Housekeeping: This Is Not Actually a Picture of Me

Hi, I’m Matt, and as you may have heard I’m new at Dealbreaker. For some reason it seemed like a good idea to leave my job at a bank/squid to come blog with Bess in a leaky Noho garret. Two months later, here I am.

Fortunately, I left 200 West too quickly for them to strip the gold plating off my scrotum, and though it’s slightly tarnished from two months of gardening, it still repels some low blows. I have a feeling this will prove useful in the coming weeks.

Okay then. I’ll be here as long as you’ll have me, or until the money runs out, whichever.

Unnecessary disclosure: I am long some currently nontransferable GS shares, and I have small 401(k) investments in a couple of the hedge funds we sometimes write about. Otherwise all mutual funds, cash, canned goods and ammunition.

(hidden for your protection)
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69 Responses to “Housekeeping: This Is Not Actually a Picture of Me”

  1. Guest says:

    Hi, Matt (in unison).

    -12 Step Program Members

  2. guest says:

    are you Tony Parker?

  3. How many exit interviews did you have?

  4. Rachel43 says:

    Are you screwing Bess?

    That is all.

    • Guest says:

      I keep hitting Like to Like it to infinity but it just un-likes.

      Matt: get to work, bud.

  5. guest says:

    People were pretty kind to the last new guy, Kouwe something?  you will do well

  6. Anonymous says:

    Otherwise all mutual funds, cash, canned goods and ammunition.

    Is this a test?  Did you purposely write this? You think the cash is going to be helpful if you need canned goods and ammunition? 

    Go get your shine box.

  7. AmericanBandersnatch says:

    Bess: Any relation?

  8. Put_Option says:

    That is a photo of the hip-hop ibanker (Allen Mask). It’s from the New York Times article by Kevin Roose re: low profile at GS. Though you must obviously know that because you are mentioned and quoted.

    Anyways, hope garden leave lived up to all its glory, and welcome to DB.

  9. Guest says:

    you can hedge out those GS shares with a short position in your PA.  your investment in Paulson’s fund, I’m not so sure….
    – MD, UBS prop trading

  10. Guest says:

    the DB comment board is like the group of sisters in the fighter when Wahlberg takes his new uppity educated girl home.  Ruthless

  11. Jimmy McKief III says:

    HEY! Any tips for a future GS prop trader?? (lol, me)

    -Young Upstart

    • Anonymous says:

      Avoid typing any word in all capitals, keep your question marks to one at a time, and don’t put lol in brackets. Actually, don’t use lol ever.

      -Guy Who Made the Assumption Teenage Girls Don’t Post on DB

  12. Guest says:

    His name is Greg Michaels.

  13. Guest says:

    Any chance you received journalism training at “News of The World?” Hacking into the streets emails and voice mail would provide material for tons of posts.

  14. Guest_of_the_tribe says:

    Wow, this Matt thing is really happening.  My chance of becoming a DB editor just went up a lot or down a lot; I’m still not sure.

    – Benjamin Lehvin

  15. Anonymous says:

    Hi Matt:

    I have a new Avatar in your honor. Bess told me you like brunettes.

    PS the pic is me shredding Montauk Point last weekend.

    • in love with pmco avatar says:

      why did you change your avatar, not sure if i am still in love

      ps where your surfing a long board?

      • Anonymous says:

        It’s still me ILPA. Don’t be so shallow.

        PS I was on a quad fish on Sat and a longie on Sun.

      • Texashedge says:

        I think that might be Gidget. In fact, I think it might have been the whole time. Now I feel really disillusioned.

        • Anonymous says:

          Dear T: you are correct. My avatar has always been Sally Field from her Gidget days. However, I looked just like that 10+ years ago and I really was surfing The Point last weekend. So there is a great deal of truthiness in my new pic. K?

  16. Guest says:

    “I have a feeling this will prove useful in the coming weeks”

    You expect to last that long, huh?

  17. early hominid says:

    ammunition w/o gun = marzipan dildo

  18. Anonymous says:

    Not bad on the tags.

  19. Anonymous says:

    You know those moments when a man makes a decision that’ll change his entire life and he steps up to become the hero he was meant to be? This ain’t one of those moments.

  20. Texashedge says:

    All I can say is this, Matt: good luck. We’re all counting on you.

  21. HFguy says:

    Hey Housekeeping, Where is my coffee.

  22. Anonymous says:

    Welcome to the Overlook Hotel; hope you enjoy being the caretaker.

  23. Gues says:

    This is not balsy. Anyone would work for Bess for free.

  24. Guest says:

    Dude, I think you’re mistaking gilding with gelding. Good luck anyway.

  25. Your tax advisor says:

    Careful with LP interests in a tax-deferred account.

  26. Managing&Directing says:

    While we are talking about “housekeeping” has Charles Gasbagarino ever offered to “fluff your pillows” during or after drinks? 

  27. chest rockwell says:

    man, when was the last ep post on this site?

    • guest says:

      it was around 2009 when civilization didnt collapse, right after she started tracking Obama’s prognosis on the recovery of the stockmarket [Obama won that one.] EP then migrated to zerohedge because their apocalyptic “Everything is over!” style fit her better.

  28. Guest says:

    Matt, a few ground rules to live by here:

    1. never get less than twelve hours sleep;
    2. never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city;
    3. and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.

    Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.

    Try and not step in the bullshit. 

    Had I known this would’ve been a party I’d have stuck my dick in the mash potatoes!

  29. Anonymous says:

    If that’s not you, do you actually look like the “proud graduate” photo in the ITT Technical Institute brochure?

    – Lovell Pinkney, ITT Tech Class of 2011

  30. TheSideTrek says:

    NoHo is good.

  31. Guest says:

    lol I can imagine the convo bess must have had with this guy:
    “so your first day (and probably first year), the highly educated, journalistically astute, and very critical and dedicated followers of DB will berate you like an unwanted step child, tear you down, harp on any mistake you make with attention to detail greater than your GS MD, be incredibly hateful and jealous of the fact that another organism with a penis is sharing the same office with me and precious moments of each day, and probably destroy any dreams you had of creating a journalism career as this will be your first real taste of disappointment you’ve every had in your life…so do you want the job?”

  32. q4MUR7 Thanks for the post.Really thank you! Great.