From: [redacted]
Sent: Wednesday, July 06, 2011 10:42 AM
To: CS IBD
Subject: FarewellFriends and colleagues,
Some men are strangers in their birth place, ever ready to throw themselves into the torrent of The Uncertain. Pleasant as it may be, Ogygia remains for them but a place of passage. It has been a highly educational experience on the sell side over the past year and a summer, and I expect that my new position not to deviate much from the arrangement of glowing pixels on one (or multiple) flat screen(s). Yet the stormy Ionian Sea’s calling, and it’s time to set sail.
Before I leave, I do wish to express my gratitude for those at Credit Suisse who have spent valuable time out of their limited lives nurturing and guiding me, and perfecting, in the wee hours, a poor marching band drummer’s technique throwing a football with impeccable spiral. It has been an honor to serve with you at one of the finest financial institutions on the Street, and I thank your for your company and support. If the world is indeed a small place as people often say, then perhaps we will meet again one day over a Cohiba and a vintage Port, and laugh about everything and nothing at all.
I’ll keep an eye out for you, and have the chessboard ready.
Not to play editor, but we would’ve preferred the farewell go on a bit longer. Something like this might work: “I dont know how much pleasure it affords you to go over these days of the past, but to me they will ever be remembered as days of felicity. And how happy the thought that years increase the esteem we have for each other. I must close for fear I do not get to send my letter off. Good night sweet princes, until we meet again.”
Sounds to me like a 23 year old who’s confusing himself for being the Dos Equis guy.
Sounds like a youngin that doesn’t realize what a difficult road he has ahead of him.
No, he’s just one of them fancy boys.
So all this to say he’s going to Iona?
this guy sounds extremely worldly and sensible, i am really impressed that CS is able to do that to a guy in just one year.
Someone has been lying to this poor kid:
“It has been an honor to serve with you at one of the finest financial institutions on the Street”
I actually MIGHT feel bad for him when he uses this line out in public and someone asks him where he wokred.
he was probably wordly and sensible before he got to CS, sound like a yale graduate to me
I could see writing this, but putting a picture of myself giving everyone a double bird at the end.
–Guy who likes catch his readers off guard with surprise endings
He’ll be crying once he gets his first bonus paid in Lightsquared shares.
If this were UBS instead of CS, he would literally be talking about his Honda Odyssey
His resume definitely has ‘steak dinners’, ‘catamaran boating’, and ‘popped collars’ under interests.
I love a good chuckle and have never shied away from a hearty guffaw.
Yeah, it usually takes at least 3 years to become such a raging douche.
Stupid Americans, this is not at all the correct translation of my farewell memo.
I saw him last night in the East Village getting “Asshole” tattooed on his forehead.
melvin like this would’ve gotten a swirlie had he been in S&T
Colehita port > Tawny port > vintage port
lemme guess, Ivy lib arts grad, finishing his 2-yr analyst commitment, has been dreaming about writing a big f-u letter since Day 7, decided that as a grown-up (and for networking purposes) to show some class and sophistication; has nothing lined up for after.
“and I thank your for your company”
hmm…
-entire buy side
At least he found time to watch The Shawshank Redemption during his four years studying Classics at Dartmouth/Brown.
Dear Sell-sider. If you’re reading this, you’ve gotten out. And if you’ve come this far, maybe you’re willing to come a little further, You remember the name of the town, don’t you?
Greenwich
I could use a good man to help me get my project on wheels
- Andy
My first letter of resignation long ago was much like that. My 12th was just sort of “See ya!”.
I kind of like that “Ivy lib arts grad” thing you wrote. It can help you become wealthy and …dare I say…a legend.
We have excellent sailing off of the east coast of northern Africa and would welcome you here.
Always wanted to do that Felicity/Noxema chick
Everyone knows you drink cognac with a Cohiba. Sounds like a Cornell grad.
There’s not a day goes by I don’t feel regret. Not because I’m unemployed, or because you think I should be on the dole. I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who sent that terrible email. I want to talk to him. I want to try and talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can’t. That kid’s long gone and this old man is all that’s left. I got to live with that. Rehabilitated? It’s just a bullshit word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don’t give a shit.
I wish I could tell you that Andy fought the good fight, and the Sr. Bankers let him be. I wish I could tell you that, but 1st year sell side banking is no fairy-tale world. He never said who told him to rerun the numbers at 1am, but we all knew.
- Red
You know what the CFAs say about the buy-side?
They say it has no pitch books. That’s where I want to live the rest of my life. A warm place with no pitch books.
Unfortunately, redacted doesn’t get a day in front of the crowd on Wall Street to say into the microphones:
Friends and colleaguess, for the past two weeks you have been whispering about the decision I’ve made. Yet today I consider myself the luckiest bankster on the face of the earth. I have been in I-banking for a few years, and have never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you traders, quants and analysts. Look at these grand men. Which of you wouldn’t consider it the highlight of his career just to associate with them for even one day? Sure I’m lucky. Who wouldn’t consider it an honor to have known Blankfein? Also “Tits-on-a-Stick”, Lorenzana? To have spent time analyzing that wonderful little fellow, Jimbo Gorman?…..”
probably part of that whole “Yale” thing
Pedantic references in your resignation later doesn’t make you sound sophisticated – - -it makes you sound like a self important douche.
Respect.
“It has been a highly educational experience on the sell side over the past year and a summer…”
Thanks for that Lucas. How’s Lloyd?
Yale thing?
Looks like Tim Sykes found a new protege…..
A gentleman should never use the phrase, “Some men are strangers in their birth place..” while traveling in rural Arkansas.
Stay thirsty, my friends.
With the lack of emoticons, I cannot tell how the writer truly feels about leaving.
Goodnight, you princes of Zurich. You kings of Central Europe.
Ames
I like this kid.
This guy sounds totally simpatico
-UBS San Diego Branch Manager
Shallow and pedantic, yes very shallow and pedantic..
I wish I could tell you that [redacted] fought the good fight, and the Sisters
let him be. I wish I could tell you that – but Credit Suisse is no fairy-tale
world. He never said who did it, but we all knew. Things went on like that for awhile – CS life consists of routine,
and then more routine. Every so often, [redacted] would show up with fresh
bruises. The Sisters kept at him – sometimes he was able to fight ‘em
off, sometimes not. And that’s how it went for [redacted] – that was his
routine. I do believe those first two years were the worst for him, and I
also believe that if things had gone on that way, this place would have
got the best of him.
Okay. MD. Fuckface.
First, take a big step back
and literally fuck your own face!
Now, I don’t know what kind of
pan-European bullshit power play you’re trying to pull here,
but 11 Madison Ave, Pal, is my territory. So whatever you’re thinking,
you better think again. Otherwise, I’m gonna
have to head down there, and I will rain down an ungodly
fucking firestorm upon you. You’re gonna have to call
the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution
to keep me from fucking destroying you. I am talking scorched earth,
motherfucker! I will massacre you!
–Redacted
Dominique?
Well I guess it’s time to get busy making pitch books, or get busy finishing the CFA…
also: moxley women
Are you sure this was CS? Sounds like the JPM kid who wrote the “underage rager” email finally got shitcanned.
Boones Farm Ogygia > Colehita port > Tawny port > vintage port
Actually it doesn’t sound like him at all. Your comparative analysis needs serious work.
Or your understanding of sarcasm…
What does Sykes getting a new Mazda have to do with this thread?
Comparitivation is not causation.
Or your (mis)understanding of sarcasm
No, it reads:
- Avid catamaran sailor. – I can my own home made jam…” – Likes watching his neighbors watch TV.Guy who doesn’t have TIVO because he think it will encourage him to watch more TV….
Yea, ya know, took a job as an ANALyst right out of school? That Yale thing.
He deserves congratulations for being so comfortable with his sexuality.
When I was just a lad looking for my true vocation, my father said, “Now, son, this choice deserves deliberation. Though you could be a doctor or perhaps a financier, my boy, why not consider a more challenging career?”
Never looked back.
Reminded of C.F. Cavafy’s “Ithaka”
Y’all know me. Know how I earn a livin’. I’ll catch this bird for you, but it ain’t gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down the pond chasin’ bluegills and tommycods. This shark, swallow you whole. Little shakin’, little tenderizin’, an’ down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that’ll bring back your tourists, put all your businesses on a payin’ basis. But it’s not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I’ll find him for three, but I’ll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you’ve gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don’t want no volunteers, I don’t want no mates, there’s just too many captains on this island. $10,000 for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.
Sounds like a kid who is going to work for his dad selling tile and carpet.
Sounds like someone who didn’t do much work. The best CS goodbye email was from the guy who said that the technology at CS was unrivalled on the street, excluding the mens’s toilets on the 2nd floor. That place is a mess.
Only Idiots at CS
Liberace would be proud