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Confidential To Would-Be Connecticut-Based Candy Thieves: Authorities Are Onto You

You’re a hedge fund manager working and living in CT, catching a 7:30 showing of Harry Potter this evening in Stamford. The tickets have been purchased, the seats selected, and the previews about to begin. You tell your wife you need to take a leak and will be back in 5. You clumsily make your way through the aisle, forcing people to turn their legs so you can fit through and get outside. But once there you don’t head toward the bathroom. Because that’s not what you actually excused yourself to do. Oh, you came outside to pull down your pants and relieve yourself alright, but in a totally different way: by shoving a box of Jujubees in them.

It doesn’t have to be Jujubees, of course. Twizzlers would work, as would Junior Mints or a medium tub of popcorn, so long as you get to feel the rush of taking the items without asking or paying for them.

Well here’s a word of advice- unless you want your ass hauled out of that theater for questioning, you’d best stifle tonights urge because Stamford is cracking down on candy thieves, and they don’t care how many years you’ve been “a fucking hedge fund manager for.”

Police said Dr. Stuart Zweibel reached behind a counter and stole a box of Pretzel M&Ms without paying at the Bow Tie Cinemas on Wednesday night, then ran into the theater. After he was taken into custody, Zweibel went on a rant, saying, “I don’t understand. I’ve been a surgeon for the past f–ing 40 years,” police said. Manager Kristina Aolston led police into the theater. When they found Zweibel and asked him to come outside and talk to them, he asked, “For what?” police said.

When Zweibel was asked again to step out of the theater and he did not move, an officer grabbed his left arm. Zweibel finally rose, asked what was going on and told the officer not to grab him, police said. As three officers were escorting Zweibel out near the end of the aisle, police said the doctor fell forward and let out a loud scream. Once led back to the candy counter, the clerk identified Zweibel as the man who took the box of candy — M&Ms containing a crunchy pretzel inside milk chocolate inside a colorful candy shell. Police said they believe a surveillance camera also caught the incident on tape, Blanc said. Zweibel initially told police that an “Italian manager” gave him the candy. After he was told the theater manager called police to report the theft, he told police he wanted to work the problem out by paying for the box of candy.

Instead, he was charged with sixth-degree larceny and not released into his wife’s custody until posting a $2,500 cash bond. Consider yourselves warned.

Distinguished doctor charged with stealing candy at Stamford theater [Greenwich Time]

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84 Responses to “Confidential To Would-Be Connecticut-Based Candy Thieves: Authorities Are Onto You”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Reminds me of the time I went to see Rochelle Rochelle.

  2. Anonymous says:

    “Zweibel initially told police that an u201cItalian manageru201d gave him the candy.”u00a0 nnSure, blame the Italian.u00a0 Where were Sacco and Vanzetti when he needed ’em?

  3. Guest says:

    So does he get charged double for stealing m&m’s and pretzels? u00a0Would the charges be less for just plain m&m’s. u00a0What if they had peanuts inside, more?nn-confused AIG candy quant

  4. Guest says:

    I’m not a fan of the Italians either, fuckin Charles Ponzinn-Federal inmate 287734 in Butner, NC

  5. Guest says:

    “You came outside to pull down your pants and relieve yourself alright, but in a totally different way: by shoving a box of Jujubees down them.”nnI love you Bess Levin

  6. Jimmy says:

    “M&Ms containing a crunchy pretzel inside milk chocolate inside a colorful candyu00a0shell.”nThis is journalism.

    • Guest says:

      I cannot believe anyone would those nasty things.nnAlso? Bess is an artist. Notice the tags. nnNext time just do NetFlix, Doc.

      • Guest says:

        More evidence of artistry:u00a0″You came outside to pull down your pants and relieve yourself alright, but in a totally different way: by shoving a box of Jujubees in them.”

  7. JPM says:

    olive oil voice and guinea charm – seen it one too many times

  8. Shecky Forney says:

    An electricity and natural gas buyer for a major pet “big box store” store chain is in Seattle one day on a business trip and he wins an adult domesticated duck as a gag gift during a local store’s employee rally. u00a0Since it is raining as he leaves the rally, he places the duck inside his overcoat and starts walking back to his hotel. u00a0As he is walking along he passes a theater where a movie is playing he’d like to see. u00a0He feels confident that the duck will be OK in his overcoat so he buys a ticket and goes inside as the movie is about to begin. u00a0He introduces himself to the man and woman he sits next to and soon the movie begins. u00a0 After a while, the woman who is sitting next to the fuel buyer whispers to her date next to her, “I think the guy we just met is exposing himself!” The man whispers back, “Just ignore him….” u00a0The lady whispers back to him frantically, “I can’t! u00a0It’s eating my popcorn!!”u00a0

  9. don glover says:

    ahh great fucking article! WHO FUCKING CARES!!!!!!!!!!!!! sounds like youve got nothing good to write about. Why dont you write about something meaningful you cocksucking cunt

    • Guest says:

      Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the infamous Stamford Stealer!

    • Guest says:

      How long have you been off your meds?

    • Guest says:

      welcome to Dealbreaker, guy who stole the m&ms!

    • Guest says:

      Just so we’re clear, what would you deem “useful”? The numbers for local psychiatric wards?nn- not the cocksucking cunt but a fan of her work

    • DealBreaker Detective says:

      Is McCrudden writing Dealbreaker comments under the nom de plume of “don glover”?

    • Dotting The i says:

      Shouldn’t this “don glover” person have used “alleged” before “cocksucking cunt”? u00a0After all that’s happened with Casey Anthony and DSK, I think it’s time to use abundant amounts of “alleged” before such sweeping indictments as “don glover’s”

    • Gues says:

      Keep away before we track you down, pay someone to chop you into pieces and feed you for fucking dogs in China.

  10. Guest says:

    This whole thing could have been avoided had he told them he works for UBS. They would have let him keep the candy out of sympathy.

  11. Guest says:

    Tip: use your Lightsquared shares to post your bond.nnPhil F

  12. Italian Guest says:

    Greenwich Time: All the news that’s not even remotely fit to print.

  13. JJ says:

    medicinal marijuana ???

  14. Rogbrig says:

    It turns out that Dr Z is from Westerchester….stay out of CT you filthy New York animals! Vermin

  15. Rogbrig says:

    Westchester rather

  16. Serious Connecticut Reader says:

    I hope he was dressed appropriately when he was arrested.

  17. Did this guy fail “White People 101″?u00a0nn1) Blame a black hood instead of an Italian manager.u00a0n2) ?n3) Successnn(Note: If there are no black guys to blame, manufacture a black guy. But don’t be too descriptive or it will be hard for the police to round up innocent random black guys to pin your food crime on)

  18. Jeff Hoffman says:

    “I’ve been a surgeon for the pat f—–ing forty years.”u00a0nnAs if surgeons don’t like pretzel M&Ms.nn

  19. Jeff Hoffman says:

    Don: A potty mouthed juvenile who wishes to remain nameless called and he said he wants his invective back. Oh, that was you? Glad you called.u00a0

  20. Ole Eddy says:

    I suppose the guy is just trying to build an insanity defence for something or other.

  21. Starring Danna Carvey says:

    Bow Tie Theater, loc. S.E. corner UBS trading floor, is for UBS traders/Stamford res. ONLY. FYI find Pretzel M&Ms bulk-packs at UBS-Cosco’s aisle 7, near currency traders’ MD desk.nn— former UBS currency trader MD, now concessions-trainee, Walter Reade Theatern

  22. S to A to C says:

    Oh shit!!!

  23. Margin Call says:

    MEMO: Dr. Zweibel, dermatologists aren’t REAL surgeons…All you derms need to practice: Wet lesions, dry ’em. Dry lesions, wet ’em. And for both kinds, Cortisone, plus a $40 co-pay.nnDear Doctor, you may find lesion scabs and Pretzel M&Ms equally tasty, but only M&Ms melt in your mouth, not in your hand…Lastly, YOU pay for M&Ms, THEY pay you for scabs.n— Peer Review Compliance Officer, American Academy of Surgeons

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