• 11 Jul 2011 at 11:15 AM

Housekeeping: This Is Not Actually a Picture of Me

Hi, I’m Matt, and as you may have heard I’m new at Dealbreaker. For some reason it seemed like a good idea to leave my job at a bank/squid to come blog with Bess in a leaky Noho garret. Two months later, here I am.

Fortunately, I left 200 West too quickly for them to strip the gold plating off my scrotum, and though it’s slightly tarnished from two months of gardening, it still repels some low blows. I have a feeling this will prove useful in the coming weeks.

Okay then. I’ll be here as long as you’ll have me, or until the money runs out, whichever.

Unnecessary disclosure: I am long some currently nontransferable GS shares, and I have small 401(k) investments in a couple of the hedge funds we sometimes write about. Otherwise all mutual funds, cash, canned goods and ammunition.

69 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (69)

  1. Posted by Guest | July 11, 2011 at 3:20 PM

    Hi, Matt (in unison).

    -12 Step Program Members

  2. Posted by guest | July 11, 2011 at 3:22 PM

    are you Tony Parker?

  3. Posted by Karl Mozurkewich | July 11, 2011 at 3:24 PM

    How many exit interviews did you have?

  4. Posted by Guest | July 11, 2011 at 3:24 PM
  5. Posted by Rachel43 | July 11, 2011 at 3:25 PM

    Are you screwing Bess?

    That is all.

  6. Posted by guest | July 11, 2011 at 3:27 PM

    People were pretty kind to the last new guy, Kouwe something?  you will do well

  7. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 3:28 PM

    Otherwise all mutual funds, cash, canned goods and ammunition.

    Is this a test?  Did you purposely write this? You think the cash is going to be helpful if you need canned goods and ammunition? 

    Go get your shine box.

  8. Posted by AmericanBandersnatch | July 11, 2011 at 3:30 PM

    Bess: Any relation?

  9. Posted by Put_Option | July 11, 2011 at 3:31 PM

    That is a photo of the hip-hop ibanker (Allen Mask). It’s from the New York Times article by Kevin Roose re: low profile at GS. Though you must obviously know that because you are mentioned and quoted.

    Anyways, hope garden leave lived up to all its glory, and welcome to DB.

  10. Posted by Guest | July 11, 2011 at 3:31 PM

    eeeaasy big fella

    – not matt levine and unsure whether or not i’m a fan

  11. Posted by Guest | July 11, 2011 at 3:31 PM

    you can hedge out those GS shares with a short position in your PA.  your investment in Paulson’s fund, I’m not so sure….
    – MD, UBS prop trading

  12. Posted by Guest | July 11, 2011 at 3:33 PM

    the DB comment board is like the group of sisters in the fighter when Wahlberg takes his new uppity educated girl home.  Ruthless

  13. Posted by Duh | July 11, 2011 at 3:33 PM

     That extra E is for excellence.

  14. Posted by Jimmy McKief III | July 11, 2011 at 3:34 PM

    HEY! Any tips for a future GS prop trader?? (lol, me)

    -Young Upstart

  15. Posted by Guest | July 11, 2011 at 3:39 PM

    His name is Greg Michaels.

  16. Posted by Guest | July 11, 2011 at 3:39 PM

    Any chance you received journalism training at “News of The World?” Hacking into the streets emails and voice mail would provide material for tons of posts.

  17. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 3:41 PM

    Avoid typing any word in all capitals, keep your question marks to one at a time, and don’t put lol in brackets. Actually, don’t use lol ever.

    -Guy Who Made the Assumption Teenage Girls Don’t Post on DB

  18. Posted by Guest_of_the_tribe | July 11, 2011 at 3:48 PM

    Wow, this Matt thing is really happening.  My chance of becoming a DB editor just went up a lot or down a lot; I’m still not sure.

    – Benjamin Lehvin

  19. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 3:49 PM

    Broadway Bull, 12:30. Its go time.

  20. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 3:50 PM

    LOL????

  21. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 3:52 PM

    Hi Matt:

    I have a new Avatar in your honor. Bess told me you like brunettes.

    PS the pic is me shredding Montauk Point last weekend.

  22. Posted by Guest | July 11, 2011 at 4:07 PM

    “I have a feeling this will prove useful in the coming weeks”

    You expect to last that long, huh?

  23. Posted by early hominid | July 11, 2011 at 4:07 PM

    ammunition w/o gun = marzipan dildo

  24. Posted by in love with pmco avatar | July 11, 2011 at 4:11 PM

    why did you change your avatar, not sure if i am still in love

    ps where your surfing a long board?

  25. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 4:16 PM

    Down a lot.

  26. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 4:17 PM

    Not bad on the tags.

  27. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 4:23 PM

    It’s still me ILPA. Don’t be so shallow.

    PS I was on a quad fish on Sat and a longie on Sun.

  28. Posted by Texashedge | July 11, 2011 at 4:26 PM

    I think that might be Gidget. In fact, I think it might have been the whole time. Now I feel really disillusioned.

  29. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 4:26 PM

    You know those moments when a man makes a decision that’ll change his entire life and he steps up to become the hero he was meant to be? This ain’t one of those moments.

  30. Posted by Texashedge | July 11, 2011 at 4:27 PM

    All I can say is this, Matt: good luck. We’re all counting on you.

  31. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 4:32 PM

    Dear T: you are correct. My avatar has always been Sally Field from her Gidget days. However, I looked just like that 10+ years ago and I really was surfing The Point last weekend. So there is a great deal of truthiness in my new pic. K?

  32. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 4:34 PM

    Marzipan freezes rock hard, EH…just sayin’

  33. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 4:34 PM

    Acquired by DANA UH on 01/15/2007

  34. Posted by HFguy | July 11, 2011 at 4:34 PM

    Hey Housekeeping, Where is my coffee.

  35. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 4:36 PM

    Why you so angry bro?  Bess didn’t hire you?

  36. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 4:37 PM

    Welcome to the Overlook Hotel; hope you enjoy being the caretaker.

  37. Posted by Gues | July 11, 2011 at 4:40 PM

    This is not balsy. Anyone would work for Bess for free.

  38. Posted by Guest | July 11, 2011 at 4:47 PM

    I keep hitting Like to Like it to infinity but it just un-likes.

    Matt: get to work, bud.

  39. Posted by TooBad | July 11, 2011 at 4:52 PM

    U mad Matt’s stylin on you?

  40. Posted by Guest | July 11, 2011 at 5:02 PM

    Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue…

  41. Posted by Guest | July 11, 2011 at 5:03 PM

    Dude, I think you’re mistaking gilding with gelding. Good luck anyway.

  42. Posted by Guest | July 11, 2011 at 5:17 PM

    Another member of the Tribe. Bess needs to get some diversity up in this biatch.

  43. Posted by Your tax advisor | July 11, 2011 at 5:20 PM

    Careful with LP interests in a tax-deferred account.

  44. Posted by early hominid | July 11, 2011 at 5:29 PM

    Have yet to find a woman who really warms up to a frozen dildo.  

    Plus, there’s the sandpaper texture and dissolves-upon-use problems.

    Other than that.  No concerns.  

  45. Posted by Lewis Winthorpe III | July 11, 2011 at 5:53 PM

    Housekeeping!  You want me fluff your pillow?

  46. Posted by Lewis Winthorpe III | July 11, 2011 at 5:55 PM

    Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines…

  47. Posted by Managing&Directing | July 11, 2011 at 5:55 PM

    While we are talking about “housekeeping” has Charles Gasbagarino ever offered to “fluff your pillows” during or after drinks? 

  48. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 5:56 PM

    How is it that your old avatar comes up when you “like” a comment?

  49. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 6:03 PM

    Doesn’t on my computer. Try logging on and off.
    Did you have a nice vacay last week?

  50. Posted by chest rockwell | July 11, 2011 at 6:05 PM

    man, when was the last ep post on this site?

  51. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 6:06 PM

    Clearly, you must be dating pussies. Date a real woman will ya?

  52. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 6:15 PM

    pmco as Frances Elizabeth ‘Gidget’ Lawrence, a young boy-crazy New York girl who loves surfing in the short-lived TV series “QE3″.

  53. Posted by Sister1 | July 11, 2011 at 6:56 PM

    He thinks he’s so fuckin’ superioaaaa because he went to college!

  54. Posted by Guest | July 11, 2011 at 7:00 PM

    Matt, a few ground rules to live by here:

    1. never get less than twelve hours sleep;
    2. never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city;
    3. and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.

    Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.

    Try and not step in the bullshit. 

    Had I known this would’ve been a party I’d have stuck my dick in the mash potatoes!

  55. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    If that’s not you, do you actually look like the “proud graduate” photo in the ITT Technical Institute brochure?

    – Lovell Pinkney, ITT Tech Class of 2011

  56. Posted by in love with pmco avatar | July 11, 2011 at 7:11 PM

    nice, it was pumping on saturday, goofy or regular foot?

  57. Posted by TheSideTrek | July 11, 2011 at 7:11 PM

    NoHo is good.

  58. Posted by Lord Humongous | July 11, 2011 at 7:41 PM

    How about an Alaskan Pipeline?

  59. Posted by guest | July 11, 2011 at 7:52 PM

    it was around 2009 when civilization didnt collapse, right after she started tracking Obama’s prognosis on the recovery of the stockmarket [Obama won that one.] EP then migrated to zerohedge because their apocalyptic “Everything is over!” style fit her better.

  60. Posted by guest | July 11, 2011 at 7:53 PM

    i salute you for a In the Thick of It reference. 

  61. Posted by Guest | July 11, 2011 at 8:32 PM

    lol I can imagine the convo bess must have had with this guy:
    “so your first day (and probably first year), the highly educated, journalistically astute, and very critical and dedicated followers of DB will berate you like an unwanted step child, tear you down, harp on any mistake you make with attention to detail greater than your GS MD, be incredibly hateful and jealous of the fact that another organism with a penis is sharing the same office with me and precious moments of each day, and probably destroy any dreams you had of creating a journalism career as this will be your first real taste of disappointment you’ve every had in your life…so do you want the job?”

  62. Posted by Guest | July 11, 2011 at 8:52 PM

    Reg. Nothing goofy about me. xoxo

  63. Posted by Anonymous | July 11, 2011 at 9:04 PM

    10 days w no CNBC is wonderful.

  64. Posted by florida | July 11, 2011 at 9:11 PM

    No different than his first day at GS

  65. Posted by early hominid | July 11, 2011 at 9:20 PM

    +1  

  66. Posted by I'm a Dude | July 12, 2011 at 2:43 AM

    all except the penis part

  67. Posted by ExtraOrdinaryPopularDelusions | July 12, 2011 at 1:07 PM

    Whoa, not so fast. 

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