  22. Posted by JJ | July 16, 2011 at 5:11 PM

    medicinal marijuana ???

  23. Posted by Rogbrig | July 17, 2011 at 6:11 AM

    It turns out that Dr Z is from Westerchester….stay out of CT you filthy New York animals! Vermin

  24. Posted by Rogbrig | July 17, 2011 at 6:11 AM

    Westchester rather

  25. Posted by EOPD'sMom | July 17, 2011 at 12:13 PM

    I hear his employee raised the cost of his prescriptions to $50 and he can’t afford them anymore.

  26. Posted by Serious Connecticut Reader | July 17, 2011 at 2:53 PM

    I hope he was dressed appropriately when he was arrested.

  27. Posted by Finn Alexander | July 17, 2011 at 8:13 PM

    Did this guy fail “White People 101″?u00a0nn1) Blame a black hood instead of an Italian manager.u00a0n2) ?n3) Successnn(Note: If there are no black guys to blame, manufacture a black guy. But don’t be too descriptive or it will be hard for the police to round up innocent random black guys to pin your food crime on)

  28. Posted by Jeff Hoffman | July 18, 2011 at 2:04 AM

    “I’ve been a surgeon for the pat f—–ing forty years.”u00a0nnAs if surgeons don’t like pretzel M&Ms.nn

  29. Posted by Jeff Hoffman | July 18, 2011 at 2:09 AM

    Don: A potty mouthed juvenile who wishes to remain nameless called and he said he wants his invective back. Oh, that was you? Glad you called.u00a0

  30. Posted by EOPD'sMom | July 18, 2011 at 2:27 AM

    *employer*

  31. Posted by Ole Eddy | July 18, 2011 at 9:28 AM

    I suppose the guy is just trying to build an insanity defence for something or other.

  32. Posted by Starring Danna Carvey | July 18, 2011 at 12:54 PM

    Bow Tie Theater, loc. S.E. corner UBS trading floor, is for UBS traders/Stamford res. ONLY. FYI find Pretzel M&Ms bulk-packs at UBS-Cosco’s aisle 7, near currency traders’ MD desk.nn— former UBS currency trader MD, now concessions-trainee, Walter Reade Theatern

  33. Posted by S to A to C | July 18, 2011 at 12:56 PM

    Oh shit!!!

  34. Posted by Margin Call | July 18, 2011 at 1:19 PM

    MEMO: Dr. Zweibel, dermatologists aren’t REAL surgeons…All you derms need to practice: Wet lesions, dry ‘em. Dry lesions, wet ‘em. And for both kinds, Cortisone, plus a $40 co-pay.nnDear Doctor, you may find lesion scabs and Pretzel M&Ms equally tasty, but only M&Ms melt in your mouth, not in your hand…Lastly, YOU pay for M&Ms, THEY pay you for scabs.n— Peer Review Compliance Officer, American Academy of Surgeons

  35. Posted by Guest | July 18, 2011 at 2:45 PM
  36. Posted by Guest | July 18, 2011 at 3:43 PM

    That or some Puerto Rican guy.

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